category: the ongoing saga of my job

One Year In The "New" Job

(Despite the fact that my blog is still somewhat broken, design-wise, I'm going to post new entries, anyway. Hopefully I'll get things worked out soon.)

Yesterday was my one-year anniversary in Data Warehousing, and I'm not sure how to articulate how I feel about that. Actually, I'm not sure I even know how I feel myself.

I've learned so much in one year, definitely, but I often feel that a.) that's only because I came in knowing so little, and b.) I have a daunting amount yet to learn. When I started here, I had experience putzing around with MySQL and PHP, and had co-built the infamous Request Log Access Database with James. Since then, I've learned concepts that I didn't even know existed (like the concept of a Data Warehouse), and built up from there with technologies and applications and best practices.

Oftentimes, though, I feel like the youngest fairy godmother. I can't do anything totally awesome (yet), but I can do little helpful things. Which, to be fair to myself, is really selling myself short. I'm finally to a point where I can solve problems on my own, and actually discuss solutions with my supervisor and come up with valid and original ideas, and not have to go yell for help multiple times a day.

Seems like, whenever I blog about how I feel about work, it comes across as a major downer. Which it's not, really. I don't dislike my job. I like certain aspects of it a lot, although I do miss certain things from my old job(s).

I've come to realize that I miss having a "work spouse" in James, and having multiple work friends to shoot the shit with. I guess I just don't feel like I "click" with very many people at the new gig, although that's coming along slowly. I've never been one to make friends very quickly, as my drum corps buddies will confirm. It's awesome having Sheryl around now, though; she's the one person I feel like I can be completely free and open around, and not have to worry about making the wrong impression, or seeming unprofessional, or whatever my problem is.

So, after one year? Social skills still need some work. Technical skills seem to be progressing at a reasonable pace. Not planning to look for a new gig anytime soon (which is a definite improvement on my last place of employment, as I was trying to get out of there every year or so).

I finally have a real career track. Holy shit.

 

Sick Day

When writing about work, a good rule of thumb (it seems to me) is not to write anything you wouldn't want your supervisor — or *their* supervisor — to read. So, keeping my boss's boss in mind...

This morning, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a good two minutes straight, fighting with myself. I'd been having some gastrointestinal discomfort (read: poop cramps) all day Sunday, and they'd kept me up for part of the night into Monday morning. I'd finally gotten to a comfortable place in my sleep cycle when my alarm went off; I turned it off without hitting snooze, then realized what I'd done. But, in my half-asleep state, I didn't really care. I let myself drift back to sleep.

So, as I stood in front of the mirror, finally, I was already running late. Which is to say, later than usual. I was still mildly uncomfortable, and definitely still tired, and very much not ready to tackle a day of figuring out what questions to ask to learn a new technology (SSIS, for any geeks following along at home).

I made a decision: I went downstairs, booted up my computer, fired up my work webmail, and e-mailed my supervisor (and her supervisor, too, since I knew my supervisor was planning to be out of the office today) and said that I wasn't feeling well, and that I wouldn't be coming in today.

Then I went back to bed.

I drifted in and out of sleep for the next three hours, waiting for Aaron to wake up enough that I could tell him I'd called off of work. The UPS man woke us both up around 11am, at which point I told Aaron that I'd called in. He went back to sleep, then, and I got up.

My gastrointestinal discomfort had passed (so to speak) by 11:30, and I briefly considered going in to work for a half day. The prospect of another afternoon at home with my husband was too alluring, though; anyone who reads my blog regularly will likely know that Aaron works nights, so I only get to see him on the weekends, and for fifteen minutes after I get home from work on weekdays.

So, I stayed home. And I did have an enjoyable afternoon with Aaron, although I spent a lot of time mentally flogging myself for taking the day off of work when I probably certainly could have pushed through it.

The thing is? I didn't *have* to go and push through it. I have plenty of sick days to use — more than I'm used to having at my disposal. At my old job, I got five personal days (to be scheduled in advance) and five sick days (to be used as needed). For the whole year. End of story. Here, I still start with 40 hours sick time at the beginning of the year, to be used in half-day increments. Once I dip into those hours, though, I get eight more hours added onto my balance per month, to bring me back up to a max of 40 hours of usable sick time.

If I felt like my presence were necessary and vital — like, say, my supervisor's is — I'd feel more guilty for using this sick time for anything less than bronchitis. Truth be told, though, this under-experienced "piece of clay" is feeling a little overkneaded. I could really use some time to dig deeper into what I've learned so far, instead of switching to something completely new. At the same time, I really do want to learn SSIS, and now seems to be good timing for it, project-wise and personnel-wise.

I'm so, SO grateful for the opportunity to learn, basically, an entirely new skill for me: data warehousing. I'm glad to no longer be living paycheck to paycheck. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I just need to fix myself. I need to realign my brain to be more OK with the not-knowing.

No more sick days this year. I'll have them to burn, yes, but I won't. I won't do it.

 

Busted!

"Can I have a word with you?"

These are not the words anyone wants to hear from their supervisor at 9:00am. I'd come in late this morning (again), so I thought that maybe I was about to get a talking-to about my tendency to tardiness. My supervisor looked around for a private place to talk, then gestured me into the copy room.

Incidentally, most people seem to think that the copy room affords them some measure of privacy. As my cube is right next to the copy room, I can assert that it does not. Just because you can't see anyone else doesn't mean that your conversation isn't carrying out into the hallway.

In the copy room, my supervisor told me that there's a person or department who checks the internet for references to our company, and that I had blogged about it by name. At this point, my brain started whirling — I didn't talk smack about work, did I? — and I know that my eyes had to have been giant saucers of Oh-Shit-ness, because she kept a very amiable tone and tried to be reassuring and factual. She explained that the person who monitors the spider or search or proprietary whatever-it-is that finds mention of our company online noticed that a Toledo employee had written about the company.

(In my mind, the SWAT team from The Blues Brothers movie comes swarming down the sides of the pointy pink building I work in, as IS Security blares an alarm: WE HAVE A BLOGGER ON THE PREMISES.)

The problem was not that I had written about the company — I did not, in fact, talk any smack about my employer, as I value my job and know that the internet is a very visible and accessible place. The problem was that I posted my del.icio.us link about the company at 2:46 PM on a weekday. During work hours.

I was incredibly flustered. I explained to my supervisor that it was just one of those online bookmark sites, and I saw the article and posted it, and it automatically posted to my blog later, and I didn't think anything of it at the time. I'm sure I ran off at the mouth and sounded excessively nervous, because she calmly and kindly assured me that she didn't see it as a problem, but that I should keep in mind that blogging during office hours is against company policy.

That pretty much wrecked my flow for the rest of the day.

After I retired to my cube and got my heart out of my throat and back where it belonged, I started to wonder how they knew I had blogged during work hours. After all, my del.icio.us links don't display a timestamp, and the timestamp on my blog is 11:00pm, when the del.icio.us feed posts my daily links. All day, I was convinced that Security must have actually sought out my blog (hi, guys! *waves*) to see if I made any other references to the company, then found my Twitter posts throughout the day, and busted me on that. As it turns out, though, the timestamp for my del.icio.us link is right there in the RSS feed. So, nothing vindictive or borderline unfair was going on in Security. Just that one post.

Still, though, I'm going to lay low for a while, as far as internet at work is concerned.

 

Twitter Update (#927495803) Being pretty productive today. Am leading a training session for my team about the basics of MicroStrategy at 3:30. Basics? That I can do. read more...

 

My First Users Group Meeting

I think it's going to be an unusually early night for me, because it was an unusually early morning for me today. Before I crash, though, I did want to talk a little bit about the MicroStrategy Users Group Meeting that was the reason for my early morning. (Just in case you missed today's flurry of Twitter traffic.)

First, some backstory: I've been working with the MicroStrategy application for about eight months now. Before that, my only reporting experience was with MS Access, and I had no real Business Intelligence (BI) knowledge to speak of. Now, I'm finally to the point where I feel I can implement a simple project from start to finish on my own. Just about. So, I knew I wasn't going to get a whole lot out of today's presentations, from a technical standpoint, but I also knew it would be helpful to get an idea of how other companies are using the software and what's possible with it. Plus, despite the four hours in the car, I actually welcomed a chance to get paid to go someplace different and do something besides work at my desk and go to meetings.

There were three presentations: one about Supply Chain Management and BI, by an employee of Spartan Stores; one about using Narrowcast (a proprietary report distribution service), by an employee of Borders; and one about BI and Geography, by an employee of GM.

Frankly, I was surprised that such companies used this software. It's hard to get much info about MicroStrategy online, since the manuals and help files and training info is all copyrighted material. I guess I assumed that a lack of search hits — besides press releases, that is — meant that the platform wasn't popular. Apparently I was mistaken, as there were two dozen employees at our User Group meeting, representing eight or more companies, including the three listed above.

The Supply Chain presentation, while informative and interesting, was not something I could translate to my projects and experience at work. The Narrowcast presentation was more potentially useful, but since I'm not a Narrowcast expert, I could only take a few notes and hope that I can get my supervisor a copy of the presentation for later.

GM's presentation, while generally overarching and not technical, was eye-opening. The presenter basically listed all the things they track in their databases, mainly thanks to the technology of OnStar, coupled with a popular mapping software subscription service. We were proudly told that GM can pinpoint the location of a vehicle so closely as to identify its current parking space. We were told lots of things, most of which had little to do with possibilities for our own BI, and had instead to do with how much data GM has regarding its vehicles and business in general. Granted, we did see the ease with which this data can be aggregated into useful information via MicroStrategy. Mostly, though, our reactions were a combination of, "Wow, you can track how many times the car has cycled from a cold motor to a warm motor and back?" and, "So, you say only a court injunction can force you to disclose all this information you've collected?"

I did record audio of all three presentations with my digital point-and-shoot as a bit of an experiment; however, I think the experiment was a bit of a failure, as they're not entirely listenable. I might go through with my plan to tweak the audio a little and burn them to CD for my supervisor, since she couldn't make it to the meeting, but I'm not sure.

Either way, it won't happen tonight. I'm surprised I'm still awake, honestly. I don't generally get up before the sun. Not during Daylight Savings Time, anyway.

 

Little Bit of Everything

I don't do these massive update posts much anymore — I prefer to keep my blog entries on one topic at a time — but I figured I'd do one catch-up post, then maybe expound on parts of it later. So, working backwards from today...

Weighed in today at 196.5 lbs on my home scale — that's one and a half pounds away from my recent all-time low of 195 from May 2007. (Yep, I gained 15 pounds in six months, and it took me longer than that to lose it again.) It was a bit of a disappointment, then, to weigh in at my Weight Watchers meeting at 200.4 lbs, even after I had an ultra-light breakfast and didn't drink much water before the weigh-in. My mini-goal had been to weigh in under 200 pounds at the meeting. Oh, well — I guess I'll wait until next weigh-in to hit my mini-goal, and to reward myself with some shorts and dress pants and blouses that fit.

My supervisor asked me this morning if I'd like to attend a User Group meeting in Lansing (two hours away) this Thursday. Then she asked me if I could drive, since her car doesn't have air conditioning. D'oh! So, I'll be getting up at the buttcrack of dawn on Thursday, driving with my supervisor for two hours, attending four hours of Business Intelligence lectures and panels, then having lunch and driving two hours back. At least we don't have to work for the last couple hours of the day; basically, my day gets shifted forward by two hours.

I landed a freelance web design gig yesterday. Actually, I pretty much "landed" it last Wednesday, when he asked me if I do web design, but yesterday's client meeting was the first official sealing of our new business relationship. He's the resident conductor of a local orchestra, so I'm basically making him a PR tool, which is perfect work for me. I underpriced myself, as per usual, but I made sure to leave myself an out: a flat fee for the first 20 hours, then an hourly fee for the next 20, topping out at 40 hours. So, I won't have totally hosed myself.

This past weekend, Aaron and I went up to the Ann Arbor Art Fairs. Great time, as always. I took a few pictures (with the Holga, too, although I'll have to wait until those are developed to post them), and I bought one expensive thing and one not-so-expensive thing.

Oh, and I still need to get this blog moved to its new home on another web host, and not just because something's borked with my MT installation/upgrade (as you will have noticed if you tried to comment on a post lately — your comments ARE going through, I promise). I have until the end of August to get my stuff moved — which, incidentally, is also the deadline for getting my freelance site done. I'm going to be looking at some mighty busy evenings here. I'll need to carefully ration out my time.

And now I should get to bed, because I need to ready myself for my epic early-morning wakey-wakey in another day or so. I haven't gotten up at 5:30am since... um... well, it's been a while. Not counting jet lag in another timezone, of course.

 

Time Capsule: April 2005

Would you believe that I have old e-mails in my inbox dating back this far?

I've started on the quest for zero, and opted to go to the oldest first. Seems counter-intuitive, I know, but I know how I roll — most of it is probably to-do lists and music I wanted to remember to download, so all I'll need to do is consolidate everything into to-do lists, then do them.

This, though, was interesting: I had obviously intended to post this to my blog, and never got around to it. I didn't know it at the time, but this "process improvement" at my job at Sky was ultimately a precursor to me and James developing a full-blown Access database. That database was a pivotal part in both James and myself getting our current jobs; of this, I have no doubt.

Let's take a trip back, shall we, to the Loan Corrections Department of Sky Bank...

Fri, Apr 15, 2005 at 4:54 PM

I got to do some slightly more fun stuff than usual at work yesterday. We're working on process improvements for our department (i.e. figure out what's a pain in the butt and then figure out ways to fix it), and I volunteered my assistance for some Excel function fun. Granted, I never thought it was all that fun in CS 100, but anything that makes my brain work is keen by me these days. I had to figure out how to show time elapsed from when we log in a request to when it's completed, and it was harder than I'd thought. I had to convert date formats to text and all that jazz, then subtract and reformat the result. Took me a couple hours to troubleshoot, but it was worth it, getting to use my brain. Whee!

Actually using my brain at work. What a concept!

 

On The Not-So-New Job

I recently got some e-mails from my former Sky co-workers. Most of them, when they talked about their new jobs, made a point of mentioning that their new "work family" is nothing like the one they left behind. And that made me think about how, at my new job, I'm actually starting to feel like I belong.

I've spent over seven months in my "new" job, and I'm finally becoming a contributing member of the team. When I work on a project, I find myself asking more intelligent questions when I get stuck: instead of "How do I do this," it's more like, "I tried X, Y and Z thing, and I don't understand why it's still not giving me what I expected." I'm also much more comfortable just coming right out and saying, "I don't know enough to know what questions to ask; I just know it's not doing what it's supposed to be doing." Plus, it makes me feel better about myself when the person I ask doesn't have an immediate answer, and has to do a little research — makes me feel like I didn't miss something blatantly obvious.

One big thing that's made a difference is a slight change in management. The most senior member of the team was promoted to a managerial role, while our "real" supervisor's role was redefined as more planning and overall development of the data warehouse. So, our new manager actually got managerial training, and part of her job now is to touch base with each of us regularly, which makes my life a lot easier. Before, I was sitting isolated in my cube, physically removed from the rest of the team, feeling extremely awkward whenever I got confused (which was often) and decided to ask a question (which was not as often as it should have been). Now, I have half an hour every week carved out to talk to my manager about any questions I might have, either technically or overall. She also tries to make herself more available in general; before, she was constantly tied down with projects, and I felt guilty asking her questions, no matter how much she asserted that it was fine to interrupt her.

But more management changes are in the works. My "real" supervisor, the one who first interviewed me and who gave me the call that I got the job, has given his notice. He's taking a position at another local company, where he'll have more room for advancement, and I can appreciate the need for that. I certainly don't begrudge him his career move; I've heard it said that people these days will change jobs an average of every five years, so he's about due. His absence is going to make things interesting, though, as we might not have a replacement for several months, and my new manager will likely be taking over many of his roles... thus making her much less available again.

Apart from playing Musical Supervisors, I've also started feeling much more comfortable with my co-workers. I'm finally realizing that, hey, dumbass, you work in IT, where all the other geeks work. You will get along fine if you'll just TALK to these people. I've been working with more of them more closely, getting up-close and personal with people from QA and with the DBAs and with the BSGs and all the other alphabet soup who make up the long chain of people involved with an IS project. And these people are cool. They hack their iPods and run network cable through their houses and get off on having offsite backups of their personal files and photos. I can really talk to these people — I don't have to worry about them being overly judgemental, for the most part. I'm starting to get a feel for who's on my wavelength and who's just another stuffed shirt.

We had an ice cream social at work this afternoon, and that was some invaluable time spent. I got to know a couple of DBAs and QA folks a bit better, and learned a little bit about our unique brand of office politics. (No worries on the diet front, either — they had sugar-free, fat-free ice cream, supposedly, although it tasted too good to be both.)

So, about my job? It's going well. Better than it was. Three or four months ago, I was much less satisfied with my progress and my interaction with the team than I am now. Now, I'm feeling like I really am that malleable employee whom my boss wanted to mold into a skilled data warehouse engineer. I'm at least fitting into my groove better than before.

 

Take Your Place In The Circle Of Care

Just got done with my day and a half of corporate training: the Circle of Care. I could tell you all about it, but then I'd have to kill you, being that all my supplementary books and materials clearly state that the contents thereof are property of my employer, et cetera.

Instead, I'll give you a brief synopsis, which is all you really wanted, anyway:

1. Videos. Well-produced videos, at least. The characters in the vignettes remained constant throughout the various exercises (calming an upset customer, apologizing, et al.), and the scripts were written and executed well enough that we actually felt emotionally vested in the characters therein. When the clip about Saying Goodbye came up (we do have hospices in our business line), I was one of a few people in the room who got a little misty, but didn't want to admit it.
2. Singing and dancing. Seriously. I have a DVD with the music videos for the Original Version, Ballad, Pop, and Dance Mixes (of the Circle of Care song, that is). We were encouraged to sing along, and we danced in the center of the room — usually to the Dance version. Luckily, one of the more outgoing fellows that was in my Orientation group four months ago was also in my Circle of Care sessions, and he did the awesomest college-guy dances EVAR.
3. People Skills Review. Actually, some was review, and some was new ways of looking at the situations, and new acronyms to apply. I think we all know that, in order to sufficiently answer and soothe a seriously annoyed customer, you need to be calm yourself, and determine the problem, and paraphrase, and reassure, and all that sort of thing. I just got more and different ways to do that in this program.
4. Holy crap, there's a lot of people from Sky at my work! There were two in my training group these past two days, and we discussed others, and I went to lunch with a couple of them. I also learned some awesomely juicy news about the Huntington post-merger period.

And that's about all I've got for now. Except a bunch of booklets, two DVDs, a new mug, a teddy bear, a certificate of completion, a couple of new friends, a funky hat, a clown nose, and a new appreciation for my IT skills as a bringer of a more substantial salary than before.

Edit: The Hugging. OMG, how could I leave out the hugging? I may possibly have hugged more people today than I did at my own wedding. We learned all about different kinds of hugs, and I am now officially "Licensed to Hug."

Yup.

 

Business Trip #2

I'm carpooling with a co-worker to Chicago tomorrow for more software training. We're taking off in the early afternoon to battle the inclement weather, and so we don't have to drive too far in the dark. I haven't spent much quality time with this co-worker, so this will be a good opportunity for us to get to know each other. Hopefully, we'll still like each other by the time the week is over...

I'm really looking forward to the content of these classes, as my job really hinges on the subject: creating dashboards for business intelligence applications. Once I learn some of the finer points of creating dashboards with this software, I hope I'll be able to hit the ground running when I return to work next week. We'll see how that works out.

The Best Western where we're staying claims to have a 24-hour fitness center with treadmills and stationary bikes; I have every intention of taking advantage of that fitness center, especially since I didn't get to do so on my last trip (and in light of my underwhelming weight loss of late). Apart from that, I'm expecting less of the Best Western than I did of the Hampton Inn, just by virtue of the difference between franchises. I hope I'll be pleasantly surprised, but I'm not counting on it.

My travel buddy will be checking out a laptop from work, plus there's supposedly a Business Center at the hotel, so I may or may not end up blogging while I'm away. I'm honestly hoping to spend a good part of my evening free time on a treadmill, when I'm not eating or reading or (hopefully) hanging out with Timmay.

We're going to be staying one extra night so we won't have to drive four hours home on a Friday night after class. Saturday morning will be spent seeing the sights of Chicago, and we'll head home after lunch, arriving back in town around dinnertime.

This is shaping up to be a much different business trip than my last. Whether that's good, bad, or indifferent remains to be seen...

 

Business Trip #1

There may be few or no updates for the remainder of the week, as I will be in Columbus (Dublin) for MicroStrategy training. I'm sure the Hampton has a business center where I can check my e-mail and whatnot, but I'm not sure how much time I'll be able to spend on e-mail and keeping up with my RSS feeds, much less actually blogging.

Even though I'll be missing out on a grand total of 45 minutes (that's three days' worth) of Aaron time, I'll be hanging out with some old friends in the evenings, which is awesome. I know there are some people in the area that I'm not getting to meet up with, and I do apologize for that. Maybe next time... (And there probably WILL be a next time, with all the training I could potentially sign up for.)

I'm looking forward to learning more about the Business Intelligence software I've been using at work; I'm also looking forward to seeing old friends, and having a change of scenery. I'm not looking forward to being away from my Honey-Muffin on the Hallmark Holiday Valentine's Day, or really being away from him at all; and I'm not sure about making the 2½ hour drive to Columbus alone for the first time.

I'm a big girl. I can go on a big bad business trip by myself.

Right?

 

On How I Like The New Job

Everyone keeps asking me how I like my new job so far. Honestly, I think I'm still too new in the position to really have an opinion of the job yet. The novelty of some of the new changes has begun to wear off: I'm growing accustomed to a half-hour drive to work again; parking in the parking garage is no big deal; I'm becoming more familiar with everyone's different accents, and can understand people's speech more easily; not clocking in and out every day doesn't seem so weird; and the glass-walled elevator ride isn't quite so spectacular as it once seemed.

That said, there are some things that are still cool, and there are some things I've come to miss. I'm still taken by the view from the 12th floor, especially when I find myself in one of the conference rooms, staring out across the Maumee River (currently frozen and snow-covered) into the distance beyond. I still feel like I hit the lottery every time I get a paycheck; Aaron and I are working on evening out our bill-paying habits, now that I make more, but I still feel mighty WTF at my checking account balance most of the time (especially since we've paid off the Kia! w00t!). I still enjoy my daily walks down the Maumee, although I do miss walking in a more wooded setting, under a canopy of leaves (or at least branches) and on a dirt trail instead of pavement.

At the top of the list of things I miss, though, are my work friends. I miss them individually — James, Heather, Rob, Scott, and others — but I also miss just *having* work friends. Finally, after almost three months, I'm starting to get a little more than a "How are you?" from people in the pantry/kitchen area, but I still don't feel like there's anyone I really connect with. It'll take time.

Other things I miss: Having a window right by my cube. Squirrel-watching. Being ten or fifteen minutes from home. Being five minutes from my OB-GYN's office. Doing a slightly different job every two weeks. Having a grasp on my job and knowing just about everything I need to know to do it properly and efficiently. Generally knowing what I'm doing.

One thing I'm not sure if I'll like or not is business travel. I'll be traveling for software training twice in February, and probably more in the second quarter and beyond. I usually only get fifteen minutes of quality time with my husband every evening, between the time I get home and the time he leaves, and I'm not too keen on giving up those precious few minutes. I also don't have a wifi laptop (OK, I don't have a laptop at all), so unless I hang out in the hotel's Business Center for an hour or more every evening, I am *so* going to have internet withdrawal. I'm also just generally not cool with traveling solo; I prefer to have a partner in crime, just in case I lose my way or don't know what I'm doing or whatever. However... I might like it, especially since it'll be relatively infrequent. Change of scenery. Learn some stuff. See some friends (Columbus and Chicago in February! Locals, touch base with me and we'll meet up). We'll see.

So, that's a relatively neutral view on how the job is going so far. In a nutshell, I'm pretty ambivalent about it right now, but it has potential. I need time and knowledge in order to grow into the job, I think. It'll come. It'll click. I just need time, and the right attitude.

 

Christmas Eve

It's a very quiet day at the office; even more quiet than usual. It's Christmas Eve, and I think that half of the building (or more) took a personal holiday today. The parking garage seemed even more deserted today than on the day after Thanksgiving.

The person who can answer all the questions I have about the business intelligence application I've been trying to learn is finally back from maternity leave — a few days early, actually — so I at least won't be stuck all day with no one to answer my questions and nothing else to do. She's pretty busy, though, so it's not like she's at my disposal constantly, like the trainers in Loan Corrections were. I guess I'll only be stuck for part of the day with nothing else to do, then...

