I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off, but that Eva Longoria sheath dress on The Limited’s website really looked flattering — plus, I could get it at 40% off. That purchase turned into the biggest Non-Scale Victory I’ve experienced in a Very Long Time.
Not only did I wear it to work (and accessorize it properly), but I felt good in it, and I looked good in it, and I got unsolicited compliments on it (which is to say, I wasn’t fishing for compliments).
Had anyone asked me five years and fourteen pounds ago if I’d be comfortable wearing an eyelet knit stretch sheath dress without a jacket or sweater over it, my answer would have been HELLZ to the NO. Today, even though I can still see my lumps and bumps and rolls and other indignities, I still feel really awesome in this dress.
This is not a little thing. This is a huge shift in mindset. This is big.
Alas, everything isn’t magically sunshine and rainbows on the healthy eating front. Aaron went back to work after a couple weeks of vacation, and I went back to the comfort of evening food binges. I gained two and a half pounds in two days from splurging on cake at work, mac and cheese for dinner, and Chef Boyardee for an evening snack. WTF, brain?
Seems to be a monthly habit for me to slip up the week before I’m going to measure my body fat percentage, then be disappointed yet fired up by my lack of progress. This month, I tried to pull myself up by my bootstraps a couple days beforehand; despite that, I proceeded to fall off the Cliff of Doom and gained FOUR POUNDS in a single week. Granted, I turned right back around and got back on track, but the damage had been done to this month’s overall progress.
This was the week I lost that same four pounds, by the way:
Note that my Daily Target is 30 SmartPoints — which I hit spot-on for four days, then used some of my Weekly Allowance for the weekend and Monday (including a cafeteria-style lunch with Connor on Saturday). Absolutely do-able long-term. I just need to plan ahead and eat mindfully.
By the last official weigh-in of September, I was only up 1.2 pounds from the first official weigh-in. That one pound per week I needed to lose to hit Goal by Thanksgiving is now looking like an average of 1½ pounds per week, which is still totally doable — but only if I apply myself.
I’m pretty pleased with how I look and feel right now. Even so, my Goal Weight remains 160 — partially because that weight also jives with the body fat percentage I’d like to see.
I can do this. I need to focus, though, and I need to want it — even late at night when the munchies hit, and even when I’m enjoying a meal out with family or co-workers, and even when I’ve already screwed up for the week (or for the day). But I can do this.
I understand that there is no real “after” when it comes to reaching my goal weight — I’ll still have to monitor my diet and exercise, and I’ll still have plenty of mental body image BS to work through — but I’d like to be able to accomplish this thing, reach this milestone, and not spend my entire life wanting (and waiting) to reach this elusive goal.