dianaschnuth

Oh, yeah… Director. I remember you! You were fun! A royal pain in the ass to troubleshoot sometimes, but fun nonetheless.

After some heart-to-hearts with Sheryl and Aaron, I responded to the e-mail regarding a potential freelance gig. I explained what I know, what I can do, and what I’ve still got up my sleeve. I got to feeling pretty good about myself, too; even if this person doesn’t care for the two Shockwave presentations I uploaded (the ResNet CD and my Director portfolio), at least my portfolio was worth a second look. Even if he was just hoping I was somebody who knew somebody, and not necessarily the person he wants, I’m OK with that.

It’s been a while since I did any real Director work. Honestly, it’s hard to make multimedia presentations without… well… media. A website, sure, I can pull content out of my ass for that. Video and audio and other content that doesn’t suck and won’t get me sued? That’s a little harder.

Anyway, I sat down with my two Director source files (thank god I managed to save those) to clean them up and make them internet-friendly.

It took all goddamned evening.

Part of it was remembering the nuances of how Director looks for linked files, and part of it was fixing little things like typos (I can’t believe it!) and formatting errors and anti-aliasing inconsistencies and general last-minute crap that I didn’t get to do to the actual presentations back in the day.

I can see how my design style has changed in just the past four years. I can also see the elements that form the core of my current style. Simplicity. Clean lines. I think I’ve improved a little over time, though; I can see the things I would do differently now.

Even if this gig doesn’t work out, I won’t be upset. If I do get a callback from this gentleman, I’ll actually be a little surprised, as it would be on the merits of work I did four years ago as a college Senior. I’d love to have an opportunity to do some real work for real money, but just being contacted about it at all was quite an ego boost for me.

I needed that.

Faced with the very real possibility of multimedia contract work, I find myself completely unprepared to offer up any additional information to a potential employer about my skill set, capabilities, freelance/contract pricing, or my local network of other impassioned designers.

I find myself excited, but about to choke. I feel inadequate, but I know I am not.

My emphasis in VCT was multimedia; how, then, am I now mainly a web designer, having not created any true interactive content since graduation? I feel like I’ve dropped the ball. I feel like a has-been. Again, I know I am not.

The message in question had been sitting in my inbox for nearly 36 hours before I even checked that account; now I’m bordering on rudeness, not answering within 48 hours. I have to say *something*.

But what?

College. RCC. The ResNet Software Installer CD-ROM.

Me: I totally almost have this working! Just one more… aw, shit.
Jamie: Come on. Let’s take a break.
Me: Just a minute. I’ve almost got it.
Jamie: You’ve been working on that for five hours. Take a break. Now.
Me: *rubs eyes* OK…

[We walk downstairs from the Server Room in Kreischer Quad, and go outside to the smoking area]

Me: It’s dark out. When did that happen?
Jamie: *drags off a freshly-lit cigarette* Couple hours ago.

Fast forward seven years. Current job. Arrowhead Park, Maumee. Cube farm.

Me: It’s only 3:00?
Scott: Yup. Hour and a half to go.
Me: Two hours for me.
Scott: Yep. Hey, can you cover phones for me from 4:30 to 5:00?
Me: I suppose.

[We stare blankly out the window at the squirrels]

I remember being engrossed by my work. Sure, it was good-paying for a college gig, but it also taught me a lot, and I found it interesting.

Maybe that’s the difference between college and the workforce (I refuse to say “real life”). In college, you do what you want, mainly, but you still complain about it. In the workforce, you do what you have to, but you still complain about it.

I don’t want to be working at Sky in ten years. Hell, I don’t want to be working at Sky in five years. To that end, I am going to stop sulking and go locate myself a new job.

No, really. I am. This time, I mean it.

I have a list of about half a dozen local companies I’m planning to target, and I plan to wring more possibilities out of all my local contacts (which isn’t many, I’ll grant). I just bought a pack of 100 hub-printable mini CD-Rs (and they were a *bitch* to find at a decent price, let me tell you what). I already updated my resume to send in response to that one classified a couple weeks ago, so that’s done—although I’ll still need to update the super-cool print version. The paperwork for July’s NISDM Flash workshop is printed out and ready to mail, as soon as I know how much my former- student-employee discount will be.

I intend to resharpen my Director skillz by making myself a new multimedia portfolio (hence the 80mm mini CD-Rs). I also intend to teach myself some more PHP, so I can confidently say “I know PHP” with a straight face.

My main concerns:
– What’s my selling point? Why do people need ME in particular?
– Do I need to buy a $200+ suit to go out and interview? Would it help?
– Will my three years of working a financial job instead of design hurt my chances?
– How honest can I be with interviewers about *why* I feel I need a new gig?
– How much persistence is appropriate, and what’s over the line and annoying?

I need to bottle this enthusiasm and keep it somewhere, like a can of Perri-Air (a la Spaceballs). Even though I’m totally exhausted and still need to wash some dishes before I go to bed, I can still be moderately excited about finding a new job. I’m afraid that, in a day or two, this fire will disappear yet again, and I’ll be back to feeling inadequate with my design skills and lukewarm about finding a new job.