I'll get to leave an hour early at 3:30pm today, since it's the day before a holiday, which is a nice perk. Go home, open presents, have some dinner, make the traditional Christmas sausage cake (yes, it's really made of sausage, and it's really a cake — I think we've been over this before), and enjoy a quiet Christmas Eve with my husband (who has today off of work).

Tomorrow, we'll be going to Cleveland for Christmas Day. We'll be bringing sausage cake and the zucchini-chocolate cake I made last night, along with presents for everyone. We won't be bringing the new video camera, though; we decided that we really don't need to remember Christmas as is it now. Grammie's Alzheimer's is getting pretty pronounced these days, and Poppa's having a hard time getting around. Aunt Elaine can't make it to holidays at all, due to her own medical issues. Better to remember the earlier years of Elaine's Christmas cookies and Poppa being all sprightly and Grammie fussing in the kitchen... and Pete and his family always being late. :-)

 

Transferrable Skills

I've spent these first three weeks at my new job mainly trying to teach myself the reporting app we use. The person who would normally be my guru is still on maternity leave. Although I've picked up the basics, the finer points continue to elude me. I'm so close to understanding how the damn program works, but little things keep popping up and I have to wonder WHY can't I choose CensusSummary as my Source table OMG?!

Anyway.

There's a project in the early stages that I'm kind of being primed to work on. A division of the company wants to have a web-based dashboard, where they can see all their normally stodgy and numberiffic reports in an easy-to-read visual format. Awesome. Yesterday, we received a document from one of the end-users, giving us a detailed representation of what said end-users would like to see. I read the document, nodded to myself, and started sketching possibilities on a legal pad (without being asked — it's just how I do. I'm the thumbnail queen).

Not long after, I get a Microsoft Visio document via e-mail from my boss. It's his idea of how the dashboard could be laid out. He shows up in my cube shortly after the e-mail does, and I redirect him to my cute little tabbed-browsing concept piece. He says he likes mine better, and has me work up a mockup of my version of the dashboard.

That was most of my day today. And everyone seems to like the result so far.

Yay for my design skillz! As I told my boss, "You went and got me in my element!"

But wait. There's more.

Around 3pm today, I was approached yet again by my supervisor. It appears that there's a report that's been being delayed in our usual development process, and the internal customer needs the report shortly after month-end. Someone had suggested importing the data into Access and using its reporting tools. Just so happens that my boss just hired someone fresh from doing major Access reporting on a regular basis...

Got a sample report, got someone to help me connect to the database via ODBC, and got started. By quitting time, I had most of a report worked out. I'll have to work out a few details tomorrow. The boss caught me as I was getting my coat on, and I showed him what I had. He seemed to be genuinely impressed that I'd made that much progress already, and he made comment that I'm kind of saving the day. I don't know about that...

At any rate, I'm finally feeling like a contributor to the team, even if everyone might be going a little out of their way to let the new girl know she's doing a great job. I'll take it.

 

New Job, Week One

The first half of the week was spectacular. Getting to know a new job, new location, new people, new boss, new responsibilities. Realizing that this gig fits me like a glove. Or it will.

The second half of the week was filled with insecurity and frustration. Me and the help files and the books and the tutorials. I now know that there's a LOT that I don't know. Plus, most of the people I've met in my department seem on the surface to be stressed, self-absorbed and pessimistic in general. And overly absorbed in football. Today, I was starting to doubt whether I'd made the right decision in taking this job, honestly.

About five minutes before quitting time, my supervisor visited my cube and asked how I my first week had gone. I was pretty honest, telling him that I felt like I was going around in circles, and that I realize now that there's a lot that I don't know. He seemed to appreciate that, and told me that he has no expectations of me right now. I am to be a sponge, in his words. I mentioned that I have lots of questions, but feel uncomfortable interrupting other people's work to ask them, and he said that we'd make time early next week to sit down and discuss things. He also confirmed that, yes, this is only the second company I've worked for, and he affirmed that I'd come out the other side with a working knowledge of how the company and the data warehouse applications work.

That affirmation, while supportive, was also telling. The one person who can train me is on maternity leave, but I have the impression that he expects me to be up to speed on my own by the time she gets back.

This is daunting. Fun and new, yes, but still daunting.

 

No Preferences

"The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences," wrote the Third Ancestor, a.k.a. the Third Zen Patriarch of China (d. 606 AD), in a poem commonly known as The First Zen Poem. We discussed the verse at our Zen meeting last night. It's not saying that you shouldn't give a shit about anything; rather, it's suggesting that a fuller experience is possible if you don't prefer one outcome to another. As I understand it, anyway.

For example: today at work, I really didn't get much accomplished. My boss wants me to start on a test project, and I can barely grasp the first step of the process. Today was spent flailing about in an application with no one to help me: no helpful intern (who attends class Tuesdays and Thursdays), and no experienced mentor (who is on maternity leave).

My first inclination is to think that I had a shitty day. Why? Because I experienced frustration at not understanding, and because I got very little accomplished.

Still, why? Because I prefer to have a measurable and substantial work completed. Because I prefer to understand and be productive. If I allow myself to appreciate the frustration and the very basic learning experience as much as I would have appreciated a massively productive and enlightening work day, then the day becomes less shitty in retrospect.

One thing I can't let go of my preference for — or, rather, my aversion? Being tired. There's still stuff I need to do tonight before bed (like cleaning up for Saturday's "Diana's New Job Party," which may actually be relatively well-attended), and there are things I didn't even get to (like burning CDs for the sangha), and I don't like it. I get anxious and grumpy and irritable when I'm tired (who doesn't?), and I feel like I have to continue to be productive when I should just freaking go to bed already, and damn the consequences.

*sigh*

Off to clean the dining room table, and straighten and dust the living room before I crash out.

 

On The New Job

I'll bet you're all wondering how my first two days at the new job went. Well, wonder no more!

Yesterday was mainly Orientation: all about benefits and office tours and videos and fingerprints and forms and more videos and — OMG, I saw "W" from Good Eats (aka Vickie Eng) in one of my orientation videos! Squee!

Ahem. Anyway, yeah, orientation took up the vast majority of my Monday. I did spend about the last hour of my day actually in my department, being introduced to everyone, then reading some online training materials about the application I'll be using.

Some other randomness about my first day:

• I was so proud to have secured myself a parking spot in the really close parking garage. The attendant (an attendant in a parking garage?) directed me to park in a corner, by a wall, under a bulkhead. He had to direct me to help me get into the space, and I had to duck to get in and out of the car. And I had to have exact change for the SEVEN DOLLARS it cost to park there for the day. Lesson learned; the garage next door is only $3.
• The restaurant downstairs brings up sandwiches and salads to sell on the sixth floor eating area. I hadn't brought any lunch with me, since I didn't know if I'd have access to a refrigerator, so I bought a $3 tuna salad sandwich for lunch. It was quite good.
• My company pays for half of our parking costs, once our benefits officially kick in. So, after January 1, I'll only have to pay thirty-some dollars a month for parking, instead of $3 a day (roughly $70 a month).
• There's a fitness center on the first floor. It costs about $25 per month to use. They give you a locker, and they wash your gym clothes every week. Wow.

Today involved more reading of online training materials, learning about the company, and trying to develop a routine. I brought my small Hotei (Laughing Buddha) figurine from home, and brought my wall calendar and wedding picture from my box of stuff from my old job. My desk is at least starting to feel like my own space.

I'm discovering that I'm really a creature of habit, be that a good or bad thing. I'm entitled to two 15-minute breaks and a 45-minute lunch, but I'm not really used to taking breaks. I'm also not sure if eating at my desk is expected or OK or what, since we do have a "pantry" on our floor, with a fridge and a microwave. As far as what to do on my lunch break... I haven't been listening to my iPod, in favor of just walking around downtown, then walking down the riverside before going back to work. (I never realized that Toledo had such gorgeous views.) Today, I walked downstairs for my lunch walk instead of taking the elevator. All twelve floors. It really wasn't bad. I think I might make that part of my lunch routine. Still, I think I'd feel more comfortable if I had someone I could hang out with for a week or so, do the break and lunch thing with, and just kind of learn the social ropes.

Speaking of social, I never realized how the four-person cubes at my old job affected our interactions. The new person would meet at least one other person and get to feel comfortable with that person, and the cube walls were short enough to see over when standing or walking. At my new job, I have SO MUCH ROOM in my cube, it's indecent. I'm all crammed into one corner of it, though, just because I'm not used to having so much room to spread out. The walls are tall enough that I can't see when people walk by, except maybe the tops of their heads, with makes it a challenge to socialize. It's just little old me with my back to the cube door, reading my training materials and hoping to get up to speed. People have stopped in to say hello and welcome, but I can count the visits on one hand. I'll get used to it, I'm sure.

Oh, and it's SO QUIET! Did I mention that? So, so quiet. It's weird.

Except for my computer, which sounds like it's going to take flight any moment.

Hmm, what else to mention...? Oh, yes. I believe there is a corollary to Murphy's Law regarding work photo IDs. The day my hair is greasier than hell will always be the day when I'm unexpectedly required to have an ID photo taken. RCC, Sky, and now here. At least I can get in to work now, I guess.

I'm currently in a 90-day orientation period, during which time I need to be on my bestest behavior and not call in sick and not be late (like they'd even know, since I'm salary) and do good and learn lots. And not abuse the work e-mail system. So, I guess this is the end of blogging via e-mail from work (and super-long e-mail volleys with friends) for now. Ah, well.

Honestly? I think that, once I get the hang of this MicroStrategy thing and get a better understanding of Data Warehousing, this job will really be up my alley. It seems like a great transition from what I was doing at Sky to a more IT-centric career.

 

New Job Happy Dance

It's true: after being unemployed for almost six weeks, I have accepted a job offer!

I'll be working in downtown Toledo, on the 12th floor of a corporate office building across from Promenade Park. I will also be making more than twice what I made in my previous job: an increase in salary of 114%, to be exact. Aaron and I will be on equal financial footing — actually, I'll be making just a little more than he makes, to tell the truth.

The main thing, though, is that I'll be working in the Information Services department, in Data Warehousing. The change of industry has to be the biggest benefit of this entire severance situation.

My start date is one week from today, at which time I get to report to Orientation at 8:30am. On Aaron's birthday. Which he requested off from work. But it's all good, since we'll get to go to dinner together on his birthday. Yay!

So, when's a good time for the Diana Got A Job Party that I promised you all...? I'm thinking Saturday the 17th, evening? Who's in?

 

Second Interview Results

You know, I'm not entirely sure how that went.

I spoke briefly with my potential supervisor's supervisor, and that seemed to go well. More of the same: Tell me about the Access tracking database, etc. Then I met with two senior team members, who asked me more technical questions: How many tables were in your database? How many columns in the main table? What kinds of reports did you create?

Then I got the SQL test.

First question: Write pseudocode to generate the first 10 numbers of the Fibonacci sequence: (0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,21,34)

Took me a second to remember / deduce what the Fibonacci sequence was (add the two previous numbers to get the next number). Then I was all, OK, do while loop / for next loop, something like that. Counter variable going up to 10, sure. But I never figured out how to set variables for the previous two numbers, or to do the calculation mathematically. So, they got part of my logic behind it, but not a correct answer.

After that were a couple of query questions that should have been easy, but weren't. After those were a bunch of definition questions, some of which I farted my way through ("What is normalization and when would you go for it?") and some of which I skipped ("What is a transaction?"). All in all, I answered probably half the questions on the quiz, and got some of those mostly correct. Some of them I knew how to answer in the context of Access, but not SQL ("How do you define a one-to-one, one-to-many, and many-to-many relationship between tables?").

After the test, my potential supe came in and told me that the test is mainly to see where I stand programming-wise and what my problem-solving thought process is like. He stressed that in entry-level positions, they don't have much to look at with regards to a body of work, so the test serves to give them an idea of where each applicant stands.

The Powers That Be will be convening by week's end to decide who gets the job. I'll keep you all updated.

P.S. - I wore my traditional Halloween dangly bat earrings to the interview. No one noticed. At least Jess noticed when I wore them to Eric and Jess's reception on Saturday. :-)

 

Interview Today: Results

Today's interview — number two since the job hunt began in April — was for a large health care company whose corporate offices are located in downtown Toledo. (Let's skip the company name and keep Google out of this, yes?) The position in question is in Data Warehousing, which deals with getting data into the warehouse and spitting that data back out in the form of reports.

I arrived a little early, located the building (again — I interviewed here a few years back), and went across the street to spend ten minutes at Promenade Park. Beautiful day, gentle breeze, very calming.

(By the way? On my way up into the parking garage before this, I saw a vanity license plate that made me laugh out loud: PWN3D. I *so* wished I would have had my camera on me.)

Once I went into the building, I was taken upstairs by an HR representative to fill out some standard paperwork: OKs for background checks, stuff like that. Then I was taken upstairs for my interview.

Things that went right:

• My new interview pantsuit is *killer*. I looked perfectly professional (IMO), and didn't feel fussy about my clothes or awkward about my bearing.
• I successfully portrayed my ability to learn on the fly, to keep myself busy and productive, and to try to better myself and my department. A lot of this had to do with my resume, though.
• I had plenty of relevant questions to ask.

Things that I could have done better:

• Interview questions for which I was not prepared: "Why do you want to work for our company?" and "What did you like the least about your previous jobs?"
• OMG I forgot to bring my references! Sheesh. The last time I used my fancy black folder was when I went to the job fair, so it was full to the brim of unstapled two-page resumes. It should have been full of the job description printout, a resume, and my references. No worries, though; I asked the HR rep if I could e-mail them to her later, and she in turn gave me not only her card, but an entire folder with info on benefits.

Overall, the interviewer (my potential supervisor) said he sees potential in me, and that appears to be my strongest quality. I honestly don't know much about their software, but I know I can learn, and I can bring my design and layout experience to the table when it comes to actual reports.

There would be some awesome benefits to working here. The office has a fantastic view of Promenade Park, right on the river, and three of the building's five elevators face the river. There would be no worries about having a place to walk during my lunches, either. As for more company-related bennies, I'd be eligible for software training, including Microsoft. They also seem to have a pretty decent health plan, so Aaron and I would need to compare policies and see whether I should spend the money on my own company's insurance plan. (Insurance is covered in Aaron's union dues, so the plan would have to kick a lot of ass for me to buy my own.)

I should be hearing back from my interviewer by late this week or early next week to see whether I get a second interview. I'll keep you all updated!

 

Interview Today

Interview in downtown Toledo in two hours. Data Warehousing in the Health Care industry. Wish me luck! I'll let you know how it goes.

 

Unemployment Depression

Unemployment Depression: CollegeRecruiter.com Insights by Candidates

If I'm already feeling down after two weeks of being jobless, how am I going to feel if it takes three months? May the Flying Spaghetti Monster save me from such a fate.

read more...

 

When It Comes Down To It

Since I can't seem to get motivated about my job search today, I decided to finally unpack the box of files and other goodies from my desk at work. Yes, it's been sitting by the kitchen table for two weeks now, and I'm just now unpacking it.

What's a little depressing is that everything regarding my employment over the last five years is now contained in three hanging folders: one labeled "Huntington Info," one labeled "Loan Corrections DB," and one labeled "Sky Bank Misc."

This could actually be more than a little depressing, if I let it. Instead, I will share this little tidbit I saved for posterity (identifying information has been masked to protect... well, to protect *me*):

Please don't misunderstand me: we did understand and appreciate the client's needs, and addressed the client's concern by setting him up to receive a monthly billing statement. We were all just amused by the communication itself.

Know that this letter sits in the folder labeled "Sky Bank Misc," and will amuse me from time to time as necessary.

 

Day Eleven of Unemployment

Or of being unemployed, anyway. Unemployment compensation comes later, if at all. (I might have a job before it has time to kick in. Hopefully.)

These couple of weeks have been an interesting ride so far. It's quite a roller coaster, going from being energized and excited about finding a new job to being depressed and unmotivated and back again. I mean, I know that I'll find a job; that's not the issue. This issue is, how long do I keep applying for the jobs I really want and would really be excited about, and when will I lose the upbeat, positive, forward-thinking attitude and just start applying for anything that wouldn't suck too much? How long will that downward spiral take, and will I jump off in time?

I've at least gotten some concrete "no" answers this week. The tally since April:

Total resumes submitted: 30
Number of employer rejections (or duplicate jobs from recruiters): 10
Number of jobs I've declined: 1
Number of positions about which I've never received a response, and have basically written off: 8
Number of recent job applications I'm still holding out hope for: 11
Number of interviews so far: 1

I need to slow down and actually use the battle plan I learned from my outplacement training. I need to update my Personal Marketing Plan and get it out to a many people as I can, and try to get an inside line on new jobs *before* they're posted online. I have one such inside line in the works right now, and I'd have no problem taking this job if it pans out. I need insiders at other companies, though, and I need to work harder on that. Slower. More methodically. Not jumping at every opportunity like a drowning woman grasping at anything that floats by.

Focus. Calm determination. That's what will get me a job.

And schmoozing. Don't forget schmoozing.

*sigh*

 

More Stress Than I Realized

Being at home with Aaron for a week — and during *this* week in particular, biologically speaking — has made for some interesting dynamics.

Left to my own devices, I'll sleep for at least 10 hours and stay awake for between 12 and 14 hours. This, as I have already learned in the past, is not good for my mood. I start to feel lazy and depressed, and become less productive, since my normally productive and creative afternoon hours are suddenly my sleepy morning hours. Rolling out of bed at the crack of noon needs to stop.

At least I've been making myself to-do lists to keep myself busy. Follow-ups, hitting job-search websites, and driving to BG for outplacement workshops have been on my agenda.

Still... after a decent amount of job rejection, or getting no response and counting that as rejection (and fielding website restructuring requests that feel like rejection, but shouldn't), I'm starting to feel a little stressed. I hadn't realized it until I had a little mini-breakdown today, for no good reason. I'm still chalking most of it up to hormones.

My diabolical plan is to add more structure to my days, and to get up earlier. Instead of going to aikido this evening, for instance, I'm going to attend tomorrow's (and Thursday's, and Saturday's) 10am session. I'm also going to meditate daily, like I'd mentioned before that I wanted to do.

I need to not take everything so personally. I also need to eat better, exercise more, and get out of the house every day. Otherwise, I'll sink into a funk from which I'll never escape. And that's not a good way to find a job.

Update, 12:45am: It's amazing what a difference just ten minutes of meditation can make. That 8pm session of zazen, plus a solid and genuinely excited decision to attend aikido tomorrow morning, along with a shitload of job leads from one of Aaron's friends, have all acted to calm me considerably.

Lights out in fifteen minutes.

 

Day Two of Unemployment

Day One was spent recuperating from the incredible Flaming Lips show in Cleveland on Sunday. Slept in, chilled out, and came up with a battle plan. Day Two saw the initiation of said battle plan.

I identified two major issues that I need to address: productivity in job-hunting and organization in general. One affects the other, but I can't just go at them one at a time. I need a pleasant and clean workspace to feel happy and productive; but I can't clean to the exclusion of all else, and THEN go find a job. So, I set myself up a list of priorities for cleaning my desk space, starting with my file cabinet, moving to the stack of stuff on the floor, then the stack on top of the file cabinet, then the pile on my actual desk, and so forth. (Anyone who saw my immaculate desk at work wouldn't believe that my desk at home is such a disaster.)

As for job-hunting productivity, I launched up my long-neglected Palm Desktop application. It has a task list and calendar, which is mainly what I need. I'm basically doing like I did when I was coordinating the database project with James: set up a short but vital list of tasks to accomplish the following day, so I feel super productive when I finish those plus more.

I'm also logging everything I'm doing in an Excel log, so I can track my productivity. For example, today I searched through all my del.icio.us jobhunt bookmarks and found two jobs I'm going to apply for tomorrow. I also followed up with a potential employer and sent my Personal Marketing Plan (i.e. my list of skills and target employers) to a former colleague to look over.

Since I got all that accomplished during the day, I didn't feel bad spending my evening playing Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo HD on the 360. :-)

If I can keep this up, I'll at least feel like I'm not squandering my time at home. Still, this super-extended vacation is going to be weird.

 

The More Things Change...

The cycle comes around again, and I find myself in a familiar stage of life. Familiar, yet not the same.

Hello, unemployment!

The last time I was unemployed was Winter of 2002. It was January, and I had just earned my Bachelor of Science from BGSU. I was living in my first apartment, alone, more than halfway through my lease, with no income in the foreseeable future. I borrowed money from friends to pay rent and bills while sending out resume after pointless resume. Without a car, my job choices were severely limited, and I ended up finding a short-lived part-time job at a local photography studio. I had also signed up at Manpower, but they'd only landed me one brief assignment at the County Courthouse. Once they found me a full-time assignment at Sky, though, I bid the studio adieu.

I worked in the mailroom at the Sky Service Center for a few months — March through May, I believe it was. There was a major merger that May, though, and the mailroom duties I'd been performing were being moved to another location. So, I was without income again.

Sometime around this point was when Aaron and I moved in together. I don't recall if I was unemployed when we actually moved in, but I do remember that I finally bit the bullet and took a third-shift gas station attendant position at Meijer not long after. That job didn't last long, thankfully, as Manpower called with another assignment: Lockbox at Sky Bank. I quit Meijer without notice, just in time for my Mom's annual visit at the end of June.

I started in July as a temp in Lockbox, was hired on permanently in October 2002, and I've been gainfully employed by Sky ever since.

Until today.

Today is different. I'm getting quite enough severance and retention to keep my half of the bills paid well into next year (if I'm frugal), and I have a reliable car with which to drive to a potential job. I have over five years of experience in the work force (I hate the term "the real world"), and I have a couple different directions in which I'm thinking of taking my career. I have a more professional-looking resume, and I have more experience writing cover letters that actually target the employer's needs. I'm better at interviewing and schmoozing in general. The "me" of today is much more mature and pragmatic and employable than the "me" of five or six years ago.

I'm not panicky. I'm not nervous. I feel like I should be, but I'm not. I just know something will present itself, something that screams my name, not just something that sounds like it wouldn't suck.

I'm going to take a few days' vacation, then I'm going to start the job hunt on a regular workday schedule. I'm fine. We'll all be fine.

You hear me? We'll all be fine.

 

Future Planning

So, I'm starting to realize (with some help from my friends) that any job I take at this point is going to be entry-level. Not coffee-bitch entry-level, maybe, but college-grad entry-level. Basically, I'll be pretending that the last five years never happened when I'm looking for potential jobs. Granted, I've learned a lot of valuable office and interpersonal skills since graduation six years ago, but I've only meagerly advanced my technical knowledge in my field.

Speaking of: what *is* my field, anyway? We had this discussion before, to a degree, where I bemoaned my lack of advanced skills in any given field. But even assuming that I'm getting a glorified intern job... I have a clean slate, assuming someplace will take me. I could go marketing, or IT, or something else.

I'm even contemplating taking evening classes, once I get myself a new steady job. Maybe get a certificate or an Associates at Owens in... IT? Marketing? Something that will get me where I want to be in my new company. It'll depend on what kind of tuition reimbursement my new employer has, if any, and if I end up getting any on-the-job training in things I want to learn, like .NET or some other technology.

I still maintain that this is a delicate balance. I have to be receptive to whatever comes down the pike, and be prepared for just about any opportunity that presents itself. Winds of change, and all that.

It's kind of like aikido: I could be thrown down and be totally unprepared, and get hurt. I could be thrown down and be excessively tense and resistant, and get hurt. Or I could take the energy that's directed toward me and use it to my own advantage, being ready for what's to come, take the fall rolling and come up on my feet.

I'm not terribly good at that physically yet; maybe the mental concept will come easier.

 

D-Day for Loan Corrections

The day is here. September 21st. People are having their exit interviews with HR. Our three temps were done yesterday, and one stopped in this morning to collect her things. One team member has already packed up and shipped out for her Florida vacation. The department is thinning.

Yesterday afternoon, we all got "yearbook" pages featuring messages that people in our department wrote to each of us, accompanied with a CD slideshow of photos and music. I haven't watched the slideshow yet, but I've been told that it features the Green Day song "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)." Now I've had that song stuck in my head all morning.

It's a unique atmosphere here today. Somber, certainly. We've been working together for years now, and now we're all parting ways. Granted, a few of us still have another week or two, but that's going to be more like hanging around a deserted school during summer vacation, doing what still needs to be done.

