dianaschnuth

This entry is about porn. If you are under 18, are squeamish about the general idea of porn (or, more specifically, about the idea of me looking at porn), or if you are my mother, you probably shouldn’t read this.

There are no pictures, although there is some strong language and explicit discussion of kinds of pornographic subjects. Probably worksafe as long as no one is reading over your shoulder.

Interested parties, read on.

I’ve been kind of bored and peckish these past couple of evenings, so I’ve been turning to the oldest of pastimes for idle minds: internet pr0n.

Sometimes, though, surfing for porn is more trouble than it’s worth.

I mean, I’m very particular about my porn. Being a female, any verbage on a website that refers to “fucking these horny sluts” or similar derogatory language toward women is a giant turnoff. Yes, I basically just eliminated about 70% of porn websites right there. I’m also not into looking at blowjobs or cum shots (or bukkake) or anal penetration. That eliminates most of the remaining 30%.

So, what kind of porn do I go for? Usually, I go straight for the hardcore porn. Straight-up sex. I don’t require a plot for my internet pr0n, since it’s mainly explicit pictures and ten-second movie clips. I just require, well, what it’s all about.

The only thing is, sometimes looking at extreme closeups of private parts gets kind of boring. And the movie clips can be weird. I mean, the chicks make all the requisite noises, but it is painfully obvious that they’re not into it. That, too, is a turnoff for me. (Damn, I’m picky about my free porn.)

So, I propose PMVs. Porn Music Videos. Rent or download your favorite explicit porno, choose your favorite sexy song, and use your latent video editing skillz to cut the two together into a three-minute lovefest.

For anyone who doesn’t know, there are anime fans who create AMVs, or Anime Music Videos, along this same premise. Take your favorite anime (or multiple anime series/movies), and put scenes to a particular song that fits those scenes. There are lots of examples online. I’m sure that there are plenty of AMVs made from hentai — but, again, most hentai is not something I’m into. Lots of bukkake and some tentacles every now and again.

I propose that porn connoisseurs give their favorite pornos the same treatment. Pick a song that stirs your blood (Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge, for example), pick some porn clips that do it for you, and — poof! — a short video that you can go back to over and over again. You could even cut together sexy scenes from your favorite R-rated movie with the explicit scenes from your porno, and make a whole new fun fantasy experience.

I think the PMV is an interesting idea, although I can’t take complete credit for it. One of Aaron’s friends (I won’t “out” you, dude, but you can take credit if you’d like) had a VHS tape of all his favorite “money shots” and other various good parts of his favorite pornos. Cut right to the chase. Brilliant idea, IMO. Too bad it went “missing” one day…

I don’t know that I’m personally going to make this my pet project… but if there are any pr0n freaks out there in the audience, I offer this idea to you. PMVs. Run with it, and share the fruits of your labor with us. Me. Whatever.