- I am, in fact, currently depressed. This is for a number of reasons, both biological and circumstantial. Yes, I am PMS-ing, but I am also surrounded by people at my work who either a.) have interviews lined up, or b.) have definite jobs lined up. This is a big part of my depression, being that my ego thinks I’m so much more worthy than many of these people. (James: not you, necessarily, although I do admit to a touch of jealousy at your pimp-ass DBA gig.)
Yes, I know that the solution is to apply for more jobs, and to eventually secure one. This brings me to:
- I have now officially applied for seven jobs. Of these, I have received one “hire” (just got the check for last month’s task of worthiness today) for undervalued part-time website coding; one request for an interview that never got to the scheduling stage for some reason (on their part); and one polite and standard e-mail confirmation. I have no room to bitch until I reach at least one dozen apps out, and until I’ve followed up with every blessed one of them at least once. I haven’t applied for anything I haven’t gone all googley-eyed for when I read it, since I don’t want to settle on another sucky job. Yet.
- My computer now has 2GB of RAM. This makes me somewhat happier. You want systems experience, do ya? I installed my new RAM in probably three minutes, and that was including the minute that I stared stupidly at the RAM before I remembered that there’s only one way it’ll fit in the slot. That was $130 well spent.
Addendum to #1: One person at my work chose: option c.) quitting work entirely to be with her newborn son. She’s one of those who is very open with her feelings, and has shared with everyone her incredulity at the amount of love she has for her son. Being that she sits one cube over from me, the sound of her joy is rarely out of my range of hearing. This, of course, makes me sad. (If you don’t know why, you missed this post in January.) I think this has a big part to play in my current depression, whether consciously or subconsciously.
All I know is that I’m getting seriously pissed at being so depressed. My depression always manifests in overeating and not giving a shit (about overeating and about Life In General). Therefore, even being pissed about being depressed is only mildly helpful, until the anger and frustration outweighs the depression. In any case, I wouldn’t want to be around me right now.