There's also a feeling of discontent. Some people aren't entirely clear on the amounts of their severance and retention, and when that will be paid out, and about their eligibility for unemployment. There's a slight feeling of bitterness and flippancy -- we're still doing our jobs for one final day, but we've long since lost any feeling of company loyalty. We still have enough pride for our jobs and respect for our coworkers not to slack too much, but there's definitely more people away from their desks and more chatter than usual. It seems to come in waves -- silence, then everyone talking at once, then silence again. Team members are also amazed and frustrated at how many people are still requesting loan changes after our widely-publicized Wednesday cutoff.

One ray of light is Stacy, our boss's boss's boss. She came through the department earlier and spoke to each of us individually, thanking us for our hard work. Stacy is one of the few management types who really seems sincere to me. I can talk openly and freely to her, and even though I feel like I've got diarrhea of the mouth sometimes, she still listens and seems to honestly care. I think Stacy's visit softened some of us a little.

This is a strange and unique experience. Each of us is simultaneously closing a chapter in our lives, and emotions can run high. As for me, I'm not emotional, per se, but I'm definitely feeling... detached? Surreal? I'm noting the poignancy of the moment without being overly sentimental about it. Sure, I spent more time with these people than with my own husband for the past few years, and I'll miss some of them, but it's not like they're dying. Thanks to e-mail, we can all be in touch quickly and easily at any time, should we want to be -- even Scott, who's moving to Utah.

But I'll see him next week. Scott, Heather, and our supervisor Ruth Ann will be around for two more weeks. I'll be around for one.

It's something unpredictable / But in the end it's right

Still, work is *not* the time of my life. :-)

 

Geek Chic

I decided to take a different tack on the job hunt this evening, and look one-by-one at each business that's located in the business development where I currently work. I'm a big fan of the location, being that a.) it's a fifteen-minute drive from home, and b.) there's a fantastic wooded walking path through the middle of the area. So, I sat down with a list of (most of) the businesses in the park, and went to all of their websites, and determined whether their industry is something I'd be interested in pursuing, and looked for job postings.

I found a few that sounded vaguely interesting, and a few that I'd already known about — but I found one business that finally sparked my interest enough to get the job-hunt juices flowing again. It's a national firm, an IT services and solutions provider, and I'm only vaguely familiar with most of their offerings. All of it made the geek girl in me drool, though.

Only a computer nerd would look through a list of technology solutions and think, "Ooh, HP Storage Area Network. I've never heard of that! Sounds cool!" Lots of the names like Altiris and Veritas and Citrix, and lots of the buzzwords like Web Content Filtering and Business Continuity Planning, all sounded familiar to me, but not enough so that I'd even be able to talk for two minutes straight about a given one.

The only section of their services where I know I can shine is Web Development, including website design and development and website management services. That I can do. The other stuff... it harks back to a day when I went around with Kirkum and installed new network cards in pizza-box Macs. Or imaged computers in the labs. Or installed a right-angle adapter in my own legacy Mac so I could install an ethernet card.

At any rate, I got fired up enough (and undepressed enough) that I worked on my Personal Marketing Plan like the nice outsourcing lady told me to. I have a list of about a dozen companies that may or may not be hiring, but that it would be pretty cool to work for. You can all expect that, once I have my Marketing Plan done and ready for prime time, I'll be sharing it with you and asking you, "Do you know anyone who works for...?"

 

Self-Confidence and Job-Hunting

I realize that potential employers may Google me to learn more about me and my background. Despite this, I'm going to post what's on my mind, rather than putting a front forward about how confident I feel about my job search.

I'm pretty proud of myself, sure. I joined one other co-worker to create a relational Access database that currently has over 150,000 records in its main table, with 20 users, and has only completely crashed and burned once in a year and a half of operation. I've recently redesigned two websites from the ground up (buzzword: full development lifecycle) using PHP and a custom database backend for content management.

But am I confident about my skills? That's a deeper question...

read more...

 

Career Lottery

Snicked from talcotts, via khath, via clawfoot and crystalkirk:

1. Go to http://www.careercruising.com/
2. Put in Username: nycareers, Password: landmark.
3. Take their "Career Matchmaker" questions.
4. Post the top fifteen results.

My results after all three sets of questions:
1. Multimedia Developer
2. Video Game Developer
3. Business Systems Analyst
4. Website Designer
5. Animator
6. Cartoonist / Comic Illustrator
7. Computer Programmer
8. Web Developer
9. Film Editor
10. Market Research Analyst
11. Professor
12. Webmaster
13. Artist
14. Desktop Publisher
15. Graphic Designer
16. Technical Writer
17. Computer Animator
...
32. Photographer

I've actually considered most of these careers, except maybe Market Research Analyst or Business Systems Analyst. Some of these (like Computer Animator or Video Game Designer) I would have liked to have done, but require more or different training/schooling. Some (like Artist or Cartoonist) I've long since lost the skills to do. Many of the others are viable options, and I feel that the quiz gave surprisingly accurate results — especially considering how blasé I was with my answers, for the most part. I only ventured away from the neutral choice when I had a strong feeling for or against a particular job task.

All righty. Video Game Developer job, here I come...?

Right.

 

Interview

Today's plan: Work until noon. Go home for lunch. Leave at 1:35 for an interview at 2pm. Rock the hell out of the interview. Return home and chill with my sick hubby for the rest of the afternoon.

I've done my homework, for the most part. I've researched the company, I feel confident with my standard interview answers, and I have some questions of my own to ask. I'm actually fairly excited about the size and stability of the company, as well as their wares.

Still undecided about whether I'll change into a suit before I go, or just stick with my business casual attire. I'm leaning toward comfort over overheated professionalism right now.

Send positive vibes my way today around 2pm. I'll let you know how it goes.

Update, 7:30pm: Interview went smashingly well, IMO. I don't think I've ever had such a straightforward discussion of Where The Company Is Headed vs. Where My Career Is Headed. The location is a 25-minute drive through not the best part of town (albeit not the worst, either), and the neighborhood is not one where I would feel comfortable taking a lunchtime walk; but the company is small and stable, and I think I would fit in with the other two/three members of the IT department. We'll see what they think.

BTW? I wore the suit.

 

Coincidences?

Things are definitely moving. Things are happening. What will come of it all, I'm still not sure.

Amy-sempai had mentioned a few weeks ago that her company was accepting resumes, but I kept missing her at the dojo to give her mine to pass along. I also never asked her the name of her company. Meanwhile, I found a listing on Craigslist and applied, only to find that it was for the company where Amy-sempai works. Wish me luck on my second interview of the job hunt...

There was also a company I'd spied a while ago, but who required samples of applicants' work. As my portfolio still isn't quite up to snuff yet, I hadn't applied. I'd checked their website, but couldn't find any employment info anymore, so I assumed they'd found who they needed. Recently, a recruiter contacted me about a Web Designer position. Turns out he's looking for a candidate for this particular company.

Guess what I'm finishing up tonight. Let's hear it for external motivation, eh?

I feel like I'm at a very tricky time. Any tiny shift of direction one way or another could make a giant impact on the next five or ten (or more) years of my life. When I think of all the seemingly insignificant things that combined to get me where I am today, I find myself wondering what I'll be wondering later on.

If Sky hadn't been bought out by Huntington... If I hadn't signed up for that aikido class... If James and I hadn't gotten to create that database... If I'd never marched senior corps... If I'd taken X job instead of waiting for Y job...

I just need to do what I can, and go with the flow. Things will fall into place if I let them.

 

Come On, Baby, Finish What You Started

I've been droning on about aikido a little too much lately, so I suppose I should write about something else already. I'm sitting here at work, with a painfully light workload, so this seems as good a time as any to write a blog entry (via e-mail to myself, of course).

Not that I have anything particularly pressing to blog about, mind you. Most of my "free" time lately has been spent job-hunting, nursing my pulled muscle, or escaping into Civilization IV.

Speaking of the job hunt: I've gone through my list, submitted my resume for those jobs I hadn't yet, followed up on past inquiries, and have started putting the finishing touches on my portfolio. I think I've got the portfolio working in all modern browsers, including Firefox 2, Opera 9, Safari for Windows, IE6 and IE7. Granted, there are a few minor display discrepancies: IE6 has an unfortunate space at the bottom of the page which activates the scroll bar, and Opera (or is it Safari?) doesn't highlight the items in my submenus. Those are minor details, though, and I can deal with the differences for now. Now, I'm going through all my featured projects and including examples and samples and links for each. I plan to have my portfolio complete by the end of next weekend.


In other news of the me, I ordered my very first Little Black Dress™ and a couple pairs of work-friendly Skechers online. I need to get myself down to Lane Bryant and spend a decent amount of money updating my wardrobe, although I feel funny either a.) shopping alone or b.) shopping with Aaron, and I don't really have any local girlfriends to shop with. What I'd really like to buy is a brown tailored pantsuit to go with my new shoes. (Wow... matching an outfit to a pair of shoes? That sounds unusually girly of me.)

Last time I really went ballistic on clothes shopping, I sorely needed a wardrobe update due to having lost, oh, fifty pounds? Now, though, I'm just tired of wearing the same crap to work all the time. Of course, I should probably hold off on buying work clothes until I get a new job and find out what the dress code is there. I'd hate to update my business casual wardrobe, just to find that I can wear Threadless shirts and jeans to work -- or, worse, that I have to go out and purchase an actual professional wardrobe, with multiple suits and accessories.


Also: Aaron and I had an in-depth conversation this weekend about my ability to finish what I start. I am absolutely notorious for starting a project, either coming to a hard part or just getting bored with it, and dropping it for the next Flavor of the Month. Websites, fiction, genealogy research, major cleaning, all have fallen prey to this habit of mine. He was particularly concerned with me finishing my portfolio website before I get involved in something else -- namely, instructing marching band for the first time. He reminded me that I don't do anything by halves -- quite like him, now that I think about it. I immerse myself in whatever new project I undertake: genealogy, candle-making, learning SQL, weight-loss, drum corps, aikido, whatever. I don't just try something or dabble in something. For this reason, I've specifically avoided starting any new projects, even though I've wanted to work on my fiction and genealogy research in the past months.

I might have to gracefully and humbly bow out of the marching band gig, even though I don't want to. I can see things that need fixing in the band, things that I might be able to help with, but I don't know if I should really be dedicating literally an entire evening a week to band, plus a good part of another evening a week to aikido.

I have some time to think it over, though, and to finish my portfolio before the next rehearsal I'm slated to attend. We'll see how things pan out.

 

Job-Hunting Update

This evening was spent evaluating the state of my job search and determining my next steps. I feel pretty happy about what I accomplished.

I decided that, first and foremost, I needed to update my log of job applications and job solicitations from recruiters. So far, the tally is nineteen total job possibilities. I still need to send in my resume (or apply online) for four of those opportunities. Five jobs on my list were brought to my attention by recruiters or HR reps. (It's a good thing I updated my Monster resume.)

Next, before I contacted the new folks or followed up with the old, I wanted to finish updating my resume. The LHH workshop was surprisingly helpful, and made me realize that my five-year-old resume was, indeed, horribly out of date, as far as current resume format is concerned. The two-page allowance saved my ass — I was always told to keep your resume to one page, no matter what. So, I'd ended up printing my resume on legal paper, which is not the most accessible of formats for everyone. At any rate, I finished tonight what I'd started last week in the workshop, writing job summaries for my RCC positions and formatting the whole thing in a way that pleases me... as much as a standard, "normal" resume can.

Next on the agenda:

1. Apply for outstanding jobs on my list
2. Schedule follow-ups with recruiters and HR reps
3. Add finishing touches to portfolio, including (but not limited to) videos, shockwave and audio files
4. Post and/or update info on other job sites
5. Search for more jobs online

I have something like 21 working days until my job is eliminated — oh, did I mention that my end date got extended a week? My betters were concerned that Huntington might need specific data from the database, or help moving it to their servers, or Buddha knows what else. So, basically, I'll be sticking around with Scott, Heather, and Ruth Ann, helping to pack boxes and put out fires and check balances and transactions on Sky's systems. But I'm OK with that — it gives me one more week to job-search, and gives me a nice, even date of October 1st to give potential employers.

Still, though... one month total to get this going on. I'm not worried, but I'm starting to feel the pinch.

 

A Quickie

I pulled my groin in aikido on Saturday, while trying to roll. I'm getting annoyed with myself for not "getting" it yet. At least my leg seems to be on the fast track, and feels like it should be healed by Wednesday's class. It really put a damper on the weekend's other extra-curriculars, though.

This week, Monday through Thursday afternoons, I'm attending an outplacement workshop paid for by Sky/Huntington. I was dubious about its actual value, but it actually seems like it's going to be helpful. Among some of the highlights will be resume-crafting, networking and job-searching, and negotiating a job offer. I'm actually looking forward to some of this... plus, it gets me out of the office for half a day.

Rob has requested another manly candle, to be picked up this week. In looking at my records, I realize I haven't made any candles since February (which was the last time Rob requested a manly candle). Candle-making is definitely a seasonal thing for me, being that I don't like to have the oven on in the summer, and my timing mojo gets thrown off if I melt candle wax in the microwave instead. Maybe I'll have to ramp up the seasonal candle-making a little earlier this year, and be sure to give everyone at work a going-away candle with my name and URL on it. :-)

Update, 11:45pm: Rob's candle came out well. I used a blow dryer to even out the surface — I should have tried that long ago.

In other news, bumping up the difficulty in Civilization IV really makes a difference: from me beating all the computer players in Chieftain mode to me getting my ass kicked and barely making it to the end of the game with one city intact in Warlord mode. If it weren't almost midnight (and if I weren't gainfully employed and due at work at 8am), I'd start another game.

 

Job App Tally

Jobs applied for: 9
Responses received: 3
Contract jobs in hire process: 1

Basically, I'm still officially in the running for a position I applied for back in early May; another company that seemed promising in early May is due for a prodding; and I did get an offer of a part-time contract job back in late June, although I haven't yet been called in for a contract-signing.

This is the most important thing right now: finding a job. Granted, I have potential severance and retention money coming in September... but I'd rather not have to use it for actual survival in the midst of unemployment.

No worries. No stress (yet). It's just time to pour it on, and get ready to jump onto the merry-go-round.

(No, I have no idea what that metaphor really alludes to. It just sounded good in my head.)

 

Interview Results

Long Story Short: I now have a potentially steady stream of part-time web development contract work. I do not yet have a new full-time job.

The Rest Of The Story: It appears that I passed the "task" with flying colors, and went above what the other two or three potential coders had accomplished. Yay for being anal about cross-browser compatibility. I also apparently finished the task faster than the others. According to the seemingly-older (read: my age) partner who totally took charge of the interview, I will get paid for my ten hours of work. How much? That remains to be seen.

I had an entire page of questions ready to ask them, but was stopped short when I realized that this would be a contract job, part-time, max of 20 hours a week, working from home. All my questions about benefits, family leave, PTO, company stability, all went out the window once this became a nice side gig. Granted, it *is* a nice side gig... but I still have to do some follow-ups regarding other possible full-time positions.

(When I do secure a new full-time job, I may request that they withhold extra taxes, too, since my new contract gig won't be withholding for me.)

If I were a college student and landed this gig, it would be the best thing EVAR. Experience and money doing what I want, and just in my free time! Hell, I probably could have done it during my time working in the computer lab, and no one would have been the wiser. Alas, now I have to pay bills and mortgage and whatnot, and I have not such luxuries with my time and livelihood.

So... more time to maybe hang out at Sky and get my August 10th incentive pay and maybe my September 21st severance. The stress is just a little lessened now, but not entirely gone. I'm not entirely sure how this contract gig will pan out in the long run. I'm hoping for the best, and am still genuinely excited to be a part of this growing and evolving company, but I can't guarantee that they can give me what I need to pay the bills.

 

A Thought About The Internet Today

Never before have I been able to prepare for an interview by studying my potential employer's MySpace page. I'm going to be interviewed by people who were graduating high school two years AFTER I graduated college. Yes, these guys were learning to drive while I was getting my bachelor's degree. And they're hearty beerpong enthusiasts.

o.O

I'd never even HEARD of beerpong before I started looking at this company. No, I'm not much of a partier; thanks for pointing that out. My cubemate James explained it all to me, though, so I don't need a primer on beerpong.

Beerpong aside, I'm keeping an open mind about this company. They do good work. They're living the dream. Effin' A. If I can join in, get in at the ground floor, be part of something big (and help them with their typography)... I'm all for it. If they're cool, I'm cool. I'm still young and hip, right...?

Right?

 

Accomplishment

"Task" for potential employer: done.
Time to complete: 10.5 hours.

I've never coded someone else's website layout before. I liked it. Could be that my calling is strictly as a web developer, not a designer. That, plus I'm a grammar nazi. When I'm plugging in content, I *have* to correct comma splices and misspellings. Web copy editor, anyone?

Now, it's time to focus on following up with other companies to whom I've submitted a resume online. I am armed with legal-size paper and a full clip of determination.

I have three months to land a job in my field. Granted, if I don't, I get to take home a decent chunk of severance pay... but it's not worth it to waste job-hunting time and possibly miss the job for me, just to stick around and get my severance. You know?

 

Putting Out Feelers

While my portfolio is still not quite finished, I have put up a passable temporary placeholder, and have now sent out three resumes. One was to a friend's former employer (they say it's not what you know, but WHO you know), one was a classified ad brought to my attention by a co-worker, and one was an ad I found on my own in the local paper (well, on their website, anyway).

I still have a really hard time "selling" myself as being THE employee a given employer should hire. I've been playing up my quick learning and adaptation skills, and my versatility — need a designer with programming background, or a quick-learning programmer with design skills?

But, still. I'm no rockstar, no matter what my husband says. I can't let on to potential employers, though.

I'll find something better than banking. I'm sure of it. It may not be the ideal job, but it'll be invaluable experience, and it'll use the part of my brain that makes me happy and fulfilled. I got to do that for six months, while James and I were actively developing our database, and I'd never been happier about going to work.

Of course, I'm *hoping* for the ideal job. That would be pretty keen.

...

Dammit, I *am* a rockstar! Look at all this shit I can do, and without even a CS degree. Really! That database James and I made is pretty posh for Access, considering how much of it we Googled along the way. I can do this. I can hang with the rockstars. I rule!

Toy store!!!

 

Spring Fever

Here I sit, manning the reception desk at work, watching the gorgeous weather outside, wishing I could be out there. I'm all caught up on the work I needed to get done by week's end, and now I'm just helping out the rest of the department and stalling until it's time to go home… without being too obvious about it. Not that there's much of anyone to bust me for slacking; this place is dead today. Anyone with any sense must have decided to play hookey and go golfing.

Of course, now that I have some time to blog, I can't really think of anything I'd wanted to say. Figures.

 

Stress In Its Various Forms

Had I sat down to blog about eight or nine hours ago, I would have written quite the vitriolic entry about my day job. You might have gotten to read more than you wanted to know about the inner workings of my department, and how far behind we are in our work, and our staffing issues. You might also have learned a little more about the fact that my employer is choosing not to let us know yet which branches and departments are staying and which are going, and how this is making the entire department quite pissed, although we're still just assuming that we're toast.

Even though I spent the entire first half of my workday being lethargic and not caring about my job, I kicked a whole lotta ass in the second half, got a shitload of work done, all while zoning out with the iPod, and that improved my mood. The drive home with the window down only added to the upswing.

The next bend in the stress rollercoaster came when I read my e-mail and discovered that a contracting deadline had been moved up from what I had originally been told. My initial plan had been to spend a couple hours working on the project tonight, and a couple hours here and there next week, since the proof didn't have to be in until April 2nd. Try again — my revised timeline gave the ultimate to-the-printers date of March 27th... which meant that I spent 3½ hours on the project tonight instead of only two, and got the bulk of it done (I think). The director (the person who recruited me for the job) even went as far as to ask my main contact if the two of them should work tomorrow on finishing what I started. We'll see what they decide.

I feel like I keep dropping the ball in so many different ways with this contracting gig. They keep giving me assignments, though, so either I'm doing better than I think I am, or they *really* need warm bodies. I'm voting for the latter.

Time to ramp things back up. I have a website to finish redesigning, and accompanying flyers and business cards to update, on top of getting my own resume and portfolio in primo condition. I am *so* going to snag myself a better job, and soon. I plan to at least have some prospects lined up, if not interviews and/or job offers, by the time I head out to Japan.

More rock, less talk.

 

Freelancing Update

Looks like the HR issues I was having with my contracting job may have been ironed out. I wasn't able to connect with the contact person to do the training on how to use the online timeclock, but she had sent me the Word file that explained the process. I had thought that a phone conference with this person was a requirement... but it seems that I am able to log in and record my hours, so that issue may be resolved.

This is good, since I finished a four-hour project this past Wednesday and have already been presented with another, more involved but similar project due by next Thursday.

My main contact there said that they could potentially give me enough work for a 40-hour week, but also mentioned that the summer months are the slow season for their firm. I'm not comfortable with the idea of relying on freelance and contract work to keep me financially afloat, even with a relatively steady inflow of work from this particular firm. Like I've said before: if it were just me, I might be more inclined to take the plunge. But I'm beyond the carefree "oh shit how do I buy food this week" days of my youth, and I can't afford to jeopardize my half of the mortgage and car and insurance payments, or my student loans and credit cards and whatnot. That narrow window of financial spontaneity has officially closed, and I now crave stability.

I also have new comps due to my freelance client by Monday. They happened to choose the design I liked the least, but because its main features (rounded corners) matched some of their previous marketing materials. Once I had a copy of their existing flyer to give me ideas, and vector versions of the logo and logotype, along with their ideas on what they wanted to incorporate into the new comps from the old, I felt much more prepared to give them what they wanted.

It's shaping up to be another working weekend of sorts. As long as I'm getting paid, though, I'm OK with it.

 

Things Are About To Get Interesting

Had a call with my freelance client during my day off today. Discussed time frames, design ideas, web presence goals, and so forth. Realized after the fact that better pre-phone-call notes are in order for my next client, as well as actual signed paperwork, rather than just a verbal agreement. Might have been a little optimistic on my timeframe for ultimate delivery. Let's just say that the next five to seven weeks are going to be devoted to this project as much as possible.

Enter the higher-paying freelance gig. I'm apparently getting training in the structure of their interface tomorrow evening, via the magic of the internet and conference calling. That very likely means that the dude has a project ready and waiting for me to tackle. These projects are estimated to take 16 hours to complete, which will basically be one week of evenings.

Add to that about one evening a week of juggling eBay postings, and I'm going to be one busy bee right shortly.

At least I gave the other freelance client an "assuming life doesn't drop stuff on my head" clause.

Must not bow to the temptation to shirk exercise in favor of working on web stuff. Need to continue taking care of myself, despite all else.

P.S. - Did I mention that we've lost another team member at work, and will be losing another this Friday? Makes the workplace a lot more jumpin', too.

 

Out of the Woodwork

A "normal" freelance web designer wouldn't exactly call three gigs "a lot," but it's a lot for me. None are totally off the ground yet, but all are promising, even if not from a monetary standpoint.

Number one is the fellow podcaster who's having me do time-consuming but relatively menial work for a good wage. He's been snowed under by work lately (not literally like we have in Ohio, though), and hasn't been able to reschedule my "training session." I bugged him this evening via Google Chat, and we're going to try to make it work for tomorrow or Monday evening. We'll see how that works out.

Number two is the Frontpage website, referred by my corps buddy. I did some research on his nonworking .asf files, and it looks like he was using deprecated tags that the new IE7 no longer supports. Tonight, I e-mailed him some alternate code and a very reasonable quote (IMHO) for a new website, including three design comps and free minor tweaks after the design process is complete.

Number three is a new prospect. A new/reforming senior corps is researching other corps' websites, and I basically got a fan letter regarding how the LSM site was designed. The representative of the new corps likes the lack of pop-up and pop-under advertising, the clean look, and the design concept in general. I e-mailed him this evening and gave him the name of our forum software and its server requirements, a run-down of the features of the LSM website, and an offer to assist him with his website research and the design of their new site, no charge. (I can't bring myself to charge a non-profit. I know corps have severely limited budgets, and they're gonna need to spend money on webhosting already.)

Add these to my drive and determination to get my portfolio done, and I'm one bad mutha.

.
.
.

Don't laugh. That's not nice. I'm trying to boost my self-esteem here.

 

Snow Day!

In the nearly five years I've worked for Sky, I don't think I have ever had a snow day. An official one, anyway.

Last night, I called work to let them know that I would be under a two-hour delay, and would be in at 10am, barring any further weather developments. This morning, my supervisor called to let me know that Lucas County is under a Level 3 snow advisory, and that Sky is closed — for the morning, anyway. I'm supposed to confirm with our Status Line between now and noon to see whether things have changed, although it looks like we're still under a Level 3.

