Category Archives: randomness

random ramblings of Yours Truly.

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Balance

The fitness center at my work has been scheduling lots of classes I like lately: kickboxing, yoga, pilates, and a new cardio/strength class they call “Fit Happens.” The good news about that is that I’ve been feeling a lot better lately, physically, despite not seeing any movement on the scale or in the fit of my clothes.

The bad news is that I haven’t found another good time to write. Lunchtime is really my best option lately, what with Connor taking karate after dinner two days a week and me wanting to up my game as far as my personal habits.

I should elaborate.

Instead of deciding on a New Year’s Resolution, I opted to set myself monthly habits and challenges — I think I’ve mentioned that before. This month, I’m working on cleaning the clutter I’ve strewn about the house. Does that take the entire hour I get to myself in the evening? No, not really, especially since I’ve only required myself to clean for ten minutes at a time (which usually stretches to at least 15, since I need to finish up what I’ve started). After I’m done, though, I find beached on the couch, watching YouTube: Today I Found Out, or Origin of Everything, or Melly Sews, or something from the deaf community or a fashion YouTuber, just because those topics are fascinating and outside of my normal interactions.

What all this comes down to is that I have all these topics in my head — stuff Connor has done, wins and frustrations at work, vacation prep, sewing projects, yadda yadda yadda — and no good brain time to get it out.

Slight tangent: honestly, I don’t need a blog that others can read anymore, but I love the idea of having a journal that’s accessible to me at any time day or night, anywhere I have an internet connection, that’s indexed and quickly searchable. And if I have that, I’m not going to write anything I’d want to keep secret, even if I have it password protected, because The Internet.

So, yeah, I just wrote some 300 words about why I haven’t blogged much lately. I hate it when people do that. I guess that was something I needed to get out of my head, though, so it’s legit.

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#SchnuthSalonSelfie

Schnuth Salon Selfie Feb 2019

My stylist recently left her old salon and struck out on her own. Yesterday was my first visit to her new digs!

I always feel so much better after a salon trip. And thankfully, she has a knack for remembering hair color formulas, so my touch-up looks spot-on, despite her not having access to the secret sauce saved in the salon computer.

depression, parenthood, randomness, sewing Leave a comment

Life In General

Rocking it old-school today with a general life data dump on the blog. It’s been a while.

Last night, the owner of the karate studio pulled Connor and me into his office and told us that he thinks Connor is ready for Black Belt Club — that is, he seems to be serious about karate and wants to continue to pursue higher belts and ranks.

Honestly, the main reason Connor wanted to join BBC was to get to play with a sword.

His first go at sword was last night, and he did great. Pretty soon, though, they’ll be learning a different weapon, so we won’t be buying him his own wooden sword anytime soon — he’ll just borrow a sword until the whole group gets their new weapons.

Black Belt Club is really an ingenious way to get families into a longer-term commitment — instead of signing up for a six-month commitment, it becomes a two-year commitment. It’s hard to imagine Connor in third grade, honestly; I hope we haven’t overcommitted.

When I think about it, though, I took ballet classes from age four to age eight, and it was really just a part of my life. I loved it and looked forward to it, and I know my family had to stretch their funds to be able to afford it. Ballet had lasting benefits for me, though, just as I hope karate will for Connor.

* * *

i’ve been staring at my first attempt at a t-shirt for a week or so. It’s been hanging on a hanger in my bedroom, where I can look at it and learn from the mistakes I made while sewing: attaching the neckband to an armhole, sewing the other armband on inside-out, stitching the actual neckband all funny and uneven.

Last night, I decided I would wear it to work today.

Honestly, you really can’t tell unless I point it out that the neckline (artfully hidden under my scarf) is way wavy, or that the hem is also exceptionally wavy. It’s not just a gardening shirt, after all — it’s totally wearable.

My next go-around with a knit tee will probably involve spray starch for the hems (and maybe the seams), and a longer and wider zig-zag stitch. I’ve got plans. I’m learning. I’m damn proud of myself.

* * *

When there were no supermarket flowers awaiting me on the kitchen table this morning alongside Connor’s chocolates, I kind of hoped that I’d be getting a delivery at work today.

As usual, I was not disappointed:

Can’t help lovin’ that man of mine.

* * *

To be frank, I’ve been in kind of a funk lately. I haven’t wanted to do any sewing this week, and I’ve been spending my evenings snacking and watching YouTube (my current obsession is The Origin of Everything by PBS).

Seeing the last couple of days laid out in front of me is starting to help me shake it off. I’m pretty stoked to try sewing up my next knit t-shirt, I’m excited for Connor to extend himself and push himself in karate class (no excuses!), and I feel mighty loved, despite also still feeling like I’m disappointing others left and right.

That’s the normal state of my brain, though; I’m used to it.

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Getting My Feet Under Me

Lately, I’ve been taking one lunch hour per week at The Bux next door, toting my Bluetooth keyboard with me to write. I didn’t really feel like coffee today, though, so today I’m sitting in the 6th floor cafeteria in my office building, trying super hard to ignore the conversations around me.

Yesterday morning, I took a pretty good spill downtown while crossing the street. I thought I was fine at the time — honestly, I still think I’m mostly fine — but I do have some aches and stiffness that I might not have gotten from a fall like that when I was younger. I took some strongish drugs for the aches, and I’m still wearing the anti-nausea patch I put on last night. (I’ll keep it on until I reach the three-day mark or it starts to dilate my eyes, whichever comes first.)

I kinda feel like that overall. I need to get my feet back under me and move forward. I have lots of outstanding, almost-done projects at work; my personal clutter is strewn all over the house; my clothes don’t fit right anymore; and my throat and eyes have that dry, scratchy, I’m Getting Sick kind of feeling. I can’t really focus on just one thing and fix it — I have to continue my triage and keep chipping away at things.

It probably doesn’t help that I’m also behind on my self-imposed January deadlines: posting my 2018 Year In Review, posting a roll of photos to my blog, and sewing a piece of clothing from a commercial pattern. I’ve gotten some things done, like creating a 2019 calendar, making a present for Connor’s friend, Harper, and tracking all of my meals in WW eTools. January is not a total wash by any means.

I really just feel tired, which manifests as feeling depressed and unmotivated. If I can turn things around and get my head in the right place, my brain meds can help me from continuing the spiral.

I’ll bet I can get myself out of this thing if I just focus on getting to bed earlier and being just a little more active every day. That, plus distracting myself from after-dinner snacking, which has been A Major Thing this week. Maybe I can do some meditation during my usual snack time.

I’ve got this. No worries.

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Life Doesn’t Suck, But Hormones Do

Seriously. The logical part of my brain is clearly indicating that my inability to get to sleep lately, combined with the time of month, is making everything seem epic and insurmountable.

Meanwhile, my amygdala is all, “Screw It.”

Nothing is horrible. Things are generally cool. We booked our vacation recently, which has me pretty excited (except for that whole two-piece swimsuit thing, which I am so not in the right mindset for right now). I’m back on the WW wagon, tracking what I eat and exercising when I can. My son is taking karate and seems to be really enjoying it.

But all the little shit is just piling on, bit by bit.

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