I Wish

I wish I could just clip my nails and pick up my guitar after at least a month or two of not playing… and play for more than ten minutes before my fingertips turn warm and swollen, and have clean chord changes and firm hand strength.

I wish I could plug in my keyboard after months and months of not playing… and be able to coordinate my left hand with my right like I could by the end of Class Piano. (Which still wasn’t all that.)

I wish I could remember how to hear the songs in my head and let them out, like I did before I heard so much honestly good music and lyrics and became self-conscious about my own.

I wish I still had an instrument that I felt was *mine*. One where I could just think a about note or an interval or a melody, and then play it, without fracking or sliding or guessing.

I wish I’d stuck with my music more. I wish I weren’t so rusty. I wish I hadn’t managed to let even my voice go to shit.

I wish there were more hours in the day.