Evening Ritual

It happens almost every night.

I put Connor to bed. As I’m closing his door, I look across the hall to our bedroom and see the time glowing in blue numerals from our alarm clocks.

Damn. I wanted to have him in bed a half hour ago. Time got away from us again. 

Oh, well. I head downstairs and load the rest of the dinner dishes into the dishwasher, just waiting to hear the sound of Connor’s door opening, followed by his little voice asking me to cover him up.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t happen tonight; it’s about 50/50 lately whether he’ll get up again after I tuck him in.

Still, though, I like to be within earshot until I’m sure he’s totally zonked out. So, after the kitchen is as cleaned up as I’m going to get it tonight, I head into the living room to fart around on my phone for a while. I listen to him kick the wall, sing to himself, and finally subside into silence.

Time to work on that to-do list, right?

Nope, says my brain.

So I try to find something else to occupy my remaining brain cells so I don’t go up to bed before 9:30 like some sort of lamer. One can only play around on one’s phone for so long, though, before one realizes that this is just dumb and just go up to bed already.

Of course, there’s that one last thing to do — put recyclables away, or pack my lunch, or gather up today’s stinky workout clothes — so I never get up to bed early, anyway.

Tomorrow’s another day. Rinse and repeat.

Morning Routine

I’ve never been a punctual person when it comes to mornings. Unless there’s something out-of-the-ordinary happening that day, my brain just doesn’t register the urgency of the morning alarm. It’s not until I really have to pee or my brain is finally awake enough to realize OH SHIT I REALLY NEED TO GET UP NOW that I finally throw the covers back and pry myself up out of bed.

I lay out my clothes the night before, always. Otherwise, I’d wake up Aaron by turning on the light, and I’d take even longer to get ready, besides.

On non-daycare days (aka Daddy Days), my schedule already looks like:

  • getting myself ready: 15-30 minutes, depending on whether I shower (every other day).
  • getting Connor up and changing his diaper: 10-15 minutes.
  • getting Connor to eat breakfast: 15-20 minutes.
  • getting Connor back upstairs, reading a book, singing a song, saying goodbye: 15-20 minutes.
  • commute to work: 20 minutes.

On daycare days, the breakfast and goodbye portion of the program is replaced with getting Connor dressed, getting our stuff together and us out the door, and daycare dropoff, so I only get to work 20 minutes late instead of truly embarrassingly late.

If I want to get to work on time on Daddy Days, I need to get up by 6:30am, and get Connor up by 7 at the latest. As it stands now, I generally get myself up at 7:10 after some mental cajoling (my alarm first goes off somewhere between 6:30 and 6:45am). I walk into Connor’s bedroom around 7:30, and he usually complains that he doesn’t want to get up.

Perhaps I need to back up the start of Connor’s bedtime routine even farther, from 7pm to 6:30, to have him actually in bed ready to sleep by 8pm? Then we’d be eating dinner and going almost immediately upstairs for bathtime, with no playtime beforehand. That wouldn’t fly. More reasonable would be for me to keep tabs on the time during the bathtime and bedtime routine, and keep things on track for a one-hour routine instead of an hour fifteen or an hour and a half.

Maybe I’ll just worry about getting myself up on time first.

Getting Back To Blogging

I never got used to typing on a laptop.

The keys are too short, and I have to keep my nails trimmed just so. I’m never sure of my posture and position — sitting cross-legged on the couch with the keyboard propped up on my foot, or hunched over my coffee table? I feel like I should be laying on my stomach, as if I were scribbling in my longhand journal, if I’m not sitting at my computer desk.

And then there’s the trackpad. Don’t even get me started. When I’m presenting from my laptop at work, I have to bring my mouse to the meeting to keep myself from looking the fool on-screen.

I guess where I’m going with this is that I really miss blogging.

I seriously have dozens and dozens of topics I’ve saved up for a rainy day — 43 saved in a Google Doc, 32 listed in my TeuxDeux app. The only ones that actually get written are the time-sensitive ones, and even those get delayed sometimes, almost to the point of no longer being relevant. (My monthly “Dear Connor” posts were originally supposed to go up on his monthly “birthday” of the 3rd, but they rarely get posted that early in the month anymore.)

