Funny Joke for Today

Husband: How about we swap positions tonight, honey?
Wife: That’s a good idea. You stand by the ironing board,
           and I’ll sit on the couch and fart.

Later: I know only about six of you visit regularly (and I know this for sure now because of my happy SiteMeter), but I’ll post this anyway. Spread the word.

I was reading the news portion of Something Positive, and found this link to a friend of a friend of the artist. This woman, Rebecca, and her family and pets escaped their burning house this week, but lost all their personal belongings. There’s pictures and everything, and multiple people have cross-references from their pages, so I’m confident it’s not a hoax. I went ahead and donated ten bucks, and am planning to donate a few extra Sci-Fi/Fantasy books I had been going to trade up at Grounds. If you’d like to donate, I’m sure she and her daughters would appreciate any little bit.

Homebuying, Step 1: Complete

hello, keyword boy.It’s true: we’ve been pre-approved for a mortgage loan. w00t!

Now, Step 2 is finding a realtor and looking at some houses. John from NOIC is being nice enough to do some legwork for us and hook us up with a realtor. I’m sure it’s not just for our benefit, though; I’m getting a definite "you scratch my back…" vibe about his relationship with the realtors he’s researching for us. That’s cool, though. Whatever gets us into a house by April.

While I was looking for houses on Realtor.com the other night, I found this sidebar. Read the caption carefully. Then scratch your head at the randomness and move on.

We’ve found a couple nice homes on Realtor.com, mainly in the Wildwood/Reynolds Corners area of Toledo. We have a few requirements/preferences:

Three bedrooms (or two plus a den) • Attached Garage (preferably two-car) • Dishwasher • Central Air • Pleasant neighborhood (where we can safely take walks)

It would also be nice to have a washer and dryer included in the deal, but we can always buy those later. If push comes to shove, we could install central air later, too, like the Frieses did, but we’d kind of prefer to enjoy the first summer in our new home.

There are lots of other houses that don’t meet all our wants, but that are still pretty cool, too. I think we’ll find something right for us in the right amount of time and for the right price. It’ll be fun.

Weird-Ass Dream

I was living at Mom and Gary’s place in Parma, but my step-brother Philip and my cousin Michael were there. In the dream, I was 18 and a Senior in High School, Philip was an underclassman (age 16?), and so was my cousin Michael (age 14?). This is totally skewed from real life, where I’m currently 27, Philip’s 17 and Michael’s 19.

In my dream, it started out as late evening. My glasses were broken, and I knew I had to go get them fixed; The left lens had a clean horizontal break halfway across. But Gary informed me that I had to drive Philip to school, and bring Michael along (who, in the dream as in real life, had some mental/behavioral issues). I argued that I would be late for school if I did that; and besides, it was my car and I was an adult and shouldn’t have to ferry everyone around, etc, etc. My arguments didn’t fly, though, and I was stuck with the job.

Michael was taking a bath, and I checked in on him to make sure he was OK and getting clean. (No, I don’t think I’d have to do that in real life, FYI.) I explained to him that he’d be coming with me to the eye doctor’s and to take Philip to school.

Suddenly, the scene shifted to morning. My glasses were worse: both lenses were cracked and the glass was bent and curled, like melted plastic, with white opaque stripe-like sections along the breaks. But I had to drive with them, because I could see better with them on than not. I considered my strategy: my first priority was getting my glasses fixed, which I figured would take no time. I’d bring Michael along to that, leaving Philip at home. Then I’d swing back and get Philip and take him to school.

Unfortunately, we got a late start. It was about 10:00am before Michael and I got to the Optometrist’s office—partially from wrangling Michael, and partially because I could barely see to drive. I had expected the fix to take five minutes, after which I could swing by and get Philip to school late. But, after turning in my glasses to be fixed, we sat in the waiting room for a good half-hour (by the dream-time internal time-lapse clock, of course). I finally went up to the desk to check on when my glasses would be done… and saw two pieces of corrugated cardboard on which were written each patient’s last name, time in, and estimated time out. I found my last name, Schnuth, and saw that my glasses had been received at 10:15am. My replacements weren’t expected to be complete until 5:00-5:30pm. I was pissed that I’d just wasted half an hour, and just as pissed that I’d have to drive home with no glasses. Around this point, I think I woke up.

