humor

Nice Lexus

Received in my work e-mail today:

A lady walks into a Lexus dealership and browses around. Suddenly she spots the most perfect, beautiful car and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of flatulence escapes her. Very embarrassed, she anxiously looks around to see if anyone has noticed and hopes a sales person doesn’t pop up right now.

As she turns back, there standing next to her is a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greets her, “Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?”

Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiles back and asks, “Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?”

Still smiling pleasantly, he replies, “Madam, I’m very sorry to say that if you farted from just touching it, you are gonna shit when you hear the price.”

randomness

Resolutions

Well, it wouldn’t be a proper New Year without a resolution. In years past, I’ve tried multiple angles on the Resolution: one simple thing (last year’s resolution to brush my teeth more), one obvious thing (losing weight, multiple years), or a combination thereof.

This year, I’m trying a new angle: a to-do list categorized under one broad idea. The theme for 2005 is “Preparing For The ‘Mom Thing.'”

Not about my Mom. Like, about me being one. Scary, eh?

So, the way I figure, I need to kick up the responsibility factor a notch if I’m ever going to be responsible for another human being. That, and to keep Aaron from eventually kicking me in the teeth with frustration. It would happen, I’m sure.

This could obviously take on several discrete tasks. The main ones I’m thinking of are:

  • Lose 20 more pounds or 2 more dress sizes by Autumn 2005
  • Find and see a local doctor (general practicioner / family doctor) and a girlie doctor (aka an OB/GYN)
  • Unpack my boxes of keepsakes and scrapbooking items currently taking up space in the small bedroom
  • Brush my teeth more often, with the prescribed Tooth Maintenance™
  • Be punctual (leave for work on time, arrive on time)
  • Be more domestic, in terms of cleaning house

The list in my head is more detailed, true, but there are some things that aren’t for public consumption. I’m sure you don’t need to hear all the gory details about my potential exercise routines or my regime of Tooth Maintenance™ (although Amy knows all about that, and so does Aaron).

So, yeah. I need to do some self-improvement, as per usual. Maybe if I focus on preparing myself to be a better caregiver—no, say it: to be Someone’s Mommy—then maybe that will give me the impetus to be a better person now.

year in review 2 Comments

2004: Year In Review

This year has been one of a few large upgrades for myself and Aaron. Not a whole lot happened, but what did was pretty major.

In March, we bought our house. This necessitated a move from Bowling Green (where I worked at the time) to Toledo (much closer to where Aaron works).

In May, we adopted Mei. May was also our one-year wedding anniversary.

In June, I took a new job within Sky Bank, closer to home. In fact, it’s practically across the street from where Aaron works. I didn’t get a raise or anything, but working ten minutes from home instead of 35 was enough of an upgrade for me. That extra 20 minutes of Aaron-time made things so much better, as did the drastic reduction in petrol usage.

The summer of 2004 was the first time I’d performed with a drum & bugle corps since 1997, when I “aged out” of Junior corps. I joined up with the LakeShoremen Senior Drum & Bugle Corps, and drove my ass up to Michigan every other weekend to march in various parades. It had its good points and its bad points, but I still plan to march again in 2005.

On September 1st, I officially launched dianaschnuth.net, complete with Movable Type and CSS layout. September was also our one-year anniversary of being on Atkins.

Sometime in the Fall—September or October, I forget which—Mom and Gary bought a house and moved down to Fort Worth TX. Before they managed to actually close on the house, and while they were living with Gary’s folks, Gary’s German Shorthair Pointer, Joshua, died. The dog going didn’t really affect me, but it really affected Gary, of course. Their moving affected me a bit, though, as it isn’t quite as simple and straightforward to go and visit my family now.

Apart from that… I can’t really think of any other life-shaping events that happened during 2004. No new cars (that was December 2002), no new kids (that’s not until… well, whenever it happens), no deaths (that was 2003). I’m sure someone will remind me of something, though.

geekspeak

Go Firefox Go!

Fellow Firefox users: I have a belated Christmas present for you!

BoingBoing has posted an article telling us how to speed up your web browsing experience. I’ve implemented it, and it seems to work.

However, there is a caveat detailed on adot’s notblog—apparently, this could potentially cause problems with certain servers, and won’t appreciably speed up your load time unless you have an appropriate combination of bandwidth and processing power.

So, remember what you did, in case you need to undo it later. But for now, it’s pretty sweet.