Last year, Aunt Dee inadvertently started the tradition of having the Bura Extended Family Christmas on Christmas Eve, rather than on Christmas Day. Aaron and I decided we kind of liked it that way last year, so I asked Dee if we’d be doing it that way again this year. At least for now, it seems to have stuck. With all of Pete and Dee’s clan growing up (OK, even the youngest is just about drinking age now) and getting partners of their own, it won’t be long before everyone has multiple holiday gatherings to attend, anyway.
Dinner was slated to start at 3pm, so we started the two-hour trip around noon-thirty. Connor’s naptime is around 1pm, and he thankfully managed to sleep at least a little while en route.
Of course, he didn’t sleep for his normal two hours — only about 45 minutes, if that — but better a short nap in the car than no nap at all. If dinner had been much earlier (or if we’d wanted to socialize longer beforehand), Connor would have been napless, and that’s no good for anyone.
When we arrived, what to our wondering eyes did appear but a beautiful roast!
Alas, it was resting. We were some of the first arrivals, so went out into the living and dining rooms to greet family members and to eat cookies and artichokes and stuffed olives and pickles and fudge. Isn’t that what everyone has for Christmas appetizers?
Yesterday evening, we held the memorial service for Aaron’s Dad.
The funeral home put together the classy slideshow above using photos and musical selections we provided, and it was playing when we arrived before the visitation. It was much better than any sort of posterboard display we could have made from the same photos, and it was really a highlight of the visitation for all of Bob’s loved ones.
So many people were touched by Bob; we hadn’t realized. Aaron’s family was there — aunts and uncles and cousins on both sides — but many of Bob’s co-workers and bowling buddies were there, too, and so were friends of both Aaron and Matt. I met Schnuth relatives I’d never seen before, or hadn’t seen since our wedding, and Aaron met friends of his Dad’s whom he’d only heard about in bowling stories.
Cousin Nate and Aunt Dee were both more than happy to wrangle Connor so I could mingle and talk with family and friends without trying to pacify my overtired four-month-old. I did spend some time feeding Connor on the couch in the nursery (only my third venture into “public” breastfeeding, and my second in a dedicated nursery area). Aunt Dee volunteered to take care of Connor during the service itself, which was such a blessing — it meant I could be there more fully for Aaron.
Reverend Barbara Jean Pope opened the memorial service with prayer and with a treatment of John 14:2 (“In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you”) in which she suggested that everyone’s place might be different. Maybe, she said, Bob’s place has a bowling alley and a comfy La-Z-Boy.
Afterward, she invited family and friends to share their memories of Bob.
Aaron’s brother started things off with a eulogy, which came off surprisingly well, considering his combination of nerves and grief.
Aaron stood and spoke about how his Dad was always there for him, and told the story of how his Dad ran money down to him one afternoon when his car broke down, even though Bob hadn’t been to bed yet after a night of work and a morning of bowling.
Uncle Pete spoke about how Bob was always very reserved, and mentioned that the black-and-white photo we had sitting on the table was the one that his sister Tina had shown him back in 1969 to prove how handsome her new boyfriend was.
I lamented the fact that I never really got to have a personal relationship with Bob, even though Aaron and I have been married for almost nine years, and dated for seven years before that. I mentioned how humble Bob was about his multiple perfect 300 games, and how he’d show up to holidays with a new jacket or ring and play it off. I told the story about when Bob came over to help us change a car battery, and we convinced him to play Wii Bowling with us. Where I finally choked and had to sit down was when I described how he lit up when he spent time with his grandson, and how I’m so saddened that they won’t get to know each other, but that each of us will tell Connor all about his Granddad.
Cousin Nate also mentioned how quiet Bob was at family gatherings, always sitting and listening and taking everything in. He told a story about when he was in his early teens, opening Christmas presents with his new pocket knife, and Bob tried to warn him that he was doing it wrong by saying, “Ouch… ouch… OUCH!” He also pointed out that at least Bob hung on long enough to meet his grandson.
