I don’t deal well with depression anymore. Now that I feel like I’m pretty “normal” most of the time — as opposed to ten or twelve years ago, when feeling pointless and uninspired was the norm for me — now that I’m usually OK, I don’t revel in this nastiness. I’d rather it be over.
But it’s just not that easy.
I feel like a very small person, mentally, when I can’t take constructive criticism; when I can’t gracefully accept someone else’s successes; when I can’t don’t keep bargains I’ve made with myself; when I’m reminded that I’m still kind of a fuck-up sometimes, despite being a 31-year-old “grown-up,” and that I already knew that I was a fuck-up, and that I just never fixed the problem. I hate getting down on myself for shit, instead of just fixing the shit and moving on.
Maybe I do still revel in this BS. If I didn’t, I’d just fucking pick myself up, shake myself off, and move on. Right?
*sigh*
I’m too tired to think about this shit right now. I need to chill out and go to bed. After I figure out what’s for lunch tomorrow.
You ARE NOT a fuck up!!!!
YOU are one of the greatest people I know, granted my circle is a little small, but… Diana all the people that knew me when you were little just assumed that you would, drop out of school, be an unwed mother, on welfair,becouse of where you came from and who you came from. Yes I am your mother so am probably predudice(not to mintion a bad speller:-) ) but really, how many people do you know who had your start, that has the life you have? You are GREAT! So stop it. LOL MOM
xoxoxoxo
Yeah I think your Mom says it all. A f*ck-up, no…I don’t think so. College grad, world traveler, photographer–I could go on. Those things are all signs of a successful person. But I think your Mom said it best.