I haven't seen drifts like this in years. A plow came down our street yesterday evening; this morning, you wouldn't even be able to tell there was a road there if you didn't know (and if the mailboxes didn't tip you off). The mail didn't show up yesterday until 5:30pm, and the substitute mail chick nearly got her mail truck stuck two houses down from us.

If the Status Line says we're opening for the afternoon, I'm going to call in and use a half day of personal time. Screw that. I don't even know if the snow emergency will have abated by the time Aaron has to go in to work tonight. I'm glad he stayed home last night; I wasn't comfortable with letting him go out with the roads the way they were yesterday.

Being that I'm officially allowed to be home from work... this isn't bad. Once I have to start driving in it again, though, I'm going to lose my Talcott-ish love for the snow and go back to being my typical, winter-hating self.

 

Personal Improvement

I'm glad that I've finally reached a point in my life where I can summon some anger and determination to excel, where in years past I would have sunk into depression and given up for the time being. This is a step in the right direction.

I'm going to go start working on this now, while I have candles brewing upstairs, preparing to earn a big ol' twelve bucks for me tomorrow at work. Yee-haw.

When I'm not working on either of those things, I'll be visiting Cameron Moll's site for sources of inspiration influence.

I'm still so fucking fragile. At least I'm dealing with it in the proper manner now.

Update, 8:45pm: The SQL database backend of my new portfolio site is complete, apart from detailed descriptions of my work. I will now use all of my willpower to make it work *before* I make it pretty.

Update, 9:30pm: I've got a nice While loop happening now, and I've managed to make a dynamic (but unlovely) list of the work I plan to showcase in my updated portfolio. Unfortunately, I completely forgot about my candle wax melting upstairs; fortunately, it wasn't at a critical point where forgetting about it was a Bad Thing™.

 

More Freelance Work?

Got an e-mail from an LSM drumcorps buddy today — it seems that he has a friend who owns his own business works for a small business, who has designed his own website in Frontpage, and this page now needs an overhaul. My LSM cohort was kind enough to act as a liaison and suggest my services to him.

I've tried this before, and I crashed and burned...

read more...

 

Oh No You Didn't

I think I just got stood up for the one-hour training session for my contract job.

We were tentatively scheduled to have a web meeting at 7pm Central. I never heard otherwise, so I was waiting at my computer with my phone by my side at 8pm Eastern. It's now 9pm Eastern, and even accounting for confusion between timezones, it doesn't look like this meeting is going to happen today.

I didn't want to get myself engrossed in anything important, then have to interrupt myself for something more important, so I've been websurfing at my desk for the last hour-plus. Not that that's entirely a bad thing, but I did have things I wanted to take care of. Like a cardio workout, or cleaning my desk, or podcasting, or administering the LSM forums.

I'm feeling a little put out... but not entirely, because he did say he'd have to consult with one of his coworkers and get back with me for a confirmation, which I never got. Maybe the conference they're running is a little crazier than they banked on. I'm not really that upset or anything. It's all good.

I'm going to sit here for another 20 minutes or so, just to be sure, then I'm going to e-mail my contact person and go take a shower. I'm unusually sleepy for 9pm on a Tuesday.

Update, Wednesday evening: Looks like my contact got caught up in putting out fires at the event he's manning this week. He apologized in response to my e-mail and said he's going to get with his co-worker and see when we can reschedule. I can certainly relate to getting caught up in taking care of business, so no biggie.

If I feel comfortable quoting a website makeover, I may have even more freelance work on the horizon... I've gotta just jump in and give it a go. The worst thing that can happen is that I screw something up and/or don't get paid, and either case will be a learning experience.

 

Positive Attitudes Change Everything

I've never thought of myself as a positive person. I *have* been known to have my head in the clouds, to be detached from reality, or to be overly optimistic about my chances of attaining a particular goal — usually monetary or career-oriented, like raising $5000 to go on a choir trip to Europe during high school, or getting a totally kick-ass job right out of college. But no one could accuse me of having a generally positive attitude.

That said, I've been noticing that a lot of people around me have been particularly negative lately. Sure, Aaron and I don't seem to have very many friends who hang out with us anymore. Sure, my job is most likely history by July. But I don't need to wallow in it all. I need to find alternatives.

I keep telling myself (and anyone else who will listen) that this recent turn of events with my job will probably end up being one of the best things to happen to me, once I look back on it in about three years. The key is getting past the awkwardness of the moment, getting past this whole woe-is-me crap, and jumping into the fray feet-first and running.

Not to say that I'm going to bail as soon as I find an alternate employer who will offer me a job. No, I plan to do some research, take my time, get all my proverbial ducks in a row, make sure my portfolio isn't something I'd be embarrassed for my ideal employer to see, retool my resume, all the normal job-hunting accoutrements.

That said... and please indulge me while I shift gears... I *hate* job hunting.

It reminds me that I'm not as good as I want to be. It reminds me that there are so many other people out there that are so much better at what I'm supposed to be good at. It reminds me that my self-esteem has never been the most stable thing around. It reminds me that I haven't fully developed my own unique style of design (although I may finally almost have a photographic style of my own). It reminds me that I'd wanted to work out of the home once upon a time, but have since realized that a home business is more trouble and more instability than it might be worth.

*deep breath*

I can market myself to these people. I can make myself look appealing without stretching the truth (too much). I can code SQL and PHP and VBA and javascript and HTML/XHTML. I can find a typo a mile away. I can make a visually appealing interface. If my Typography professor is to be believed, I can even do decent layout.

So why am I so hard on myself?

 

My Inner Luddite

For three days, count 'em, THREE days, I didn't turn on my computer. Not Saturday, not Christmas Eve, and not Christmas Day. This evening, I decided I really should at least check my e-mail, but I didn't particularly want to. I would have been content to sit in the living room reading magazines and books and munching on leftover Christmas sweets.

In other news, literally half of my department is on vacation during this, our busiest week of the year. Thanks, Ms. Supervisor, for authorizing all those vacations. Friday is going to suuuuuuck.

 

Dealing With The Unexpected

Work today was interesting. The entire department seemed shell-shocked at the news that our jobs will likely be eliminated by the 3rd quarter of 2007. Still, there was work to be done, and we did it... for the most part.

We all soaked up every bit of information we could get about the merger, which wasn't much beyond the press releases. This afternoon's conference call promised "substantial severance packages" as compensation for those of us whose jobs will be absorbed into Huntington. We're all guessing that it should be two weeks' pay for every year of employment, but no one official has told us for sure. I'm curious as to what the severance will be, and when we'll be eligible to receive it. Timing is everything, especially when a new job is in the mix.

For now, though, I'm not going to sit back and wait. I'm in the process of revitalizing my portfolio site, in preparation for a massive jobhunt. I plan to crank out one comp per night, for as long as I can come up with fresh ideas. I want to have my new site up and running by the last week of February, at the latest — new stylesheets, fresh design (with similar colors and branding as before), and content served via MySQL and PHP instead of static HTML. May as well flaunt my skillz, after all.

Aaron reminds me that, although it may not be at the top of my list, I have gained some experience in the world of loan operations. If it comes down to it, there may be other financial operations centers in the area that could use someone with knowledge of calculating interest and modifying loan terms. If it means a stable paycheck and staying out of customer service, I'm all for it. After exhausting my initial employment ideas, of course.

Thread is still hiring Interactive Designers. I don't have high hopes, but I'll submit my resume once I have it properly honed.

[edit: Hart Associates is hiring Web Designers, too — the only thing I lack is "a full understanding of the .NET / Windows Server environment." Maybe I can fake that with a little online research.]

 

Huntington Bancshares and Sky Financial Group Announce Merger Agreement

COLUMBUS and BOWLING GREEN, Ohio - Huntington Bancshares Incorporated (NASDAQ: HBAN) and Sky Financial Group Inc. (NASDAQ:SKYF) today announced the signing of a definitive agreement to merge the two companies in a stock (90%) and cash (10%) transaction valued at approximately $3.6 billion.

read more...

To this, I say: shit.

This necessitates some unanticipated future planning on my part...

read more...

 

Lethargy and Employment Status

I don't give a crap lately. I'm not motivated to do much of anything. I can't get excited about recording my podcast, or exercising, or harvesting and storing my meager herb supply, or getting up in the morning and getting to work on time.

I think it's because of my job.

Remember back when I was all stoked because James and I were getting a promotion, and would be working on the Loan Servicing databases all the time? Well, although we did finally get a raise (though our title change still hasn't gone into effect), our joy was short-lived. Just about the time we were halfway done with our second database (of four), the shit hit the fan in my department. Our long-time supervisor took a new position, one person went on maternity leave, then two people got different jobs within the bank and one left to pursue her medical career. That left us painfully understaffed. So, James and I agreed to go back to doing normal Loan Corrections work.

New hires were scarce. One new hire decided she changed her mind and wanted to go back to her old department. One other person left the team for a different position within the bank. Meanwhile, James and I were plodding away, Taking One For The Team™. It's been five and a half weeks now, with two and a half weeks to go. I'm counting the days, and hoping the new hires we have now train quickly and well.

I know Aaron says, "Your job doesn't define who you are," but going from a cool problem-solving gig back to less-challenging loan corrections has been surprisingly depressing. When I was developing databases, I broke my tardiness habit, just from being excited to tackle a new challenge every day. Lately, though, I've been coming late by 10 or 15 minutes, and just taking a shorter lunch to compensate. I've also been much less productive than I could be, and not just because I'm having to relearn how to do loan corrections after six months away from them.

What makes things worse for me is that our original database needs some serious TLC. The main table is currently holding upwards of 70,000 records, and that's slowing down several processes considerably. We need to archive some of the older records, to speed up the most-used functions of the database, but that's not going to happen for almost a month yet. Part of me wants to let it go to shit and show everyone how necessary we are — but part of me knows we'll have to fix it eventually, anyway, and if we don't do it fast, it'll just reflect poorly on us.

I'm chomping at the bit to get back to the job by which I was just beginning to define myself. I'm not a web designer; I'm not a photographer; I haven't been a musician for years, nor an artist; if I'm not an Access database developer, then damned if I know who or what I am.

But that's another entry for another day.

 

So Long, Rob...

Well, it had to happen someday. Rob, of RCC Special Projects fame, finally got another job. Now he'll get to drive up to Corporate in Toledo every weekday morning, wearing a shirt and tie, and do something fancy with government lending.

In tribute, I made sure the following photos were circulated around work today:

Clockwise, from upper left: Rob playing hookey on St. Paddy's Day 2006; Rob wearing his Long John Silver's hat, January 2005; Rob with hockey great Steve Yzerman, Oct/Nov 2005; and Rob eating a piece of shortcake in one bite, July 2005.

I'm not knocking the remaining members of my department... but it's going to be a lot less festive without Rob there. There are a very few people I feel I can really be myself around — the REAL me, not the fake chatty work me — and he's one of those few. Honestly, I don't understand why REAL chicks (read: intelligent, witty, cool, non-fluffs) aren't beating down his door. Except for maybe his over-the-top cheesy phone voice. ;-)

We had a going-away potluck today, and I insisted on taking more pictures of Rob than he would have liked. So, to share with the entire internets:

Rob ended up bequeathing me one of his umbrellas (because I always borrow it when I walk over lunch) and his Long John Silver's hat (presumably because he already has two at home, but mainly because of the above photo from 2005). Note that the hat not only looks stylish on me, but also now has a hallowed spot on my cubicle wall.

Without getting all mushy and shit... damn, work is really starting to suck on the interpersonal front. If James and Heather quit, that'll do it for me. I'll fucking quit and have a kid and do freelance work or something from home.

 

Rambly Job Rant

The story thus far: James and I have been developing and administering Access databases for Loan Servicing for about six months now. Over a month ago, we had thought our "promotion" was finalized — a step up from Associate Operations II to Senior Operations Associate, with a very slim chance of a pay increase. Still nothing.

Tomorrow, Loan Corrections is having a pizza party / potluck for three members of our department who are moving to different jobs. After already having one person move to Cleveland and having one currently on maternity leave, this shorts our manpower by an insane amount. So, James and I have been instructed by management to take on normal Loan Corrections tasks effective Monday and continuing through September, until the department is fully staffed again. We're literally in the middle of implementing one department's database, and are having to leave it half-finished as we go back to completing loan changes and double-checking others' work for four weeks.

We're willing to Take One For The Team. We can't say we're happy about it, but we'll do it.

We've made it clear to our new supervisor that we want to stay with Sky long-term, but that we currently feel as if management is coming close to taking undue advantage of our "value-added" to the department. I can appreciate management wanting to use the resources at their disposal (namely, James and myself), but there comes a point when using becomes USING. According to my online research, as a database admin — or even as an entry-level programmer — I should be making literally TWICE the amount I currently pull in. At least.

James needs the cash more than I do. I don't really need the cash. We're not hurting for money, although it can never hurt to save for future expenses (mainly kid-related... or travel-related). And I'm sure that, once we have kids, our expenses will skyrocket OMG.

I'm kind of torn about how I feel about getting slighted on this. I mean, I enjoy what I'm doing. I'm getting awesome experience. I'm using my brain. I'm applying my new coding knowledge to other aspects of my life, like the Lakeshoremen website. But...

I don't know what it is that would make me satisfied. I'm getting to do what I want, for the most part. Now I want to get paid properly for what I do. Once I get paid more, am I going to think I deserve an actual office (shared with James, of course)? Our own department? A third database helper? And why will I never be satisfied with the fact that I managed to get a decent gig from just coasting along at my stupid bank job and crossing paths with an awesome opportunity, rather than seeking out an opportunity on my own? Is this a problem of self-worth and self-confidence, or just me continually bitching?

Sometimes I think I'm just wired for low self-esteem. I don't understand why I can't let myself be a kickass [insert hobby/job here], and just leave it at that.

 

The Latest From Work

At the risk of getting Dooced, let me say this:

Two departments in my building got new supervisors today. One new supervisor introduced herself to all her employees, shook their hands, learned their names, and was generally cordial by all accounts. The other supervisor spent the day moving into her new office, sitting alone in said office, and being unresponsive to e-mails.

Guess which one was mine.

She's had a busy day, so I'm willing to cut her a little slack. If she doesn't a.) hold a department-wide meeting or b.) at least reply to my pleasant "welcome to the department can we have a meeting about the database at your convenience" e-mail, only then will I start to become truly hesitant about this new supervisor.

 

Back To Work

Been back from vacation for a day and a half now. Having trouble concentrating this morning. Good excuse to blog.

Lots of weirdness happened at work while I was gone. Our supervisor had already told us that he was leaving the department, so that was no surprise. His replacement was announced in my absence, though, and was met with lukewarm enthusiasm at best. His successor is a supervisor from another department, which left that department with a supervisory vacancy. In turn, yet another supervisor from another department — the department for which James and I are currently developing a new tracking database — is moving to fill *that* vacancy. Which leaves the department with which we've been working currently in limbo. So, the supervisors are having a nice little Chinese Fire Drill, people are leaving their respective departments like rats from a sinking ship, and James and I are a bit dazed.

The timing of the announcement was impeccable, too, being that I was on vacation last week and James is on vacation this week. So, he was pretty much flying solo last week, apart from us trading a few update emails, and I'm flying solo this week. These two weeks are enough to confirm our suspicion that this job really does require two people. It could be that we've just grown used to bouncing ideas off of one another, or it could be a function of my struggling confidence level, but I hesitate to make any drastic changes or embark on any new projects without confirming with James first.

That said, I should probably try to focus and make some headway on something.

 

Fragile

It's really pathetic on some level that I can allow one person's morning outburst to ruin my mood for the rest of the day.

So one person in my department isn't satisfied with the database that James and I have created. So she can be blunt sometimes. That's no reason for me to let myself get all funky and depressed.

I swung from pissed to defeated to ambivalent and back all day long. Now I'm just vaguely frustrated and generally depressed. Her comments about the inefficiency and stupidity of the database we've worked so hard to create really affected me. James, too.

I'd already resigned myself to the fact that this is essentially a special project, not a promotion of any kind. Once we're done whoring ourselves out to all the other departments — say, around Christmastime — I'm sure we'll be restored to our old responsibilities, and still have to manage to find time to fix the databases when they go awry.

I've been watching TV all evening, which is very uncharacteristic of me. It's a good thing we don't have any sweets in the house, or they'd be gone by now. (I'm still trying to think up something creative that doesn't require baking.) This is yet another case of something small and stupid setting me off into a general depression that no longer has anything to do with the initial cause.

I feel so fragile and unstable sometimes.

 

Database Wrapup

Tomorrow's going to be a mighty early morning. James and I are getting to work at 7:30am — half an hour early for me, a whole hour early for him — to put the finishing touches on the Loan Corrections database.

It's been nearly three months that we've been working on this database, and it's finally reached completion. For now. The next step is developing databases for other departments within the Loan Servicing umbrella. We have meetings scheduled with two out of three supervisors: one on Friday, one on Monday. After our preliminary meetings, we write synopses/proposals for each department's potential database and submit them to our supervisor, who will then submit them to his supervisor, who will then decide which department gets first dibs on us.

We haven't been promoted, per se, and we haven't gotten a change in pay or job description. We have been removed from the main brunt of Loan Corrections duties indefinitely, though, and are getting beaucoup experience. If they don't change our MRs (Major Responsibilities), we can just leave. By the time these other databases are complete (and after I've safely taken maternity leave sometime next year), we will have amassed enough experience to get a better job elsewhere. Then Loan Servicing will have a bunch of databases with no administrator, and Application Services will have to support even more products made by "rogue programmers" (their words).

That said... I probably shouldn't have indulged in that 90-minute nap today. It's going to be a challenge to go to bed early enough to wake up at the buttcrack of dawn tomorrow.

 

Revealing The Mystery

During the past couple of months, I've alluded to a new job function I've managed to acquire at work, but I haven't gone into detail. Now that I've been doing it for nine weeks, though, I think I'm good to let the cat out of the bag. It's really not much of a bag, to tell the truth, but I've been hesitant to jinx myself. :-)

It all started when our boss, Eric, was looking for someone to "volunteer" to do 1098 duty for tax season. See, people get statements of how much interest they've paid on their qualifying loans (usually mortgages), so they can claim it as a deduction. The job of sending duplicates and making corrections to these tax forms is big enough that two people need to be taken out of the normal job rotation to handle it.

I almost got volunteered (by my boss) to do 1098s, but he decided to sleep on it, and ended up choosing someone else for the job. (*whew*) While my boss was giving me the news, Scott (our trainer and my cubemate at the time) mentioned that, if Eric wanted to put me on something different, I knew how to program databases.

Flashback to a couple weeks prior. Some people from Application Services (the people who do most of the techie programming stuff) came to check out our workflow, and were absolutely aghast that we were logging in all of our requests for loan changes (our department's main function) in Excel. We were getting probably 200-300 requests a day, by email, fax, interoffice mail, and postal mail, and every one of them got logged into Excel, as proof that we received the request. Application Services suggested to our boss that we should be using a real database, like Access — a suggestion that a few team members had repeatedly made in the past, but one that now seemed like a really good idea, since bonafide codeheads suggested it.

Back to me and my boss in my cube, and Scott "outing" me as a geek. It didn't take Eric long to ask if I wanted to work on the Access database, and it took even less time for me to agree to it. My co-worker buddy, James, had already started on a database a few months before, on his own, and with Eric's permission. I told him what was up, and asked if I could use the basic database as a jumping-off point. He agreed, and I agreed that this was *our* project, especially since he'd started on it first, and since he knew Access much better than I.

(Funny story: Scott later said that he was in Eric's office after our cube meeting, and Eric said to him in a scandalous whisper, "I didn't know Diana was a geek!" Neither of them were sure whether it was something I was comfortable with, apparently. Being called a geek, I mean. I assured them both later that I'm quite secure in my geekiness.)

So, for two weeks, I did my normal job and worked on the database. Luckily, my spot in the rotation for those two weeks was boring and simple and I got done with it by Tuesday or Wednesday both weeks. By the end of those two weeks, James and I had laid out the structure of the database, gotten most of the forms working, and started thinking about what kinds of reporting we'd need to do. We weren't comfortable with it "going live" yet, though. Not nearly. I told Eric so when he popped his head into my cubicle and asked if it would be ready for April.

Of course, when he told us that we could both get off the rotation to work on the database only, we compromised and agreed to have the data entry portion ready to go in one week, by Monday, April 3rd. We've been off the rotation ever since.

I've gone from never having used Access in a real database situation (CS 100 doesn't count) to learning how to build union queries and establish relationships and implement multiple tables with foreign keys and enable referential integrity and all sorts of geekery that I had no idea how to do two months ago. (Actually, some of it I could have done in FileMaker Pro for Macintosh about six or seven years ago.)

As soon as we get our department's log stable and "finished" (as much as we'll ever believe it to be), we're going to be pressed into service for other departments who could use similar tracking databases. James and I have been agonizing over this, because neither of us get paid enough to be a Database Administrator, or even a programmer. This project we're doing because we enjoy using our brains and skills and getting paid for it. Any other projects would be moving into the realm of potentially being taken advantage of by management.

We talked to Eric today, and laid it out for him (nicely). We basically let him know that, if we're going to be creating databases for other departments, it wouldn't be fair for us to still be taking up space in his department, but not doing any actual loan corrections work. We told him that we want to have our job descriptions changed before we do work for any other departments, and that a change in pay grade would be mighty nice, too. We didn't have to be total dicks for him to get the point, which is good. He says he's going to go to his boss and see what her thoughts are regarding our positions.

It's really hard to stick to our guns when it comes to compensation, especially when we're both still stoked to be off the job rotation. We're waiting for someone to pinch us and wake us up, or for the other shoe to fall, or for some other dramatic cliche to happen.

At any rate, that's what I've been doing for the past two months. And it makes going back to PHP/MySQL both easier and harder in different ways. (Not IsNull() doesn't work so well in PHP, but leaving out the Then in my VB If-Then statements doesn't work so well, either. For the geeks out there.)

For once, I'm sated.

 

Geekery, Continued

Everything just seemed to fall into place.

We had talked to our department's trainer, and asked him if he thought we should train everyone on what we had of the database so far, or whether we should wait until the database is complete — god only knows when that will be. The trainer agreed that we should train our department ASAP, and fill them in on any additional updates as necessary.

We worked on borrowing a projector and a laptop, and making sure one of the nearby conference rooms had network access. Then, a supervisor from an IT-based department upstairs said that we could just use their training room, already equipped with a projector and laptop and room for eight people — exactly big enough to train half of our department at a crack. We booked the room for a week and a half in the future.

We continued to work on getting reports and statistics-gathering forms functional in the development copy (aka the test database). We met with our supervisor after he returned from vacation earlier this week, and got his reactions to the database and the reports we'd created for him. He gave us some suggestions for tweaking the reports, but said that we could go ahead with implementing the statistics-gathering from team members. Month-end is tomorrow, so the new method of gathering stats in the database would be implemented effective Monday. Just in time for training.

Everything was ready to import into the live database yesterday afternoon, and we did our update at 4:30pm yesterday. The import had only one minor glitch in one report, due to some previously-entered data that invalidated the referential integrity we'd set up between tables. We came in early this morning to fix the problem, rather than staying late yesterday. After correcting the data in the main log table, everything was fine. The database was essentially complete. Again, just in time for training.

Our first training session was at 9:30am today. I stood at the front and did the public speaking, while James sat at the laptop and did the demonstrating. Other supervisors in the loan area were invited to attend one of the two sessions, so that they might be able to see whether an Access database might benefit their department. One supervisor was in attendance for the first training session, and our own supervisor popped in for the first half of that session, making a full house.

The first session took just over an hour, including questions. That was a little longer than we'd counted on, as we'd scheduled the second session to start at 10:30am.

The second session actually ended up starting at 10:45am, and one more supervisor was in attendance, in addition to the supervisor of all Loan Servicing departments. (No pressure.) Our supervisor came in for the second part of the session this time. This session took almost exactly an hour.

Overall, we did well on our two scheduled training sessions... but we weren't done yet. Two team members who process payoff checks had asked if they could wait until 3:30pm to train, since the end of the month is a busy time for them. We agreed, and ended up having four people in an afternoon session: the two payoff ladies, one supervisor from yet another department, and one team member who had gotten caught in a 45-minute phone call during the 10:30 session and hadn't been able to attend. That session was a little awkward, being that there was such a small but diverse audience, but it seemed to be well-received nonetheless.