During the course of the dream, Michael was actually good company, and we had some "normal" conversation. This is something I didn’t really get to have with him much in real life, as I didn’t spend much quality time with him once he reached a good high school age where we could talk on the same level. Even at that, he has (or at least, I assume he still has) a bit of a communication issue where he speaks very loudly and broadly, although he has a big vocabulary and tends to use long words. He always sounds like he’s amazed (or thinks you should be), has his eyes wide, and uses broad gestures to explain himself. He’s also a bit nervous-seeming, due to his hyperactivity—he tends to fiddle and fidget and be physical, which is sometimes unwieldy at his current height of 6’6″, but was even so back when he was shorter than me. 🙂

He and my aunt moved south several years ago—I don’t think I’ve seen him since he was 16. Michael is now 19 and lives in a group home with other… well, other people like him, I guess. He’s high-functioning autistic. According to my aunt, he’s currently enjoying a part time job at a computer repair shop, where he’s well-liked. He’s also lost weight and is down to 250 (from 300+).

Last I heard, he still worshipped the ground I walk on, too. 😉 I’m not sure if that still holds, since I lost touch with him for so long, but it was intense enough before to be disconcerting, if flattering. I need to write him a letter and let him know I miss him.

I Miss My Friends

What’s the opposite of a fair-weather friend?

Some people complain about friends and acquaintances who disappear at the first sign of trouble. I seem to have nearly the opposite problem: some of my friends only come to me when they have problems. I don’t hear from them for months and months, especially if they’re in a fulfilling relationship; then, as soon as they have a major issue with their Significant Other, or they’re at an impasse about their next career move, a message from them shows up in my Inbox.

Don’t worry, it’s probably not you. Those few people I’m referring to don’t read my blog very often, I don’t think.

Anyway, I miss my friends. I wish I had more contact with everybody, and I’ll take what I can get. Hell, some people don’t even communicate with me at all anymore, not even to bitch. Some people I thought I’d become friends with—or at least close acquaintances—barely even give me a synopsis of the last few months of their lives when I catch them on IM. Which isn’t often, since I get such a lukewarm welcome anymore that I rarely log on.

I sent out Happy New Year e-mails to a bunch of people (those of you to whom I didn’t send Christmas Cards), and only got a few replies in return. I actually still need to respond to some of those replies… Oops. And here I am bitching.

But anyway, I’m going to continue plugging away at my little blog, hoping that my four hits a day are meaningful ones. Maybe some of my anti-fair-weather friends will read this and tell me how great their lives are right now. Don’t make me name names.

And here’s the quotable of the day, regarding Dick Gephardt dropping out of the Democratic presidential race following his fourth-place finish at the Iowa Caucus:

There wasn’t the enthusiasm for Dick.

Democratic Caucus? Sounds more like a lesbian convention to me.

MLK Jr. Day = Day Off Work

Gotta go back to work tomorrow. Don’t want to.

Spent today chillin’, cleaning the bedroom, French-braiding my hair (Go me! I done it!), watching TV, and making a Spearmint candle for myself. Did not spend today reflecting on the life of the country’s greatest Civil Rights leader. That’s OK, though, because when I get Presidents’ Day off next month, I don’t intend to reflect on the lives and achievements of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln, either. I’ll probably do pretty much what I did today.

John from NOIC also had the day off, so he wasn’t there when I tried to give him a buzz. Hopefully I’ll get some news at work tomorrow about the mortgage. Gah. We need to get going on this shit so we can find a damn house and close on it before March 31st.

My boss has this week off. So, it’s entirely possible that my e-mails and phone calls will increase exponentially starting tomorrow, since he left contact information in his voicemail and e-mail for each division of Quality Control specifically. He oversees not only the Patriot Act issues that I work with, but also Bounce accounts, Deposit Verifications, Kiting, and some other stuff I’m not sure what is. I hope this week doesn’t suck. At least it’ll be short.

Saturday is Ohayocon in Columbus. This year, unfortunately, I won’t have a point-and-shoot camera to bring along, but there were plenty of people last year who posted pics online after the fact. So, I will once again be able to post about the weirdness that ensues.

You know, if I weren’t on the Atkins Diet, not yet to the point of adding alcohol back into my diet, I might have given this a go tomorrow night.