It’s Hard To Soar Like An Eagle…

…When You Work With A Bunch Of Turkeys.

Sometimes I really wish I could blog about work. Sometimes I think I could write my entries in such a way that no one would be the wiser; I could hide the identities of my co-workers to protect the innocent and the stupid. But then it occurs to me that, no matter how I were to mask the true identities of these people about whom rumors fly, or about whose orientation I’m unsure, or whose personal habits and idiosyncrasies perplex me… if they happened upon my site, they would undoubtedly realize I’d been blogging about them.

Telling my husband or my friends about my co-workers is one thing; they don’t know any of these people, will never see them, and likely may never even meet them. But postings on the internet have a way of getting back to people, and I’m not prepared to get Dooced just to share my confusion about the girl who always runs across the parking lot after work, or gossip about a former temp, or show pity for a given co-worker’s physical challenges, or describe exactly how easy it would be for a bank employee to be generally scandalous, or what-have-you.

And that’s really too bad. There’s some weird shit that goes on here sometimes.

Excited? Or Manic?

I feel excited today, like I have lots of fun projects to look forward to later tonight. Since I figured out how to make the sewing machine go last night, I have lots of ideas of stuff to experiment with and practice, to prepare myself for making a fursuit and fleece hats and such. Half a dozen people in the office have commented on the tealight sampler that Holly bought from me, asking me what all I sell and how much candles cost, so I?m all geeked to try some more scents and add a PayPal shopping cart to my candle website and post photos of my available containers and all that. And on top of all that, I still have some updates to add to the LakeShoremen website, in addition to doing some preliminary designs and critiquing other corps? websites for design ideas. Oh, and I need to practice my mellophone and do some exercise (which I?ve been neglecting for the past week or so, due to various issues).

Now, if I can only maintain this excitement through the work day and make it carry over to this evening…

Update, 12:44pm: Still happy, even after a 10-minute nap during my lunch break (which always has the potential to make me groggy). The blue sky an fluffy white clouds are exciting me now, even though I know it?s still friggin? cold outside. I?m rarely genuinely happy like this, so I?m kind of basking in it while it lasts. Usually I?m depressed for no good reason?being happy for no good reason is a pleasant change.

Update, 2:59pm: The sun is beaming into the window by my cubicle, casting neat highlights and shadows on the budding geraniums in the windowsill. I?m still in a good mood, but not quite as much as I was. Now I?m just anxious to get home, and I know I still have two hours to go.

Update, 8:43pm: Not enough hours in the day. Not enough energy in the Diana. Made a yummy dinner of garlic-ginger chicken with low-carb linguine (yes, my own concoction), then updated the LSM site. Now I’m tired and don’t want to do anything constructive. Now, even though I’m excited inside, I can’t get enough oomph to fire up the sewing machine and make… nothing, yet, except strange patterns of stitching on practice material. Maybe once I chill for a while and eat a low-carb fudgie bar and find a new book to read, I’ll be interested in sewing some more.

Ah, intentions… *sigh*

My Virtual Model

I remember making one of these back when I was checking out wedding dresses: My Virtual Model. I saw this on someone’s diet blog, debunking the “Marilyn Monroe was a plus size” myth, and decided to make one for myself again.

Just for shits and giggles, I made three versions of me: Before, Now, and My Goal. For those of you who are squeamish at seeing even a virtual model of me in only a black bikini, I’ve put the screenshots in a popup window.

Anyway, the Now model is kind of forgiving. Imagine bigger cottage-cheese thighs and flabbier arms, and a little more of a belly poonch. Hmm. Better yet, don’t imagine that. Might be better for your mental health. And, believe it or not, the Before model is actually fairly accurate. My waist was less-defined (read: I had mighty love-handle rolls) and I was… well, let’s just leave it at that.

