dianaschnuth

I’m in quite a mood this holiday season. I’m not sure how to describe it, or what caused it, but I’m just not enthused about Christmas this year.

The cat has made our prelit Christmas tree her personal playground by chewing through one of the wires and playing with the ornaments. Now only the top half of the tree is decorated, and the bottom tier of branches is no longer lit.

My great-uncle died this month; and while I don’t particularly miss him, not having seen him for over 15 years, his passing serves as a reminder of how rarely I see my remaining family anymore. I have no family nearby, and no friends — well, Aaron’s friends are my friends now, but it’s not quite the same. It’s not like I’m planning to exchange gifts with them. (Note to my friends that were Aaron’s friends first: if you’re planning to get me a gift, you might want to give me a heads-up, so I can find something for you…)

Christmas songs have been maddening this year, too. Like nails on a chalkboard. In years past, they’ve been merely annoying to me. This year, though, they’re driving me to rage, and I don’t know why.

After being in drum & bugle corps, it occurs to me that if a Little Drummer Boy played his drum for an infant… I don’t care if it was for the Son of God or the brat down the street, but at the sound of up-close, live percussion, any infant would instantly start crying bloody murder. There would be no cute baby smiling involved.

Every time I hear “Sleigh Ride,” I think of that very first Christmas Concert I played with the high school Wind Ensemble, after I first learned to play clarinet and somehow landed the first chair clarinet spot. None of the clarinets could play the high notes; none of us knew how to play notes that high. It sounded horrible. And the trumpets couldn’t get the rhythm of the jazzy section, so the most interesting section of “Sleigh Ride” was left on the proverbial cutting room floor.

I don’t understand my mood at all. I can have moments of genuinely enjoying myself with my co-workers — but as soon as I return to my desk, I’m back to the same depressed rut I was in before. I just don’t get it.

And we’re supposed to get at least six inches of snow during the day today. Chances are that the employees who live farther away may be sent home early, and those of us who live in town will stay until 5:00. That’s not helping my mood at all. (Edit: No one got to leave early, and the roads really weren’t that bad by 5pm.)

Merry Freakin’ Christmas.