Seriously. The logical part of my brain is clearly indicating that my inability to get to sleep lately, combined with the time of month, is making everything seem epic and insurmountable.
Meanwhile, my amygdala is all, “Screw It.”
Nothing is horrible. Things are generally cool. We booked our vacation recently, which has me pretty excited (except for that whole two-piece swimsuit thing, which I am so not in the right mindset for right now). I’m back on the WW wagon, tracking what I eat and exercising when I can. My son is taking karate and seems to be really enjoying it.
But all the little shit is just piling on, bit by bit.
So, I finally got last year’s rolls of film developed. As usual, my beloved (?) Fujica Half kinda crapped out on me inconsistently, so I guess it’s just as well that I only took seven pictures on vacation.
I love that half-frame camera, but the auto exposure gets stuck sometimes — and the slide film I had loaded is not nearly as unforgiving as print film.
* * *
Work. I love my job, but… I have one project that just went into production, three projects in QA testing, a few in the early design phases and a couple in active development. I seriously feel like I’m in a constant state of distraction, between dealing with QA defects and trying to get into the deep mental state of designing new dashboards and switching gears to do SQL coding and the other technical aspects of report development. Feels like I’m working less like a firehose and more like a sprinkler.
* * *
It’s winter. I have no right to bitch about the weather. But I will, anyway. It’s snowing right now, and it’s supposed to accumulate an inch by this evening. On Saturday, we’re supposed to get over four inches of snow, then maybe get some more early next week. My son will be over the moon, but I’m really not so into this whole snow thing. Maybe we’ll just hole up in the house all day Saturday and play Wii and board games.
Anything else I can bitch about to get it out and make me feel better by realizing how trivial it all is…?
I’m tired and my clothes don’t fit right and I can’t concentrate. I can’t get focused on my work. I feel frumpy and not put-together. I’m just generally blah, and I know that it’s mostly because of lack of sleep and whacked-out hormones.
Aaron always jokes that he knows something’s really bothering me when it ends up on my blog, and he’s totally right. It makes me feel better to see it in words, and to have to formulate and distill my thoughts and feelings into cohesive sentences.
It helps me realize that it’s just a mood. Life doesn’t really suck — it just feels that way right now.
Damn brain.