I am starting to get seriously annoyed with myself for allowing myself to feel all pissy and depressed for no good reason. I let little things get under my skin. I let things harsh my mellow in a bad way. And I let other people’s negative attitudes affect me more than necessary.

Part of this is definitely, without a doubt, the connection between mind and body. Effed up sleep habits, eating habits, schedules — all are really taking their toll. And these are all fixable things. It’s just a matter of making myself do things just because, instead of ‘because I have to go to work’ or ‘because I have a deadline.’ How about ‘because I’ll feel like shit later if I don’t’?

I also feel like I tend to wallow in my depression / funk when I get in these moods. It’s like I take some perverse pleasure in feeling downtrodden or something. WTF? That went out of style back when I was 17. Righteously oppressed and darkly-mooded teenagers are to be expected; depressed grown-ups get handed a pile of Prozac and told to suck it up. Not that I’m clinically depressed (not diagnosed, anyway), and not like I’d be particularly comfortable with taking medication that alters the chemicals in my brain. The Pill screwed me up bad enough; who would I be after taking anti-depressants?

Point being, I’m kind of seeing myself from the outside in, while still being all funky. I need to fucking shake this thing.

Maybe tomorrow’s wedding reception or next week’s second interview downtown (OMG!) will cheer me up.

Update: Oh, that’s fantastic. Owens got my BG transcripts, sure, but one of the two programming classes I wanted to take in January (co-requisites, so it’s both or neither) is now full. Unless I plan to be unemployed until March, in which case I could take either the MW 10am-11:50am class or the TR noon-1:50pm class.

*insert tantrum here*