The topics I have saved in my Google Doc are the ones that usually get posted, since I take a few minutes during my lunch break at work to write a paragraph or two. Over time, I get a coherent blog entry that wasn’t written half-assed while my son was watching Dora the Explorer, or in that last 90 minutes of Mommy Awake Time after I put him to bed (which is not quality thinking and writing time, generally speaking).

Once he’s asleep, I feel comfortable with going into the home office sans baby monitor and playing on my desktop computer. Lately, though, he’s been fighting sleep, and I’d rather not have to string up the baby monitor in the hallway to keep an ear on him if I can just hang out in the living room instead.

Right now, I’m sitting sideways on my couch, cross-legged, laptop propped on my left foot, leaning against some throw pillows, with a Sleepy Time tea on the coffee table beside me. My brain is fighting me, and my iPhone alarm is telling me that bedtime will come sooner than I think, and my left leg is starting to go numb — but I finally had to write.

I write for myself. If others read what I write, then they’ll get an insight into my life. Some might find my end of things exhibitionistic, or the readers’ side of things voyeuristic (or stalkery). I’ve been making my private journal public for over ten years, though, and I’m unlikely and unwilling to stop now.

I write for my current and future self. I write to get it out. I write so I’ll remember the important things. I write so I have record of who I am and what I’m thinking.

I get frustrated with my past selves (because haven’t we all been different people at different times in our lives?) for not recording important events like moves, separations, holidays. I don’t want future me (or future Connor) to get frustrated with current-day me for not writing about the important things — or the everyday things, which can be even more important.

It’s time to make writing a priority again. Not because I set myself a goal or a not-really-a-resolution, but because it’s important to me. Because I should.

Because it’s part of who I am, and who I have been.

I’ve got to clear all this shit out of my head.

Two Car Accidents in Seven Months

If I were a believer in karma, I’d wonder what kind of shitty driving I’d done to deserve this. In nearly 20 years of driving, I never got into one accident; now, at the age of 37, I’ve been in two, and was at fault in neither.

Let me take a moment to unapologetically explain that this will be a long entry. My blog is entirely for me and anyone who cares enough about my life to read it. Sometimes, I just need to write about shit that happens to me, so I can a.) get it out of my head and b.) come back to it later and remember what happened to me and my state of mind at the time.

So, let’s begin.

The rain had been coming down all day Thursday, and was still at it when I left work. As I approached the I-475 split from downtown, I looked in my rearview and saw a white semi bearing down on me a lot faster than I thought he should. For that matter, I don’t usually see semi trucks taking the split, so I kind of assumed he’d gotten into the wrong lane. Mentally deemed him wrong, shrugged, and kept driving.

But he kept coming.

Then the traffic in front of me slowed to a crawl. I tapped my brakes to warn the semi, then hit my brakes in earnest.

I hoped it wouldn’t happen. But it did.

The car two spots in front of me came to a complete halt. The car directly in front of me also stopped. I managed to stop my own car maybe a couple feet from the black Toyota.

The semi kept advancing in my rearview. Bigger and bigger.

Actually, that happened while I was hitting my brakes in earnest. In reality, I didn’t even have a second to celebrate not having slid into the Toyota in front of me. The white semi slammed into my ass as soon as I came to a complete stop, and shoved me into the car in front of me.

I reacted to the initial impact with, “Jesus!” Then, “Jeeeesus!” as I hit the car in front of me. (“Flying Spaghetti Monster” just doesn’t roll off the tongue quite the same.)

It was just after 5pm, so I called Aaron to let him know what had happened, and that he’d need to go pick up Connor from daycare and take the night off of work, since there was no way I’d be home in time.

Then I hung up the phone and joined the requisite pow-wow of accident constituents, wherein everyone gives their version of “I’m so sorry! — but I’m not technically admitting fault — are you OK?” The gentleman in front of me explained that the white car in front of him had come to a complete stop on the highway because they were in the wrong lane, and needed to stay on I-75 instead of exiting with the rest of us. The man in front went back to his Toyota to call the cops, while the semi driver went back to his truck to call his boss. I just looked at my trunk and laughed, and took pictures, and got back into the car (on the passenger’s side, because I didn’t want to get smoked by traffic).

I spent the next half hour plugging my phone into the car to charge, texting Aaron, tweeting, and holding my aching neck. I had a massive headache and neckache, and I felt a little dizzy and queasy — not unexpected after a double impact.

