Category Archives: health & fitness

A narrative of my journeys with diet, exercise, and various healthcare professionals

depression Leave a comment

Meh.

I’ve just been in kind of a funk lately. I have moments of yay, but mostly I’m feeling meh.

I haven’t been able to properly work out for over a month, thanks to my nagging back pain. In early October, my back complained about both kickboxing and yoga, and all I’ve done since then is a couple elliptical sessions and some walking. I suspect the lack of exercise is affecting my mood, on top of my just being in constant low-level pain or discomfort. (Yes, I suppose I could take something for the pain, but I’d rather not if I can deal with it, especially now that I’m in physical therapy for my lower back and I need to monitor my improvement over time in regards to pain.)

At work, I have trouble concentrating on what I’m doing. I feel like I have monkey-mind in a big way: easily distracted, can’t focus, can’t seem to get tasks completed, and get extra frustrated when I can’t puzzle out a problem (as is the case right now, actually). My annual review is coming up soon — today is my work anniversary — and I hope my boss doesn’t feel the same way about my job performance as I do.

All I’ve been wanting to do in the evenings after I get my son to bed is feed my face and play on my phone — or watch TV, which is a rarity for me. I don’t feel like writing, reading, cleaning, organizing. I have blog posts backlogged, either half-written or unwritten… but I just can’t get excited about finishing them.

I’m sure part of it is the time change — or, more accurately, the season change. No matter what time the clock says it is, the daylight hours are getting shorter. Plus, the weather has been gloomy, overcast, windy, drizzly, and generally fall-dreary (instead of the autumn I love, with brisk colors and bright blue skies and hoodies galore). Last night, we had a windstorm that blew most of the remaining leaves off the trees… including my beautiful burning bushes. No more vivid red border in the back yard, unfortunately.

My mood and habits are creating a nasty cycle with my weight, too. I was all gung-ho to reach my goal weight by Thanksgiving… then by New Years… and now I’m wondering if I should just throw in the towel for 2015 and work to maintain instead of lose. My frame of mind is no longer in the right place for this, and I don’t know how to get back in the right headspace. I just can’t summon up any fucks to give.

And no, it’s not that time of month, but thanks for going there, anyway. Honestly, it does kind of feel the same, mood-wise, now that I think about it.

Maybe going out for date night this weekend will perk me up.

spondylolisthesis Leave a comment

Spondy No More?

Back when I was pregnant with my son, in early 2011, a tiny wrong move sent me to my husband’s chiropractor for the first time. She treated me conservatively while I was pregnant, then moved to standard adjustments and therapy post-partum — but my lower back still hurt. An x-ray in Spring 2012 revealed why: I had spondylolisthesis. My L5 vertebra was offset at a Grade 2 level (the grades go from 1 to 4). An MRI the following year confirmed that spondy was in effect, and my joints were degrading, too. Yay for arthritis and a bulging disc at L4-L5.

I’ve been behaving as instructed for the past few years. I’ve lost about 30 pounds since having my son in late 2011, I’ve avoided high-impact exercise like running, and I’ve increased other activities like yoga and core strength exercises. For the most part, I’ve been feeling all right.

This summer, though, there was a stretch of about a month and a half where scheduling kept me from doing my normal activity. After that, I noted a definite uptick in my lower back pain. Nothing severe, nothing incapacitating, just a low-level tightness and discomfort in my lower lumbar region. All the time. With some sciatica thrown in for good measure.

Time for another x-ray, Dr. Smith said. I saw her last Friday for the results.

The conclusions are surprising — so surprising, in fact, that Dr. Smith didn’t believe the written results at first and pulled up the x-rays to see for herself.

There is now no evidence of spondylolisthesis. Only joint degradation.

I didn’t know that could happen, but there you have it. I lost weight and firmed up my core, and my L5 went back into place. Somehow. I’m concerned that might mean that L5 is unstable to a degree. I’m also troubled because now I only have a bulging disc to blame for all this discomfort, and I’m not sure how to treat it differently than my spondy.

I go to a physical therapy evaluation on Monday morning, per Dr. Smith’s orders. I’m curious to hear what they say. From what I’ve read, PT is the best way to heal or correct a bulging disc, so I’m totally on board. Plus, I’d like to get some definitive answers on what my biomechanical weirdnesses are, and how to correct them, and what exercises and movements are right for me, and which should be avoided. For that, I need a professional.

weight loss Leave a comment

October Weigh-In

This is very much a headspace thing.

I know what I should be eating, and when, and how much. I also know that evening binges are not helpful, yet they still happen on occasion. Connor wasn’t even a jerky little kid on the night in question, and yet my brain was still stuck on Must Eat All The Things. I sat down and watched Good Eats on Netflix and ate a hardboiled egg, a can of Chef Boyardee, four squares of dark chocolate dipped in peanut butter, one Hostess pumpkin cupcake, and a Breakstones Cottage Cheese Double.

Seriously, self, WTF.

It’s easy to get discouraged when I see an unexplained four-pound gain in a single week (and, no, the aforementioned binge did not happen during the gain week; it happened the week after). Theoretically, though, that should make me try even harder. And it’s not like I entirely threw in the towel, either — I just had one “off” night. The rest of my post-gain week was actually pretty spot-on, and I lost 1.6 of the 4.2 I’d gained. (I lost two more the following week, much to my surprise — I hadn’t stuck to Plan very well, and I fully expected a gain or a stall.)

Seeing my goal date get more unreasonable really got me down, too — 2.5 pounds per week? I haven’t lost that much in one week since… well… I lost 2.8 one week in March? I lost three pounds one week in March 2014. Point being, expecting myself to lose 2.5 pounds per week for five weeks is a nice thought, but just isn’t going to happen.

So I recalculated.

I took an average “good week” of 1.6 pounds, divided that into how many pounds I have to lose to reach my Goal Weight, and added two weeks for good measure (since this span of time will include Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I don’t expect to lose on those weeks). I ended up at December 29, my last Weight Watchers meeting of 2015.

That’s more reasonable. I can wrap my mind around that.

NSVs:

  • Came downstairs from Connor’s room, frustrated, and did ten inclined push-ups against the loveseat instead of going into the kitchen to stress-eat.
  • My chiropractor noted — again — that I’m still losing weight. I didn’t correct her and say I’ve been losing and gaining the same five pounds; I just responded, “I’m trying!”