Sense of Purpose

I’ve tried to start this damn entry about half a dozen times now, and everything sounds too depressed or too pretentious. So, I’ll cut to the chase.

Remember when we were in school? In High School, we were all working toward graduation. Maybe our short-term goals involved a certain GPA, or a scholarship, or getting accepted to a certain college. Most people I knew were working toward college, although some people were working toward getting “real” jobs and moving out of their parents’ houses.

Then, when we were in college, we were still working toward graduation, and toward a career. Again, some folks were striving to keep a certain GPA, while others of us were just content to strive not to get kicked out.

Then we graduated (some of us), and worked on living on our own, and getting “real” jobs that could sustain us, and all that adult crap.

So… now what?

In the years since my college graduation in December 2001, I have:

  • survived in an apartment on my own for one year (somehow)
  • moved into a duplex with Aaron (my then-fiance)
  • gotten a long-term job at Sky
  • purchased a brand new car with Aaron
  • gotten married
  • purchased a house with Aaron
  • adopted a kitten

So, sure, things have been happening. I’ve had goals, and events to look forward to. For the past several months, though, I’ve felt like I’m in that movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. You know the one, where he wakes up every morning and it’s February 2nd all over again. Except, in my little world, the seasons wheel by, my job rotation at work changes, the cat gets bigger and fiestier, and I still feel like I’m in some kind of goddamn hamster wheel.

Does anyone else feel like this? Am I just being a weenie for complaining about that “real world” they kept telling me to prepare for in college?

I’m wondering if this is why I’m kind of anxious to have a kid. Not any sort of biological crap, but to have something else to… attend? Some other sense of purpose.

Did anyone else take that Sociology 101 course, where they taught about Roles? Your Primary Role is how you identify yourself, and all your other relationships to your family and friends and interests are your Minor Roles. It’s like that stupid commercial for the diabetic meter: I’m a wife, a daughter, a Sky Bank employee, a member of the LakeShoremen Drum & Bugle Corps… I am not a diabetic, and this is not my meter.

My whole point of this rambling diatribe was to ask you guys: how do you deal with the daily grind? Do you just Put Your Shoulder To The Wheel and deal with it, or do you actually have energy in the evenings to do something enjoyable, or do you (horror of horrors) actually have a job you *enjoy* and can *progress* in?

The floor is open to comments, suggestions, and psychiatric referrals.

3 thoughts on Sense of Purpose

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  1. hm. well. honestly, i feel like this about my job constantly. one thing that helped for a while (and helped me keep my sanity in more way than one) was having something to look forward to after work – going to the gym. working on john’s house. etc. now that i’m back in the gym (barring the recovery period of the last two days) i’m working toward another goal – to be even more fit this summer than i was last summer.

    i think it’s all about goals. having a goal, any goal, can be motivating. but it cant motivate all aspects. i mean, my fitness goal doesnt help my work situation. but revising my resume and sending it off to Bigger and Better places does.

    so, if you’re unhappy with your job, and it doesnt challenge you, maybe you need a new one. *shrug* i know it’s slim pickins around Toledo. but i dont particularly care for toledo, so i’ve been applying elsewhere.

    as far as wanting a kid just to mix things up – that’s up to you. it wont fix your job but it will give you something to look forward to when you get home 😛 (unless you plan on quitting your job when you have one, in which case it would make your days completely different.)

  2. In case anyone was curious… I asked Scott at work what he looks forward to, and he said he enjoys coming home to his dogs, Ricky and Sebastian. He also looks forward to various plays and shows and concerts and such.

    Maybe I need to scour Pollstar a little more… or be more excited about drumcorps rehearsals. 😛