dianaschnuth

Just checking in from the downtown Starbucks over my lunch break. I haven’t been very active on the blog lately, so I figured I’d take this opportunity to just write a little about whatever comes to mind.

To be honest, my initial thought had been to bitch about how I’ve been feeling kind of meh lately. Not sure if it’s the weird weather lately — is it autumn or isn’t it? — or if it’s hormonal or chemical or if I’m just not getting enough sleep or eating right. Actually, it’s probably all of the above. Surprisingly, though, since I made the decision this morning to pull myself out of it, I’ve felt noticeably better.

My improvement in mood might also have something to do with me getting near the end of my major work project. It’s kind of a big deal, and I’m (more than) kind of proud of my role in it. It’s been a rollercoaster getting to the end of it — last-minute data wonkiness, the mobile piece still not working as expected (which is out of my control), and documentation for days. It’ll be a huge win for me once it gets into production, though. Plus, I’ve really had fun digging into Microsoft Power BI.

Back to my mental health for a moment: it’s funny how just making the decision to turn my week around can make such a huge difference to my attitude. Before Prozac and Wellbutrin, a slump like that would have lasted a good week or more, and I would have beaten myself up over my inability to even locate my bootstraps to start pulling myself up. Now, though, the decision to focus on eating healthier today (after a couple days of doughnuts and cookies and carbiness in general) already has me thinking about how I’d like to sit and meditate tonight, and get to bed early, and how I’ll be able to deal with my son’s own attitude problems so much better when I’m in the right headspace myself.

Last night, after butting heads with my son over bedtime stuff, I found myself watching Good Eats on Amazon and eating a fourth meal and two or three desserts. I knew food wasn’t the answer, but I kept eating, anyway.

(Sidebar: OMG! Good Eats Reloaded premieres on the Cooking Channel on Monday! Can. Not. Wait.)

Tonight? I’ll probably do some tidying up, water some plants that need it, and prep for my NEW COMPUTER that’s arriving this weekend (that’s a story in itself, but my current desktop is some eight years old, so I’m stoked).

Being able to consciously decide not to be in a shitty mood, and to do the things I enjoy doing again, is a huge deal. It’s huge. I keep forgetting how huge it is, because it finally feels normal to me. It’s not until I slip back briefly that I realize how NOT normal it was for me to feel meh all the goddamn time.

Hooray for pharmaceuticals and modern medicine.