I’m not sure why I’m even bothering to wiggle my fingers and record my thoughts on this particular topic. It’s most definitely a case of I Know What To Do But I Don’t Do It. It’s also a bit of The Chicken Or The Egg, in that I’m not sure which thing is the cause and which is the effect, but they all feed off one another and get worse.
The problem: I’m tired and cranky.
Why am I tired? Because I stayed up too late last night. I’m cranky because I snoozed my alarm this morning when I knew I should just get up, and that made me late to work. My almost-four-year-old son also not wanting to get up didn’t help the cause, either.
Why did I stay up too late last night? Because Connor wouldn’t go to sleep and kept getting up, and I wanted to get a time-sensitive blog post done (and didn’t — only the photos, not the text), on top of also wanting some wind-down time in bed before lights out. That wind-down time, as with my wake-up time, always suffers from my tired-brain lack of good judgement, so I stay up even later when I need the sleep the most.
Why wouldn’t Connor stay in bed? Because he’s almost four. And because I kept going upstairs to placate him. According to my chat log with Aaron last night over Words With Friends (because that’s how we communicate when one of us is at home and the other at work), here’s how things went down:
8:15pm – Tucked Connor in.
8:20pm – Connor had to go potty.
8:25pm – Connor asked what I was microwaving.
8:30pm – Connor was “having trouble going to sleep.”
8:45pm – Connor wanted pajama shorts instead of long pants.
9:00pm – Connor turned on his light and wanted a hug.
At that point, I totally lost my shit on him and yelled really loud and made him cry. Which made me feel like Parent of the Year, of course. Once I got him in bed that time, after some hugs and a little talk, I told him that I was going back to “the Grown-Up Room” (aka the home office, where we keep our tower computers and our media), so if he called me again, I wouldn’t hear him.
He stayed in bed that time. Well, as far as I know. I really was in the office where I couldn’t hear him unless he yelled or cried, since I don’t plug in the baby monitor at night.
Oh, and I should point out that I also eat when I’m tired and frustrated, which isn’t helping my goal of losing 15 pounds by Thanksgiving of this year.
So, what would have been some better options, taking into account that tired-brain decisions are always bad ones, and better avoided altogether?
Option 1: Tough love. Put Connor down, allow him a single additional Mommy visit, and inform him that I will be busy and unable to hear him call for me after that (unless it’s an emergency, of course).
Option 2: Resign myself to not getting any “me” time. I could should have just gone upstairs at 9:30pm and had some time to wind down with any number of things: meditation, yoga, iPhone, book. I could easily have been in bed by 10pm (which is really when I *should* be in bed)
Option 3: Start the bedtime routine earlier and/or tighten things up. Less play time in the bath. One book instead of two. Starting the battle of wills earlier (and ending it earlier by refusing to entertain it further).
Option 4: All of the above.
I have a battle plan and a schedule for tonight. I hope tonight is better.