Sometimes it amazes me how much my son is a perfect mash-up of me and his Dad, while still being very much his own person. Talkative, creative, intelligent, snarky, and sneaky, with a short temper and a big heart. Some of these traits come from one or the other of us, and some come from both… but when something comes up that’s foreign to one or the other of us — like not wanting to go to school because it’s boring — it takes some effort to get into his head and figure out how to help.
I asked Connor on two different occasions why it is that he doesn’t want to go to school. Some of the answers he gave:
- Math is easy and boring for him, and his teacher knows it.
- Writing is stupid.
- He keeps getting in trouble.
- His best friend has become a bit of a bully, and that makes him uncomfortable.
Some of these complaints are easily fixed, and some not so much.
Connor’s teacher and I decided that if he chooses to complete the Challenge worksheet that she gives him instead of the Review sheet everyone else does (the part that’s extra super boring because he already knows it), then he’ll earn some screen time at home.
Writing is writing, and it needs to be done. It’s not like any adult can instill a love of the physical act of writing in a child, but I hope he can learn to appreciate getting things done and doing them right (instead of just fast). He has plenty to say; he just hates taking the time to physically write it down. Fine motor skills are important at this age, but I suspect he’ll be glad to learn to type eventually.
“Trouble” is subjective… Sometimes his teacher says he needs reminders to stay on task, and possibly just the act of being called out in class feels like getting in trouble. He’s not being disciplined… just reminded. His frame of mind seems to have improved around this subject lately, which is helpful.
As for the last part… social interaction has never been my forte, and I remember vividly how all-encompassing that can be, from elementary school on up.
We talked about tactics he’s already tried with his BFF, and some suggestions for what to try next. Unfortunately, once it became clear to him that no amount of explaining or reasoning was going to get me to let him stay home from school, he informed me that he didn’t want suggestions — he wanted a day to himself!
Well, you can’t please everybody.
Yesterday I learned that this BFF of his taught him the f-word recently. I’m just glad Connor hasn’t used it up until now, and that it only came up during a relevant conversation (“Why is it rude to show someone your middle finger?”).
And the parenting challenges continue…