Life Doesn’t Suck, But Hormones Do

Seriously. The logical part of my brain is clearly indicating that my inability to get to sleep lately, combined with the time of month, is making everything seem epic and insurmountable.

Meanwhile, my amygdala is all, “Screw It.”

Nothing is horrible. Things are generally cool. We booked our vacation recently, which has me pretty excited (except for that whole two-piece swimsuit thing, which I am so not in the right mindset for right now). I’m back on the WW wagon, tracking what I eat and exercising when I can. My son is taking karate and seems to be really enjoying it.

But all the little shit is just piling on, bit by bit.

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Back On The Wagon Again

My final weigh-in of 2018 looked a little something like this:

My first weigh-in of 2019 was looking kind of bleak after me making the decision not to track between Christmas and New Year’s. I had one week to lose the two pounds I managed to pack on during my post-surgery inactivity and holiday-season indulgences.

Yeah… it didn’t happen.

Jan 8: +1.4 lbs

On top of that, I managed to reach a new “Oh, shit” weight in the week after that, despite a return to tracking (most of the time). As it turns out, half-assed tracking is almost worse than not tracking at all, as I gave myself the false security of thinking I hadn’t done THAT bad… except I didn’t track the Marco’s cinnamon buns my son and I devoured on Fun Friday, and I may have only tracked half the pizza I really ate.

Something has to change. I feel uncomfortable in my skin and in my clothes. I don’t like the way I look or feel. It’s in my upper arms, my middle, my neck, my face. I want it GONE. And I have to want it bad enough to make it happen.

I knew this was coming, since I had some forced inactivity during the holiday season due to my surgery at the beginning of December. Still, it was within my power to have dealt with it better.

Coulda, woulda, shoulda, didn’t.

What matters now is what I do next.

I’ve had enough. Future Me deserves better.

Outpatient

On Friday, December 7th, I underwent outpatient surgery, per the suggestion of my urologist.

Pre-op

I’m only 42. Those parts really shouldn’t be failing on me already. But, I figured, the inconvenience of surgery would be worth avoiding the future inconvenience of dealing with urological issues indefinitely.

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