dianaschnuth

Famous last words: “If I stick to my diet and ramp up the exercise, I see no reason why I shouldn’t reach my 5% goal this week.”

Blah.

I actually did very well while I was out of town for my training. I ate a small breakfast every day, ate a sensible lunch (though not always nutrient-rich — lunch for a couple of days was jerky and trail mix), and ate whatever for dinner. I didn’t let myself get overly stuffed, though, even at the Chinese buffet. This past week’s downfall was — drumroll, please? — the weekend. Mediterranean food and Max & Erma’s were both part of my weekend. I can’t remember what the third meal out was, but it wasn’t good for me, obviously. I ballooned to 207 after the weekend’s food festivities.

My weekly average weight chart is starting to curve the wrong way; I need to get this under control NOW and get back on the wagon. I’m going to aikido tomorrow for the first time in three weeks, and I’ve been doing strength training for the past couple of days (yesterday was abs, today was arms). I’ve been continuing to walk at lunchtime, even in the sub-freezing cold, although the colder weather leads to shorter walks.

This week, I’m focusing on not just getting to bed earlier, but establishing a nightly routine. I get my lunch ready, gather my iPod and PDA and whatnot (and tonight, “whatnot” will include packing my aikido bag), then sit zazen (seated meditation) for 20 minutes. I’ve found that really helps me slow down my mind at the end of the day. I’m not sure if it helps me sleep better, but I know it’s good for me on several levels. After zazen, I wash my face and brush my teeth and get into bed, and allow myself to read for a half hour before lights out.

Speaking of my nightly routine, it’s about time for me to go do that. Before I go, though, I want to commit to eating LESS this weekend. Not avoiding eating out altogether, but at least making more sensible decisions. Like getting the chicken salad croissant with tortilla soup instead of the cajun chicken pasta. Like eating an appetizer or half of an entree-sized salad for lunch. That’s my goal for this week: eat sensibly in restaurants.

Next Tuesday, I go with my co-worker to Chicago for more training, so I may or may not be able to update. We’ll see how I do in Chicago…

Several years ago: New Year’s Eve at Aaron’s apartment on Enterprise in BG. After a long evening of adult beverages, food, and video games, I find myself lying on Aaron’s bed, with the room spinning around me. “I don’t want to be drunk anymore,” I say, as rationally as possible. Aaron patiently puts me to bed to sleep it off.

Last week: Bronchitis. The first case I can remember having — or at least, having officially diagnosed (I couldn’t remember back when I had it at age one). One week after being diagnosed and getting prescription meds, I find myself still hacking and coughing and not yet at 100%. “I don’t want to be sick anymore,” I say, between coughs, knowing full well that only time and meds will cure what ails me.

Now. Overweight. Still, after years of struggling (sometimes all-out, sometimes admittedly half-assed). I see myself in a video, full-length, doing aikido, looking frumpy and out of shape and unattractive. And it hits me: “I don’t want to be fat anymore,” I say to myself.

I’m steadily losing a pound and a half per week, and have been doing so since January. I’ve lost nine pounds, give or take. If I keep going at this rate, I could potentially be at my “ideal” weight by the end of August. I’m just so sick of looking and feeling the way I do, and so frustrated with the amount of time (and willpower and planning) it’s going to take to do it right.

I guess all I can do is keep doing what I’m doing. Keep moving in the right direction, one step at a time, and eventually I’ll get there. I’m still curious to see what I’ll look like in thirty pounds. It’s just… damn. I’m sick of being fat.

As you may recall, I had a really fun case of bronchitis last week. I’m still getting over said bronchitis — I still have another day and a half of antibiotics to go — but I at least met my week’s goal of maintaining my weight and diminishing the nasty rattle in my chest.

Highlights of the week include me skipping aikido on Wednesday and Saturday, due to a nasty and persistent cough; eating a deliberate all-out cheat meal on Saturday at Famous Dave’s with Aaron, Mark and Rocky; and caving to my own desire for Chinese at lunch on Sunday. Other than that, my week involved going to work, not walking much (probably a poor idea to walk outside in sub-freezing temps with bronchitis), and being miserable and annoyed with my breathing difficulties.

However. Now that the nasty hacking cough has diminished to a mere occasional rattle, it’s time to step things back up. Last night, I did some upper body work: three supersets of dumbbell chest presses with bent over rows, and three supersets of concentration curls with tricep extensions (12 reps per set). This evening, I can feel mild but noticeable soreness in my pecs, my upper back / shoulders, and my biceps. I think that workout’s a keeper.

Tomorrow, I plan to go to Aikido for the first time since my test. How I feel during and afterward will determine whether I attempt to go on Saturday morning or not.

As an aside? Watching the video of kyu testing made me realize how frumpy I look in real life. It almost made me not want to go back to aikido at all. I was so embarrassed — I look sluggish and dumpy, especially compared to others (even others of my same rank). Anytime I feel my will for weight loss fading, all I need to do is watch the thirty seconds of my close-up; THAT should scare me back into line.

I feel like President Skroob: “Why didn’t somebody TELL me my ass was so big?!”