We didn't get much actual work done on the database today — combined a couple reports into one (thank jebus for union queries) and started working on calculations for another report — but, overall, considering all the training we did, I think we had a productive day.

The next potentially stressful issue? How to tell our supervisor that we want a change in job description before we work on databases for other departments. Neither myself nor James are terribly good at standing up for ourselves... but we need to stand firm. It would be easy for The Man to take advantage of our apparently rare and valuable skills. If they had to hire new people to replace us, though, any self-respecting Access database programmer or administrator would scoff at our current wage.

I hate being a self-serving jerk. Our boss is cool, though, so I think we should be able to get our point across in a non-threatening and un-jerk-like manner. We'll see.

Even if I do remain a mere Operations Associate... I love being able to do what I enjoy at work. This is why I went to college. I'm glad I wasn't just chasing rainbows.

 

Twinkie-misu, Year #2

Work was surprisingly pleasant today, really. No one felt like being terribly productive, so we were all chatty and friendly and social instead of being isolated and, well, productive. And the boss was on vacation this week, so he wasn't around to scatter us back to work, like he tends to do. That always makes for an enjoyable Friday.

Also, I guess I inadvertently advertised my birthday at this week's department meeting. Usually, our department holds a monthly potluck in celebration of all the birthdays in that month. I haven't been participating lately, though, due to my diet, and I had assumed that the person who usually organizes the potlucks had taken notice of that, and was intentionally skipping April for my benefit. At the department meeting, though, she said that she's organizing a building-wide potluck for Relay For Life instead. I piped up and mentioned that I'd thought maybe it was because I was the only April birthday. :-)

So, today, a few people came into my cube bearing chips and salsa and cheese dip and 2-liters of pop — oh, yeah, and an African violet. (Very pretty pale silky flowers, BTW, in contrast to my dark velvety-flowered one at home.) On top of that, Scott made Twinkie tiramisu for my birthday, for a second year in a row. Mmm, so good!

Of course, since my cube was where the food was, everybody in the department (almost) made it into my corner of the world for some chatter. I learned some interesting facts about my co-workers and their backgrounds, and got more comfortable with some of them that I don't usually talk with. That made for an unusually talkative day for me, and a very relaxing day-before-my-birthday at work.

I ended up bringing a good deal of Twinkie-misu home with me, with Scott's blessing, and even brought home the rest of the chips and dips for good measure. Twinkie-misu gets me so high... Twinkies (soaked in espresso) and coffee ice cream and whipped cream and fudge sauce... yummy, but wow.   o.O

We'll see what happens tomorrow. I'm still trying to downplay it... but I know that at least one other person is involved, from what Aaron let slip. So, something's happening, at some point. I'll be pleased with whatever it is, I'm sure.

 

Well, Little Miss New Media Designer...

Sheryl asked me this week whatever happened to that guy who signed me up as an independent contractor for new media design work.

You know, now that I think about it, that was really kind of a turning point for me.

At the time, I was in the midst of the LSM redesign, so I didn't immediately contact him to ask for work. Once I got done with the LSM site, I was glad to have time for my own projects again, so I still didn't call. After a while, I realized that I enjoyed having time in the evenings to do my own personal projects, and that being asked to sign up for contract work was enough of an ego boost to keep me going for some time.

I'd still like to get away from the bank gig eventually, of course, but it's no longer a major priority for me. Maybe someday, after we pop out a little Schnuthie Junior, I can take on one of those part-time web design gigs like I used to pass up in favor of paying rent (or, these days, the mortgage payment).

Until then, I at least know that I'm good enough, I'm smart enough — and doggone it, at least *one* design company out there likes me.

 

Annoyance

I should not be so thoroughly annoyed by something so simple, but...

I keep a bottle of water at my desk at work. I buy Dasani out of the machine on Monday, then continue to refill the bottle with tap water throughout the week. Sometimes, at the end of the day, I'll put the bottle in the freezer with two inches of water in the bottom, to make ice for myself. Sometimes, if I don't want to take the time to swing past the break room, I'll just leave the empty bottle on my desk instead.

Every single day this week, my water bottle and the napkin on which it sits have gone missing. Presumably, the cleaning people have been throwing it away. Yesterday, I got so annoyed that I wrote on the napkin, "This is not trash. Thanks."

When I came in this morning, both bottle and napkin were gone. Again.

It's a small annoyance in the grand scheme of things, but even so, it's still annoying.

Today I got a styrofoam coffee cup and filled it with ice water. Hopefully I don't spill the whole damn thing on my desk or anything.

 

Anywhere But Here

My day job doesn't suck. In fact, my day job is really quite cushy. Eight-to-five, sitting at a desk, fixing people's loans.

Still, this is the last place I want to be right now.

First off, I have about a zillion creative ideas running around in my head, and more keep popping up as the day goes on. I have to get the laundry done tonight, since I'll be gone out of town with LSM this weekend, and I also have to practice my mellophone in preparation for that. There are also some other chores around the house that I'd wanted to tackle (mainly as a gesture of goodwill toward my loving husband who usually does all the housework).

I really can't get excited about being here today. Not that anyone is ever really *excited* about their day job... but some days go faster than others. Today is just dragging like a mofo.

I don't have much time left before I meet the carpool tomorrow to head out to DeKalb. I have so much to do.

 

So, How Did It Go?

In a word, great!

My contact appears to be in his mid to late 30's, energetic, excited—one of those people just *made* for recruitment, although he's a designer, too. He's also the one-man New Media team of the company in question, wrangling the undiscovered new media talent of Toledo (like myself, apparently) to do some contract work.

It's just what I need: a chance to prove myself, to get some "real world" design experience, and to make a little extra cash on the side. Oh, yeah, and to give me a confidence and ego boost, which I always desperately need. At the same time, though, this doesn't require me to quit my current job in favor of some unknown, and it won't dump oodles of work on me all the time. The projects will be spaced out amongst the various contractors, and we'll all have the resources of the company at our disposal (although to what extent I can utilize that offer, I'm not precisely sure).

I'm geeked. I'm stoked. I'm glad to be out of that suit.

OMFG, yay for using my degree and my talent.

[An aside: someone I'm downloading from on WinMX just asked me what I do for a living. I could honestly answer him that I'm a graphic / web / new media designer with a day job at a bank. !!!]

 

Freelance Work

It occurs to me that I haven't had particularly good luck in the past with securing paid freelance gigs. I've only had one real paying freelance job, which was so undercharged it may as well have been pro bono, and I had one potential client gasp in horror at my price and hire me on as part-time office help instead.

Hopefully my upcoming client meeting goes more smoothly...

read more...

 

Macromedia Director Marathon

Oh, yeah... Director. I remember you! You were fun! A royal pain in the ass to troubleshoot sometimes, but fun nonetheless.

After some heart-to-hearts with Sheryl and Aaron, I responded to the e-mail regarding a potential freelance gig. I explained what I know, what I can do, and what I've still got up my sleeve. I got to feeling pretty good about myself, too; even if this person doesn't care for the two Shockwave presentations I uploaded (the ResNet CD and my Director portfolio), at least my portfolio was worth a second look. Even if he was just hoping I was somebody who knew somebody, and not necessarily the person he wants, I'm OK with that.

It's been a while since I did any real Director work. Honestly, it's hard to make multimedia presentations without... well... media. A website, sure, I can pull content out of my ass for that. Video and audio and other content that doesn't suck and won't get me sued? That's a little harder.

Anyway, I sat down with my two Director source files (thank god I managed to save those) to clean them up and make them internet-friendly.

It took all goddamned evening.

Part of it was remembering the nuances of how Director looks for linked files, and part of it was fixing little things like typos (I can't believe it!) and formatting errors and anti-aliasing inconsistencies and general last-minute crap that I didn't get to do to the actual presentations back in the day.

I can see how my design style has changed in just the past four years. I can also see the elements that form the core of my current style. Simplicity. Clean lines. I think I've improved a little over time, though; I can see the things I would do differently now.

Even if this gig doesn't work out, I won't be upset. If I do get a callback from this gentleman, I'll actually be a little surprised, as it would be on the merits of work I did four years ago as a college Senior. I'd love to have an opportunity to do some real work for real money, but just being contacted about it at all was quite an ego boost for me.

I needed that.

 

Employment Op

Faced with the very real possibility of multimedia contract work, I find myself completely unprepared to offer up any additional information to a potential employer about my skill set, capabilities, freelance/contract pricing, or my local network of other impassioned designers.

I find myself excited, but about to choke. I feel inadequate, but I know I am not.

My emphasis in VCT was multimedia; how, then, am I now mainly a web designer, having not created any true interactive content since graduation? I feel like I've dropped the ball. I feel like a has-been. Again, I know I am not.

The message in question had been sitting in my inbox for nearly 36 hours before I even checked that account; now I'm bordering on rudeness, not answering within 48 hours. I have to say *something*.

But what?

 

Relay For Life 2005

Friday night was the BG Relay For Life at City Park in Bowling Green. Around 6:45pm, the Sky Team gathered at our campsite for a team photo. Had I realized that the team photo wouldn't actually be posed, I might have taken a little more initiative to assist in posing people... but, especially as a first-year team member, and as I didn't know the person heading up the photo, I didn't feel it was my job to get the people in back to move up front where they could be seen.

read more...

 

My Job: Then vs. Now

College. RCC. The ResNet Software Installer CD-ROM.

Me: I totally almost have this working! Just one more... aw, shit.
Jamie: Come on. Let's take a break.
Me: Just a minute. I've almost got it.
Jamie: You've been working on that for five hours. Take a break. Now.
Me: *rubs eyes* OK...

[We walk downstairs from the Server Room in Kreischer Quad, and go outside to the smoking area]

Me: It's dark out. When did that happen?
Jamie: *drags off a freshly-lit cigarette* Couple hours ago.

 

Fast forward seven years. Current job. Arrowhead Park, Maumee. Cube farm.

Me: It's only 3:00?
Scott: Yup. Hour and a half to go.
Me: Two hours for me.
Scott: Yep. Hey, can you cover phones for me from 4:30 to 5:00?
Me: I suppose.

[We stare blankly out the window at the squirrels]

 

I remember being engrossed by my work. Sure, it was good-paying for a college gig, but it also taught me a lot, and I found it interesting.

Maybe that's the difference between college and the workforce (I refuse to say "real life"). In college, you do what you want, mainly, but you still complain about it. In the workforce, you do what you have to, but you still complain about it.

 

(Wo)man With a Mission

I don't want to be working at Sky in ten years. Hell, I don't want to be working at Sky in five years. To that end, I am going to stop sulking and go locate myself a new job.

No, really. I am. This time, I mean it.

I have a list of about half a dozen local companies I'm planning to target, and I plan to wring more possibilities out of all my local contacts (which isn't many, I'll grant). I just bought a pack of 100 hub-printable mini CD-Rs (and they were a *bitch* to find at a decent price, let me tell you what). I already updated my resume to send in response to that one classified a couple weeks ago, so that's done—although I'll still need to update the super-cool print version. The paperwork for July's NISDM Flash workshop is printed out and ready to mail, as soon as I know how much my former- student-employee discount will be.

I intend to resharpen my Director skillz by making myself a new multimedia portfolio (hence the 80mm mini CD-Rs). I also intend to teach myself some more PHP, so I can confidently say "I know PHP" with a straight face.

My main concerns:
- What's my selling point? Why do people need ME in particular?
- Do I need to buy a $200+ suit to go out and interview? Would it help?
- Will my three years of working a financial job instead of design hurt my chances?
- How honest can I be with interviewers about *why* I feel I need a new gig?
- How much persistence is appropriate, and what's over the line and annoying?

I need to bottle this enthusiasm and keep it somewhere, like a can of Perri-Air (a la Spaceballs). Even though I'm totally exhausted and still need to wash some dishes before I go to bed, I can still be moderately excited about finding a new job. I'm afraid that, in a day or two, this fire will disappear yet again, and I'll be back to feeling inadequate with my design skills and lukewarm about finding a new job.

 

Hitting A Wall

I woke up this morning and just couldn't bring myself to go to work. It's not that I hate my job or anything, because I don't. (Granted, I don't particularly enjoy it, either.) But I was exhausted and felt like I'd hit some sort of wall.

So, I took a mental health day.

If anyone asks, though, it was a mental health / catching-up day. Which is true: I worked on my website redesign and helped Aaron with the broken washing machine. And caught up on sleep.

During Amy's visit and our marathon Grounds For Thought session, we decided that I should look for some graphic design classes to take, and maybe get a certificate or an Associates Degree. That way, I'd feel better about my skills and I'd be more confident when applying for jobs. After looking at my choices, though, I can't really justify paying hundreds if not thousands of dollars to re-learn what I already know.

I found a web / graphic designer posting in Sunday's Blade, so I sent my resume and portfolio to the e-mail address they gave. Today I got a reply: "This message is to confirm receipt of your email submission, dated 4/26/05." This does not imbue me with confidence. Also, the scant research I did on the company confuses me, as their website appears to be currently nonexistent, with the domain name being registered by an individual in Seattle. o.O

Anyway, Aaron agreed that taking classes is a good idea, but that maybe I should go for something I *don't* already know. Like Computer Science. If I knew .NET, or at least ASP and C++ and stuff like that, I'd be much more marketable. Truth be told, I do enjoy what programming I know, so it's not like I'd be learning skills to get into a job I would hate. I don't think.

So, yeah. Now that I have my sights set on the horizon yet again, going back to work at my lame bank job seems... lame. But whatcha gonna do? *shrug*

Update: Thread (formerly ImageSource) still has that job posting that I tried for a few months ago. I feel qualified, but at the same time, I feel like it's just beyond my grasp. I want to cry. THIS is why I don't get all in job-hunting mode very often.

 

Baby Talk

I must be defective.

I think I'm missing that vital gene in womenfolk that causes us to 'ooh' and 'ahh' at newborns, and to want desperately to hold them and make nonsense words at them.

Today at work, the woman who's currently out on maternity leave decided to come visit and bring her firstborn for everyone to see. Nothing against either of them, really, but I couldn't have cared less. All the womenfolk cooing and awwing over the baby girl actually started to grate on my nerves after a few minutes.

Sure, when I signed out for lunch, I passed by the group of ladies ogling the baby, and I took a look at her... and, sure enough, it was a baby. Asleep, to boot, which I think is the very best kind of baby. I looked at her for a grand total of about five seconds, and then I was done. I may have smiled, to be polite. No oohing or gooing or other general cutesiness from me.

Maybe it's a learned reaction. Every time I get near a very young baby and try to hold it, it invariably intimates from my general attitude that a.) I am not its Mommy, and b.) I am not, in fact, a Mommy at all. At which point, of course, the child becomes disenfranchised with being held by some interloper and demands a real Mommy. Loudly.

It'll be different when it's my kid. I hope. Maybe my ga-ga goo-goo genes will activate... or maybe I'll lose my fear of looking stupid and/or overly sappy in public.

 

It's a 'Rob Woz' Kind of Day

First, I dreamed about Rob (which was bizarre). Then, today at work, he gave me a backhanded compliment that pissed me off. Then he made up for it all by arranging things so I wouldn't have to answer phones on my birthday.

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Shitty Mood

OMG, I am in such a shitty mood this morning. I only got six hours of sleep last night, thanks to staying up waaaay too late to work on my Totoro hat. My alarm woke me out of a *very* sound sleep this morning, which never does good things for my mood, anyway. I hit snooze, and I swear it went off two minutes later instead of nine. :-P Then, Mei decided it was time to bang the kitchen cupboards for a while, at which point I got up, threatened the cat with a swift kick in her general direction, and did my morning thing.

Managed to leave the house early, per last night?s suggestion from Stan Stachak, and got to work at five till eight, which was good (compared with my usual 8:03am). The snow wasn?t all that bad this morning—only a dusting, instead of the 1-3" we were supposed to get overnight. It?s really coming down now, though, and that three inches is supposed to accumulate by the time I leave work today. (Also not improving my mood.) Oh, and I managed to leave my gloves and scarf at home, which added to my joy as I walked in to work from the back parking lot, and even as I contemplate going back out to the car this evening after work.

Add on top of that a couple stupid misunderstandings at work (in which I was right, of course, and was actually acknowledged as such in the end), and I?m just uber-grouchy and tired and grrr. I?m not necessarily having a shitty day; I?m just in a shitty mood. And, no, I don?t think caffeine or sugar would help, so I?m not even tempted to go get a Frappuccino for my bunghole.

(BTW, Sheryl—I ended up putting in the Star Trek IV DVD while I fabricated my second Totoro hat last night, complete with subtitled text commentary. w00t!)

 

It's Hard To Soar Like An Eagle...

...When You Work With A Bunch Of Turkeys.

Sometimes I really wish I could blog about work. Sometimes I think I could write my entries in such a way that no one would be the wiser; I could hide the identities of my co-workers to protect the innocent and the stupid. But then it occurs to me that, no matter how I were to mask the true identities of these people about whom rumors fly, or about whose orientation I'm unsure, or whose personal habits and idiosyncrasies perplex me... if they happened upon my site, they would undoubtedly realize I'd been blogging about them.

Telling my husband or my friends about my co-workers is one thing; they don't know any of these people, will never see them, and likely may never even meet them. But postings on the internet have a way of getting back to people, and I'm not prepared to get Dooced just to share my confusion about the girl who always runs across the parking lot after work, or gossip about a former temp, or show pity for a given co-worker's physical challenges, or describe exactly how easy it would be for a bank employee to be generally scandalous, or what-have-you.

And that's really too bad. There's some weird shit that goes on here sometimes.

 

Four-Day Weekend

So, according to our boss, we can take our sick/personal days off as "mental health days" if we so choose.

Today, however, I called off for a "menstrual health day."

OMG. I've never had to call off work because of cramps before. When I woke up at 7am this morning, I'd slept for maybe three or four hours, thanks to wracking fists of death in my girlie parts. I was exhausted and still in pain and ended up leaving a voicemail for my boss saying I wouldn't be in today.

I then proceeded to sleep off and on until 1:00pm. Took some Midol, ate some lunch. I feel *much* better now.

So, I didn't diabolically plan to have a four-day weekend... but I've got one now. w00t?

 

Perks

It?s nice working at the bank sometimes. When I get bored or distracted (and don?t want to go on the intarweb for fear of getting fired for unauthorized internet usage), I can open up my checking account and see all the checks that have cleared today. For instance, I know that my candle supply order should be filled soon, because my PayPal payment went through today. I can also tell that Snapfish tends to process my film and upload it before they even cash my check. My incessant peeking at my account also helps remind me to write all my debits in my checkbook.

So, I guess this job?s good for something besides semi-annual incentive pay and free premier checking.

 

For The RCC Alumni In The House

Yep, the Champion of the World works in the next cube over from me.

 

Stating The Obvious

I've been saving this gem in My Documents folder at work for a year and a half now, just because it was amusing to me. Finally, as I was looking through my files today while work was slow, I decided to zip this and send it to myself at home so I could post it:

  

Hopefully I'm not violating some sort of confidentiality something-or-other by posting a screenshot of our intranet. I just thought the main story title was amusingly ironic. Don'tcha think?

 

Getting Props

So, for the past week or two at work, I?ve been hunting down information on a particular account so I could complete a request that was sent to our department. I spoke with half a dozen departments to locate the file I needed, and no one knew where it was. Finally, I got an e-mail yesterday that said that the file I needed was MIA, so I had to jump through even more procedural hoops to complete this request I had sitting on my desk. I ended up getting special permission to bend the rules for this particular request, since the documentation I needed just wasn?t available.

I remember thinking, ?Damn, I should totally get a Gotcha! Card for this.?

Surprisingly enough, I just did. It?s good to know that my efforts aren?t going completely unnoticed.

 

I Take It All Back

OK. Yesterday I said, and I quote:

My vote is that the Toledo/Maumee area will get maybe four inches, and that the salt crews will be on the ball to clear the roads early.

I was wrong, on both counts.

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White Christmas

Nearly everyone at work was throwing a hairy conniption about the impending snowstorm tonight. "What if it's a Level 3 snow emergency in Wood County, but not here in Lucas County?" "If I get a ticket for driving in a snow emergency, will Sky pay for it?" "What if I can't make it in, but I don't have any more personal days left?" And on and on. Our department, and eventually the entire company, had to send out an e-mail about weather-related procedures and what to do in the event of an actual emergency.

The part of me that remembers growing up in or around the snowbelt just shrugs and is vaguely pleased about having a white Christmas. Leave a little early for work in the morning, since our neighborhood is at the bottom of the plow-me list. Take some pictures of snowy Christmas lights tomorrow night. No reason to be all freaked out.

So, we'll see how many people show up late to work tomorrow, how many people call in, and how many complaints I hear about the snowy commute from Bowling Green to Maumee. My vote is that the Toledo/Maumee area will get maybe four inches, and that the salt crews will be on the ball to clear the roads early. We'll see.

 

Crazy Day

Just for shits and giggles, I signed up on all those blogariffic sites out there: blo.gs, weblogs.com, BlogStreet, Blogrolling, syndic8.com, and updated my Technorati profile. I also set MT to accept trackback pings and to ping a few of the sites I signed up on, to let them know I updated. So, to anyone who finds my humble site or feed through one of those sites, welcome. I'm not always terribly interesting... but neither are the other friends and strangers whose blogs I frequent myself, so I'm in good company.

I'm not particularly motivated to do anything this evening. Work really drained me today. The stress I felt today was reminiscent of my days back in Lockbox:

24 September 2002: Just Another Day...

Hey, for once I worked an 8-hour day! Yeah, we were doing so well that we actually took a one-hour lunch and everything. Just for reference, yesterday I worked a 14-hour day. Seriously. My co-worker and almost-supervisor, Loni, worked an hour and a half more than me, since she came in at 6am. Damn, that sucked. Makes the normal 8-hour day seem like a luxury instead of a burden.

Being one of three people manning the Loan Corrections Team Line (aka 'working the phones') wasn't horrible, although I had twice as many calls as usual. And doing loan changes wasn't all that bad, either, although I had several requests that I had to call people about and wait around for answers. But all those things together made for one damn hectic day. I felt like I was going in six different directions all day—I'd hang up the phone from one call, go to start a loan change, get another call, have to do research for that call, finally get back to that loan change I'd started, then get another call, then finally finish that first loan change, then have to call someone about a detail of the next loan change... Yeesh. My desk has at this moment about seven different stacks of paper of varying heights and degrees of importance.

That really sucked away any sort of energy, creative or otherwise, that I might have had in reserve for my Me Time this evening.

So... that's today.

Remind me: why did I syndicate this again?

 

Blogging at Work?!

Here's a revolution in technology: Not-Really-Realtime Blogging. This bleeding-edge technique allows for employees in a network-monitored work environment to write blog entries during the day, and post them with a backdated timestamp as soon as they return home to a blog-safe network.

It's called e-mail. :-P

So, here I sit, at the reception desk, taking my required turn manning the desk. Sure, I still have my normal work to do (loan changes this week), but it gets awful boring out here with no music to listen to and no conversations to eavesdrop on. So, while no one is walking past the desk, I'm taking a few moments to blog to myself, for posting when I get home.

I decided to go on Induction this week, to jump-start myself back into losing weight. I haven't gained any weight recently—in fact, I lost half a pound after Thanksgiving weekend. How I managed that, I'm not entirely sure, as I ate like... well, like normal, like everybody else. Sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes and stuffing and pie and ice cream and cupcakes... I was so full. Ugh. I couldn't eat like that all the time. Not anymore.

Anyway, I'm currently at an even 200 lbs, in case you've been jonesing for a weight-loss update. I think my lowest point was 199.5, and that was about three months ago. I've been steady at 200.5 ever since. I've been fairly content up until recently, since my new weight felt so much more normal than fifty pounds ago. Now, though, I'm feeling frumpy again, and realizing that I still have another 20 or 25 pounds to go before I'll feel REALLY normal.

Well, people are starting to trickle out of the building, and I should really get some more work done before I go in another hour. This wasn't too bad of an afternoon out at the reception desk, though... chatting with myself (and with James, who covered my break) really helped to pass the time.

Wouldn't want to do it every day, though.

 

Losing Ground

I find that, when I get home from work, I don't have enough mental energy left to work on my novel. (NaNoWriMo has at least upgraded my terminology for my "story" that I started a few years and 18,000 words ago.) I come up with plenty of ideas while I'm at work, and I've even written a little longhand, although it took me a good ten minutes to really get into the groove. (More about that later.) But, for right now, I find that I'm more interested in vegging in front of PBS or blogsurfing than adding to my story. I'm just so tired.

