Nothing Special

dianaschnuth.net is never going to become an internet giant. It’s never going to earn revenue (or at least, not of job-quitting calibre). Hell, it’s probably never going to get even 100 hits a day on a regular basis.

It’s just an excuse for me to write almost-daily. Who knows if I’d still journal if I didn’t have my blog?

I have volumes of journals dating back to when I was seven years old. Most of my life is documented in journals of one form or another, be they bound volumes of lined paper in fuzzy bookcovers, stacks of notebook paper with single metal rings holding them together, or electronic text files. The years that aren’t documented seem almost lost to me. The important events that I skipped over sometimes seem hazy in my memory. Then there are memories that I’d completely managed to push into the farthest corner of my subconscious and had almost forgotten, but were documented at the time, and later read and remembered.

This is really just an open journal. For you, and for me. For you, so you can laugh at my funnies and muse with me about stupid shit. For me, so I can look back later and remember what it was like before [insert major life event here]. The only thing that differentiates this from what I would write for myself alone is that I can’t (or won’t) go off about any particular person for any particular reason. The internet’s a big place, and a potentially permanent one, and I don’t need people (or their friends or family or bodyguards) coming to me years later, after I no longer have a beef with them. Or while I still do.

I don’t make a concerted effort to always be witty, or to have a great punch line, or even to maintain coherent structure in my entries. I try to effectively get out what’s in my head. If you like it, that’s cool. If all I’ve got to say is, “Man, I’m really in a mood tonight,” then I’m just going to say it and not put some sort of interesting spin on it for my readers. I’m not Dooce or Wil. I’m just me.

My English teacher, Mr. Falls, wrote in my 8th grade yearbook something along the lines of, “Like a world-class athlete, a writer like you should write every day!” Well, Mr. Falls, here I am. Getting it out of my head. Trying to express myself. My fiction has gone by the wayside (dusty and neglected, but not forgotten), but my little essays about my life keep on keeping on.

Neglected NaNo

I want to write.

I have part of a story done — my NaNo from last November.. I need to do some character studies and some research and figure out what happens next.

Thing is, this is the second time in a few months that I’ve read my story, to get a feel for where I’m at… and still didn’t know what happens next. I can’t get excited about doing research on undead myths of various cultures, and I can’t get excited about writing background pieces, although both are very necessary at this point.

Maybe this is my social inadequacy coming into play. I don’t know what happens next in this scenario:
– man falls in love with woman
– man does (non-sexual) favor for woman
– man gets no love (so to speak) but stays faithful
– woman hears gossip that man is sleeping around
– woman gets pissed and sleeps with the gossiper, despite not having made her feelings known to the man
– man goes to see woman and gets an earful
– man walks out on woman mid-rant
– man refuses to do favors for woman any more, despite being in love with her

…And then? Who’s zoomin’ who?

Wait. This is my story. Am I not supposed to know what happens next? WTF?

It has a happy ending. I know how it ends. I just don’t know how to get there. The supernatural bits I can deal with. It’s the interpersonal bits I have a problem with.

Any ideas?

P.S. – It also sucks that I have these characters brewing in my head as anime/manga characters… and I CAN’T DRAW MANGA OMG. But how I want to. My heroine would look like Haruhi in makeup and goth clothes, and my protagonist would be a tall, lanky, pale-skinned bishonen type with narrow, evil-looking eyes.

What’s also funny? The setting of the story in my head is Bowling Green, even though I don’t mention it in the text.

Podcasting Vacation

I finally did it. I posted a message on my podcast site admitting that I may or may not be continuing my podcast.

I just have so many other things demanding my attention. The LSM site. Genealogy (sometimes). Blogging. Housework (again, only sometimes). And I tend to be really unmotivated anymore when I get home from work. I haven’t even exercised in a couple of weeks.

I actually feel as if something’s been crossed off of my perpetual to-do list. Now I have room for something else, like finishing one of my stories or writing letters to my family or cleaning my desk or my corner of the bedroom. We’ll see which gets done first. Hmph.