dianaschnuth

Today, I weighed in at the lowest weight I’ve been in over five years.

When I started logging my weight back in November of 2002, I was about six months away from getting married, and I was obese. I thought that by being more conscious of what I was eating and by documenting my weight, I would manage to somehow lose weight before the wedding. Unfortunately, my wedding pictures ended up being my “before” pictures, as I weighed somewhere between 245 and 250 pounds on my wedding day.

In September of 2003, one week after I’d broken myself of my Mountain Dew addiction and was beginning a pasta-free week, Aaron decided to go on the Atkins Diet; I decided to join him. I lost 33 pounds in four months, and continued to lose for the next six months after that, eventually coming to a stop after having lost 50 pounds total. At that point, in July 2004, Aaron had reached the upper end of his normal weight range, and decided to go on Maintenance. After a year of dieting, I was glad to “take a break” myself, even though I still had thirty pounds to go.

For the next few years, we still ate low-carb, but weren’t in active weight-loss mode. I slowly put on ten pounds over the next two years (“Chinese won’t hurt me, just this once…”), then slowly took that ten pounds back off with the help of my friend Sheryl and a diet plan she e-mailed me. Actually, I took off more than ten pounds with that plan; it took me a whole year, but I got all the way down to 195, which was lower than my Atkins all-time low.

My next major hurdle came when I found out I would be losing my job of five years. My entire building was being eliminated due to a merger, so we all tried to make the best of it by having lots of parties on work time and organizing potlucks and generally trying to keep chipper with food and games. My weight loss had already stalled by then, but my lack of willpower — or, rather, my desire to join in and eat all the yummy consolation food — helped my weight start to creep back up. I’d gained a few back by the time I became unemployed, but I then proceeded to gain ten pounds in under six weeks of unemployment.

The past seven months or so have seen me succeed in losing ten pounds, gain five of it back, then lose another ten on Weight Watchers. I’m now down to a weight I haven’t seen for probably ten years or more.

And this is just the beginning.

After the jump: weights and measures…
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I gained one pound since last week’s weigh-in, but I’m OK with that. See, I’ve kept up with the practice of weighing myself daily at home, and I know that I’ve actually maintained a slow but steady decline. For last week’s weigh-in, I ate a ridiculously tiny breakfast and drank just enough water to take my multivitamin, just so I would weigh in at hair-cutting weight at noon. It only makes sense that today, after eating a normal breakfast and drinking a full glass of water (at least) before noon, I could weigh more.

I’ve also noticed small things, like the looseness of the dress pants I wear to work — even the ones I just bought recently. My bras fit better now. Some of my shirts hang just a little funny in places. I think my neck / double-chin is shrinking. My posture is better (for the most part).

A big part of my recent successes is the companionship of Aaron on the diet bandwagon. Since he’s decided to officially eat healthier and exercise, I’m less tempted to eat things I shouldn’t. He’s the main grocery shopper, so the food in the house is now overwhelmingly healthy (although we still have some throwbacks in the fridge and cupboards), and there’s very little to tempt either of us. Plus, the weekends are on their way to becoming times to try out new recipes (like Asian Mushroom Stir-Fry) instead of eating out at the Indian buffet (and not stopping at one plateful).

Overall, I’m doing well. I’m slowly ramping up my exercise — I don’t allow myself to watch Good Eats unless I’m on the mini trampoline — and I’m eating my fruits and veggies and drinking my water.

I’m learning to work the program… so the program will work for me. That’s my mantra.

I announced in my Weight Watchers meeting a few weeks ago that the way I was going to Treat Myself Well (the theme of the meeting) would be to reward myself with a haircut after I lost four pounds. Today, I weighed in precisely four pounds lighter than I was that day.

I’ve been looking forward to this for weeks; even though I only declared my intention publicly a few weeks ago, I’d been wanting to cut my hair since before we went on vacation in May. Although it’s not the perfect cut, I do like having thirteen inches off of my hair — and, as always, I like the thought that my hair will go to help a cancer-stricken kid have a head of hair again.

So, here I am, at the beginning of Week #7 of Weight Watchers. I’ve acclimated myself to how the program works. I know the Points® values for the foods I eat most often. I’ve adjusted my way of eating, slowly but surely, toward more veggies and less meat.

Now it’s time to really make the commitment.

Because I’ve lost less than three pounds in the past six weeks. And I want to see more results.

Meetings are helpful, and weigh-ins impose a sense of accountability that might not otherwise be in effect (despite my incessant blogging about my weight). Still, when I’ve gained nearly a pound in a week without meaning to, it’s hard to hear about the woman who’s lost 57 pounds — and not just hear about her, but hear HER, herself, explaining what’s different now, saying how she’s still got a long way to go, and referring to Flex Points as “devil points.”

It makes me want to cry sometimes. What are these people doing differently from me, that they lose five pounds in a single week, and I can’t even do that in a month and a half? What’s wrong with me?

I ask myself that a lot, it seems.

Of course, when I get like this, it makes me want to crawl into a little hole and eat one-point fudge bars all evening, and not do the things I should be doing (mainly exercising), and that doesn’t help matters. Me skipping out on Aikido tomorrow would be a Very Bad Idea™, since I need to get back into the swing of things.

But, damn, I’m just so depressed. I’d rather curl up on the couch and take a nap.

Aaron tried to cheer me up, and he did a pretty good job of it, too. “You’re all depressed over 0.8 pounds?” he asked, and reminded me that I’m still headed in the general direction of where I need to go. That was helpful, and made me feel better, to an extent.

I need a little Aaron on my shoulder all the time, to drown out the little Diana on the other shoulder that berates me for sleeping in too late and not exercising enough and generally being a schmuck in so many ways.

I had this carefully crafted blog intro I wrote out at work today, all about this song I remembered from Junior High choir called “Little By Little,” and how the lyrics apply to my life.

Instead of using said intro, I’m just going to tell you that I started my running program this evening, after much hemming and hawing and giving up before I started and getting reinvigorated by things I read online.

Tonight, I spent 20 minutes alternating a one-minute run with a three-minute walk. I just went around the one-mile block that I generally walk if I want a pleasant but not too lengthy walk. It was just about dusk, which made me a little more comfortable about running in the potential presence of other people (since, even if someone were outside at dusk, they wouldn’t see me very well, anyway).

The first running minute was a piece of cake. I could have kept going, no problem, but I knew better. The second stint of running was a little more challenging, but not bad. Actually, none of them were “bad” at all. They were all short enough that I didn’t feel like I was going to die at the end, like I usually do with running (because I push myself too hard right off the bat). The only stretch of running that felt long was the last one, and that was partially because it WAS long — I was almost home, and there was someone outside in his driveway; so instead of stopping right in front of him, I ran past and crossed the street toward my house and tacked on another 20 seconds to my running time.

Tomorrow is Aikido, for the first time in over a month (the longest break I think I’ve taken from Aikido since I started nearly one year ago). I’m going to ease myself back into Aikido, going every Wednesday for a while, then easing back into a Wednesday / Saturday routine, and maybe eventually going to Mon / Wed / Sat. For now, though, I’m planning to do an evening walk/jog on Tuesdays and Thursdays, try to do one on Sunday mornings (can I make myself get up?), and do Aikido on Wednesdays. After I’m sure I’m acclimated to that, then I’ll start filling in Aikido and maybe some strength training in the remaining days (or in addition to my run?).

Man, that felt good. I always forget how good exercise feels!

Beyond the jump: unfair comparisons, and current weights & measures.
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