dianaschnuth

1.) Meditation Accessories:

I ordered a zafu (meditation cushion) from Four Gates last week, and it arrived today. I got my first choice of color, Zen Black, and it’s quite tall for a zafu — almost overstuffed. I like it, though. I haven’t given it a full half-hour sit yet, but the ten minutes I’ve spent on it leads me to believe that the days of my left foot falling asleep 20 minutes into a session of zazen may well be over. The novelty of having my own zafu may even get me to practice zazen at home on a more regular basis, which would be helpful in so many ways.

2.) Yoga:

Saturday’s Aikido class left me sore as all hell, both yesterday and today (and probably tomorrow, too). Shoulders, arms, glutes, hams, and quads, mainly. To balance out my stiff soreness, today’s evening exercise was working out (well, I guess you could call it “working out”) with my Yoga for Dummies DVD. Damn, yoga makes me feel good.

My only beef with the DVD is that I’d like to be able to do the practice with the instructor leading, but not explaining every single move. I needed that the first two times I watched the DVD, but I don’t need the explanations anymore; I do want some sort of instructor-led something, though. A happy medium between the super-explainy Basic practice and the bonus Intermediate “sun salute” practice would be nice.

Still, though, I feel awesome. Still a bit sore in places, but awesome overall.

3.) Macrobiotics:

After Aikido on Saturday, Sensei and I sat down and connected for a while. It was very pleasant, and a little unexpected. I sometimes assume that he’s a busy guy with other concerns and lots of stuff on his plate and lots of students senior to myself, and it makes me feel just a little more special to be invited to sit down and chat. Among the things we talked about were my new job, Mormonism, and macrobiotics.

I’m not sold on the idea of going whole-hog into whole foods. I’m still a product of my environment, and I like my convenience foods. Even so, I don’t know much about macrobiotics; as a student of Aikido, though, and in our lineage in particular, it seems highly recommended to at least know what it’s all about. Sensei recommended a book called The Hip Chick’s Guide to Macrobiotics as a very cool and accessible introduction to the subject, so I Googled it. Turns out that the Hip Chick has a website and a blog, which is hip indeed.

Don’t worry: I’m not turning all hippie on you all. There’s nothing weird or counterculture about wanting to a.) be in touch with oneself, b.) not be sore and stiff, or c.) not feel like crap.

On Wednesday, the Toledo Zen Center held a special New Year’s liturgy, in lieu of the normal weekly service. According to Chikyo Sensei, this was the first time the sangha was large enough to do the New Year’s liturgy. We even had a couple new people in attendance, which was fun; we all got to do new things together this time.

Our usual service involves a brief chant (usually the Heart Sutra), then seated meditation (zazen) for about 30 minutes, then walking meditation (kinhin) for something like ten minutes, then a talk by Chikyo, then a community discussion (usually over some green tea).

The New Year’s service was very different. It was basically two services in one; one to close the old year, and another to open the new. Without going into too much detail, we chanted while each individual in the sangha offered incense at the altar, then Chikyo offered a dedication, followed by another chant. We did this sequence twice: once for the old year, and once for the new. During the close of the old year, the theme seemed to be not only compassion for others and their struggles, but atonement for our individual karmic deeds over the past year. The new year was also dedicated to compassion; to serving others, helping them along the path, and all of us realizing the great way together.

Being raised in the Christian tradition, I always thought “atonement” had to involve pain and suffering, or some sort of punishment — “Christ atoned for our sins” and all that. I’m now coming to understand a new meaning of the word: to literally become “at one” with what you’ve done and said and thought, to repent, to make amends. It’s both simple and complex. It can be a challenge to accept what you’ve done and stop beating yourself up over stupid mistakes or bad outcomes. Become at one with it and move on.

The New Year’s service also helped me to realize that 2007 was, for me, a year of blessings in disguise. Something sh!tty would happen, but that sh!tty thing would open the door to something new that I hadn’t even considered before. Some opportunities involved major life changes, others just helped me realize the direction I should (or shouldn’t) go in the future. It’s hard to have regrets or hold grudges when cause and effect work to make me thankful for the sh!tty event that started the dominoes toppling.

In terms of the service itself: offering incense was a new experience for me (and for most of us). During the discussion afterward, one person mentioned that he was taken aback by the energy he felt in walking up the center aisle, surrounded by the chanting of fellow sangha members. I agree. Even though I’m not a “religious” person, and I’m not keen on going to church to worship a greater being, I find that I still crave gathering with spiritually like-minded individuals, all working toward a common understanding and a betterment of oneself. Knowing that a dozen other people are wishing you well — YOU, and only you, right now at this moment — essentially praying for you, but more directly, not via a greater being as a third party — being in the middle of that understanding and goodwill is a special thing.

