dianaschnuth

I had an epiphany early this month, after I realized that the date I chose as my Goal Weight Target Date is actually visible on my new 16-week weight plot. You know, the weight graph that I post up on my cube wall at work, right beside my monitor, where I can see it every day. The one that had been showing weeks of tiny gains interspersed with a few losses.

My weight loss journey has been a lot like my undergraduate career was: full of detours and trip-ups and lack of attention to the end goal. Floating through, enjoying the moment (or not), and not buckling down, not realizing until nearing the end that things would have gone so much better had I been more focused all along.

Evenings have been feeling like those late college nights used to — those nights where I’d stay up until 3am when I knew I really shouldn’t, then oversleep through all my morning classes. Nowadays, I find myself digging in the fridge or pantry after dinner, knowing I’ve eaten all I should eat for the day, knowing I’m not truly hungry, and not caring.

Do I want to be on this journey for the rest of my life? Or do I want to reach the number on the scale already, so I can move on to other things, like maybe some body recomposition work? (Note to self: You don’t have to wait until you reach your Goal Weight to start on that. How’s about inserting some resistance training into your fitness routine NOW?)

It’s reachable. I applied myself during the last week of September and lost over two pounds in one week (my official Weight Watchers weigh-in called it 2.4), which is much more than my typical loss of 0.6 pounds. If I’d reined myself in over the weekend, I would have lost even more, but I’m still pleased with my progress. If I continue on this path, I’ll reach my Goal Weight well within my target date.

And I have every intention of doing so.

Some people have graduated past a need for the number on the scale. Some people are OK with feeling fit, fitting into a certain size, living a fit and active lifestyle. Right now, I still need the number. Once I’m comfortable with the number, once I’ve achieved the goal I’ve set out to accomplish, then I’ll pick a new goal.

There is no After. Only what’s next.

NSVs:

• Went down a band size in bras (36 to 34) and a pant size in bootcut dress pants (14 to 12 — In straight-leg pants, though, I’m still a 14).
• A co-worker told me (again) that every time she sees me, I keep looking thinner and thinner.
• Resisted free donuts at work! Twice!
• Got a wrap from the cafeteria, decided it wasn’t delicious, and threw away half of it.
• Went back on a Monday and tracked Saturday’s date night dinner plus all of Sunday.

This week’s Weight Watchers Weekly was focused on setting a weight goal for yourself, as opposed to checking a BMI chart and picking a “normal” weight that seems completely unattainable.

Back when I started WW seven years and 40 pounds ago, I checked the BMI chart and saw that 173 was the upper end of my “healthy” weight range. That’s what I weighed in middle school; that’s what I weigh now, finally, at age 39. At the time when I chose 170 for my Goal, though, I didn’t know what I would look like at that weight, or even if I would be capable of reaching that weight.

But I decided I’m not done yet. I still have at least 10 pounds to go — and then we’ll see how I feel when I get there, and reassess.
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To try to break out of my months-long plateau, I decided to post a daily photo journal of my meals for a week. I figured it would give me some additional accountability, since I’d been falling into the trap of If No One Sees Me, I Didn’t Really Eat It. (Which, yes, is ridiculous. The scale doesn’t lie. I’m not fooling anyone, including myself.)

What I discovered as I photographed everything I ate or drank (besides water) was that, in addition to increasing my accountability — I did skip a few snacks so I wouldn’t have to photograph them and admit my snackiness — it also increased my mindfulness in eating. When I had to properly arrange my food, make it photogenic, it engendered a purposefulness in eating that I hadn’t experienced for a long time. Less standing at the refrigerator door with the can of gulab jamun and a spoon, or digging into a can of my son’s Chef Boyardee, and more meticulous crafting of delicious and nutritious meals and snacks.  Continue reading →

There was a week where I had a couple of really shitty days in a row, food-wise. Went way over my Daily Target and blew through all 49 Weekly Points in just a couple of days. The next day, I decided to do a half-assed fast: no breakfast or lunch, but all the fluids I can drink. I started the day with a glass of milk and some vitamins, and didn’t feel hungry or lightheaded until 11:30, when I ate a few homemade cookies a co-worker brought in. So, “breakfast” and “lunch” were 8 PPVs total, out of my daily 28, and I drank a total of five cups of tea during the course of the workday. Honestly, apart from that one little bout of feeling lightheaded, it wasn’t that big of a deal. I also probably could have eaten the leftover banana at my desk for lunch instead of the cookies and been just fine, too.

Then I ate my banana and went home. I wasn’t sure what to expect: would I binge out and go ballistic and eat everything in sight, or would I be able to rein myself in and eat a fruit salad or something else especially light for dinner? I ate a normal dinner, and then was still hungry, of course, in addition to feeling just generally weird and “off.” In the end, I went over my Daily Target, anyway, which wasn’t entirely unexpected.

I guess the upshot of this little experiment was the reminder that being hungry isn’t an emergency. I don’t have to shove food in my mouth as soon as I get a little twinge (or as soon as I’m bored). I’ll be just fine until my next planned meal, especially if I stay properly hydrated.

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