Pastor Barbara Jean closed with a benediction and The Lord’s Prayer, then encouraged everyone to stay for a while and share memories and condolences with the family. Which everyone did. We made some new connections with Schnuth family members, traded addresses and emails, received a gift for Connor from Aaron’s godparents, and agreed to keep in touch with friends we haven’t seen in some time.
After everyone had left but Uncle Pete, Aunt Dee, and Cousin Joe, Aaron and his brother finalized the arrangements with the funeral home director, and we all went out to dinner at Loma Linda, a Mexican restaurant nearby. Poppa, Aaron’s grandfather, used to love Loma’s, and Pete realized he’d never actually been there. Plus, Aaron’s brother used to work there as both a dishwasher and a cook, so it was appropriate. We had a delicious dinner, all six of us plus Connor, and the management picked up the bill (sans beverages) because they’d heard about Bob’s passing, and wanted to offer their condolences. That was highly unexpected, but very classy.
It was a rough evening, and a late one, but we came out the other side with a greater sense of family and friendship, a new appreciation of those, and two new potted plants.
Our annual family celebration was moved from the usual Christmas Day to Christmas Eve, for various reasons, and we were all fine with that. For us, it only meant that we’d get to open presents at home on Christmas Day rather than Christmas Eve, and that perhaps we’d enjoy some Chinese for lunch, too.
Aaron had been making the plum pudding the day before Christmas Eve when he got the call that his father had died. It was stunning, shocking, totally unexpected, especially since Aaron had just talked to his Dad on the phone the day before. I hurried home from work early and watched Connor while Aaron and his brother dealt with the immediate issues out at their Dad’s house.
The next morning, Aaron managed to get some more administrative-type tasks done (like selecting a funeral home and providing the information for the death certificate) before we headed out to Cleveland. We considered staying home, but all we would have done would be to mourn and be angry and confused; better to do all those things around people who love us, rather than alone. So, we packed up the diaper bag and left, just a little later than we’d originally planned. (Aaron’s brother had thrown his back out a couple days prior, so he did stay home.)
Connor wore his Old Navy guayabera with his new jeans (he’s finally out of newborn pants!). It’s so rare that we take him somewhere that he’ll be out of his car seat and his outfit will be visible — when we do, when I know he’ll be passed around, I make sure to dress him up in his cutest outfit (that won’t fit him for long and should really be seen before we trade it in to the secondhand shop).
And passed around he was! Upon realizing that Connor’s Grandpa had never once held him, and that we didn’t have one photo of them together, I was adamant about photographing everyone as they held Connor.
Dinner was pretty standard (but delicious) Christmas fare at the Bura household: chicken paprikash with spaetzles, a ham, roasted vegetables, and cheesy potatoes (which hadn’t been on the menu for years — everyone welcomed the triumphant return of Peggy’s potatoes).
My step-brother Philip was in the area, visiting from Oklahoma, so he made a special trip to Uncle Pete’s to see us and to meet Connor. It was great to see him, since we hadn’t seen each other in a couple of years. He managed to show up between dinner and dessert, so he got to try Aaron’s plum pudding, amongst other desserts. Phil didn’t stay long, but it was enough, and it was greatly appreciated.
Aaron’s cousin Nate brought his two kids with him. His youngest, Andrew, is three years old, and it was fun for me to watch Aaron interact with him, especially during the gift-passing game that Aunt Dee organized (and that I so wanted to photograph or video, had I not been in the middle of playing along!). It was also fun to watch both Andrew and his sister Caitlin react to our presents for them; they genuinely liked their gifts, so score two points for Aaron and me! I had no idea that Andrew was into Cars, so the play-along Cars book with the toy tools was an even bigger hit than I’d thought it would be. And with the Muppets having a bit of a resurgence with their new movie, Caitlin was super excited to get a copy of The Great Muppet Caper to watch on her new laptop.
