Deep Funk

My winter depression is coming early this year, perhaps due to being holed in for some especially frigid days recently. I get easily frustrated with myself, and doubt my self-worth, and find fault. What makes it worse is that I don’t care. I mean, I obviously do care, but I can’t get motivated enough or take enough interest to do anything about any of it. It’s illogical and irrational and kind of stupid, but there it is.

Usually, this doesn’t hit until February, and for the past several years I’ve been able to stave it off with daily half-hour walks and vacation planning and being happily married. This year, though, all the planets are aligning, it seems, to help me be excessively blah. Not feeling particularly useful in my job, despite a positive annual review in November. Not feeling particularly successful in my weight loss, despite now being able to wear a large (as opposed to an extra-large) in some clothing styles. Not feeling properly wifely, as I’m never good at housekeeping and my libido’s shot to hell lately (TMI, sorry).

Can I fake it? Oh, sure, no problem. I’m no drama queen; I’d try to play it off, anyway.

But I don’t like feeling like this, and I’m not sure how to turn it around. Besides just waiting for spring, that is. It’s irrational and illogical and I can’t talk myself into being un-blah. I can’t formulate proper arguments to convince myself not to feel this way.

It’s irritating. Which only makes things worse.

Maybe I just need more sleep. Still.


5 thoughts on Deep Funk

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  1. are you still skipping Zen?
    Maybe that would help.(going I mean)
    You are right it is totally illogical but then you are not Spock, you are a woman, and weman are rarely logical. Love you.
    🙂 this to will pass

    maybe this means you won’t feel this way in February.

  2. Very true – I haven’t been to Zen in over a month. I’m planning to go back tonight. Maybe that will help.

    A friend on Facebook also suggested that I get myself to a tanning salon, even if just for a few minutes. Not sure if I’ll do that, but it’s a thought.

  3. I know, dude. I know. That’s what else makes me feel all WTF about being down, you know? I know I’m doing just fine, and have nothing to complain about, really.

    Zen did make me feel a little better, too, although Sensei’s wife gets a little more spiritually deep than I’m comfortable with sometimes. Even so, it kind of centered me and got me on the upward road.

  4. I know plenty of Atheists in my program that are spiritual. You can be a “spiritual” person without being a “theist”. I’m sure you know that.