There was this one day a couple weeks back when I’d eaten way, WAY too much the night before. I thought that I’d stick with something light for breakfast and lunch, and for some reason I thought that a latte for breakfast and a chai latte with two espresso shots for lunch would be a good choice.
It wasn’t.
I have never been so shaky and hopped up on caffeine before — not even back in my collegiate No-Doz days. I had to get something to eat from the cafe downstairs just to reach a level of functionality again. Which totally defeated the purpose of me having a latte for lunch.
Lesson learned: all Points are not created equal. Also, coffee with skim milk does not equal a meal.
There’s a guy in my office who has declared that he’s “trying real hard to diet.” I’m contemplating whether I should invite him to a Weight Watchers meeting — it’s only $10 a pay period, deducted automatically by our company — or if I should just let it go. He’s making it very clear when he turns down lunch invitations that he’s “trying to diet,” so it’s not a secret by any means. It seems to me like he’s trying to get it out there so people can help him stick to his guns.
But.
Having a “diet” mentality insinuates that one plans to go back to “normal” eating after hitting a certain milestone, be that a weight or a period of time or a level of frustration or boredom. I’ve stayed on the slow-but-steady plan by modifying my habits permanently. Granted, I have my moments of weakness (I’m eating some vending machine donuts as I type this), but I’m much more mindful of my nutrition overall. The Chinese buffet doesn’t even sound good to me anymore; I’d much rather get some steamed shrimp dumplings, thanks.
Plus, there are always saboteurs, intentional or not. The “one time won’t kill you” type, or the “you’re doing so well, you deserve a reward” type, among others. It took a while before I let people know I was going to Weight Watchers, just because I was embarrassed of my slow progress, and because I didn’t want any “is that on your diet?” bullshit at our bi-weekly team lunches. Now, I make sure they know that I plan for those (ideally), so I still don’t get any static when I order a 20-Point burger with a side of mac and cheese. It helps that I’ve made visible progress in the past couple of years, so people who have been working with me for a while have actually made positive comments about how I’m looking good.
That’s kind of a non-scale victory for me this month, too: even though I do still want to lose 10 or 15 more pounds, I’m finally realizing that I don’t look “fat” anymore. I look normal healthy. I don’t have a double-chin, my boobs stick out farther than my belly, I walk with a normal gait, and I’m functionally fit enough to do pretty much whatever activity I want (within reason — my back condition prevents some things, like running or trampolining).
I’m still in a plateau. I have been for some time now. I have my good days and my bad days, my on-point days and my off-the-rails days. But I’m in a good place for the time being. I’m OK with how I feel — although taking over a month away from yoga made me Very Sad Indeed, especially when I got muscle-sore after my triumphant return to yoga class.
Anyway, I’m OK. And I’m moving in the right direction. Always moving.
