Home Sick (and Tired of These Damned Dreams)

Spending the day at home, lethargic and crampy, and now recovering from a fucked-up dream I had after I called in sick and went back to bed.

A few weeks back, I had a dream that Aaron was going to divorce me, and not even a bizarre life-and-death confrontation with something in the back yard — a knife-wielding robber, as I recall — was going to change that. Last night, I dreamt that Aaron had a girlfriend (attractive and athletic) named Noi, and that they had more sex than we did, and that he was trying to quit smoking (when I hadn’t even known he’d started).

Two related dreams makes this into a trend, so I’m starting to wonder what in my subconscious is throwing out these dreams. They keep bringing back that horrible feeling I had during the week in September 1997 when Aaron and I had broken up over something I had done, and I felt like there had to be something, anything I could do to fix things, but all the grains of sand were falling through my fingers the harder I tried. Except that this is worse, because nothing is really wrong when I wake up, but that awful feeling is still there, lingering.

So, how insecure am I, really? And what about? Is it that I feel physically unattractive, or that I’m not intimate with Aaron as often as I once was, or is it that our lives are so intertwined that I’m scared of what would happen if I lost him (in one way or another)?

I just wish I could make my brain chill the fuck out and quit spinning out these stupid fictions.

2 thoughts on Home Sick (and Tired of These Damned Dreams)

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  1. I don’t know a lot about dreams …but….I have heard that things and people in dreams are not always there to represent themselfs. ie maybe you feel someone or something is cheeting you or out to get you. You probobly just need a relaxing weekend with your honey.

  2. I got the weird treatment last week because Connie had some bizarro dream. And she normally doesn’t dream. Wouldn’t put much stock in a dream. I think usually they are some way the subconscious cleans itself out. But that is an unusual dream.