Of course, that has nothing to do with the snack-food potluck we had at work today, wherein I ate four dry Atkins muffins, a piece of veggie pizza, several crackers with spinach dip, several pieces of fruit, a few pigs-in-a-blanket made with Li'l Smokies weiners, a few pickles, lots of cheese, some salami and pepperoni, et cetera, et cetera. I'm positive I ate more sugar (and carbs in general) than I had originally intended today.

But back to my original rant. I find that my creative juices have changed from flowing at night to flowing during the afternoon. Of course, I now get up at 7:15am as opposed to 10am (or later, when I could get away with it) during college. So, I try to make the most of it when I'm at work: I keep a piece of scrap paper handy by my desk for to-do lists and general ideas, and I've taken to writing longhand in a journal over breaks and lunch. Thankfully, a Quiet Room has been instituted at work for people like me who would rather write or read or nap during my personal time, and that's where I've been spending my time this week. In the big comfy fuzzy chair with the ottoman, my shoes off, one foot tucked up in front of me to make a little slanted writing desk out of my thigh.

Today, however, I was intruded upon. Just as I was moving from journaling to noveling, two young women came into the quiet room. One held a ball of yarn and two knitting needles, and the other brought nothing. They started talking quietly amongst themselves about this-n-that: "Did you start over with your knitting? I wish I'd brought a book. They seem really strict about this 'no talking in the quiet room' thing. Can you believe the traffic over there?" All in that low almost-whisper that is more attention-grabbing than normal speech.

I had been having a hard time getting started, anyway. I stood up, put on my shoes, grabbed my paper and my purse—and then they realized they might actually be disturbing me. They apologized "if they were bothering me," and I pretty much blew them off. I crossed the hall and sat on the floor in the empty corner room with all the big windows, which is where I've been sitting to read up until now, and was where I had thought the Quiet Room was going to be.

Even with people walking past in the corridor and talking, with the ding of the elevator and the sounds of people downstairs echoing up the stairwell, I got more written on the floor of that sunny room than I would have fighting the distractions in the Quiet Room sitting in the comfy chair.

The underlining point of all this is that I'm losing ground on my 50,000 words. I'm hoping for a prolific writing day tomorrow while I'm off work, and for some more stamina in the evenings.

Edit: I just calculated that I've only added 1,440 words to my novel since the beginning of the month. I am way behind.

 

There. It's Done.

I've submitted a resume in print to Designski. (Oops—I hadn't told you who they were yet, had I? Well, now you know.)

I printed out my two-page resume and a sheet of web design portfolio samples on my matte photo paper. I also composed a cover letter and printed it on normal paper, and designed return address labels. All of these things match my portfolio website—I've gotten compliments on my personal branding before, so I figure I may as well run with it. Uncle Frank liked it well enough... although he also liked the fact that I hand-cut my resume paper so it was half an inch narrower and two inches longer than the rest.

Yeah, it looks like Thread (formerly Image Source) is looking for an Interactive Designer. Too bad I don't know Flash. One of these weekends, I should really go take one of the NISDM workshops while I still can. One never knows when they'll decide to revoke the alumni discount... or when the organization will fold entirely.

I need some more "real" work under my belt. Sheryl, Dan, anyone else, if you have a web or design project you'd like to collaborate on, paid or no, let me know and maybe we can jive together and do some freelancing. I'm not confident enough to seek out freelance gigs on my own, but I'd be happy to do one with a buddy. The buddy system rocks.

 

Two Years of my Life

Today was my two-year anniversary of being a full-fledged Sky employee. I didn't mention it to anyone, and HR certainly didn't throw me a party. No Sky Financial candy dish, no extra weeks of vacation (yet). I am, however, 40% vested in my ESOP and profit-sharing money now, so my happy 401(k) doesn't look quite so drastically different between the money that's mine and not-mine-yet.

I know this is my cue to start my usual woe-is-me crap, but I just don't feel like that today. I mean, I'm not thrilled to be working for Sky, and I certainly haven't given up hope of finding something different and/or better, but I'm not unhappy, either. If I stick with Sky, I still have room to move up within the company. If I find something else, I have 2+ years of valuable financial/corporate experience.

It's just my job. It's not my life. I'm genuinely happy with my life, and only moderately ambivalent about my job.

Yeah, I'm doing OK. We're doing OK.

 

Toys!

Thank you, Sky Bank, for all the toys you bought me with my $500 gift certificate to Amazon.com.

Thank you for the Epson Stylus Photo R200 printer and the Epson Matte paper and the Kodak Glossy paper. I've had lots of fun playing with my new printer, printing on the free 4x6 glossy paper included with the printer and the 8? x 11 matte paper, too. The printer's nice and quiet, and prints a 4x6 color print in about two minutes. Later tonight, I plan on making a new driving mix CD (or maybe a third 90's mix) and printing art on the disc, using the free printable CD-R included with the printer.

Thank you, also, for the new Carlo Robelli electric-acoustic guitar that arrived today after the printer. I tuned it this afternoon, and played with it some, but it needs time for the strings to stretch and adjust, being BRAND FREAKING NEW. I've never owned a brand new guitar before, and it's pretty cool. Sure, I can tell that this is an inexpensive guitar (one might even say "cheap"), but I don't mind. I'd actually feel silly if I'd blown my whole wad on a nicer guitar that I'd only play a couple times a week in my own basement, alone. Oh, and thanks also for the Musician's Friend guitar stand, and the guitar strap I ordered today.

I'd also like to thank you for the Hauppauge WinTV-PVR 250 video capture card. That's going to go into Aaron's computer on Sunday sometime, since Saturday is devoted to visiting the grandparents in Lakewood, and I don't want to try installing anything in his computer without him here. Of course, now he'll probably have to spend some cash himself on a second hard drive for all this video media...

I think that's it for now. Next week, though, I'll be thanking you for the remainder of my toys: the guitar strap I mentioned above, the replacement black ink cartridge for the new printer (just thinking ahead), the printable CD-Rs and DVD-Rs, and two Best of the Muppet Show DVDs. The one with Mark Hamill I barely remember, being a Star Wars nerd at a young age, but I don't remember much about the ones with Steve Martin or Gilda Radner. I'm looking forward to those.

Thank you again, Sky Bank, for giving me lots of cool stuff. Your benefits rock balls sometimes.

 

A Good Evening

Good things were to be had in my Gmail this evening. It was difficult to decide which thing to get all giddy about first...

I ended up looking at all four rolls of lomographs on Snapfish—not from any conscious decision to look at the photos before completing my Amazon shopping spree, but from the fact that I just get sucked into photography easier than I do shopping. (Am I an abnormal female because of this? Who knows...) Anyway, I'll post my better lomographs tonight for all to see. (And I'll add to my lomohome.)

On to the next exciting piece of Gmail: my Amazon gift certificate. w00t! I never imagined I'd get to go on an Amazon shopping spree, so this is pretty frickin' sweet. Coming to me mid- to late next week are:

• Epson Stylus R200 Photo Printer
• Kodak Premium Picture Paper, High Gloss, 100 sheets
• Epson Heavyweight Matte Paper, 50 sheets
• Hauppauge WinTV-PVR-250 capture card
• Carlo Robelli Acoustic-Electric Guitar
• Tubular Guitar Stand

And I still have about $80 left to spend! I'm sure I'll think of something. Like, oh, all the Muppet Show DVDs I've been wanting, or the Indiana Jones DVD box set, or I could fill out my CD collection. There's still a lot I could buy with eighty bucks!

Sheryl, I think this is where my frugal, thrifty side is coming in quite handy... ;-)

 

Upwardly Mobile?

Well, I hadn't been going to mention anything yet... but I have a job lead. I'm not saying where, but it's in my same zip code. I'm all about that.

Anyway, I've been updating my portfolio page in preparation for sending the URL to the nice HR people. I don't want them to look at a page that hasn't been updated since... well, since 2002, possibly, or maybe sometime last year.

At least I'm not completely redesigning it again. I'm actually pleased with the design for now. It's the details that I missed that are bugging the shit out of me.

Oh, and this may or may not be a good idea, but since I'm so proud of this new personal page of mine, I'm including it—and a link to it—on my portfolio page. Don't worry, people will be forewarned; the link says, "caution: may contain strong language."

And now for something completely different: A Very Large Cat.

 

Not Blogging About Work... Nope.

I've heard too many stories about people who lost or almost-lost their jobs from blogging about work. I will not fall into said trap.

Instead, I will carefully avoid it by speaking in generalities and not mentioning any names.

I know I shouldn't, but I hate it when I have to ask questions simply because I'm ignorant of a thing. Not because it's a stumper, not because it's complex, and not because I need a second opinion. I know, it's no fault of my own that I'm ignorant, but still. Even more than that, I hate having to choose who I'm going to ask, given a selection of various potential gurus or wanna-be-gurus.

First, and most pleasant, are the people who are always kind and polite and stop what they're doing to answer your question fully. These are in the minority. Then there are the people who don't look particularly annoyed, and they give you their full attention, but you get the vibe that they wish you hadn't come to ask them. Maybe they even put on the obviously-false politeness that's so grating.

Next are those who very grudgingly answer your questions and make you feel inferior for having had to ask. These people tend to cross-examine the questioner, knowing full well that said questioner doesn't know his or her ass from a hole in the ground at this point, and further queries are simply confounding the matter. In extreme cases, these people will just have the questioner turn possession of the question over to them for a solution instead of answering the question at all.

Finally, and I didn't run into this until recently, are those who flatly refuse to answer your question, and request that you ask someone else. Granted, these people are generally overworked and pulled in several directions at once, but having the experience of being denied help entirely—not just put off—is a little demeaning.

In actual work-related news, I still haven't gotten my giftcertificates.com e-mail from Sky yet. That's annoying, because I've got it spent in my head: a Hauppauge WinTV PVR video capture card, an Epson Stylus R200 photo printer, and a Carlo Robelli acoustic-electric guitar. All from Amazon, of course. :-)

 

Eavesdropping

From: Diana Schnuth
Sent: Monday, September 13, 2004 1:47 PM
To: 'Aaron R. Schnuth'
Subject: good afternoon

I just heard the most bizarre sentence from one of the contractors working in our building. I was coming in from reading at the picnic table during lunch, and I had to navigate around the stepladder just inside the doorway. There was this hispanic contractor right there, and as I walked past him, he said to his buddy up on the ladder, ?We gotta get the egress lighting, vato.? Now, I know that an egress is an exit (thanks to Judge Harry on Night Court), but hearing someone use that in the same sentence with ?vato? was surreal. :-)

 

Says It All

Check out the statistics I found on this graphic at ToledoHelpWanted.com:

 

Resume Wrangling

Why does job hunting make me want to cry?

Fear not—I haven't been canned or anything. I just had a little heart-to-heart with Amy over the weekend and finally decided it's time to get off my ass and look for a job in my field.

I'd been telling myself that I would wait it out at Sky until my ESOP and profit-sharing was fully vested. After really thinking about it, though, that was just an excuse to stick around and be comfortably apathetic for a while. For the amount of retirement money I'm waiting to vest, it's just not worth it. I need to jump now or risk never feeling confident enough to apply for a job in my field. From the feelings I'm having just while retooling my resume, I may have almost waited too long.

I'm having to force myself to remember sleepy mornings in Web Design with Timmay, ignoring our daily lesson in favor of critiquing (read: tearing apart) our classmates' web projects, which were readily available for viewing on the class server. I'm forcing myself to remember that both of my Graphic Design instructors wanted me to switch majors from VCT to Design. I'm forcing myself to believe that three years in the financial sector doesn't mean I've lost my edge. I mean, look at my spiffy new site! That says something, I think.

I still feel so... I don't know. Overwhelmed. Depressed. Rudderless. Unconfident. I feel like I'm going to have to start over where Tim and Beth started two or three years ago: only barely in their field, doing unfulfilling gruntwork. And I'm OK with that. I just wish I hadn't let myself waste three years of my life—

Now, that's not fair. I've gained a lot of valuable experience in the last few years with Sky. It just wasn't directly related to my degree. And that's OK. I've learned a lot about office politics; I've increased my typing speed and learned to ten-key; I finally understand debits and credits (my ACCT 201 prof would be so proud); and I know that many, many people are really just sailing through life toward retirement.

That's so sad. What a waste. I don't want to do that.

So, tonight I updated my resume. One and a half pages of work-history goodness, arranged to show that I tend to move up in the ranks of the organization in which I work. I refuse to get discouraged by the lack of pure Web Design jobs out there, and will instead work my ass off on a daily basis to get some shit going on.

(If I ever intend to use this site as an example of my work, I'll have to include a language disclaimer on the link...)

 

Lunchtime Shenanigans

From: Diana Schnuth
Sent: Thursday, September 09, 2004 1:36 PM
To: 'Aaron R. Schnuth'
Subject: RE: hi there

Today was one of those days where I was glad I have an hour lunch. First, I had to wait in line behind two people to use our one microwave. Then, after I had my frozen meal cooking for about a minute, a breaker must have tripped, because the microwave and the coffee maker just shut down. After I was done staring stupidly at them both and willing them to come back on, I went out and talked to the receptionist, who said that our facilities people aren?t in today. We then happened upon the boss-lady, who sought out the one contractor who?s been working on the new lunchroom, and he tried to help and found that the reset thingy on the plug doesn?t work... Finally, the boss-lady moved the microwave to another plug across the room, and I finished cooking my half-cooked microwave meal. Twenty minutes after I clocked out for lunch, I finally got to eat. Sheesh.

-----

Update: As of Friday, the coffeemaker was back in business, and today the microwave was moved back to its customary spot. All is well with the world.

 

Holy Crapamoly!

I just won a $500 gift certificate to GiftCertificates.com!

A few weeks back, Sky Bank posted a survey on our intranet site regarding our corporate culture. The big gimmick to get people to complete said survey was a drawing for one of 27 gift certificates, ranging from $1000 to $100. I got back from vacation just in time to finish the survey before the deadline, and I didn't give it any more thought once I'd finished.

Until today.

One of my cube-mates was checking out the intranet site ("Sky Central") and informed me—once I'd gotten off the phone with whomever I was helping at the time—that I'd won something. So, I reloaded Sky Central, clicked on the story link... and found that I'd won freakin' $500. Damn!

Aaron and I haven't figured out what we're going to buy yet, although household appliances and computer upgrades are at the top of the list.

There was an amusing e-mail conversation today between myself and Rob Wozniak (of RCC Special Projects Team fame, who works in my department). Yesterday, he called a radio station and won the new Velvet Revolver CD—he told all of us in the office that he'd make us a copy, since we were all so intrigued by the idea of Guns N Roses meets the dude from STP. So, today, after the office discovered my newfound booty...

Rob:
You can buy your own cd now with your mighty 500 dollar gift certificate!!!!! Show off!!!

Me:
*ppppppppthbt*
Sherry?s been telling Scott that he should be nice to me ? maybe I?ll buy something for my co-workers... (right.)

Rob:
My thoughts exactly.
Buy something that?s gold plated. Just because its overly flashy.

Me:
I wonder if I could get a gold-plated video capture card...?

In other "holy fuckamoly" news, my Smurf auction is up to $94 with a little under two hours to go.

Nice.

 

Workplace Potpourri

Random thoughts from the workplace:

There's a woman at work whose name is Mari. It's a Spanish name (actually short for Xiomara), so the R is pronounced with a bit of a flip. Some of us can get it, some can almost get it (saying Mah-dee), and some really don't get it at all and chew it up so bad it sounds like Maudie. One person joked around and told her we were going to start calling her Molly. Very few people chew the R and call her Mah-ree, though, which must be a relief to Mari. I don't know, though... morphing Mari into Maudie is almost as bad.

I got a "Gotcha Card" the other day for helping to solve an issue with a client's autopayment. I felt really guilty about getting the kudos, though, since I'd actually caused the problem myself a few weeks ago. Some stroke of luck or fate or karma had me dealing with the perplexed banker who had to deal with the irate customer who had an automatic payment taken out of his account after he'd cancelled autopayment. As a result of this unexpected debit, the man managed to bounce several checks and rack up some massive NSF (non-sufficient funds) fees at his other bank. And why did the autopay pull after it had been cancelled? Because yours truly left out a step when she fulfilled the request to cancel autopay. I didn't let on to the banker, though—I just let her know that it was our error in Loan Corrections. To make things even better, I had to ask my supervisor from which general fund the banker should refund the client's NSF fees, and had to admit my own personal guilt in the process. But I got a Gotcha Card for defusing the situation, and I almost don't want it.

As a final note: As I was wasting away the last 15 minutes of the day by running to the kitchen to freeze my water bottle, and to the recycle bin to dump my basket of shreddables, and to the mailroom to drop off some outgoing mail, I saw one woman trying equally hard to while away some time. She wasn't doing nearly as good a job of looking busy as I was, though: she had her trash can full of shreddables sitting on its side atop the recycle bin, and was peering at the papers inside. Not taking them out of the one and feeding them into the other, mind you—just looking at them. Watching them. As if she expected them to start making the journey on their own. Good Christ, how obvious can you make it that you're just trying to waste the last ten minutes of your workday?!

Ahem. I'm better now.

 

New stuff for Diana

Well, the 2X teleconverter arrived today, dusty but in otherwise new condition. Nothing my little lens brush with the air-puff thingy on it couldn't handle. Wanted to go try out my new lens combo, but it was already getting toward evening when I got around to it, and there wasn't enough light left outside. Damn that camera physics, anyway. There's nothing to really photograph in my immediate neighborhood that would benefit from the use of a teleconverter, anyhow—I just wanted to test it out. Ah, well. Maybe some other time.

Thanks to Meijer Non-Drowsy Severe Cold medication, my severe cold is getting a little less so. I no longer have that hacking, phlegmy cough, but my nose still drips like a broken faucet. Sort of. I slept for freakin' 10 or 11 hours last night, so that helped a little, then I got the cold medicine over my lunch break today, which has helped a lot. Hopefully I'll be better by Saturday's class reunion.

Now, about my new job...

read more...

 

Toledo Drum Corps

I'm crashing early tonight, so I'm going to keep it brief.

I don't think I mentioned it here yet, but I got a new job within Sky Bank. As of today, I'm working in Loan Corrections, and driving 15 or 20 minutes to work across town instead of 30-35 minutes down to BG. So far, I have no complaints... except having to be at work at 7am this morning to unpack my desk and get everything situated. That, plus the fact that there's very little beginner work coming in for me to work on. I think it'll be cool once I learn everything I need to know, though. It'll be a while, I'm sure, since there are so many different functions that Loan Corrections does.

On Saturday night, I headed out to UT's Glass Bowl to watch the first drumcorps show of the season. Arrived early—was planning to meet Garza and his group at 6:45 by the ticket booth, and arrived at 6:20 instead—and got to schmooze with several people I hadn't expected to see. A couple techs (instructors) from Northern Aurora, the first corps I marched; a couple alumni; a couple members of the LakeShoremen; and my high school band director. I shit you not. We must have talked for a good ten or 15 minutes or so. Very cool.

Oh, and the nice lady at the Bluecoats souvenir booth recognized me! Sure, she might have gotten help from the "Diana" embroidered on my jacket and the 1997 Bluecoats member shirt I was wearing, but hey. Even if she did cheat with context clues (which I don't think she did), she gave me the best compliment ever: she told me that she recognized me because I hadn't changed  much.

Bless you, Souvie Booth Volunteer Lady, bless your pea-pickin' heart. Little did you know that I gained 50 pounds after I left corps, and only just recently lost it again.

 

Yummy Crock Pot BBQ Wings

The wings were successful. All three pounds were gone by 3pm. I even got to eat some.

I was a bad Diana and cheated horribly on my diet today. Ate a couple sugar-free muffins, a couple small not-sugar-free cupcakes, one not-very-good chocolate chip cookie, and a chocolate-dipped strawberry, all in addition to the "real" food I ate. I was half-high for part of the day, half-asleep for the rest of it, and half had a headache while I came down from my sugar high. That'll teach me, I guess.

In other news, I'm kind of bored. I'm going to go play Civ III for an hour.

 

Be afraid. Be very afraid...

...of Diana's cooking.

Tomorrow is the First Annual Building-Wide Potluck at the Sky Service Center in BG. It's a fundraiser for the Relay For Life team—they're participating in the upcoming relay at BG City Park to fight cancer. The organizers had wanted everybody to sign up for the potluck last week, so they'd know how many participants there would be, but only four people signed up by the deadline. So, to keep the thing alive (hey, I like food, even if I can't eat half of it), I asked Aaron what I could make, and he came up with crock-pot chicken wings with low-carb BBQ sauce. Good idea! So, I signed up.

Of course, as soon as I signed up, the event organizers took the list around to all the departments and specifically asked if anyone was planning to bring food to the potluck. Turns out that half the building actually was planning to bring something, but didn't want to commit to a specific dish a week in advance. Now there's something like thirty different dishes in the potluck. Hey, that's cool.

So, I just got done browning the wings, and they're now sitting in my spiffy crock-pot with the removable crock, waiting to be smothered in Carb Well BBQ and put on to cook overnight. I really hope they turn out OK.

I always have a "thing" about my cooking not being very good, even though most of the time whatever I make turns out just fine. I had a couple mishaps in high school (how was I to know the pasta pizza would keep cooking if I turned off the heat and left it in the oven to keep warm?) and during the beginnings of my relationship with Aaron (mental note: corn starch only thickens if the heat is turned on; and upon turning the heat on, all the extra corn starch you put into the sauce in your confusion will create a fascinating tumor in your chicken paprikash). But, for the most part, I do OK when I cook. I leave most of the cooking to Aaron, though, and he seems to be fine with that. For now, anyway. :-)

I will return tomorrow with a report on the success of my crock-pot chicken wings.

 

Journaling and such

I had an interesting idea today. I had brought my sketch journal to work instead of a book to keep me occupied during breaks and lunch, so I ended up writing a journal entry. And I thought, why shouldn't I scan in some of my random journal pages that I have in various notebooks, in addition to some of the more memorable journal entries from my "real" journals in the past? So, as my first entry, non-interesting though it may be, I offer to you May 7, 2004.

I also had the most fascinating conversation with a co-worker today. I don't think anyone from work reads my LJ, so I think it's safe to talk about it—I won't be "outing" Mike as a non-Christian, which, yes, would be a bad thing in bible-belt BG.

Wow, I just stole my own thunder. How lame is that?

Anyway, in our weekly department meeting, I mentioned that I'd be heading out to the Waterville Community Garage Sale this weekend. Now, Mike tends to come down to my cube and talk to me, anyway, since he noticed that Deb and I are so isolated, being in a different room than the rest of the department. (Given the cliqueishness of some people, though, we prefer it that way.) But today, he came down to ask about the garage sale. Turns out that he likes to thrift, too, which is cool. We got talking about what we look for, and I found out he's a Medieval buff, collects Renaissance-related stuff and cast iron and things like that.

So, he drifted back to his own cube in the other room, and after lunch I got an e-mail from him. Funny shit—all sorts of whacked out pictures from around the net. I plan to post them on my page eventually. After that, he stopped past my cube again to ask what I thought of those pictures, and just to say hi before he went off to clock out for his own lunch.

And we ended up talking for an hour.

The conversation ranged from my soy candles to essential oils to herbs... then we got into a discussion about what he'd printed off to read during lunch: some Norse mythology, an epic poem about Odin. From which point we got talking about cultural history and mythology, which morphed into religion, of course. We were kind of feeling each other out (so to speak) about how far to go with the conversation. He'd mention symbols and runes and how often they're misused, so I'd mention people's misconceptions of the five-pointed star and its various meanings, so he'd mention how those meanings were explained to him, and so on. Eventually we both discovered that we consider ourselves non-Christians, but are kind of "in the closet" about it publicly, due to everyone's misconceptions of paganism. That wasn't all we talked about, though—we also discussed the Ren Fests and SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) and Goth Night at Uptown and "dabblers" in Wicca and other poseurs in the counterculture. Anyway, I told him I'd be up for a double-date to one of the Ren Fests this summer.

Just to clarify, I don't consider myself an all-out Pagan or Wiccan or what have you. I don't believe in The Great Horned God as an actual entity whom I could call to assist me, no more than I believe that the Judeo-Christian God (whose name I do still have enough respect for not to put into writing) actually follows our daily lives. That doesn't mean I don't believe that a god may have had a hand in creating our world/universe, or that I don't believe in an afterlife of some sort. Honestly, I'm just not sure, and I won't be until I die. At any rate, just the fact that I no longer believe that Jesus was the Son of God would be enough to ostracize me from many circles.