Anyway. Plan of attack for the coming week. Exercise, and lots of it. Daily lunchtime walks are a given, but I need to add in strength training in the evenings. I’m planning to do some abs tonight (after I work on the Toledo Zen Center’s podcast), then tomorrow is Aikido, then I’ll probably rinse and repeat with the upper body thing I did yesterday. (Aikido is not only a decent cardio workout, but the falling down and standing back up for an hour is a great leg workout, too.)

If I stick to my diet and ramp up the exercise, I see no reason why I shouldn’t reach my 5% goal this week. Maintaining said goal for seven consecutive days? That’s the next challenge.

Over the course of the week, I gained and lost three pounds, ending up today where I was at the last weigh-in: 204.5. Considering that I’ve been sick with bronchitis since Saturday evening, I’m OK with that result.

I focused my sights this week on Saturday’s Aikido test (which I still need to document), attending class on Monday and Wednesday, and the Basic Seminar on Saturday morning. I was surprised when that didn’t bolster my weight loss, and I gained weight instead. It’s possible my muscles were retaining fluid while they were trying to heal (isn’t that how it works?).

Another thing that may have hampered my weight loss was a lack of meal planning. In weeks past, I’ve had brown rice pre-made for every lunch, just waiting for some ground turkey or canned chicken or tuna and whatever healthy goodness goes with my protein of choice. This week, though, it’s been mainly fruit and ready-to-eat foods like low-sugar yogurt, or a pita with hummus. Still not bad for me, but not as protein-rich and fiber-full as my lunches should have been.

Last week’s goal of “Early To Bed, Early To Rise” didn’t work out so well. Actually, it didn’t work at all. I’m hoping that this week, in trying to get myself healthy again, I end up getting to bed earlier and sleeping more. I don’t think I’m going to set any other goal for myself this week, honestly. Get the rattle out of my chest. Maintain my weight as well as I can. Take care of myself. Pamper myself. Be gentle, and not go for walks out in the sub-freezing temperatures (probably not so good for bronchitis). Stretch out my still-stiff muscles. Pass on Aikido until I feel truly healthy again.

James has almost caught up to me this week, after having his own sick time during Week 3. It’s still anyone’s game.

Running Weight Loss Totals:

Official Tuesday weight: 204.5 pounds. This was a one-and-a-half pound loss from yesterday, and I attribute it to yesterday’s hefty two-hour session of aikido, after which I was too queasy to eat more than a small bowl of cereal for dinner. I fully expect to bounce back by a pound by tomorrow morning. And I’m OK with that.

The big accomplishment of the week was a steady weight loss over the weekend. We still ate out once, at Zoup, where I had a bowl of seafood chowder with multigrain bread. (I love eating at places where I can narrow down my meal choices ahead of time by checking the nutrition facts.) We made all our other meals at home: leftover salmon and green beans for Saturday dinner, omelettes for Sunday lunch, and Three Amigos Chili (thanks, Sheryl!) for Sunday dinner.

Exercise for the week was basically aikido on Wednesday — and yesterday — and a few days of lunch walks. I didn’t do aikido on Saturday morning because I was too exhausted to bother (thanks, womanhood). I’ve had aikido on the brain, thanks to my upcoming test, and I’m hesitant to do any strenuous exercise during the week (read: strength training) other than aikido, for fear of hurting myself so that I can’t test. This is also a great lame excuse for me to avoid cardio, as well, even though it’s what I need.

This Saturday is my aikido test, after which will be a potluck with all kinds of food. Hopefully, some of it will actually be good for me, being that there are plenty of vegetarians and proponents of macrobiotics and general health nuts in the dojo. If the Zen Brownies make an appearance, though, I’m definitely going to partake. 🙂 (There’s nothing overly untoward / weird / illegal in the Zen Brownies; they’re just REALLY good.) If I gain weight from that one meal, so be it. I give myself permission to indulge after (hopefully) earning my rank in aikido.

My focus for this week is going to involve getting enough sleep, and getting up at a reasonable time in the morning. I’d rather have my breakfast at home than just bring a banana to work and call that a meal, and I’d also like to start showing up to work ON TIME (even though, yes, I am salaried, and no one’s said anything yet). I’m going to spend a goodly amount of time on ME before bed, including all the normal hygiene (that I sometimes skip — I’m so bad), plus some quiet time sitting zazen, and generally helping myself calm down and relax and make myself feel just a little pampered. So often, I’ll just let myself get ridiculously tired, and finally throw together a lunch, tromp upstairs, braid my hair, strip (er, I mean, put on my jammies), get in bed, read a few pages of a book out of habit, then turn off the light once I can’t keep my eyes open. This is, I fear, not the healthiest of nighttime rituals. I resolve to change that this week, and see if it changes my attitude and mood (and possibly my eating and/or exercise habits).

Thanks to Lauren (a.k.a. “Bouffa“) and Sheryl and Aaron for their support this week. It’s helpful to know I have friends who want me to succeed and be happy, as simple and cheesy as that sounds.