I’ve been eagerly anticipating today’s med check with my doctor for weeks. He put me on Prozac over a year ago, and on Wellbutrin about a year and a half. The meds have been treating me well… up until recently.
For the past few months, things have been going slowly downhill. I’ve gained ten pounds, and my mood has become more volatile in a chicken-and-egg sort of dance. I’m down because I don’t fit into my clothes and I’m jiggly. I either wish I didn’t have to bother eating, or I can’t stop. I get tension headaches. I get irritable easily, to the point of sudden rage. I can’t focus at work. I haven’t been taking enjoyment in my hobbies. I get down on myself. I notice all my flaws, physical and otherwise. They taunt me.
My knees hurt, so I skip my workouts. I go outside for a restorative walk over lunch, only to find it gray and cold and windy.
Doc told me today that he thinks I’m not reacting well to the Wellbutrin, and told me to gradually taper off of it over the next month. At the same time, he’s having me double my dose of Prozac from what I had been taking, which was the minimum dosage available.
He also confirmed what I had suspected for some time now: I have inattentive-type ADHD. This quote from the Cleveland Clinic (emphasis mine) sums things up quite well:
Executive functions of the brain–such as verbal and nonverbal working memory, self-regulation and motivation, and planning–are thought to be impaired in adults with AD/HD. Adults who have AD/HD without hyperactivity can experience difficulties with maintaining attention and focus, using working memory and recall, and regulating emotions. Organizing and prioritizing tasks can be challenging.
As the kids said back in 2015… it me.
Our hope is that eliminating the Wellbutrin and increasing the Prozac will help resolve the emotional volatility and mitigate some of the ADHD symptoms, as well as the depression. If not, though, we’ll experiment with what he calls “real” stimulants.
I should also get myself to talk therapy. I go with Connor to some Behavioral Therapy to help him identify and regulate his emotions, and I honestly get something out of his appointments, too, even though I’m really just there as his handler / moral support / responsible adult. It’s taking that first step and reaching out that’s the hardest.
Aaron always says he can tell when something’s really bothering me because he reads it on my blog. He also told me a couple weeks back that I should act sooner if this mood dip happens again.
Agreed, 100 percent.