Fragile

It’s really pathetic on some level that I can allow one person’s morning outburst to ruin my mood for the rest of the day.

So one person in my department isn’t satisfied with the database that James and I have created. So she can be blunt sometimes. That’s no reason for me to let myself get all funky and depressed.

I swung from pissed to defeated to ambivalent and back all day long. Now I’m just vaguely frustrated and generally depressed. Her comments about the inefficiency and stupidity of the database we’ve worked so hard to create really affected me. James, too.

I’d already resigned myself to the fact that this is essentially a special project, not a promotion of any kind. Once we’re done whoring ourselves out to all the other departments — say, around Christmastime — I’m sure we’ll be restored to our old responsibilities, and still have to manage to find time to fix the databases when they go awry.

I’ve been watching TV all evening, which is very uncharacteristic of me. It’s a good thing we don’t have any sweets in the house, or they’d be gone by now. (I’m still trying to think up something creative that doesn’t require baking.) This is yet another case of something small and stupid setting me off into a general depression that no longer has anything to do with the initial cause.

I feel so fragile and unstable sometimes.

7 thoughts on Fragile

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  1. :/ it’s rough, developing. you cant please everybody. but i know how much pride you can take in your work, and how someone’s not-so-delicate critique can ruin your day, or several days… i used to stay up nights crying over those sorts of things :/

    it’s possible this person is jealous of your kudos and special priviledges of like, not playing with loan queues, too..

  2. I’ll second her remarks. It is entirely possible that this person feels “threatened” by your talent–especially if she has been there for a long time. I don’t take criticism very well, and never have. I used to feel the way you do right now for a long time after any criticism. Now I still get upset, but only for a while. I try and let it go now. If it’s mine to own, I use it to grow on…if it’s unwarranted–I get rid of it. Or you can give her the finger and walk away :)

  3. You know, it’s amusing… I actually *did* give her the double-finger, but I crouched behind my cubicle where only James could see. :-) I whispered some choice words, too. I think I used the word “fucking” about five times.

    Yeah, this is where I start hoping that none of my work buds decide it’s a good idea to discover my blog. ;-)

    Oh, and I did take her comments to heart and make some improvements to the database. Hopefully, these changes will make the log a little more idiot-proof, so to speak.

  4. Sounds like that woman is envious of you. After all, how many woman can createa database? She’s a Laggart, and is never satisfied. Are you proud of your accomplishment? Is your boss pleased with your work? If the answer is “yes,” then don’t worry about some comment and unmotivated, envious co-worker says.

  5. People at work can be such f***s sometimes. I try to not let them get to me, afterall, the stuff I am truly passionate about is outside of work. But still. Pricks.

    Don’t dwell on it. The only person you ultimately hurt by doing that is yourself. Try being extra-nice to this person if you see her. That will mess her up and maybe she’ll actually apologize and give you money. Well, maybe not money. Hang in there.

  6. I have had a similiar experience at my work and I think I know exactly how you feel since, like you, I worked on a little database thing as a special project and never had a chance to develop a thick skin about criticism of my work. The person at my work made some comments about the user-friendliness of the database that I still don’t understand and what it comes down to is that it’s not the database or the development thereof, it’s her and her attitude. She is one of those people that is almost violently resistent to any kind of change and will throw a fit about even minor changes to paperwork procedures. The root of it is that it takes a lot of work for her to learn anything computer related and she has been at our work forever and takes offense when anything is changed from the “old school” ways.
    I have no doubt that in your case there is also some jealousy involved and some feelings of superiority on her part (ie. I’ve been here longer so why don’t I get asked to do special tasks?). The only thing I can tell you is that you just have to let some things slide off your back — some people would just rather bitch than take the time to learn something new.