More Stress Than I Realized

Being at home with Aaron for a week — and during *this* week in particular, biologically speaking — has made for some interesting dynamics.

Left to my own devices, I’ll sleep for at least 10 hours and stay awake for between 12 and 14 hours. This, as I have already learned in the past, is not good for my mood. I start to feel lazy and depressed, and become less productive, since my normally productive and creative afternoon hours are suddenly my sleepy morning hours. Rolling out of bed at the crack of noon needs to stop.

At least I’ve been making myself to-do lists to keep myself busy. Follow-ups, hitting job-search websites, and driving to BG for outplacement workshops have been on my agenda.

Still… after a decent amount of job rejection, or getting no response and counting that as rejection (and fielding website restructuring requests that feel like rejection, but shouldn’t), I’m starting to feel a little stressed. I hadn’t realized it until I had a little mini-breakdown today, for no good reason. I’m still chalking most of it up to hormones.

My diabolical plan is to add more structure to my days, and to get up earlier. Instead of going to aikido this evening, for instance, I’m going to attend tomorrow’s (and Thursday’s, and Saturday’s) 10am session. I’m also going to meditate daily, like I’d mentioned before that I wanted to do.

I need to not take everything so personally. I also need to eat better, exercise more, and get out of the house every day. Otherwise, I’ll sink into a funk from which I’ll never escape. And that’s not a good way to find a job.

Update, 12:45am: It’s amazing what a difference just ten minutes of meditation can make. That 8pm session of zazen, plus a solid and genuinely excited decision to attend aikido tomorrow morning, along with a shitload of job leads from one of Aaron’s friends, have all acted to calm me considerably.

Lights out in fifteen minutes.