it's okay to be okay about it, di. i talked to my sister last night and confirmed that it happened to her (and my other sister) the first time too - she said, "it's just the body's way of saying something wasn't right, that it wasn't meant to be."

and i think, if it hadn't happened, we wouldn't have our beautiful Allie - sure we'd have someone else who is just as beautiful and we love just as much, but now that Allie is here, we couldn't imagine her being anyone else. or jacob - we wouldnt have jacob either!

so i hate to be cliche and silly and say "everything happens for a reason" because that is the most *maddening* thing people say when you're upset. but what i really mean is... you will always love that person, and everyone knows you wanted that baby, but it's okay to think well of the future, because it could bring someone that someday you couldn't imagine being anyone else.

...i hope that came out right. *hugs*

i think you must know how i think, because you're always good at putting things into perspective in a way i can agree with.

i've actually been thinking that things seem to be lining themselves up for something good to happen. sure, it might not seem like it, what with being told i'll probably lose my job in a few months, then losing my baby, too... but i'm thinking of it like that semester i flunked out of college. i know what i need to do in the future, and i'm prepared for what i know is coming next time. i can get even more fit, we can save up and plan for a "babymoon" if we want, and i can load up on sushi and booze and medium-rare steak in the meantime. :-)

i know i'll love whoever ends up joining our family later on. it doesn't make it suck any less now, but i know there's better times ahead.