Why does job hunting make me want to cry?
Fear not—I haven’t been canned or anything. I just had a little heart-to-heart with Amy over the weekend and finally decided it’s time to get off my ass and look for a job in my field.
I’d been telling myself that I would wait it out at Sky until my ESOP and profit-sharing was fully vested. After really thinking about it, though, that was just an excuse to stick around and be comfortably apathetic for a while. For the amount of retirement money I’m waiting to vest, it’s just not worth it. I need to jump now or risk never feeling confident enough to apply for a job in my field. From the feelings I’m having just while retooling my resume, I may have almost waited too long.
I’m having to force myself to remember sleepy mornings in Web Design with Timmay, ignoring our daily lesson in favor of critiquing (read: tearing apart) our classmates’ web projects, which were readily available for viewing on the class server. I’m forcing myself to remember that both of my Graphic Design instructors wanted me to switch majors from VCT to Design. I’m forcing myself to believe that three years in the financial sector doesn’t mean I’ve lost my edge. I mean, look at my spiffy new site! That says something, I think.
I still feel so… I don’t know. Overwhelmed. Depressed. Rudderless. Unconfident. I feel like I’m going to have to start over where Tim and Beth started two or three years ago: only barely in their field, doing unfulfilling gruntwork. And I’m OK with that. I just wish I hadn’t let myself waste three years of my life—
Now, that’s not fair. I’ve gained a lot of valuable experience in the last few years with Sky. It just wasn’t directly related to my degree. And that’s OK. I’ve learned a lot about office politics; I’ve increased my typing speed and learned to ten-key; I finally understand debits and credits (my ACCT 201 prof would be so proud); and I know that many, many people are really just sailing through life toward retirement.
That’s so sad. What a waste. I don’t want to do that.
So, tonight I updated my resume. One and a half pages of work-history goodness, arranged to show that I tend to move up in the ranks of the organization in which I work. I refuse to get discouraged by the lack of pure Web Design jobs out there, and will instead work my ass off on a daily basis to get some shit going on.
(If I ever intend to use this site as an example of my work, I’ll have to include a language disclaimer on the link…)