health & fitness 6 Comments

Insecurity

Am I so insecure?

I was deleting my trackback spam today when I came upon a real trackback to my blog. At first I thought it might actually be spam, but it looked legit, so I clicked on it anyway. In the last paragraph of the linked post, I read:

Breakfast Burritos are not something you use to lose weight. And neither are “low-carb snacks from Big Lots”. The whole “eat less and exercise more” thing has worked for me. This lady seems rather nice, but her energy into the planning of weight loss might be better used in doing things to actually losing weight. The fact that she is nice and this post is hating on her weight-loss plan, well, this makes me feel bad.

I immediately got that “I hate conflict” feeling in my chest, which goes hand-in-hand with my “I hate being wrong” and “I hate being hated” feelings. Not that this person hates me; they’re just dogging my diet plan. Which, considering my lack of measurable progress lately, I guess I can understand.

And, I mean, I can’t be too upset. After all, they did say that they feel bad that their post is all hating on my diet plan. That’s cool. I left them what I hope sounded like a nice (if slightly miffed) comment, inviting them to come leave a comment and join the discussion. I’m not averse to hearing other people’s opinions on weight loss.

Even so, this person’s post made me sit back and take a look at what I’m doing. I’m eating five small meals a day. I’m cutting back on fat and eating low-glycemic carbohydrates. I’m walking for a half hour every day, and I’m doing mild strength-training with my PUSH DVD three days a week. I’m sure the PUSH workouts will increase in difficulty as I progress onward, though.

I’m slowly losing inches, and very slowly losing weight. I guess that’s the positive way to look at it; the scale is moving in the right direction. But now I wonder if I should be doing *more*. Forcing my ass out of bed in the morning to do cardio, for instance, is something I’ve known I need to do, but I haven’t yet done.

Is it wrong that a complete stranger can make me feel so ill-at-ease with my fitness lifestyle? I was feeling positive and satisfied with my moderate successes. Now, I don’t know. I thought I’d been trying hard for nearly three months now. Suddenly, I feel insecure and pissed off and indignant and vulnerable and exposed and dumb and fat and wrong.

I’m not sure what to think of my reaction to this.

Update, 4/7/06: Now that I know that the “breakfast burrito” thing is a running gag on Manhattan Offender, I can see how I misunderstood the tone of the post. I can totally dig the burrito thing now. Last night, though, I really didn’t know how to take it. Like I told Rod over e-mail, I’m just going to chalk this one up to one of those strange internet things, and let it go.

gardening

Seedling Update


[Posted on Flickr by dianaschnuth].

The seedlings are just over two weeks old, and they’re starting to show me what they’re made of. The catnip (above) is growing like mad, and I’m seriously contemplating planting it in a container, rather than in my soon-to-be herb garden. If I actually plant it in the ground, I expect that it will run rampant and destroy all growing things in its path.

The parsley is finally coming up, the sweet basil is growing tall and stately, and the lemon basil is about on a par with the parsley.

I’ve managed to kill four out of six hollyhocks, thanks to us being out of town during an apparently crucial watering weekend. (Who knew?) One had already died from damping-off, and three others just died of thirst. My two remaining hollyhocks are about 2-3″ tall and not very strong. One already needs staked, which can’t be good. I’m hoping they’ll grow out of it (so to speak).

randomness 4 Comments

Moving and Shaking

Good things are happening.

I’m feeling more fit. I’m doing something a little different at work, and the future is looking positive on that front. I’m paring down my hobbies and interests.

Paring down my hobbies, you ask? Yes, this is a good thing. This makes me happy.

As much as I hate to admit it, I’ve pretty much written off musicianship for now. I enjoy picking up the guitar every now and then, or singing along with the CD in the car, but I’m not likely to record a cover album to share with the internets.

I’m also in preparations to turn over the Saginaires / Northern Aurora alumni site — yes, the very first site I ever created — to someone who will take good care of it. I will shortly be posting a “job opening” to the alumni Yahoo Group, and the donor of the webhosting will be joining me in interviewing the candidates to choose who gets to take over the webmaster position. Ten years is long enough for me, and it’s not fair of me to hoard the site to myself when I haven’t touched it in probably a year.

I need to pare down some other things, too. I’m undecided as to the future of my podcast, although the more I think about it, I don’t want to give it up quite yet. My photography isn’t necessarily something I’ll be doing every day, but it’s damn nice to have good equipment and above-average skills for when I get the inkling to take some artsy pictures. And web design… well, I can’t see me going out for any freelance gigs anytime soon (especially with me actually using the techie part of my brain at work, finally), but I’ll probably do some minor tweaks on my blog, and maybe overhaul my portfolio one of these days. But I won’t feel bad if I don’t get to it right away.

As for things I do want to focus on… I want to get back into writing, as my long-neglected NaNo is calling to me. Gardening season is nearly upon us, so I definitely want to have time for that. And I’ve been being better to my body, exercising regularly, and that’s become something I want to continue. I definitely need to focus more on my LSM duties, as well. Oh, yeah, and do some chores around the house, too.

