dianaschnuth

Other than my own name and “t-shirt surgery,” the search string that brings the most visitors to my site is “Archibald Barasol,” thanks to this post from back in March of ’06. Most people spend a grand total of six minutes on my site after not finding the text of the Archibald Barasol joke (probably trying to search for it and see if I posted it somewhere else).

Today, I received an e-mail from a reader who kept reading, even after coming to a dead-end in finding the text of the Archibald Barasol joke. She was kind enough to e-mail me and say some kind words about my journal, which I greatly appreciate.

As a thank-you to her, and as an offering to all of you who find my site by searching for “Archibald Barasol,” I present the text of the joke, as I remember it, as told to me by CC Snyder:

So, there’s this kid. He’s about 17 years old and in the 4th grade, and his name is Archibald Barasol. One day, Archibald’s teacher was teaching the class how to spell out words in phonetic syllables.

“Archibald,” she says, “Can you say your name in phonetic syllables for a star?”

“Hell, no,” he says. “I need an example.”

The teacher says, “Fair enough,” and calls on Johnny Jones. “Johnny, can you say your name in phonetic syllables for a star?”

Johnny stands up and says, “Yes, ma’am! You’ve got your J-O-H-N, got your John. Got your N-Y, got your -ny, got your Johnny. Got your J-O-N-E-S, got your Jones. Got your John Jones, got your -ny Jones, got your John-ny Jones.”

“Very good,” the teacher says. “Now, Archibald, can you say your name in phonetic syllables for a star?”

“Hell, no,” he repeats. “I need an example.”

The teacher says, “Fair enough,” and calls on Mary Smith. “Mary, can you say your name in phonetic syllables for a star?”

Mary stands up and says, “Yes, ma’am! You’ve got your M-A, got your May. Got your R-Y, got your -ry, got your Mary. Got your S-M-I-T-H, got your Smith. Got your May Smith, got your -ry Smith, got your Ma-ry Smith.”

“Very good,” the teacher says. “Now, Archibald, can you say your name in phonetic syllables for a star?”

Archibald stands up and says, “All right, you asked for it, fucker. You got your A-R-C-H, got your Arch. Got your I, got your Arch-eye. Got your B-A-L-D, got your bald, got your eye-bald, got your Arch-eye-bald. Got your B-A-R, got your bare, got your bald bare, got your eye-bald-bare, got your Arch-eye-bald-bare. You got your A-S, got your ass. Got your bare ass. Got your bald bare ass. Got your eye-bald-bare-ass, got your arch-eye-bald-bare-ass. You got your O-L, got your ole. Got your ass-ole. Got your bare-ass-ole. Got your bald, bare ass ‘ole. Got your eye-bald-bare-ass-ole, you got your Arch-eye-bald Bare-ass-ole.”

And the teacher says, “Very, very good.”

I have read variations on this joke; keep in mind this is but one version, and that I first heard and memorized it back in 1995. It’s also a challenge to type out, and is funniest if read aloud. Particularly with a southern accent.