In other news, I relocated the credit card that was lost on my desk at home, and managed to order Mom a Mother's Day present. (Mom, I hope you haven't found my LJ yet... but if you have, Happy Mother's Day!)

P.S. - If you haven't checked out my webpage lately, I've got some new sketches up. The U-Haul rut photos are also posted in the Photos section, if you haven't looked at those yet. Good stuff.

 

Tonite There's Gonna Be A Jailbreak...

Remember Loni from Lockbox, the nice God-loving woman who's my Mom's age (almost exactly) and has been trying to get a new job for a couple years now? Well, she finally made a jailbreak, and will be working in Deposit Support, which is my department. Not Quality Control, our... sub-department, I guess, but still in the same realm. She's supposed to be moving to her new job in two weeks or less.

Having been there, wanting to leave the crazy hours and moderate stress of Lockbox, I feel so happy for her. She's getting ready to move to an 8-to-5, ultra-low-stress position, which may not pay her more money but will still be infinitely worth it.

We're all going to lunch tomorrow—current employees of Lockbox, and former (myself included). It'll be fun to get together with everyone again... and Loni and I will try not to rub it in how much better off we are (or will be).

 

Bye Bye, Blue...

Step one of the website overhaul is accomplished: I have changed the color palette for the entire damn site. It doesn't have as much contrast as the last version, and I may have to do something about that. The dynamic contrast was what kept the site visually interesting for me, despite some sub-par header graphics from time to time, and I'll miss that if I don't re-implement it somehow.

My Mom always used to say to me, before I would go out with my friends, "Just remember who you are and where you come from." At the time, it was a pleasantly sappy way for Mom to remind me to be good, and I took it as such. Remember, people know you're a Mormon, and are watching you, so don't mess up. That sort of thing. But recently, I find I've forgotten Mom's advice (which, incidentally, was given to her as a youth by Memaw). I frequently forget who I am: web designer, amateur photographer, et cetera, and how I got to be where (and who) I am today. It's not until I get into conversations with people who don't know who I really am that I remind myself.

There's a guy at work, name's Mike, newest member of our department (about a month newer than me, though he's worked for Sky longer). I think some people think him simplistic or goofy or whatnot, but I find him pleasant and honest and funny and forthright, which is refreshing in the corporate environment. He's maybe a couple few years younger than me, I'd guess. Anyway, we always end up taking our morning break at the same time: around 9:45am, I'll go into the break room to read whatever book I've brought with me that day—and shortly thereafter, Mike will come in to buy his can of Mountain Dew. We don't plan it that way, and it doesn't always coincide like that... but when it does, Mike's quite the talker. :-)

Today, through a series of random topic changes, we managed to start talking about my time at BGSU. I'd mentioned that I had supervisory experience, but that I was no good at disciplining employees (Sheryl... ahem). He asked about my job there, and I explained how I moved up through the ranks of RCC, from peon to supervisor, but had to leave when I graduated. Mike was surprized and amused that I knew more about computers than I'd let on. (When at Sky did I have the opportunity to flaunt my computer skills, I wonder?) He wanted to know why I never tried to get into the techie programming section of Sky, and I had to explain that I'm more of a designer than a programmer. I ticked off the media qualifications I got with my VCT degree: web design, photography, multimedia, video, print...

And I remembered who I was and where I came from. And I was ashamed that I had forgotten.

 

Did You Know...?

From the Sky internet policy: "Sky Financial Group Inc. retains the copyright of any material posted on the internet."

Any material? Anywhere? Better tell Viacom and all the other media giants that they're infringing on Sky Financial Group's copyrights.

In other news, last week's trip to Holly MI was almost a waste of my time. I finally managed to contact Paul, my supposed ride, once I was 20 minutes from his home in Hazel Park. Got to his house, and he springs on me, "Why don't we caravan? I have to leave early. Oh, do you have directions?" On top of that, his POS car can't go over 70 MPH—so after stopping for a good 20 minutes at Paul's house, crawling along I-75 (I would have preferred to go 80 with the rest of the traffic), and getting mildly lost in Holly, we ended up being a half hour late. Rehearsal only lasted two, maybe two and a half hours, then Paul left, and we discussed uniforms and rehearsals and other crap for a half hour. So, all told, I ended up spending twice as much time in the car as at rehearsal. Which, IMO, was pretty much a waste of my time. Everybody else lives in Michigan, and had to drive as far to this rehearsal as I usually do to the Detroit area. Boo-hoo. Ah, well. Next time, I'm carpooling with the Brass Caption Head / Board Member / Whatever-He-Is and his wife, instead of with Paul, who may or may not be back from his barbershop quartet convention by then.

*deep calming breath*

And now for something completely different... I've also discovered that the crazy insano out-of-control shrub in our backyard is a forsythia bush. I plan to take some cuttings of it before we chop it down and dig it up. It's crazy. I should take a picture of it before we take it out. It looks like the previous owners tried to chop it down, not realizing that it would only come back stronger. And wilder. Hmph. I am bound and determined to have a nice, pretty-looking yard, dammit. You'll see.

 

Neener, neener, neener...

Well, I did really well getting to work on time for the past two weeks. Then, yesterday and today, I came in at ten minutes after eight. And, of course, when my boss brought me into his office to give me a couple projects to do, he called me on it. He tried to be "friendly" about it, asking if there was something that was holding me up in the mornings, maybe dropping someone off somewhere or something... but no, it's just me being late. *sigh* Finally he said that, if necessary, he would look up the procedure for giving verbal and written warnings, but that he didn't want to go there. He'd rather just keep it a friendly reminder. I agree wholeheartedly.

That really put me in kind of a pissy mood all day. Matter of fact, it kind of felt like High School, to tell the truth, and it kind of gave me a new perspective on my recurrent attitude problem when I realized that. I felt kind of put-upon, like he knew that extra five minutes wasn't a big deal, and hadn't I been doing well for two freakin' weeks straight? And hell, I see all sorts of salary people coming in at the same time I come in, so how is that fair? And on and on.

But, finally, I realized that I was feeling unreasonably oppressed. I mean, hell, who's the one who's coming in late? Me. All I need to do is get the fuck out of bed fifteen minutes earlier, and I'll be just fine. I think I get feeling like that when I know it's my fault, and I know I could have done something simple to remedy the situation, but I didn't because I was a lazy-ass, and I resent myself for it, but I don't want to admit it, so I turn the resentment outward.

Or maybe I'm just overanalyzing. I've been known to do that.

So, I'm just going to set myself a goal to a.) not be late for the rest of the week, and b.) clock in before 8:00am at least once next week. We'll see. I'm going to have to get up much, much earlier when we live in Toledo and I actually have a commute, so I'd better get used to it.

In other news, I faxed a 28-page monstrosity to John from NOIC, containing all our little worksheets, landlord info, W2's, bank statements, and pay stubs. Aaron, meanwhile, finished calling around and comparing prices for homeowner's insurance, and ended up going with Allstate. Incidentally, no one seems able to beat our auto insurance with Progressive, since most of the insurance places wanted to try to give us a deal on both. Anyway, we're pretty much set on the house thing, and just need to wait for everyone else to do their jobs and schedule a final date for the closing.

I'm also beginning to liquidate all the crap I've been meaning to eBay for a while. Check it.

Edit: I found the notes I'd scribbled at work about my plight, and here they are, unedited and without grammatical additions:

Start times were fine last week—late last 2 days. Got called on it—hate it, but probably good for me. Feel all high-school again, resentful

Oh, yeah, and my computer won't cooperate.

All this has really put me in a pissy mood and unfortunately, since I get pissy so seldom, I tend to almost revel in it. Part of me doesn't want to shake it.

I'm beginning to remember why H.S. [High School] was such a big deal. Little things grow in your brain over the course of the day and make you think too much.

 

I love my job... right.

My boss kind of pissed me off today. Me and my coworker both.

See, last week, my boss Tom was on vacation. My coworker Deb and I ended up having a question about the databases we work with, and since Tom wasn't available, we asked the database guru, Rick. We'd only met him once or twice, in the company of Tom, but we knew he was the programming guy mainly responsible for the CIP (Client Information Program) database.

Turns out that Rick is so much better at explaining things that Tom is. Tom has been known to talk around a subject for 15 minutes and leave you no clearer on the subject. Rick, however, not only explained the process of updating the database, but also brought us back to his area and showed us the SQL databases that are the meat and potatoes of the front-end we work with.

So, naturally, when we came up with a few questions today, even though our immediate supervisor had returned from his vacation, we opted to ask the guy that we knew could answer our questions succinctly and thoroughly. We didn't even consider asking Tom, because we doubted he'd be able to help. Turns out, though, that Tom came to get us for our Friday meeting as Rick was leaving from discussing our database issues. Of course, Tom asked why Rick was in our office, and then made sure to tell us as we were entering our meeting, "In the future, when you have questions, make sure you ask me first."

OK, will do... next time I want a completely unsubstantiated answer.

I liken the situation to asking a scientific question of your local clergy vs. asking Stephen Hawking. Not that Rick is that much of a genius—he's just your average forty-something, well-mannered, friendly and intelligent IT guy. But you know what I mean.

Does anybody know what's wrong with my computer? There's no fuse that we can find, which is weird. The fuse wouldn't be on the motherboard, would it? How do I know if my power supply is hosed? Gyarr!

Aaron keeps telling me that enough is wrong with my computer, with it randomly freezing at startup and during normal use, and now this power issue, that maybe I should just pay the damn bench fee somewhere and get it looked at. I think I'd be embarrassed on some level, though... "Yeah, I put in the new motherboard and processor... —I did what? What did I fuck up? Oh, um, I mean, my friend put in the motherboard..."

 

Stupid computer

So, here I am, using this LiveJournal I signed up for. Why, you might ask? Well, because my computer blew a fuse during last night's windstorm / power funkiness. I haven't opened it up to make sure, but that's gotta be it.

I'm currently on Aaron's kick-ass Dell instead of my slower Power Mac, FYI.

I just didn't want anyone to think I'd forgotten to post, ya know. So, here I am. On LiveJournal.

I had fun overachieving at work today, for once. There's a bi-weekly report we have to compile for the banking centers, and up until now we've had to do it by hand. Print out individual reports, add up each entry, type it into a spreadsheet. We all maintained that there was an easier way, that Programming should be able to make it just go. And, this time, we thought we were golden. It still didn't go into Excel, but at least all I had to do was type numbers straight from one to the other.

Then I found out—after I'd completed the spreadsheet—that the report I'd used may not be completely accurate, and that we may have to do it by hand again. Gah! So, while my boss was waiting to hear the word from Programming, I got a jump on doing the manual report. It wasn't until late this afternoon that my boss got back with me and confirmed that, yes, we'd need to do the report by hand again this time. When I pointed out that I'd already gotten half of it done anyway, he said, "Staying ahead of the game, huh?" I told him I try.

But, yeah. So rarely do I get to make brownie points at work that this little incident made me awfully damned proud of myself.

Hopefully this LiveJournal thing won't be a necessary part of my blogging for long, but I'm glad to know it's here when I need it. :-)

 

Thanks! I'm listed!

Unfortunately, it didn't occur to me that the link would a.) only link to blog.htm, and b.) be titled with the lame-o title I gave the page, "ye blogs!" Ah, well, I've got a link off of Bob's blog. And I've changed the title of this page to "dianaschnuth: ye blogs!"

Hey, random surfers? (I doubt I'll get any hits, but hey.) You should really check out the full iFramed site — you may currently be missing some vital navigation and design elements. :-)

I've got a lot of random shit to unload again. You should see all the little scraps of paper with snippets of blog ideas scattered on my desk.

I told Deb, my co-worker, that I'd finished a website for selling my soy candles. She'd seen and smelled one of the Chocolate Java Bean candles I'd made, and I'd told her how fragrant it was while burning — a little three-ounce candle filled my whole living room. So, when I told her I was selling them online, she asked how much I was asking. When I told her about five bucks, she said she might be interested in buying one of those. I ended up showing her my webpage (which was the whole reason I told her in the first place: to get some feedback), and she browsed my list of fragrances, asking how certain things smelled. She was also amazed at the copy I wrote, describing my candles. "Enjoy the rich, sweet fragrance of amaretto," and crap like that.

When she found out I had designed the entire page myself, she was duly impressed, and wanted to see everything else I'd put online. So, I figured, WTF, and I surfed off my directory page, showing her all the stuff I've got online. It really surprized me how excited she was to see my work. It was like I was some sort of hero or miracle worker. Seriously! She even told me how cool it was to know someone who actually could do all this.

I recall telling her, "This is what I do. I work at Sky to make money, but this is what I do." And it made me feel good to say that and mean it. For once, I really felt like a Web Designer, instead of a hack Photoshop twiddler who makes web pages, or an amateur photographer who puts stuff on the web, or any number of other jacks-of-all-media I've felt like lately.

Moving on with more randomness from work... One of the ladies who works in the same room with me got in a car accident last week. She's OK, but since the airbags deployed, the car is considered totaled. That's not the best part, though. The best part is that it's her fault, because she took her eyes off the road to answer her cellphone. A truck had made a right turn to pull in front of her, and was about to make an immediate left, and due to her distraction, she only had time to slam on the brakes and swerve into the ditch. Now everyone she knows is forcing her to use a hands-free headset when she drives. :-)

Amusing stuff I find while researching clients' bank accounts for my work: There's a place in each account where the teller can post notes or warnings on an account, for multiple signers or legal issues or whatnot. One I came across said, "customer has medical condition that may cause mood swings." Wow.

More about my co-workers: Deb's daughter (one of four children) is in the first grade, and is having trouble with her reading. Turns out that she can write and recognize certain words, but doesn't know all her letters. The kid's learning backwards somehow, learning shapes of words by rote without knowing the letters that make them. How bizarre. I don't remember learning how to read, so I can't even comprehend that. Once Aaron and I have kids, we'll have to read to them constantly like our mothers read to us, so our kids will learn to read like we did. :-)

I've got plenty more randomness to report, but I'll save some for later.

 

Phone Fun

Not on time to work today. Ah, well. Took a 45-minute lunch to compensate.

A couple days ago, my boss came in while I was on the phone with a particularly pissy bank manager. She just kept bitching about how much there was to do, and how understaffed she was, and how long it took just to open one account... and all I could do was sit there and take it. I mean, what else can you say than "I understand completely" and similar platitudes? Suck it up, lady; you're not the only one with too much to do and no time to do it!

Anyway, my boss caught me giving a couple inaccurate facts, and stuck around until I was done on the phone to straighten me out. While he was doing that, he made a point of telling me to stick up to these people. "You're not here to be a whipping post," he told me. I'm not sure why, but that really kind of made an impression on me. People have told me before that I need to be more assertive, aggressive, stand up for myself, et cetera... but for some reason, hearing it from my all-too-passive boss just really hit me a certain way. I do need to be more assertive. And I'm here to help, not take their shit.

I did crack someone up on the phone today, though. I've decided that explaining things in my normal Diana way will be the easiest and most beneficial, instead of trying to sound all poofy and professional. So, as I was explaining to an Area Operations Manager how to tell her employees to clear items off of a report, I heard myself saying, "Now, here's the funky part..." She had to stop completely and repeat my phrase to her subordinate. :-) I'm not sure if I gained or lost credibility through being myself, but I think I brightened their moment, anyway.

I worked out with my weights yesterday, and I can tell which places I worked more than others. My pecs feel stiff, like I just got back from a drumcorps camp. Everything else ranges from not sore at all to only mildly feeling worked. I think tonight I'm going to work the stuff that's not sore: shoulders, triceps, back. And crunches, too.

I'm confused about how I feel about my body right now. In a given day, I can go from feeling frumpy to feeling fit. Sometimes I can feel the fat settling about my neck and hips, and other times I can feel like my abs are getting tighter and my waist is getting smaller. I did get another compliment at work today, though, from my old boss's boss — she was proud that I'd kept my weight off during the holidays. I didn't have time to tell her about my two spoons' worth of sweet potatoes, which is just as well.

Off to watch HGTV for a while...

 

Go me.

Pretty good day today. Got to work on time for the first time in a long time: 8:01am. (That's instead of consistently being 8 to 10 minutes late.) Brought one of my yummy Chocolate Covered Coffee Bean candles to make my desk nice and smelly. Started feeling more comfortable talking to banking centers over the phone about Patriot Act stuff. The bad part came in the middle of the day, when I had to eat honey roasted peanuts out of the vending machine because I didn't bring a lunch. But, when I got home, I made myself a burger with provolone cheese and sauteed some mushrooms and red pepper to go with. I got all fancy on myself. *tee-hee*

Oh, here's a gross story from one of the ladies who works in the same room with me: She and some of her friends (keep in mind, they're in their fifties) went to Bourbon Street in New Orleans for a vacation... and ended up in a strip club. Not a For-Ladies-Only male strip club—a guys' strip club with nasty, skanky ho's. (I know, "ho" isn't possessive, but I had to put an apostrophe because "hos" looks retarded.) Anyway, one of the guys she was with got his eyeglasses taken by the nasty ho, who then proceeded to put them on and around all her nasty places. All the people at the table were joking with him, telling him he'd better not put those back on when she was done. But she came back and put them back on his face for him... and he didn't take them right back off like any sane individual would, for later sanitization. No, he left them on.

And had a sty by the next morning.

Ewwww.

 

Busy Day

Today I had an interview with HCR Manorcare up in Toledo. Yes, this is the same place I sent a resume over a month ago; they said that the flu outbreak has kept them from completing the hiring process sooner. Anyway, my boss let me leave 15 minutes early, since I told him I had "an appointment in Toledo," and that I would make up the time by taking a shorter lunch tomorrow. I ended up not really needing the extra time, as I got there 15 minutes early, anyway, and that was after taking a walk around the block to calm down.

I think the interview went rather well. It seems that their "Knowledge Management" department is in need of one or two more people, especially people with experience in audio and video. Kevin, the person who holds the current solo position, also made sure to emphasize that the position is not a "creative" one, but more writing and organizing thoughts and ideas and publishing actual content. I'm actually quite excited about that, as I feel it's one of my strong points. Ask Aaron how many grammatical errors I catch on a daily basis (and how frustrated he gets about it).

Kevin, who interviewed me, was quite impressed by my portfolio site — especially where I talk about my "services" and have a Q&A section with layers that pop up and answer the questions. Um... glad ya like it. I only wish I really had services... He also seems like either a early-30's guy who's prematurely graying, or a late-30's guy who still acts really young. I like him so far. Seems like he'd be easy to work with... and he has more problem "finding words" than I do (resulting in a Shatner-esque pause), which makes me feel more confident about my ability to do the job, considering.

When I got home, I got a call from the wedding photographer's assistant, asking if she could go ahead and bring over our wedding reprints. So, she brought those straight to the house, and I looked them over before she left to make sure everything was in order, which it was. Now we have to buy a dozen 5x7 frames for the reprints we bought as Christmas presents. Thank goodness they arrived in time—no, thank goodness Carol drove to the lab in Findlay and insisted that she was not leaving until she had our prints in hand. :-)

Then, after that, I made Mom's Christmas candle (I don't think she reads my blog, but I'm still not telling what scent it is). I made an extra, since it's just as easy to make two at a time. I added a little more coloring than I had intended, but that's what these first several batches are all about: experimenting.

It's midnight—I need to either shower and get to bed, or get to bed now so I can shower in the morning. I could write more, but I guess I'll have to save it for tomorrow.

Happy Yule, everyone.

 

What Happened This Week

Well, I haven't posted a real, substantive entry all week, and I'm quite backlogged with ideas. So, here I go.

Just today I got my pictures from Signature Color. Yeah, the ones from Halloween? Over a month later, I finally got the prints. I swear, when I ever get a digital camera, Signature Color is so out of my life.

I had a fucked-up dream a couple nights ago. I was on-campus at a grad school, looking for Dan Clouse (I marched drumcorps with him in the mid-90's, and we've kept in touch ever since). I wasn't attending classes there, but the campus had a dorm/hotel where I had a temporary room. Anyway, I finally managed to locate where Dan was living — he had a small, tentlike abode on a hill behind the dorm. Once I found him, he didn't really want to hang out much, despite the fact that our old corps-mate, Jessie Fleming, was joining me directly so we could all hang out together. He seemed to be kind of in hermit-mode.

So, Jessie arrived, and for whatever reason, we went to the Ben Franklin craft store. Except it wasn't just crafts, but included thrifty junk-store stuff like used space heaters. And who should I find in the space heaters but Amy! You know, my college roomie? I didn't even know she was at the school, so I was understandably surprized. I ran up to talk to her, with Jessie in tow, and Amy told me where in the dorm she lived (top floor, far corner). So, I'm catching up with Amy, who's itching to take her space heater up to her dorm room, and meanwhile Jessie is bent on going clubbing, and her nagging is really harshing my Amy mellow. I finally asked her where she wanted to go, and she named some place that I knew was in Toledo, not even in BG (where we apparently were in my dream at this point). So, Jessie bailed, kind of pissing me off, and I woke up.

Why can't I have normal dreams like Aaron, where he got a promotional cat from Lenny Kravitz, or where REM was playing in his kitchen and his cats were requesting songs?

Oh, I suppose I should give an update on my new job, eh? First, though, let me tell you how fubar Lockbox is now. Now, before I left, this was the hierarchy:

1. Loni
2. Me
3. Rama (temp used-to-be-processor but didn't like the hours)
4. Angie (temp & processor)
5. Dawn (temp)
6. Brett (newest temp, at about two months)

In the short span since I left Lockbox — mainly in the past week — several changes have been made to the old hierarchy. First, I posted out. In my stead, Angie got hired in and Dawn got moved up into Angie's temp-processor spot. They didn't get a new temp for a few days. Then, at the beginning of this week, Rama gave her two weeks' notice. Dawn also complained to the bosses about the change in her hours, since she'd been promised she could keep her 8-to-5 and it was changed to 9-to-6. Dawn was subsequently "cancelled," which is what you call it when you fire a temp. Two new temps were brought in after that. So, despite the fact that
Brett has never even watched the processors run work, he was moved up to processor today, and the three brand-new temps were left to prep all the work after Rama left for her doctor's appointment at noon. Oh, boy. So, the new hierarchy, in another week, will be:

1. Loni
2. Angie
3. Brett (temp & new processor)
4. One-and-a-half week temp
5. Few-days temp #1
6. Few-days temp #2

Remember now, Loni is actively attempting to post out, and has a good chance of getting out soon. She may not even be required to give two weeks before she transfers. Poor, poor Angie. :-)

On to my job. It's a little tedious now, but we don't even have several of the reports we'll eventually be going through. Right now, the job could easily be done by one person, but once everything pans out, it sounds like it really will be a job for two. Yeah, it's still a relatively tedious data entry job, but at least it's less stressful. I know I come in at 8am every day, I get to take two guilt-free breaks and a full hour lunch, and I leave at 5:00. The end. Rinse and repeat. This compared to working in Lockbox, where I would come in at 8:30am on Monday and leave God-knows-when, probably around 9:00pm or after; in on Tuesday at 9:30am and out probably around 3:30pm; and in around 9:30am and out between 4:00pm and 6:30pm for the rest of the week, all with half-hour lunches (if any at all) and no breaks (except for potty breaks). I like my new gig a lot better on that front.

Though... I should still be looking for something in my field, anyway. Those other two or three leads didn't end up panning out — I never heard from HCR Manorcare or World-whatever-it-was.

I'm insanely into soy candles now. I just bought another bag of soy wax, three more fragrances, and one dye. —Hey, I was down to two small candles' worth of wax, and while I was ordering that, I mean, what's ten more bucks? Right? :-) So, I found a fragrance oil that'll be perfect for a candle for Mom (just in case she reads my website before Christmas, I won't put which one it is), and I bought some Drakkar-type (ah, reminding me of the days when I sold PartyLite Candles with Mel) and some Hershey's Chocolate scent.

I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do with all these candles. Burn some, obviously. Give some away for Christmas presents. After that... I really didn't intend to sell them, but I guess if my friends know people who'd like some... *shrug* That's how Aaron's mom got into doing crazy crafty shit, but after hearing all about craft shows and the lingering scent of essential oils, I don't think I'm too keen on making it a big business or anything. Although I did always say I want to work out of my home after I have kids... I don't know, though. If I ended up trying this online, I'd have some crazy insane inventorying to do, since I love to thrift unique and unusual candle containers for now.

Curious about my current candle inventory? Outside of wicks, wax and dyes, I have:

Candles: + one 4oz Eggnog + two 4oz Amaretto    (in sundae cups) + two 3oz Rootbeer    (in mini-mugs, above)

Fragrance Oils: + Eggnog (3.5 fl.oz.) + Amaretto (.5 fl.oz.) + Rootbeer + Hazelnut (1 fl.oz.) + Patchouli (1 fl.oz.) + Very Vanilla (1 fl.oz.) + Cola (1 fl.oz.)