I’m afraid that, if I don’t take control of my hobbies and such now, I’ll feel guilty for neglecting everything under the sun. I’m still going to have more hobbies than the average joe, but I’m OK with that.

Priorities are good. Spreading myself too thin is not.

weight loss 1 Comment

Diet & Fitness Update, Week #11

This one’s a little overdue, so I’d better get it posted before I have to write two updates at once.

I did gain one pound last week, bringing me back up to 209.5 pounds. That wasn’t unexpected, though, since Aaron was on vacation last week and we ended up going out for dinner a few times. After my Friday weigh-in, we went off to the Anime Punch anime convention, where we proceeded to eat like crap, so I’ll be pleasantly surprised if I hold steady at 209.5 for Week #12.

Exciting things for last week:

  • Moved to Workout #2 on my PUSH DVD. Yay for side planks, floor dips, and other manner of bodily strain. I’ve been sticking with it, though, and can feel a bit of a difference already. Less shaking and quivering in the abs, slightly more endurance in the arms.
  • Did not eat any oatmeal for breakfast all week! Huzzah! Had yummy organic Apple Cinnamon cereal or a Slim-Fast Low-Carb Meal Replacement shake or… well, I think those were my two different breakfasts all week. Still no breakfast burrito.
    [Edit: I did make myself a peanut butter protein shake for breakfast one day. I didn’t use enough PB, though, so it was a little bland.]
  • Discovered almonds. OMG, Sheryl, you were so right. I can’t freakin’ stay away from the damn almonds now. I bring a baggie of them in my purse for my afternoon snack, and damned if I can’t keep my hands out of them. Good stuff.

This week, I’m focusing on lowering my calories again. I think I’ve been eating too many, perhaps. I haven’t been keeping track. I need to start doing that again.

This coming weekend, I’m hoping to get some whole wheat English muffins for breakfast. OMG, English muffins with natural peanut butter… Mmm, that sounds SO good.

Apart from that? Less than two weeks until I take new measurements and photos. (I should probably also take some measurements this week, actually.) Oh, and this time, I may just share one of my in-progress photos with the internets, as I just got myself a new swimsuit via mail-order. w00t! Size 18 Tall, black, underwire cups, pretty basic. But it’s made of this great, thick, stretchy Spandexy material that really holds my stuff in. Swear to god, I spent ten minutes just primping in front of the bathroom mirror, and that is so unlike me. And, holy crap, I didn’t have to order from the “Women’s” sizes! Sure, I still got an 18, but it was technically a Misses Long Torso, not Women’s. (The Women’s didn’t come in Long Torso.)

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster for Tall / Long Torso sizes. I’m 5’10”, and I hate getting a melvin from my bathing suit.

mormonism

Share Your Opinions

So, here’s how this random web of internetting came about: I read this post on Dooce’s site in which she wrote about her take on a recent HBO series called Big Love. Apparently, this series is about a polygamist family in Utah. Being that Dooce is a popular “recovering Mormon,” she ended up having nearly 300 comments — one of which, of course, was mine:

Diana Schnuth said at 09:09PM, 03.28.2006:

Back when I was a practicing Mormon, there was a woman in my Ward who had been widowed shortly after she was married, then had re-married and had several children. What bothered me was that she was still sealed to her first husband, and no amount of thrashing at red tape could get the Church to change that and seal her to her new husband and her family. Only men can be sealed to multiple spouses.

BTW, kudos to you for keeping comments open on such a potentially volatile topic.

I got a few hits to my blog from that comment, as I always do when I post a comment on a high-traffic blog like Dooce or WWDN, but none of them involved hate mail (thankfully) or exhortations to rejoin the LDS flock (even more thankfully).

I did receive one e-mail, though. A Dr. Michael Nielsen contacted me and asked me to participate in his study on religion and attitudes about marriage — specifically, Mormonism and polygamy. It took me less than the 30 minutes he had estimated in the Informed Consent form, and I actually found it very interesting.

Well, it was interesting to me, anyway. I enjoyed answering questions about my history with the Mormon church, and how I feel that the teachings are mainly a bunch of bunk, but that I do categorize Mormons as Christians, and that one of my most frequently-visited religion-based websites is exmormon.org.

When I e-mailed Dr. Nielsen to ask him to update me on the findings of his study, he e-mailed me back (or maybe his bot did) and encouraged me to get other people of differing religious backgrounds to take his survey. So, here I am, encouraging you all to take his survey. I found it intriguing, and will be very interested to learn the results and conclusions.

Update, 9pm: Just found this website, which I may have to refer back to later: Mormon No More. It gives instructions as to how to resign from the Mormon church. Well, Mom, I guess you really didn’t have to get yourself excommunicated, after all! 🙂

I wonder if I can get myself removed from the rolls by my 30th birthday. That would be a grand present to myself.