dianaschnuth

The Weight Watchers scale said that I’m down one more pound this week. Again, the scale at home said no such thing, but I’ll believe the WW scale, I suppose. This puts me officially on a downward trend, which is awesome.

I went for a walk-jog three days last week: Sunday morning, Tuesday evening, and Thursday evening. My “Aunt Flo” showed up in time for the weekend, so I opted to skip Sunday morning’s jog. Today, I was recovering from a busy day at work, after a late night watching YouTube videos, so I not only skipped my evening jog, but I inadvertently took a half-hour nap on the loveseat downstairs.

I’m going to make a concerted effort not to let this new habit fade out before it has a chance to take hold. Surprisingly enough, I’ve really been enjoying my jogs, once I get out there and do it. I used to think I hated running, but I think I just hated running in gym class, at the ass-end of the pack, feeling like people were staring at me because I still had two more laps around the gym when most everyone else was already done. Running at my own pace makes me feel fantastic.

This weekend, Aaron and I ate lunch at the International Festival, at the mosque in Perrysburg; had Korean with friends; made takoyaki (octopus dumplings) at home; and I *still* lost a pound. This gives me hope for the future: maybe this way of eating is totally sustainable for me, if I can eat especially healthy during the week, eat fun things on the weekends, and still lose weight.

Yes, I did actually drop a full pound this week, according to the Weight Watchers scale. According to my scale at home, I didn’t lose shit, but who am I to argue?

Last week, my leader told me to cut two Points from my daily allotment, in hopes of jolting me out of this damned plateau. I’m not sure if the lack of two Points per day actually made any physical difference, but it made me rethink my meals and snacks. Granted, I still didn’t tally my Points on Saturday (sushi, Indian, and Korean food all in one day!), but I was much more conscientious during the rest of the week. I’ve been eating 24 Points per day for so many months that I think I just needed to throw a wrench in the works, to mix things up a little.

I’ve also started running. I’ve been thinking about it for literally years now, and only Sunday did I get out and do it. —Well, to be fair, I did do some running back in Spring 2007, but it was short-lived. See, back then, I drove out to Wildwood Metropark to do my running, while today I’m just running out my front door and around my ‘hood.

I’ve realized why I never wanted to go running before, and it had nothing (or very little) to do with any sort of physical pain or discomfort. It all boiled down to self-image: I felt like everybody would be staring at me as I ran past. Recently, I’ve come to the realization that no one really cares — and I don’t mean that in a negative way. I’ve crossed paths with joggers and runners on the trail and downtown, and it’s not like I look every one of them up and down or anything. Actually, when the heftier ladies jog past, I’m usually impressed that they’re out there, kicking that ass. I’m not judging them. And, hopefully, neither will my neighbors judge me as I jog past on Sunday mornings and Tuesday/Thursday evenings.

My iPod playlist still needs some tweaking, but I’ve discovered that Mint Car by The Cure is just about perfect. Now, if I can build a playlist around that tempo and upbeat vibe (that’s one of very few upbeat Cure songs, to be sure), I’ll be good to go.

The short loop that I’ve been jogging is 1.3 miles, and I’ve only been going around it once. I think I’m going to try to build up to jogging the whole thing without any walk breaks before I switch up my route. I may change my mind, though; we’ll see.

My legs are sore, my back muscles are sore, and my throat still burns just a little… but I still feel fantastic. And I actually enjoy running. I really hope I can keep this going.

Official weigh-in yesterday: gained less than one pound this week. I still consider that basically maintaining my weight. I’m about eight pounds above my all-time low weight (attained just before Christmas last year).

Someone remind me again why I decided to resume posting these weekly updates?

Oh, yeah. It was supposed to get me off my ass and back on Program.

I’ll spend a day or two in a row totally on-program and doing awesome. Then some food obstacle excuse will make itself known, like our weekly department lunch at work, and I’ll dive face-first into a plate of deliciousness that I don’t have any idea how desire to count Points for.

I’m back to my old, post-Atkins mentality: one won’t hurt. One untracked meal. One day without my walk. It won’t kill me. It won’t make me gain back all 20 pounds I’ve lost on WW, or all 60 pounds I’ve lost in the past six years. Not all at once.

I’m not sure what, if anything, will give me a Eureka that will keep me going for more than a few days at a time. It seems like I can’t stay rigidly on-program without someone (read: Aaron) hand-holding me every step of the way. Once I’m given “permission” to go off-program for a meal, I grab it with both hands. The option of being “good” in the face of adversity barely flits through my mind. Granted, I’m not as “bad” as I once was — I’ll get the grilled tuna steak sandwich and pasta salad instead of a plate of sauce-laden noodles — but it’s still not good enough.

So, here I sit, waiting for motivation to strike (and stay struck). A few days at a time? That I can do. Forever? That’s a little daunting.

I feel silly writing these weekly updates when my weight stays the same. Identical to the tenth of a pound to what I weighed two weeks ago, officially.

I’ve gotten into a bit of a routine at my weekly Weight Watchers At Work meetings: I choose my seat in the meeting room, set down my purse and my water (and some small part of my lunch — I’ll eat the rest at my desk later), dig out my weight log booklet, and head to the scales. I get my official weigh-in happening, make some sort of positive-sounding comment about my meager loss or gain (“At least it’s heading in the right direction!” or “Not as bad as I expected!”), then head back to my seat to eat my food and Twitter about my weigh-in.

Recently, I’ve added one more step to my routine: checking the #weightwatchers trending topic on Twitter. It makes me feel like a part of an even bigger community, even beyond the meeting room, when I see who’s twittered about their own weigh-ins, or about counting points, or about their own successes and failures.

We’re all in this together. The people in my At Work meeting who’ve lost 80 pounds in a year, the people who have lost nothing in that same year, and the others like me who have stalled in their weight loss. The people on Twitter whom I haven’t met. The people on LiveJournal (most of whom I also haven’t met). My husband. My friends. All of us are in it together. It helps to remember that.

In lieu of my weight graph and scans of my food tracker, allow me to share some insights I’ve had into my own actions and habits this week.

1. I eat when I’m tired. I’ve always, ALWAYS hated going to sleep at night (and, oddly enough, hated waking up in the morning), as a child, a college student, and as an adult. When I’m sleepy, and don’t want to admit it, I’ll refuel in an attempt to re-energize myself (among other more psychologically-based reasons, I’m sure). I should really try to get more sleep, though, since studies have shown that lack of sleep can lead to hormonal imbalance and potential weight gain.
2. I need to drink more water. Dehydration can contribute to fatigue, and while I don’t think I’m seriously or continuously dehydrated, I did note that I haven’t been drinking my six glasses a day recently. Although caffeine isn’t as dehydrating as some would lead us to believe, I should still probably lay off my mid-morning Diet Dew.

With that said, I need to wash the dishes and go to bed already.