Mormons and their Holidays

Sheryl said:

do mormons have special holidays? or do they just have the weird underweartraditions?

Good question, Sheryl. And, before I go upstairs to wash the massive amounts of dishes that pie-making has dirtied, I will answer this good question.

I think Mormons may actually celebrate fewer holidays than “normal” Protestant religions—at least, I know we didn’t do funky things for Palm Sunday or Lent or any of that. We had celebrations like Pioneer Days and attended the Hill Cumorah Pageant in upstate New York, but those weren’t really religious holidays as much as festivals.

As far as holidays are concerned, Mormons are pretty much like the rest of the Protestants. Easter and Christmas are the biggies, as with any other Christian religion, although Mormons believe that Jesus wasn’t actually born in December—I think they said it was actually in the Spring. I think that’s actually a Bible scholar thing more than a Mormon thing, now that I think about it. Has something to do with the fact that Mary and Joseph were trucking along home to be taxed, and when that happened during the year, and all that.

But, anyway, that’s not to say that Mormons don’t have their share of weirdness. It just doesn’t happen to be in their observance of holidays.

Weirdness of Mormons in a nutshell:
(in case I haven’t harped on it enough in the past)
– sacred undergarments protect Mormons
– hot drinks (coffee/tea) are not for the body or the belly
– native americans came from jerusalem on a boat
– magic glasses helped to translate the book of mormon
– the dead sea scrolls are actually lost writings of moses
– the second coming of christ will happen in america
– god lives on the planet kolob

Please feel free to comment on your confusion and amazement on any of these topics. I will gladly rant for your reading pleasure.

6 thoughts on Mormons and their Holidays

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  1. oh! we thought god lived on the moon. our bad 😛

    ever seen that South Park 2 parter (Do the Handicapped Go to Hell/Probably) ?

    [Hell, waiting area. Many souls are there, wondering where they are, and why.]
    Speaker: Hello, newcomers, and welcome. Can everybody hear me? [taps the mic a few times] Hello? Can everybuh-? Okay. [the crowd quiets down] Uh, I’m the hell director. Uh, it looks like we have about 8,615 of you newbies today, and for those of you who are a little confused, uh, you are dead, and this is hell, so, abandon all hope and uh yada yada yada. Uh, we are now going to start the orientation process, which will last about-
    Man 4: Hey, wait a minute, I shouldn’t be here. I wa a totally strict and devout Protestant! I thought we went to heaven!
    Hell Director: Yes, well I’m afraid you were wrong.
    Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah’s Witness. Hell director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.
    Man 5: Well, who was right? Who gets into heaven?
    Hell Director: I’m afraid it was the Mormons. Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer.
    Crowd: [disappointed] Awww.

    and then later they go to heaven a few times and the mormons are all there in short-sleeved button down white oxfords and black pants and they’re like:

    “Brother Stevens brought his guitar so we can sing songs about how much it hurts to lie.”

  2. oh. and that play was written by orson scott card o.O <3 ender.

    but i've read another story by him called The Lost Boys, and the family in it is Mormon. good book tho. nothing to do with vampires. 😀

  3. sung in sunday school:

    My teacher told me I should never tell a lie
    Because a lie will bring you trouble sure as pie
    It’s an awful thing to do, and it’s true as true as true
    You’ll get caught and then you’ll start to cry
    You’ll have a horrid, painful pounding in your head
    And then you’ll feel your face get hot and turn bright red
    Then your heart will start to thump
    In your throat you’ll get a lump
    And you’ll feel so bad you’ll wish that you could
    lie right down and die
    You’re just better off to never tell a lie
    Not even sometimes!
    Remember, never, never tell a lie

  4. oh, heavens, no! mormons don’t have to worry about such things as alcoholism and gambling and smoking. such things are only the problems of those of other faiths. goodness gracious.