After this next shipment, I'm going to lay off of the new fragrances and just try out the ones I have. So far, the eggnog is 'ehh' (I didn't put enough fragrance in the candles), the amaretto is actually pretty good, and the rootbeer is weird. Smells good cold, but the hot scent throw smells... well, not like rootbeer. It's just weird. Anyway, I still have to master the finer aspects of soy candlemaking, which should be obvious from the discolored rootbeer candle. I think it's mainly a pouring-temperature issue. I get too anxious to make the candles, and I don't wait for the wax to cool enough before pouring, so it doesn't stick to the container right. I think.

Oh, no... now I'm going to have to make a web page just for my candles... :-)

 

The State of Popular Music

It doesn't just suck here. It sucks in the UK, too.

While reading yet another surfed-upon blog by a total stranger, I learned that a cover of Barry Manilow's 70's hit Mandy has been chosen as the UK's Song of the Year by a local radio station in Kent. (For you Ohioans, that's Kent in the UK, not Kent as in Kent State. Just making sure.) Just out of sheer perversity, I fired up WinMX and downloaded the tune, by a band called Westlife... and OMFG, it sounds like some random pop singer(s) doing karaoke to Manilow. I posted to the blog where I found the linkage, and informed her that popular music in the UK must be as bad as here in the States, if a cover of Barry Manilow can make Song of the Year.

In other news, I've been feeling like a neglectful Secret Santa these past couple of weeks. All I got my person was the big gift she's getting on Wednesday, which cost nearly the full alloted $15 limit: a mixer. She probably thinks I've forgotten her, especially since I've gotten gifts from my Secret Santa every day since the thing's been going on. So... I went to Ben Franklin and spent some more on my person — another twenty bucks more, actually. I got her a bunch of piddly crap, and the pixie/fairy doll I bought her was the most expensive for $9.99. I also got her butterfly stickers, a butterfly suncatcher, a Slinky with butterflies printed on it (she likes butterflies... could you tell?), and some candy canes. She also collects fairies and dolphins, but I couldn't locate any good dolphins. Anyway, I bought a nice fuzzy stocking to stuff it all in, and I'm going to give it to her tomorrow.

As soon as I find out where her desk is...

 

Yum.

My place smells so good right now.

First, I lit one of the amaretto candles when I got home from work — actually, it's the candle with eggnog-scent leftovers in it, and Iadded the amaretto that wouldn't fit in the sundae cups, plus a new wick. So, walking a few feet from it, you can smell amaretto... which, surprizingly, smells pretty good as candles go. Much better than I'd expected. Then, I started baking my low-carb-brownies-from-scratch again, in preparation for tomorrow's monthly Birthday Treat Day at work. (I love my new department.) So, after you walk through the amaretto smell, toward the kitchen, you're instantly barraged with the smell of chocolate. I'm loving it.

It's a little early to make a prediction, since they're still warm out of the oven, but I think the brownies are passable this time. I'm going to leave a couple home for Aaron, and take the rest to work. If everybody thinks they suck, well, that's their prerogative, and I'll get to take them back home after the day's done. But I don't think they suck. No more so than some people's "regular" brownies do.

Oh, and did I mention that I made hazelnut eggnog this weekend? It's surprizingly simple... as long as you don't overcook it. Then the eggs start to cook, and it gets a little lumpy. Yes, I speak from experience. Over the past few days, it's been sitting in a saucepan in the bottom of the fridge — "getting happy," as Emeril would put it. Tonight, I took it for a spin in the blender to smooth it out and whip it up, and am now drinking my last glass of eggnog with a dash of nutmeg. (Aaron's glass is in the fridge with plastic wrap over it.)

I am somewhat ashamed to admit that I had a moment of weakness today at work. All I brought for lunch was two string cheeses, and I didn'twant to go to Jimmy John's again... so I succumbed to the snack machine and bought a pack of Soft Batch cookies. Again, as with my last cheat a couple months back, I wasn't terribly satisfied, despite thinking long and hard about my choice. The chocolate tasted too sweet, and I got a brief but powerful blood sugar spike at my desk afterward. Not shaky, but lightheaded. I knew exactly what it was as soon as I felt it. Let that be a lesson to me... again. It's just not worth it. Heaven forbid I ever decide to "treat" myself to Olive Garden.

Anyway, they've got me actually doing my real job at work now. At least, when there's enough work to split between two people. I ended up actually reading the online instructions for the web forms I use, surfing the Sky intranet, e-mailing HR about my incorrect W4, anything I could do to stretch out my time at the end of the day. Especially being new to the position, once I figure out how to do something, I can't force myself to do it s-l-o-w-l-y just to "milk the clock," because I feel the need to prove that I can do what they've given me with no problems.

So, today's schedule was:

• 8:00am - 8:30am: Turn on computer. Bullshit.
• 8:30am - 10:00am: Highlight reports. Ask Judy what she does with them.
• 10:00am - 10:30am: Training session in Tom's office. Learn how to do my job.
• 10:30am - 12:00pm: Correct missing birthdates in client information database.
• 12:00pm - 1:00pm: Lunch
• 1:00pm - 2:00pm: Look through reports, filtering out non-personal accounts.
  (A company or non-profit organization can't have a birthdate, silly.)
• 2:00pm - 3:00pm: Research Cash Letters for Angie in Deposit Support.
• 3:00pm - 3:30pm: Look through reports again. Seem busy when boss comes by.
• 3:30pm - 3:45pm: Break.
• 3:45pm - 4:15pm: Staple reports for Angie in Deposit Support.
• 4:15pm - 5:00pm: Read job instructions. Surf intranet. Look at payroll info.

And that was my day. Woo-hoo... exciting.

But, you know what? I'm OK with that. Especially since the Post Office has been fucking over Lockbox all this week, not getting them all their mail in the 9:30 mail run, so they don't get their full work to start until 1:00pm. They stayed until 9:30pm on Monday, I'm not sure when on Tuesday, and 6:30pm last night. Loni comes in to my area every now and then, since I'm on her way to the other end of the building, where the restrooms, break room, kitchen, and all that are. She had an interview yesterday (incidentally, for one of the positions I'm helping cover for, the one where I hunt down Cash Letters), and she said it went well. I'm crossing my fingers for her and hoping for the best. She's been with the company for something like seven years, with Lockbox for five (since its inception), and it's about time she moved on from Lockbox.

Angie (the one in Lockbox) was hired in from temp to permanent, effective Monday. (This past Monday, I think.) I'm kind of glad for her, but then again, I kind of feel bad that she's going to be stuck there with shitty hours. Just like I was when I was hired in, actually. I talked with her in the hallway the other day, and she said in no uncertain terms that she plans to stay in Lockbox only for the required six months, then post out of the department to another position. Seems to be all the rage lately... Mary did that earlier this year. (Remember Mary? The middle-aged woman who fell asleep and ran her car into a ditch after a particularly long night in Lockbox?) I've been trying to find an appropriate job to post into for the past six or seven months, ever since I was eligible to post out. Now Loni's looking to post out, and has been for several months herself.

Remember those Ethnic Studies and Sociology classes we had to take in college? Remember the section about immigration? Push factors vs. pull factors? I think that almost every other department loses people to new jobs via pull factors—the other job has a draw to it, something that makes you want it. For Lockbox, though, people leave due to push factors — kind of an "anywhere but here" mentality. Yeah.

And in closing... as I write this entry, the BGSU/Miami game is 35-17 Miami in the 3rd. Sigh.

 

Candlemaking Attempt #2

I received my shipment from Bitter Creek today. Woo-hoo! Here's an inventory:

• "Shades of Brown" liquid dye, 2 oz bottle


•  Hazelnut Fragrance Oil (FO), 1 oz sampler


•  Rootbeer FO, 1 oz sampler


•  Patchouli FO, 1 oz sampler


•  Very Vanilla FO, 1 oz sampler


•  Cola FO, 1 oz sampler


•  Amaretto FO, 1 oz sampler

Add that to my Eggnog FO and French Vanilla color block from Brighter Scents, and I've got quite the beginning of a candle cornucopia. (Please note that I chose scents that could easily be tinted with a combination of the brown and the french vanilla.) I also ordered wick stickies (to anchor wicks to their containers), more wicks, and cranberry liquid dye from Brighter Scents, mainly because Bitter Creek didn't carry the stickies, and I had to round out my order to $10 to charge it. (Darn those small businesses! Just like Hatter...)

So, tonight I tried a second run of candle fun, and it seems to have worked out a little better this time. I guesstimated how much each of my containers could hold (this time, I used the mini sundae cups), and I doled out wax chips by weight instead of volume this time. The large glass measuring cup was quite helpful for melting and pouring wax, and the small measuring glass made much less guesswork of measuring FO amounts.

This time, I opted to use the Amaretto scent, and to add but a single drop of brown to the vanilla dye. I need to remember that the wax will cool lighter than the initial color when still melted—it started out the color of a really strong Amaretto Sour, and ended up the color of a really weak one. Ah, well. I wish I had a digital camera... I'd show you.

After having the whole apartment smell like Amaretto, I'm not sure this is a scent of candle I would normally burn... but we'll see. I still have to use my remaining half-ounce of Amaretto to mix with the Cola to make an Amaretto-and-Coke candle. :-)

I suppose you want to know more about how I'm liking my new job...?

This week so far, I've learned to do several things that I never even knew existed before. First, there's reports on suspected check kiting. Check kiting, according to Dr. Damn at totse.com, is "using the lag time between check cashing and clearing to generate illegal revenue." Like, when you have two accounts at two different banks, and write a check from one to deposit into the other, knowing full well that you don't have the money in the first account to cover the check, but also knowing that it'll take the bank two days to clear it, and in that time you can write a check from your other bank to deposit into the first bank to cover it. Follow?

I've also learned about Cash Letters. These are how the Federal Reserve Bank keeps track of where a check has been — the paper trail, as it were. If a check gets encoded for the wrong amount — say, you wrote your check for $10.00 but your account gets debited $100.00 instead — sometimes the bank needs to make a copy of the cash letter to send to the Fed to say, "Hey! You debited us a hundred bucks here! See? We want our ninety bucks back!"

So, what have I been doing with these things? Well, I highlight particular suspects on the report for check kiting, for one. I look at the previous day's report, and highlight those account numbers on the current day's report, to make Judy's job easier when she looks them up in the computer all day. I also go out into the garage and delve into long boxes to fetch Cash Reports to copy. They're printed on that old-school greenbar computer paper (you know, like in the basement of Hayes Hall on-campus?). To figure out what reports to find and where to find them, I have to look online in a couple different databases and jump through some hoops. Overall, it's relatively simple work, but necessary. My doing it frees up the other workers to do the things I don't have access to do... like... well, come to think of it, I'm not sure what they do all day, but I'm sure it's important.

As for my job... it seems that my job for now is to fill in for two other departments being short a person. I'm OK with that. I'm enjoying learning more about how the bank works, and the more I learn, the more marketable I become. Or something like that.

I also found out that the girl who had my position before me, who got a better job offer elsewhere and quit, left after three weeks in the position. So, I'm not going to feel bad if I happen to secure another job in the near future, since I'd be about on a par with her, time-wise. Of course, I haven't heard from the companies I had phone interviews with, so I'm not holding my breath. Although maybe I should check Sunday's paper for more jobs, anyway.

 

Typical New Job Day

I'd love to say that today was the best day ever, and that my new job sounds like a joy... but, in fact, it sounds like I'm kind of everybody's flunky and general floater for now. I'm doing stuff that I don't really know how to do, like filling out peperwork to have the Federal Reserve Bank compensate us for mis-encoded checks; and I'm doing stuff anyone could do, like highlighting the account numbers on one report that were already highlighted on yesterday's report.

However, I did get out of work at 5:00 today, which was nice, despite having to clock in bright and early at 8am.

My right eye has been insanely dry and bloodshot all day, and I'm hoping it gets better overnight. I don't do the eyedrop thing, even if we had any. It's not overly painful, just distracting.

Called my credit card company and changed the name on my card, finally. I'll get a new one shipped to me next week. Slowly but surely, I'm getting things changed from my maiden name to my married name.

I wouldn't have even done that yet, but the Bitter Creek Candle Company said that my credit card was having trouble clearing, so I figured that had to be it — I put the wrong name. Then I checked my balance online, and I was also a touch low. :-) So, I also paid some more on my credit card, to help fuel my soy candle obsession (and pay for Christmas presents).

Oh, and I scanned in the photos of Loni's family I took on Friday. Just in case you were wondering what kind of insanity I had to endure. FYI, Loni is sitting on the far right, holding the boy in the gray vest.

later...
I dislike being so tired when I come home from work. It makes me look forward to going to bed — but then the next thing I know, I'll be going to work again, and I hate feeling like work is all I live for. Hopefully after a week or so of this early stuff, my body will be used to it, and I won't be this tired after work.

I'm also remembering what it was like to dread going in to work every day. Not that I dread this job yet, not after one day, but I can't say I have a positive attitude about the unknown. Especially knowing that I'm going to mess something up eventually, that it's inevitable, and wondering what day I'm going to come into work and be faced with fixing some mistake I've made... which is usually twice as time-consuming.

Maybe while I'm getting used to getting up early and having a new job, I'll intensify my external job search. It sounds like I'm general Deposit Support help right now, and they don't even know if I'll really be doing the job I was hired in for, and they've already lost one person in this position to another offer, so what can it hurt? *shrug*

 

Me and my f_¢k€d up dreams

OK, so this time I was at college. It was supposedly BGSU, but again, you know how dreams are. I had a room by myself for a while, then my old roommate Mary moved in with me. (Good christ, Mary teaches the Gifted class now?!) — Anyway, I was living in a poor excuse for a dorm — more like a shabby apartment complex that should have been demolished. But it was mine, and I had it all figured out. But Mary moved her stuff in, and blocked the doorway so people had to literally crawl into the room, and kept moving the beds around into weird and unsuitable places in the room. Then she found a room in the next building over where we could cook food, and proceeded to make four different dishes on the stoves in this dank, dark, unheated and really creepy place she'd discovered. Of the dishes, I only recall the cheesy potatoes. Then she went back to our room and left me to put the food in containers and store it... somewhere. When I finally got back, via back hallways and tunnels, she was asleep or studying or something.

Somehow, at the end of the dream, Mary magically became Amy — either Mary moved out and Amy moved in, or one of those weird dream-things happened, where people just randomly become different people and it's perfectly OK... until you try to explain it later. Anyway, the end of the dream involved me trying to convince Amy that maybe we should move out of the dorm we were in and back into one of the dorms with larger rooms: Rodgers, or even Kohl. She was quite receptive.

I know I forgot a lot of the details, and there were plenty, but that's the basic gist. Jeez, is this what I get for thinking, "You know, I haven't remembered my dreams for quite a while now..."? Or maybe it's from being regularly awakened by my alarm clock earlier than usual, to prepare myself for 8-to-5's again.

Anyway, back to the real world...

I had my phone interview with HCR ManorCare today. Mr. Kevin Shoop sounded to be about my age or thereabouts — seems they had the guy call all the people he could potentially be working with, and tell them about the job to make sure they were still interested. He seriously sounded more nervous than I felt, and that really relaxed me a bit. So, I'm to be one of ten candidates eligible for an in-person interview for this Web Content position, slated to be filled by mid-December. I'm glad I don't have all my proverbial eggs in one basket this time, though — even if I don't get this HCR position, I still have a new job and a pay increase. And a $600 incentive check in January, and another raise in March, if I stick around that long. Either way it goes, I'm happy. I think.

I've been spending an inordinate amount of time on the Saginaires Alumni Association website lately. Well, why not, when we have an alumni benefactor who's donating 300MB of webspace indefinitely, plus covering our domain name (which was once my own "donation")? Oh, yeah, and the traffic on our Yahoo! Group has increased from a rare maximum of 19 messages a month between December 2000 and September 2003, spiking up to 233 messages this October and nearly 1000 this month so far. I attribute the growth to the success of the alumni reunions (which I had nothing to do with this time — I didn't plan it, and I didn't even go, because it's on Black Swamp weekend). They all seem to love the site, so I'm going to continue to run with it. There were times when I'd considered shutting the whole damn thing down — but I didn't, because it was my baby, my first website, the reason I learned HTML in the first place. And now, I'm glad I kept it around. Just goes to show, I guess.

Oh, and by the way: if you feel you must drink diet soda, check out Diet Rite. White Grape rocks my world.

 

Weird Dreams and New Jobs

I had the weirdest, most intense dream last night. I was at work (but not quite; you know how dreams are), and my boss Andrew was there, as was the rest of Lockbox, I think. Somehow, Andrew had been infected with some sort of fatal virus / infestation / disease, one that we knew killed swiftly, horribly and painfully. (No, it's not a revenge dream...) I don't recall how we knew he had it, or where he'd gotten it, though I think he'd stepped in it somewhere. We all knew about it, anyway, and how it ate the flesh of the victim within minutes of becoming active. The skin would turn pitch black, starting from wherever the infection had begun — wherever the victim had first touched the blackness to become infected in the first place. (It reminds me a little of the black oil in the X-Files, but not quite.)

Like I said, we all knew Andrew was infected. We stood around him, kind of keeping our distance, and he leaned on one of the desks, feigning lightheartedness. Tension was high, not only because we knew he was about to die before our eyes, but because we didn't want to become infected ourselves.

We could see the tendrilly waves of blackness creeping around his shoes. (Apparently the virus consumed clothing, too...) Before they got much farther, though, Andrew leaned out toward me, careful to keep his feet back away and clear of me... and puckered up for a goodbye kiss. And, strangely enough, I obliged. Just a peck, mind you, and just a friendly one, like you'd give a relative, but on the lips. This seemed appropriate in the dream, like a final farewell.

A few moments later, Andrew slumped to the floor, still conscious, but in pain. He half-leaned against the desk, half-lay on the floor, and we were aware of the blackness beginning to overtake his ankles. He screamed, and his hands became taut claws of pain. Then I screamed and started to cry, because I was witnessing his death — at which point he stopped screaming and said, "No, no, I'm just kidding. It's really not that bad yet." And he relaxed a bit and grinned up at us.

I was relieved by not yet witnessing his gory death, though a little peeved at his melodrama, but I was still tense and shaking. A few seconds later, I saw that the virus was moving up his legs, and he wasn't faking anymore, and I screamed again, looking away and bracing myself on a table.

Before the virus overtook his entire body, though, I either woke up or shifted to a new dream. I may even have the sequence of events mixed up. At any rate, I didn't stay in the dream long enough to actually witness Andrew's death, which is good.

I've gotta tell you, though, when I woke up this morning, I was tense and stiff and my eyes were crusty, like I'd been crying in my sleep. It's been a long time since I've had a dream that intense. The image of him writhing and screaming on the floor is still burned into my head, and has been all day... which made it that much more interesting to work right next to him all day, while he was subbing for Loni, who's on vacation this week. After seeing Andrew almost die in my dream, I think it made me that much nicer to him today, because I was glad he was alive in real life.

What strikes me most, thinking back on the dream, is: 1.) I was the only one screaming. At Halloween, by the way, the entire office had agreed that they knew I wasn't a "screamer." The others in the dream seemed grossed out, piteous toward Andrew, and concerned about their own safety, but none grieved openly as I did. 2.) I was the only one Andrew made a parting gesture toward. Sure, it was my dream, but he didn't even offer any kind of goodbyes, except the kiss to me.

Usually I can figure out what a dream is about, but I'm not sure about this one. There's only one thing I can think that it might be related to, which brings me to my next topic.

Remember how I said I had three job leads outside Sky and one within? Well... I got the one within! w00t! I'm starting December 1st, and I'll be working 8am to 5pm, no weekends, with a buck fifty pay increase. Hell, yeah. It sounds like I'm moving up from general flunky to cubicle rat; I'll be searching reports and documents for bank clients' missing information, like SSN, address, birthdate, etc, as required by the Patriot Act. Could suck, but could also be better than what I'm doing now. Hell, with such a pay jump, I'd be content, anyway, I think.

So, I suppose that crazy dream could have been my brain reacting to me leaving Lockbox shorthanded, somehow.

Next chapter: I received an e-mail this evening from HCR Manor Care, asking when I would be available for a phone interview. Keep in mind, this gig sounded pretty sweet: interviewing subject matter experts; writing, editing, and structuring web content; audio/video production; and graphic design. Right up my alley, I do believe. So, I'll go through with the phone interview, but I'll sure feel like a dick if I have to back out of the new job at Sky because I got a better deal somewhere else. Especially since I told my new boss in my interview that "I want to stay with Sky." Riiiight...

Soo... I'm going to hope for a phone interview either during my lunch Monday or after work Tuesday, since I don't exactly want to do a phone interview at my desk in the midst of other employees. Were I in a cubicle or office, sure, but not in the middle of Lockbox.

The way I'm looking at things, I don't have to sweat these other interviews now. I do best when I don't get all worked up about it, when I kind of psych myself out of ever actually having the job and just relax and enjoy the interview. At least, it seems that way at the time, I guess. — No, I take that back. I know that's how it is, because that's how I got the Patriot job. :-) Either that, or they had some real slim pickins for candidates...

Anyway, before I psych myself out of any more jobs, I'm going to stop rambling.

 

Kinko's

So, in Sunday's Blade, I found not one but two potentially satisfying classified ads for Web Designers. Which sent me off to Kinko's before work Monday to print off my specially-made resumé stationery. You know, the stuff that perfectly matches my portfolio website. When I proofed my document at Kinko's, though, I realized that I'd goofed while resizing the final paper size to legal (instead of "a half-inch too narrow and an inch too long," according to Uncle Frank). The girl gave me the goof as a sample and I went off to work. Unfortunately, I didn't leave work until 8:30pm (helluva half-day that was, at six hours), so I didn't have time to get back home and fix the PageMaker document and get back to Kinko's to get it printed.

Rant: Since when does Kinko's close?! The BG Kinko's has two signs on their front door: one that says, "24 Hours A Day, 7 Days A Week," and one that gives their real hours of 7am-9pm most days of the week. I thought Kinko's was supposed to be "your 24-hour branch office." WTF? — OK, continuing on...

So, today, after Aaron headed off to work, I fixed my stationery (for real this time) and walked my newly-burned CD-R down to Kinko's. Just as I had done last time, I put my CD on the counter and told the girl (a different one this time) that I had a PageMaker file on the disc of which I needed ten copies, color, tabloid size. She registered all that, and asked me, "Is this, um... is that a PC disc?" Hmm. I informed her that, yes, it was PC. She nodded, took the disc, and headed over to the far side of the employee work area, to the printing computers.

I milled about while she got over there and put the disc in. Finally she called out the name of my file, to make sure that was the one. Yep, it's the only PageMaker file on the CD... but I just replied, "Yep, that's it!" And, of course, I know PageMaker well enough to see over her shoulder at 20 feet that she hadn't installed the fonts before opening the document — the font substitution dialog had come up. She looked confused for a moment, then just clicked through and brought up the document. Then she asked me if I wanted to come look and make sure it was OK before she printed it. I don't think this is standard company policy... but I walked on back to her computer to look. Sure enough, it had substituted something that was not quite my fonts, and she told me so. I informed her that the fonts were on the disc, at which point she got the "boy, am I new here" look on her face and asked me if I knew how to put the fonts on the computer.

Way to make me feel smart, girlie! I needed an ego boost.

I tried to act informed (which, actually, I was) and I said something like, "Well, I don't know exactly how you guys do it here... do you have any font management software on that thing?" Thank you, Graphic Design and Typography... thank you, VCT 308... I sound smart now. And she waded through the Start Menu until she finally found Adobe Type Manager and fumbled her way through installing my fonts. She probably had a bear of a time dealing with it later, because I know what a bitch ATM can be about ejected disks sometimes, especially if you don't know what you're doing.. Anyway, she finally got it going on, and I retreated once more to the customer side of the desk.

From here, the story's pretty standard. Looked at the first printed proof, approved it, got my remaining nine copies, and paid about two bucks apiece for 'em. Yup, over $20 for ten color printouts on 11x17 paper. But I think it'll be worth it. Yeah.

Incidentally, while I was researching hyperlinks for this entry, I came across a job posting on the Thread (formerly Image Source) website, and applied for it. So, that makes three possibilities outside of Sky and one within! Hey, Amy, my tarot was right: things are moving in the right direction! Glad I jumped on it...

 

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