 

Got in another traffic accident. Hooray! Glad I peed before I left work.
(3 Apr 2014 5:20pm)

 

The cops arrived just before 5:30 and got everyone’s info: license, registration, insurance, and each person’s version of what happened. Within another half-hour, the cops had cited the semi driver and gave us the OK to take off. Instead of exchanging insurance info at the scene, the police instructed us to have our insurance companies get the accident report from the TPD website.

(Note: Letting the officer talk me into that was a Very Bad Idea, as it takes about five days for the accident report to be posted online. That’s five days of not having the other guy’s insurance information.)

Next stop: Toledo Hospital.

It’s funny — I’d just been thinking recently that I’d never been to an ER. That all changed on Thursday.

It was a lot speedier than I’d thought, actually. I got checked in right away — the receptionist was insistent that I sit down immediately, once I explained why I was there — and was whisked off (via wheelchair) to an exam room. Having the scenery whiz past my head made me realize how dizzy and nauseated I really was. I hadn’t had time to focus on that, since I’d had to deal with talking to the police and driving myself to the hospital and figuring out where to go and where to park.

But now? Whoa.

From the stories I’d heard, I expected an ER trip to consist of waiting and waiting — but that wasn’t the case at all. People came into my room every few minutes to get info from me, take my vitals, have me explain the accident, escort me to get my CAT scan and back….

Yeah, CAT scan. Mad props for definitive proof that there was no major immediate damage.

(Another note: At the time, I thought the CAT scan was to rule out a concussion. But a CAT scan is basically a fancy x-ray. From what I’ve read in the past couple of days, the verdict seems to be up in the air whether it’s actually effective in detecting concussions.)

Quick timeline check: I got checked in at 6:10pm, and learned 20 minutes later that I would get a CAT scan. At that point, I finally made the hospital wi-fi work, and updated Aaron via iMessage. 🙂

It was funny, actually: As the tech was feeding me through the CAT scanner (a big, flat ring — much less claustrophobic than the MRI I had for my back last year), she suddenly remembered to ask, “Is there any chance you could be pregnant?”

I laughed and answered no. When she ran through the reasons why I wouldn’t be pregnant — when was my last period, do I have an IUD or a hysterectomy or whatever — I said, “My next period starts tomorrow, and my husband is fixed!”

She replied, “Good enough for me!” And the CAT scan commenced.

I forget exactly what they called the not-an-orderly who escorted me to and from the CAT scan room — Patient Navigation Assistant? Patient Escort? Something like that — but he seemed appropriately upbeat and possibly geeky. I did enjoy the few minutes I spent walking with him (He let me walk! I probably should have taken a wheelchair, in retrospect).

Once I returned to my exam room, they told me it would take 30 minutes for the CAT scan to come back and be reviewed.

Ugh. Another half hour of waiting? I texted Aaron an update, and sat down to take some selfies and update all my Tweeps on my condition.

 

I’m OK, guys! Just waiting for the results of my CAT scan to make sure my head’s still screwed on straight. (3 Apr 2014 6:56pm)

At Toledo Hospital ER

Almost exactly a half hour later (although it didn’t seem that long), the doctor returned to give me the news that I only had a neck strain, and the nurse gave me discharge instructions to take some pain meds and ice my neck and take it easy. Oh, and to follow up with the primary care physician that I told them I don’t have. (Yet.)

By the time I got home — thank goodness the car was still technically driveable — Aaron had Connor out of the bathtub and brushing his teeth. This was the routine for the next few days: Aaron doing all the bathroom parts of the nighttime routine, both of us getting Connor into his jammies, and me taking over for books and songs and good-nights.

I took Friday off of work as a sick day. Aaron ended up taking both Thursday and Friday off — partially due to our chiropractor’s suggestion that I “be a bum all weekend” after my visit with her Friday afternoon.

By Sunday, I felt much better overall.

But even now, nearly a week later, I still get headaches and nausea regularly. When I returned to work on Monday, I had to turn down the brightness on my monitors to keep from having eyestrain headaches.

I’ll feel better once the police report is filed online and we can get the claim going with the semi driver’s insurance company. The poor Forte is currently sitting in our garage, flaking paint and rust from the semi and looking generally pathetic.

This won’t be the last you hear about this accident and its aftermath, I’m sure. I have a lot of brain-dumping to do, mainly concerning my physical and mental health.

I’m going to try so hard not to be a big complainy complainer. But, like I mentioned before, this is my blog, where I vent my shit, and this is some pretty big shit.