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Krav Maga: Level Up

On the day before my black belt test, I had my regularly-scheduled appointment with my therapist, who just so happens to be a 4th-degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do. She suggested that I write down how it felt to have passed my black belt test, especially since the memory of feelings can fade or change with time.

At the end of the nearly six hours of intense testing (punctuated by a handful of short breaks for water and/or snacks), Mr. Turner faced the line-up of black belt candidates and asked us how we felt. For me, “relieved” was the first word that came to mind.

I made it through six hours of testing without injuring myself. At age 46, with my back problems and knee problems, making it through the test uninjured was a huge relief. That had honestly been my main goal: push as hard as I could for as long as I could without getting hurt. During the test, I could feel my lower back and my left knee weakening as I pushed myself to the limit. At one point during the grappling portion of the test, I even approached Mr. Turner and told him (in a voice that, to my embarrassment, started to quaver with emotion) that if he saw me stop during the exercise, it wouldn’t be because I didn’t want to continue — it would only be because I can’t. I told him that I planned to train to failure if necessary, but that I was getting frustrated. Of course, he reminded me that getting emotional wouldn’t help, and basically just to keep going.

After the test was over, though, the constant low-level stress of uncertainty and self-doubt of the past several months had finally lifted. I had finally made it through the gauntlet of black belt testing. I am worthy. I am enough. I wasn’t “given” a belt promotion just by virtue of continuing to show up; I earned it.

Diana throwing some devil horns at the dojo
Me after hour one: feeling pretty hyped.

A sampling of the fun we endured:

  • Punches on the wave bags for speed, power, and technique
  • Sparring: one-on-one, two-on-one, and constant switching-out of sparring partners
  • Drilling choke defenses
  • Grappling drills, including kicking from the ground
  • Drilling knife defense and gun defense
  • Finale: “shark bait” many-on-one defense, including knife, gun, stick, chokes, bear hugs, headlocks, et al.
I was displeased by the third hour of testing.
By hour three, I was in the zone, mildly displeased at my physical limitations, and wanting this to be over already.

I see now, looking at my Hour Three Selfie, why my classmates all say I look so intense and angry when I’m going hard. I look pretty pissed. I’m a little intimidated by Black Belt Test Selfie Diana, truth be told. She looks like she is NOT going to put up with any shit.

Is that really me?

Hell, yes.

Four teens and two adults all earned ginormous black belt certificates

We did it. We all did it. Whether we were scared or hesitant or unsure or excited or nervous or what have you, we all made it happen. We all lifted each other up along the way, and came out the other side as stronger people.

We didn’t just show up. We showed up and kicked ass.

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Twitter Update: Ready

I‘m up before sunrise on a Saturday. Morning coffee is on board, as are my vitamins and some ibuprofen for good measure. I even ate breakfast. I’m wearing camouflage workout capris without socks, and it’s 28F outside.

Wish me good skills on my Krav Maga black belt test! 🥋😳

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Work News and a New Toy

Today was the IT Holiday Party at my work. The main venue was a not-quite-IMAX-sized movie theater, in which we got to enjoy some catered appetizers and light fare and desserts while we waited for the bigwigs to thank us for another year of our valuable work in the trenches of Information Technology.

While we were waiting, the Disney+ series The Santa Clauses played on the big, BIG screen. That brand of comedy really isn’t my jam; in fact, I spent a lot of mental energy trying in vain to ignore it. Never have I been so glad to see a bunch of suits take the stage.

It’s been a weird year, with lots of changes in upper management. Some people retired, some people were coerced into retirement, and some people were straight-up let go with zero fanfare or warning — including one of the suits who normally would have lightened up this sort of gathering with his unique brand of wry humor. Add to that the news that the company is selling off a large portion of our internal customers, and it makes for a kind of omnipresent, low-lying anxiety amongst just about everybody.

The latest news we got today was that most of the IT department will be permanently remote beginning January 1, 2023. The rumor mill is all abuzz about various reasons why, but none of us are particularly surprised, given that we were asked to fill out a survey not too long ago about our preference for hybrid vs. remote work.

Even though I find my in-office days more taxing than my work-from-home days, I still like having some face-to-face time with my co-workers. Things are said in person that would never be typed out over Teams chat, and interactions happen that would be very different if both parties were remote. Even so, if there’s no one else in the office to interact with, then there’s no point in me being in the office, either. It’s bittersweet. It’s one more example of how the paradigm has shifted since the pandemic.

While my co-workers and I sat in the theater and tried to converse over Tim Allen, I had something else to keep my attention: a Rocketbook that I won in a raffle last week. They retail for $35, and I bought five raffle entries for $5 each, so I essentially got a VMWare-branded Rocketbook Core at a discount. (If I’d won the Grand Prize, though, I would have gotten a Very Large monitor for that $25 donation.)

The Rocketbook is basically a notebook with wet-erase reusable pages and an accompanying app that streamlines the process of scanning and uploading your notes and sketches to the cloud service of your choice. I can sketch something, make a mark on a specific icon at the bottom of the page, and when I use the app to scan the page, it will get beamed to my Google Drive. Or my personal email, or my work email, or my personal OneDrive, or any number of other services. I only wish I could take the Smart List feature and beam those items into my Outlook for work or my iOS Reminders.

There have been a non-zero number of times when I’ve wanted to sketch out a diagram or a dashboard layout and get that sketch into my OneNote, and it’s been a timesink of image adjustments to output a decent image. The Rocketbook will definitely make that sort of thing a lot more efficient… even if I don’t need to do it very often.

I have a two-week vacation scheduled for the weeks of Christmas and New Years. I’ve been looking forward to it — I should have taken a breather several weeks ago, honestly — and I’m still looking forward to it, even if it means that I might not be returning to the office after the break is over.

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Black Belt Test Commencing

In true ADHD fashion, Connor finished his written assignments last night — yes, the night before they were due. I played the part of office assistant: printing his assignments from his Google Drive, fetching a folder for his essay, showing him how to use a three-hole punch, printing photos for his display board… and I might have done him a solid and fixed some of his typos before printing off his assignments.

Historically, parents have not been permitted in the dojo during the six-hour Black Belt Testing. For some reason, though, the rules were changed for this round of testing, with the caveat that any parent who interferes with the test will be dismissed, along with their student.

I asked Connor after our classes on Thursday if he’d like me to stay and watch, or if he’d rather me drop him off and leave.

He preferred me to just drop him off.

When we arrived at the dojo today just before 8am, the bleachers were packed with parents. I took a “before” picture (see above), gave him a hug, wished him good skills, and left.

It felt weird.

The black belt process is all about Connor discovering what he is capable of accomplishing if he applies himself. It’s not about my parenting; it’s not about me at all. This is all him, and I get not wanting or needing your mom to be there watching. Honestly, it’s better for both of us that I’m not there, since he has a habit of checking the bleachers during his class to see how I’m reacting to what he’s doing, and I have a habit of getting frustrated when he’s unable or unwilling to focus. Better that he’s completely present for his test, and not distracted by my presence.

Plus, I get my morning back.

It’s still weird.

I honestly don’t know if he’ll pass his black belt test today or not. If he doesn’t, it’s not the end of the road — he gets a chance to try again. (Especially since I’ve already paid for the next two years of classes for the both of us to reach second degree black belt.)

I also don’t know for sure if he should pass his black belt test today. Compared with his peers, his technique isn’t very precise, and he’s definitely not high on the list of go-getters as far as practice and preparation are concerned. It’s not my call, though, and if the staff decides that my son is qualified to earn his Junior Black Belt today (or in the near future), then I’ll be proud and thrilled.

We’ll find out soon….