Why Have Kids?

I’m not being flippant or rhetorical. This is a serious question. Why do people choose to have children?

I’ve been sitting on this entry for weeks. Never before have I logged into Movable Type for day after day and had it tell me, “You have 1 draft.” I just haven’t been quite sure how to tackle the topic. Do I attack this like a dissertation, listing all the philosophical and sociological theories for procreation that I can think of? Do I keep it informal and funny? Do I engage my readers and hope someone will join in the conversation?

Guess I’ll just jump in.

This really feels like my deconversion from Christianity: a slow but revealing process that makes my brain look at the world differently. Once I seriously asked the question, once I stepped back from my worldview and considered it, I got my mind blown.

If you have kids, or are expecting, I seriously want to know: why? I’m not being a dick; I’m being serious. When you sat down with your mate and had The Discussion, what was the driving force behind it? Was there a religious imperative to actively bring children into the world — or at least, not to prevent it? Do you just like kids, and wanted some of your own? Were you looking to pass on your own life lessons and beliefs for future generations? Or was it just time?

(Of course, if you’re like my Mom, there wasn’t so much of a mutual discussion as there was an after-the-fact decision, so that’s a little different… but not so much. There was still the decision of birth versus abortion, and raising versus adoption.)

If you’re consciously choosing not to have children, I ask you: why not? Is it a personal decision (you don’t like kids, or you prefer your current lifestyle), or is it a sociopolitical decision (humans are in no danger of going extinct, and food is becoming more scarce)? Or is it something else entirely?

I don’t want to start a debate as much as a discussion. Inquiring minds want to know!

5 thoughts on Why Have Kids?

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  1. Hey Diana…
    Just stumbled upon your website doing some searches on rcc and bgsu.

    It’s nice to see all the RCC alumni hanging around causing trouble.

    Hope all is well.


  2. I think I always knew I wanted children. I don’t know maybe it was my upbringing. But even when I was away from the church I never did anything I thought would hurt those chanced. If a woman doesn’t have that urg it is probobly best not to have kids. Eventualy there is love givin back but the first few years it is more give than get. I loved you the moment I knew you were inside of me. But I have seem and talked to moms that never should have been moms.
    I think parents that push there children to have kids are wrong. It is a very personal desision that will be with you the rest of your life.

  3. I find it interesting that many times those whom I feel would make the best parents question their parenting ability the most.

    I know a lot of people who never thought about what it means to be a parents, etc., they just had kids because it’s what you do. I can empathize with you, though. I know I want to have kids, but I ask a lot of questions. Part of it is my personality– I’d rather have a plan, I’m not good with knee jerk reactions. Part of it is my educational background as I’ve been trained to think critically.

    I don’t really have a point other than to say I know where you’re coming from. And I think each couple knows when it’s the right time for them– if at all. But this might be one area where over thinking the issue becomes counter productive too. Having kids will ALWAYS be scary! And a whole heck of a lot of work! At least that is where I’m at right now 🙂

  4. When I was younger I wanted as many kids as I could possibly have. I don’t know if it was being an only child or my dad not being in the picture, but I always dreamed of having a huge family.

    But ask me now after having the twins if I still want a big family and the answer is NO, and I can’t say exactly what has made me change my mind. I love my kids more than the world and I wouldn’t change it for anything. Being a parent is very demanding and you don’t get any “me” time (not even in the bathroom). However there are the perks that come with being a parent. There is nothing better than having them tell me I am their favoritest mommy in the whole wide world and all the hugs and kisses and laughs. But secretly I am looking forward to the day they start preschool :o)

    I would never tell anyone too have kids or not to have kids. It is their personal and private choice, and I think people forget that.