That said… I’m kind of liking that Goal model. Even if she’s not quite what I’ll look like in 25 pounds. Oh, and I made a super-uber goal model, but I couldn’t even see me as her, so I opted not to post her. At 5’10” and 165 pounds, My Skinny Virtual Model looked like a skinny ho, and I couldn’t relate to her. o.O

I Must Be Retarded

I’ve got a Bachelor’s Degree, a 140+ I.Q, and three books from the library, and I STILL can’t figure out how to thread a fucking goddamn sewing machine.

I feel like a fucking moron. I want to cry. And the instructional video for Sheryl’s sewing machine won’t come out of the goddamn box.

How am I supposed to make a Totoro fursuit if I can’t even make the goddamned machine go?

Motherfucking goddamn fuck.

Update #1: Managed to remove VHS tape from box, sacrificing one fingernail in the process. Am about to watch said video.

Update #2: See? All I needed was a walkthrough. The nice lady on the tape (who looked like she was from 1986, even though the video was made in 2002) was very helpful in showing me how to thread the goddamn sewing machine. I wouldn’t have guessed any of that. Loop it through the who-huh? Tension spring? Wha…?

Anyway, I guess all’s well that ends well, whatever that means. I now have a piece of brown cloth that has half-black and half-brown test stitching haphazardly sewn through it.

This could be fun. Challenging, but fun.

Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Hunter S. Thompson, a renegade journalist whose “gonzo” style threw out any pretense at objectivity and established the hard-living writer as a counter-culture icon, fatally shot himself at his Colorado home on Sunday night, police said. He was 67.

Thompson’s son, Juan, released a statement saying he had found his father dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head at the writer’s Owl Creek farm near Aspen.

Thompson, famed for such adrenaline-packed narratives as “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,” turned his drug and alcohol-fueled clashes with authority into a central theme of his work, challenging the quieter norms of established journalism in the process.

I’d never even heard of Hunter S. Thompson before that Fantasy Lit class that Amy and I took back in… ’97? ’98? Anyway, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was on our reading list when we first bought our books for the semester, although we weren’t slated to actually read it until much later in the syllabus.

I remember Aaron coming into the dorm room Amy and I shared, and seeing my copy of Fear and Loathing sitting atop a stack of books—probably on the floor, rather than on my desk. I think his first exclamation was, “Have you read that?!” When we answered that it was on our reading list for later in the semester, he asked if he could borrow it. Sure, no problem. Enjoy. I figured it must be a pretty good book if Aaron was that excited about checking it out, even if it was required reading.

Boy, was I right.

I loved that Fantasy Lit class: we got to read a lot of books that one wouldn’t generally consider “fantasy,” including Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, some ill-received Robert Blake poetry, The Time Machine by H.G. Wells, and, of course, Fear and Loathing. And, since Amy and I were taking the class together, we got to have our own discussions about the books before the class discussions, which made things a little more interesting. Not that the class discussions weren’t interesting in themselves, with the enlightened yet pleasantly cynical Brit, Iain, running the class.

Anyway, once we finally got to read Fear and Loathing, we understood why Aaron was so excited to read it himself. Thompson’s state of mind, his imagery, and his surprisingly lucid thoughts on society in general really drew us in. I’d say that was one of my favorite books I read that semester.

Shortly thereafter, we heard that there was going to be a movie made from the book. We decided it would be worth seeing, even though there’s no way they could possibly capture all the fantastic imagery and weird trips—and Johnny Depp was playing Hunter S. Thompson? Oh, boy.

Again, we were in for a surprise.

It turned out to be a great movie, using cinematic tricks and CG and fantastic acting to portray the book as near-perfect as a book-to-movie translation could possibly be. Years later, Aaron now owns the Criterion Edition of the DVD, in addition to having downloaded several of Thompson’s Spoken Word shows.

So, Hunter S. Thompson, I salute you. I wish you would have told us why you felt the need to finally give in to your self-destruction, though—maybe left us one last note in your classic gonzo style, telling us why you thought you had to escape this fucked-up place.

This sucks.