An old friend reminded me on Facebook (where I cross-post all my blog entries) that I need to do the “thought work” behind the food and fitness decisions that I make.
Sounded like a good time to reinstate the old Why Did I Eat That? exercise.
I don’t have it marked on the graph, but my Daily Target is 30 SmartPoints. I also get a Weekly Allowance of an additional 35 …which didn’t cover my indiscretions this week. Not even close. (But I at least kept tracking.)
Also, for those not familiar with Weight Watchers, the Points system is basically a way to encourage healthy food decisions — it’s loosely based on calories, with emphasis put on fresh fruits and vegetables and lean protein. Saturated fats and sugars are discouraged in the Points algorithm, as well.
So, depending on what I eat, my calories could look just fine, but my SP Values would be all wonky. That said, I ate way more calories than necessary on Tuesday and Thursday — 2,000 and 2,300 respectively. Sunday was around 1,400, but some of it was sugary snacks, which is why my SmartPoints total was all whack. On my two Perfectly On Plan days, I ate 1,200 and 900 calories, with a healthy percentage of my calories coming from protein.
You’ll note that I’m skirting the issue. So, why did I eat that? And what did I eat, anyway?
Thursday… it started out just fine. I had been going to make myself a breakfast sandwich at home, but time got away from me, so I bought one from the cafe at work instead. Not that big of a deal — just a slice of normal cheese instead of fat free, and probably more butter on the fried egg. Lunch, even though it was out at a restaurant with my work buddy (who gets yet another mention on the blog!), was actually fairly healthy, with a roast beef sandwich with cheese, with a side of crispy Brussels sprouts in balsamic. My dinner plan for my son and I had been avocado alfredo (one of my specialties), but the last avocado had gone bad, so it turned into regular alfredo — which was still fine, because I don’t make it old-school anymore, and I haven’t for some time. I’ve lightened it up considerably.
So, that should be the end of it, right? Nope. Without checking the Points values, I promised myself a half a glass of the lowfat eggnog we still had in the fridge after Connor went to bed. But with half-eggnog-half-milk you need cookies, right? And then I checked the Points, and the All Or Nothing thinking came into play.
I’d completely blown it for the day. I’d eaten an entire meal’s worth of Points with my damn eggnog-milk and cookies. So what did I do next? I made myself a big ol’ bowl of mac and cheese — 25 SmartPoints worth — and I sat down in front of the TV to eat it.
Comfort food. When I’m tired and pissed off, that’s what I do. That’s where I get stuck.
What should I do? If I’m extra pissed, some push-ups tend to bust me out of it. If I’m extra tired and funky, curling up with a book and a candle works out nicely. Or writing — that works, too, even if it turns out some bizarrely introspective blog posts for my husband to read over his break at work. 🙂
Things that don’t make me feel any better:
- Food (not in the long term)
- Watching TV
- Playing on my phone
Tomorrow is my weekly Weight Watchers weigh-in. I know my weight isn’t going to be down from last week, and it may even be up. But I feel like I’m in a better place mentally, even if I do physically feel like a damn sausage in my normal clothes. Amazing what a five-pound gain can do.
I know that evenings are my self-sabotage risk, when I’m tired and some weird part of my brain takes over. I just need to be kind to that part of myself: light a candle, do some seated meditation, remind myself that I am not my weight, and I am not my clothing size, and I am complete and perfect exactly as I am.
…Which isn’t to say I wouldn’t still like to lose that last 15 pounds.