I look forward to becoming an official member of the sangha shortly, and to realizing the great way with them this year, together.

“The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences,” wrote the Third Ancestor, a.k.a. the Third Zen Patriarch of China (d. 606 AD), in a poem commonly known as The First Zen Poem. We discussed the verse at our Zen meeting last night. It’s not saying that you shouldn’t give a shit about anything; rather, it’s suggesting that a fuller experience is possible if you don’t prefer one outcome to another. As I understand it, anyway.

For example: today at work, I really didn’t get much accomplished. My boss wants me to start on a test project, and I can barely grasp the first step of the process. Today was spent flailing about in an application with no one to help me: no helpful intern (who attends class Tuesdays and Thursdays), and no experienced mentor (who is on maternity leave).

My first inclination is to think that I had a shitty day. Why? Because I experienced frustration at not understanding, and because I got very little accomplished.

Still, why? Because I prefer to have a measurable and substantial work completed. Because I prefer to understand and be productive. If I allow myself to appreciate the frustration and the very basic learning experience as much as I would have appreciated a massively productive and enlightening work day, then the day becomes less shitty in retrospect.

One thing I can’t let go of my preference for — or, rather, my aversion? Being tired. There’s still stuff I need to do tonight before bed (like cleaning up for Saturday’s “Diana’s New Job Party,” which may actually be relatively well-attended), and there are things I didn’t even get to (like burning CDs for the sangha), and I don’t like it. I get anxious and grumpy and irritable when I’m tired (who doesn’t?), and I feel like I have to continue to be productive when I should just freaking go to bed already, and damn the consequences.

*sigh*

Off to clean the dining room table, and straighten and dust the living room before I crash out.

I would encourage any Toledoans in my readership to check out this article by Blade Religion Editor David Yonke.

And not just because I’m quoted in it, either:

Diana Schnuth, 31, of Toledo, said she was raised in a Christian home but came to the realization that “I no longer believed what I was raised to believe.”

She found that practicing Zen gives her a peaceful feeling. “I always come home from here feeling a lot better than when I arrived,” she said.

Even though Mr. Yonke had a digital recorder with him, I think I might have been paraphrased or misunderstood rather than directly quoted. I don’t think I would use the word “arrived” in informal conversation. I could be wrong, though — I *was* trying not to disgrace the sangha by saying something stupid.

I also know that I purposely did not identify the religion in which I was raised, not even to call it “Christian.” I recall saying that I was raised in a “religious manner,” but studiously avoided saying that I was a Mormon. The last thing I need is to have the missionaries knocking on my front door, trying to get me back to church.

Those minor issues aside, I thought the article was well-written, and I learned a lot about my Sensei between reading this article and Wednesday’s article in the City Paper. The publicity definitely helped boost the attendance at yesterday’s workshop on beginning meditation, as many people said that they had read about us in the newspaper.

Zen meditation can dovetail with your personal beliefs if you let it, since Zen itself has no mythology or belief system behind it, as Sensei pointed out. If you’re interested, even just vaguely, I’d encourage you to find a sangha near you and check it out. It can be a little weird the first couple of times you attend a zazenkai, but that doesn’t last long, and the inner stillness and acceptance of yourself and the world is well worth it, in my opinion.

Attended Eric’s wedding reception in Columbus (photos to come) on Saturday. 2+ hour drive each way, but worth it for the multiple-course meal at Brio. Not to mention the adult contemporary pre-dinner musician. Hearing live covers of massive amounts of Jim Croce, Barry Manilow, Elton John and others was totally classic. Tells you how much of a goober I am that I could name title and artist for most of his repertoire, though.

Seriously, though, the food was the highlight of the evening. That, plus seeing Eric (whom I hadn’t seen since we moved into our house in spring 2004) and meeting his wife (whom I’d only ever talked to via blog comments). Even though we were the only people representing BG, and we didn’t know anyone there except Eric, we still enjoyed ourselves. And we enjoyed the yummy spice cake. Major kudos for having a cake that was neither white nor chocolate.

Sunday afternoon was a seminar on the basics of Zen meditation. We discussed our respective reasons for attending the seminar, learned about proper posture and options for sitting positions, and did a few brief sessions of zazen (seated meditation) and kinhin (walking meditation).

After both of these weekend events, I’m feeling refreshed and revived. Calm and alert. I think that, if I can maintain a daily zazen practice (and remember that I really do have friends, and keep in touch with them in a meaningful way), I’ll be able to keep this stillness in reserve for when I need it.