Since I can’t seem to get motivated about my job search today, I decided to finally unpack the box of files and other goodies from my desk at work. Yes, it’s been sitting by the kitchen table for two weeks now, and I’m just now unpacking it.
What’s a little depressing is that everything regarding my employment over the last five years is now contained in three hanging folders: one labeled “Huntington Info,” one labeled “Loan Corrections DB,” and one labeled “Sky Bank Misc.”
This could actually be more than a little depressing, if I let it. Instead, I will share this little tidbit I saved for posterity (identifying information has been masked to protect… well, to protect *me*):
Please don’t misunderstand me: we did understand and appreciate the client’s needs, and addressed the client’s concern by setting him up to receive a monthly billing statement. We were all just amused by the communication itself.
Know that this letter sits in the folder labeled “Sky Bank Misc,” and will amuse me from time to time as necessary.
Or of being unemployed, anyway. Unemployment compensation comes later, if at all. (I might have a job before it has time to kick in. Hopefully.)
These couple of weeks have been an interesting ride so far. It’s quite a roller coaster, going from being energized and excited about finding a new job to being depressed and unmotivated and back again. I mean, I know that I’ll find a job; that’s not the issue. This issue is, how long do I keep applying for the jobs I really want and would really be excited about, and when will I lose the upbeat, positive, forward-thinking attitude and just start applying for anything that wouldn’t suck too much? How long will that downward spiral take, and will I jump off in time?
I’ve at least gotten some concrete “no” answers this week. The tally since April:
Total resumes submitted: 30
Number of employer rejections (or duplicate jobs from recruiters): 10
Number of jobs I’ve declined: 1
Number of positions about which I’ve never received a response, and have basically written off: 8
Number of recent job applications I’m still holding out hope for: 11
Number of interviews so far: 1
I need to slow down and actually use the battle plan I learned from my outplacement training. I need to update my Personal Marketing Plan and get it out to a many people as I can, and try to get an inside line on new jobs *before* they’re posted online. I have one such inside line in the works right now, and I’d have no problem taking this job if it pans out. I need insiders at other companies, though, and I need to work harder on that. Slower. More methodically. Not jumping at every opportunity like a drowning woman grasping at anything that floats by.
Focus. Calm determination. That’s what will get me a job.
Got up this morning, ate a banana, and headed off to a 10am keiko. I’d never been to aikido for a weekday morning session, so I was curious to see who all would be there. Out of the five other aikidoka, I hadn’t met two, one of whom was Danny-sempai, who taught the class. (I guess that would make him Danny-sensei?) Today’s class included myself, Hank, Jim, Matt(?), and Taisho. Small group.
I’m not good at remembering the names of the techniques we work on, unless we’re specifically training for tests. Then, we *have* to know the names of the techniques, so more of a focus is placed on knowing those. Normally, though, it’s just “Monkey See, Monkey Do” for me. We did some yokomen-uchiikkyoomote, which was just a variation on a technique I already knew, so that worked out. We also worked on irimi kokyu nage, which I was familiar with, and I learned some new nuances of the technique. We also did some variations on both of those moves, plus one or two others.
That’s what’s really interesting to me about learning this way, by repetition and gleaning as much as you can with each pass: every keiko, you can learn something different, even if you already know the techniques that are being taught. You pick up on varying styles by the different aikidoka you train with, you learn from other people’s mistakes, and sometimes (like I did today) you have an “ah-ha!” moment, when things start to click.
I still have a bit of a major mental block against rolling, or even attempting to roll, especially since I pulled a muscle last time I attempted an all-out forward roll in class. I’m also scared to practice at home, since I could be learning it wrong and think I’m doing fine. (Plus, carpeted basement does not equal padded dojo mat.) Hopefully, with testing coming up in two weeks, I’ll get to practice rolling in class with the other mukyu, and get some pointers without having to ask someone to critique me as a favor.
No injuries this time, a few eureka moments, and a boost to my aikido confidence. Good keiko.
By the way… I’ve been trying to be careful not to reveal the name of my dojo, just so my ineptness doesn’t reflect poorly on the rest of the dojo. I’ll let the cat out of the bag here, though, because Sensei posted clips to YouTube that I want you all to see, so you can get a feel for what aikido is like. Aaron’s quotable: “No wonder you come home sore.” 😀
Being at home with Aaron for a week — and during *this* week in particular, biologically speaking — has made for some interesting dynamics.
Left to my own devices, I’ll sleep for at least 10 hours and stay awake for between 12 and 14 hours. This, as I have already learned in the past, is not good for my mood. I start to feel lazy and depressed, and become less productive, since my normally productive and creative afternoon hours are suddenly my sleepy morning hours. Rolling out of bed at the crack of noon needs to stop.
At least I’ve been making myself to-do lists to keep myself busy. Follow-ups, hitting job-search websites, and driving to BG for outplacement workshops have been on my agenda.
Still… after a decent amount of job rejection, or getting no response and counting that as rejection (and fielding website restructuring requests that feel like rejection, but shouldn’t), I’m starting to feel a little stressed. I hadn’t realized it until I had a little mini-breakdown today, for no good reason. I’m still chalking most of it up to hormones.
My diabolical plan is to add more structure to my days, and to get up earlier. Instead of going to aikido this evening, for instance, I’m going to attend tomorrow’s (and Thursday’s, and Saturday’s) 10am session. I’m also going to meditate daily, like I’d mentioned before that I wanted to do.
I need to not take everything so personally. I also need to eat better, exercise more, and get out of the house every day. Otherwise, I’ll sink into a funk from which I’ll never escape. And that’s not a good way to find a job.
Update, 12:45am: It’s amazing what a difference just ten minutes of meditation can make. That 8pm session of zazen, plus a solid and genuinely excited decision to attend aikido tomorrow morning, along with a shitload of job leads from one of Aaron’s friends, have all acted to calm me considerably.
![[letter from angry client]](/images/letter.jpg)
