dianaschnuth

I was going to title this entry “Behind the 8 Ball,” but then I realized that has more of a connotation of being in a losing position or a bad situation. I really just feel… meh.

I’ve felt meh before: November 12 and October 21 last year were two times that I actually wrote about it. Usually the meh keeps me from writing at all. I can’t blame it on my womanly cycle, since these three identified meh days were on cycle days 15, 18, and 11 in a 24-day cycle — not close enough for a correlation, I don’t think. I’d also love to blame the meh on the newly-reformulated Weight Watchers diet, but that change didn’t happen until December.

My weight’s been creeping up lately — just by a few pounds, but it’s noticeable to me. I’ve been having trouble resisting carby snacks when I’m tired — sugary desserts, pasta, that sort of thing. During the day, at work, I’ll keep a steady stream of coffee and tea going all day, with not much water in between.

According to my Sleep Cycle app, I spend between 8 and 9 hours in bed a night, with a “Sleep Quality” rating around 82% (although I spend more time in bed and sleep better on weekends than on weeknights). My bedtime is just before 11pm, on average, and I get up around 7am on weekdays and 8am on weekends. I sleep better if I do some yoga before bed to wind down, and if I get the lights out by 10pm. I sleep worse if I watch TV at night or stay up until 11pm.

I decided to hit the reset button on my eating habits today, in the hopes that getting my nutrition in order would help. I started the day with a light breakfast of toast with honey and some coffee with Splenda and cashew milk. That’s 124 calories out of my daily 1700 (according to LoseIt!), or 5 SmartPoints out of my daily 30. The plan was to cycle coffee or tea with water, and enjoy a light lunch of fruit between my 12:20 yoga class and my 2:00 team meeting, then make a largish salad with some protein for dinner. Surprisingly enough, the plan went well: I drank seven glasses of water, plus one cup of coffee and a few cups of tea (both green and black); yoga (as I suspected) improved my mood considerably; I didn’t feel the need to go buy a supplemental lunch from the cafe downstairs; and my dinner salad with a side of salmon went better than expected. I then had a low-calorie dessert and a small protein-rich snack after my son went to bed. As I finish this entry and prepare to post it, I’m contemplating a decaf latte with 1% milk.

Related to my sour mood: I’ve had a hard time lately just being alone with myself. I’ve been reading The Dude and the Zen Master before bed, doing some hamstring stretches, sometimes doing 15 minutes of yoga — but mostly, if I’m alone, I’m hunched over the blue glow of my phone. I stopped tracking my phone usage at the end of last year, and I think it’s crept up again. I’ll bet that I’d be happier if I cut down on my screen time and reintroduced meditation (zazen) into the daily mix. Hell, if I just stuck to a bedtime routine like I do with my son, that would be a good start. I just have so much other stuff I want to get done at night (but, oddly enough, I end up going down the internet rabbit hole instead of getting stuff done).

I’ve just been grumpy and tired and headachy and can’t concentrate and I want something to change. Today was a definite step in the right direction.