dianaschnuth

I figured out how to wake myself up happily and on time near the end of college: either have a light on a timer, set to turn on 30 minutes before my alarm goes off, or keep the blinds open so the sun wakes me up. An added bonus wake-up trick: put my alarm clock across the room.

I was only able to do that for a couple of years, once I finally figured it out, because I married a night-shifter. I don’t blame him for wrecking my flow; he just works a different shift than I do. Even so, I can’t have the blinds open (he’d actually prefer we get blackout shades), or time a light to turn on, or have pleasant music timed just right to slowly and gently wake me up. No, I have my smartphone under my pillow, my Sleep Cycle app playing a quiet melody with NO VIBRATION.

My half-asleep brain has a hard time with making the right decision (i.e. just get out of bed instead of snoozing or turning off the alarm). My tired-at-night brain also has a hard time making the right decision (i.e. just turn off the light and go to sleep instead of reading another chapter or playing on the phone longer). When there’s a decision to be made, if I’m tired, I will always screw it up, it seems.

These days, the alarm clock of last resort is my three-year-old son. Once he’s up, it’s game over, man. I have no other option but to get up and deal with life as a parent. I’d actually rather he get me up so I’m forced to get a move-on — during the workweek, at least. If he’s not up and around by 7am, either on his own or by me waking him up, I will not be on time to work. End of story.

It was different when I only had myself to deal with. I could just skip parts of my routine — no makeup today! oh, well — and speed to work. With a child in the mix, though, there’s that x-factor that I can’t always plan for. For instance, one day, I had to convince my son that he shouldn’t wear his underwear on the outside. That took longer than I would have expected. Other days, he just doesn’t want to get up (and I can’t say that I blame him).

But I digress.

I wonder how I can take what I learned about my wake cycle in college and apply it to my life today?

Well, for one thing, the data I’ve collected from my sleep app tells me that I sleep better when I spend some time winding down and meditating before bed, and I sleep poorly when I read before bed (presumably because I read too long and stay up too late). So, improving my quality of sleep is one change I can make, since being less tired in the morning will help me make better decisions.

Or I could just be a damn grown-up and get up when my alarm goes off.

Early last week, I visited the Toledo Clinic for some neck X-rays, as ordered by my chiropractor.

Now, I’d like to deviate from the story before I even start, because I need to express how much I love my chiropractor. Her name is Connie Smith, her practice is First Choice Chiropractic in Toledo, and if you live in the area and need a chiropractor, I highly recommend you go see her. She is not one of the sheisty ambulance-chasers that many people think about when they think “chiropractor.” She’s what some call a “mixer,” as in she mixes traditional chiropractic practices with mainstream medicine. She orders up X-rays as needed, knows her business, and doesn’t push any of the hippie-dippy stuff (although, if you’re into holistic medicine or acupuncture, I understand that those services are available).

So, now that we have that out of the way, on with our story.

I went to see Dr. Smith the Friday after my x-rays were taken, to review with her what the radiologist had found regarding my now-chronic neck pain. I had assumed that it was directly related to the whiplash accident back in April — turns out that it may be indirectly related, but isn’t necessarily attributable to whiplash.

First off, my neck doesn’t curve backwards like a “normal” neck. It’s straight. If it were curving forward, that would be assumed to be whiplash-related. (I wish I had an x-ray of my neck prior to the accident, though.)

Second, C5 is slightly out of alignment — what chiropractors apparently call a subluxation, but what the radiologist identified as a “mild kyphosis at C5-6.” Dr. Smith ordered me to do neck retractions (sticking my head back like a turtle) multiple times a day, and she gave me a pamphlet on subluxation.

She also noted that my facet /fuh-’SET/ joints are deteriorating, as evidenced by the white areas inside the vertebrae, and that basically means I’m in the early stages of arthritis. Welcome to middle age.

When I got home, being the researching fool that I am, I Googled subluxation and discovered that this concept is one reason why chiropractors are typically seen as more hippie-dippy and less medical. The radiology report refers to a “straightening of cervical lordosis” and “mild kyphosis,” but never once mentions subluxation. There’s a reason for that: the medical term has a different definition than the chiropractic term, which is interesting.

She didn’t mention anything about the bits in her pamphlet about what other bodily systems my C5 subluxation could be affecting; I understood her to use the term to mean that my C5 was out of alignment. I’m not going to concern myself with the idea that my C5 may be affecting my esophagus, coronary arteries, or lungs. Instead, I’ll just trust that she’ll keep me in alignment as best she can, and send me to another specialist if need be.

Weird chiropractic jargon aside, I find it interesting that I didn’t have an issue with cervical kyphosis or my C5 until the accident. Even though whiplash isn’t indicated as a cause of the problems, I’m inclined to think it was a major factor.

Tack one on to my list of minor physical complaints. Oh, well.