randomness

Starting Over

Did 30 minutes of Wii Fit this evening, along with a little bit of housework. Currently working on the Zen podcast. Planning to go to Zen meditation tomorrow evening. Life is getting back into its normal, non-depressed groove.

I’ve decided that the best way to go from here, assuming my mood doesn’t continue to improve, is the Fake It Till You Make It approach. Keep busy, keep upbeat, don’t make it obvious that I have a shitty self-image, and eventually my brain will fall into line.

Wednesday evening is Zen. Thursday evening will involve doing yoga and cleaning my desk. Friday evening will be more Wii Fit and probably continuing to clean my desk. (I’ve noticed I do feel more positive and productive if my work area is clean and tidy.) The weekend will be the weekend, and on Monday, I will begin my blog migration / redesign in earnest. I may even move it and make it live before the design is completely done, just because I’m so looking forward to a new design and a decrufted installation of MT.

Keeping busy, but not TOO busy. Leaving time to pamper myself. Sit zazen. Tweeze my eyebrows. That sort of thing.

I’ll be fine. Thanks for thinking of me. 😀

ruminations 5 Comments

Just Thinking

Yes, I know I should be in bed. This evening was a wash. I’m not sure what happened. I had detailed plans, a schedule, an agenda, and it all went to shit. I ended up playing 2½ games of Civilization Revolution on 360 instead of producing the Zen podcast and fixing my blog and exercising.

[…]

One interesting result of more people reading my blog, via Facebook or LJ whatever, is that I’m more careful about what I post. I mean, I’ve always tried to be careful when posting about other people, or about co-workers in particular — this is the internet, after all, and who knows where a post about a named individual could end up. The internet is a big place, and everybody knows somebody.

Anyway, that’s not the problem so much as is my new-found inhibition with blogging about myself. Used to be, I used my blog as a surrogate for my written journal of ages past. Detailing stuff that happened over the course of the day, talking through my mental bullshit, complaining about other people (albeit anonymously), complaining about myself.

But now… as the years have passed, I find that I’d rather not put all of this out on display. This is no longer just a communication between myself and a dozen friends from college. Now, my co-workers could potentially read it. The sangha (my Zen buddies) could read it. A future employer could read it.

Not that there’s anything I need to say that’s earth-shattering. It’s just that I’m less inclined to indulge in a giant pity party over nothing when I know that the normals are following along.

I just wish I could shake this funk. I don’t want to feel all blah like this, but I can’t seem to find the motivation to even locate my bootstraps, much less pull myself up by them.

Not fishing. Just thinking.