For everyone else, we gifted them framed photos of Connor at one day old. He doesn’t look anything like that anymore, but everyone loved getting a picture of Connor. We also got a lot of positive feedback on the Christmas cards we sent out, with Connor screaming his fool head off and the cat trying her hardest to escape.
Aaron had made sure to load up his iPhone with photos of Connor’s birth, so he could sit down with Dee and show them to her, since he he’d forgotten to load them up for Thanksgiving. It’s the modern equivalent of bringing the photo album, I suppose.
The actual logistics of bringing Connor to Christmas at Uncle Pete’s wasn’t so bad. We didn’t bring any bottles this time, since our freezer stash is all but gone now, so I nursed Connor in one of the bedrooms three times during our visit. We also brought the bouncy seat, which was awesome for when he decided he wanted to take a nap right after Phil left and before we started the gift-passing game. We used up the last two newborn-size diapers we had stashed in the diaper bag, so he’s officially in Size Ones now. (They claim to go up to 14 pounds, but Connor is a seriously skinny dude, so we’ll probably rock these for quite a while.) Luckily, he didn’t need the extra outfit we brought, and Dee had set aside the burp cloth we accidentally left behind at Thanksgiving, so us forgetting one at Christmas was no big deal.
On Christmas Day proper, the three of us went out to New Empire for Christmas Day dim sum — and so did the entire Chinese population of Toledo. We had to wait about 15 minutes for a table, which is highly unusual on any normal day, but probably not so unusual for Christmas.
After lunch, we came home and opened presents. Aaron got me a Nikon D90 DSLR (not a huge surprise, since he’d asked me what camera I wanted); an adapter to use my manual-focus Minolta lenses on my Nikon DSLRs; Civilization: the board game; and the Steve Jobs biography. The big gifts I got Aaron were an iCade (a miniature arcade cabinet for his iPad) and Absolute Sandman Volume 5, although I rounded things out with a couple of books and a couple of blu-rays. I got Connor some wrist rattles and a mini piano rattle that plays short snippets of classical music, and the Abtses got Connor a food mill for making baby food (so, it’s more of a present for us, but Connor will enjoy the results). Dee also got Connor a Baby’s First Christmas ornament, which I unboxed and put on the tree on Christmas Day.
Shortly after the present-opening, Aaron’s brother came over with their Dad’s important papers, including the will. The two of them sorted through all that, while I took Connor upstairs and fed him and got him down for a nap.
It’s so sad that the memories of Connor’s first Christmas are going to be forever associated with his Grandpa’s death. It’s hard to separate the happiness from the sorrow, and hard to reconcile one with the other. Eventually, it may become yet another sad footnote in our family history, but we’re just too close to it right now.
Aaron’s cousin Nate brought his two kids with him. His youngest, Andrew, is three years old, and it was fun for me to watch Aaron interact with him, especially during the gift-passing game that Aunt Dee organized (and that I so wanted to photograph or video, had I not been in the middle of playing along!). It was also fun to watch both Andrew and his sister Caitlin react to our presents for them; they genuinely liked their gifts, so score two points for Aaron and me! I had no idea that Andrew was into Cars, so the play-along Cars book with the toy tools was an even bigger hit than I’d thought it would be. And with the Muppets having a bit of a resurgence with their new movie, Caitlin was super excited to get a copy of The Great Muppet Caper to watch on her new laptop.
The actual logistics of bringing Connor to Christmas at Uncle Pete’s wasn’t so bad. We didn’t bring any bottles this time, since our freezer stash is all but gone now, so I nursed Connor in one of the bedrooms three times during our visit. We also brought the bouncy seat, which was awesome for when he decided he wanted to take a nap right after Phil left and before we started the gift-passing game. We used up the last two newborn-size diapers we had stashed in the diaper bag, so he’s officially in Size Ones now. (They claim to go up to 14 pounds, but Connor is a seriously skinny dude, so we’ll probably rock these for quite a while.) Luckily, he didn’t need the extra outfit we brought, and Dee had set aside the burp cloth we accidentally left behind at Thanksgiving, so us forgetting one at Christmas was no big deal.
