I don’t give a crap lately. I’m not motivated to do much of anything. I can’t get excited about recording my podcast, or exercising, or harvesting and storing my meager herb supply, or getting up in the morning and getting to work on time.
I think it’s because of my job.
Remember back when I was all stoked because James and I were getting a promotion, and would be working on the Loan Servicing databases all the time? Well, although we did finally get a raise (though our title change still hasn’t gone into effect), our joy was short-lived. Just about the time we were halfway done with our second database (of four), the shit hit the fan in my department. Our long-time supervisor took a new position, one person went on maternity leave, then two people got different jobs within the bank and one left to pursue her medical career. That left us painfully understaffed. So, James and I agreed to go back to doing normal Loan Corrections work.
New hires were scarce. One new hire decided she changed her mind and wanted to go back to her old department. One other person left the team for a different position within the bank. Meanwhile, James and I were plodding away, Taking One For The Team™. It’s been five and a half weeks now, with two and a half weeks to go. I’m counting the days, and hoping the new hires we have now train quickly and well.
I know Aaron says, “Your job doesn’t define who you are,” but going from a cool problem-solving gig back to less-challenging loan corrections has been surprisingly depressing. When I was developing databases, I broke my tardiness habit, just from being excited to tackle a new challenge every day. Lately, though, I’ve been coming late by 10 or 15 minutes, and just taking a shorter lunch to compensate. I’ve also been much less productive than I could be, and not just because I’m having to relearn how to do loan corrections after six months away from them.
What makes things worse for me is that our original database needs some serious TLC. The main table is currently holding upwards of 70,000 records, and that’s slowing down several processes considerably. We need to archive some of the older records, to speed up the most-used functions of the database, but that’s not going to happen for almost a month yet. Part of me wants to let it go to shit and show everyone how necessary we are — but part of me knows we’ll have to fix it eventually, anyway, and if we don’t do it fast, it’ll just reflect poorly on us.
I’m chomping at the bit to get back to the job by which I was just beginning to define myself. I’m not a web designer; I’m not a photographer; I haven’t been a musician for years, nor an artist; if I’m not an Access database developer, then damned if I know who or what I am.
But that’s another entry for another day.