dianaschnuth

Faced with the very real possibility of multimedia contract work, I find myself completely unprepared to offer up any additional information to a potential employer about my skill set, capabilities, freelance/contract pricing, or my local network of other impassioned designers.

I find myself excited, but about to choke. I feel inadequate, but I know I am not.

My emphasis in VCT was multimedia; how, then, am I now mainly a web designer, having not created any true interactive content since graduation? I feel like I’ve dropped the ball. I feel like a has-been. Again, I know I am not.

The message in question had been sitting in my inbox for nearly 36 hours before I even checked that account; now I’m bordering on rudeness, not answering within 48 hours. I have to say *something*.

But what?

College. RCC. The ResNet Software Installer CD-ROM.

Me: I totally almost have this working! Just one more… aw, shit.
Jamie: Come on. Let’s take a break.
Me: Just a minute. I’ve almost got it.
Jamie: You’ve been working on that for five hours. Take a break. Now.
Me: *rubs eyes* OK…

[We walk downstairs from the Server Room in Kreischer Quad, and go outside to the smoking area]

Me: It’s dark out. When did that happen?
Jamie: *drags off a freshly-lit cigarette* Couple hours ago.

Fast forward seven years. Current job. Arrowhead Park, Maumee. Cube farm.

Me: It’s only 3:00?
Scott: Yup. Hour and a half to go.
Me: Two hours for me.
Scott: Yep. Hey, can you cover phones for me from 4:30 to 5:00?
Me: I suppose.

[We stare blankly out the window at the squirrels]

I remember being engrossed by my work. Sure, it was good-paying for a college gig, but it also taught me a lot, and I found it interesting.

Maybe that’s the difference between college and the workforce (I refuse to say “real life”). In college, you do what you want, mainly, but you still complain about it. In the workforce, you do what you have to, but you still complain about it.

I don’t want to be working at Sky in ten years. Hell, I don’t want to be working at Sky in five years. To that end, I am going to stop sulking and go locate myself a new job.

No, really. I am. This time, I mean it.

I have a list of about half a dozen local companies I’m planning to target, and I plan to wring more possibilities out of all my local contacts (which isn’t many, I’ll grant). I just bought a pack of 100 hub-printable mini CD-Rs (and they were a *bitch* to find at a decent price, let me tell you what). I already updated my resume to send in response to that one classified a couple weeks ago, so that’s done—although I’ll still need to update the super-cool print version. The paperwork for July’s NISDM Flash workshop is printed out and ready to mail, as soon as I know how much my former- student-employee discount will be.

I intend to resharpen my Director skillz by making myself a new multimedia portfolio (hence the 80mm mini CD-Rs). I also intend to teach myself some more PHP, so I can confidently say “I know PHP” with a straight face.

My main concerns:
– What’s my selling point? Why do people need ME in particular?
– Do I need to buy a $200+ suit to go out and interview? Would it help?
– Will my three years of working a financial job instead of design hurt my chances?
– How honest can I be with interviewers about *why* I feel I need a new gig?
– How much persistence is appropriate, and what’s over the line and annoying?

I need to bottle this enthusiasm and keep it somewhere, like a can of Perri-Air (a la Spaceballs). Even though I’m totally exhausted and still need to wash some dishes before I go to bed, I can still be moderately excited about finding a new job. I’m afraid that, in a day or two, this fire will disappear yet again, and I’ll be back to feeling inadequate with my design skills and lukewarm about finding a new job.

I woke up this morning and just couldn’t bring myself to go to work. It’s not that I hate my job or anything, because I don’t. (Granted, I don’t particularly enjoy it, either.) But I was exhausted and felt like I’d hit some sort of wall.

So, I took a mental health day.

If anyone asks, though, it was a mental health / catching-up day. Which is true: I worked on my website redesign and helped Aaron with the broken washing machine. And caught up on sleep.

During Amy’s visit and our marathon Grounds For Thought session, we decided that I should look for some graphic design classes to take, and maybe get a certificate or an Associates Degree. That way, I’d feel better about my skills and I’d be more confident when applying for jobs. After looking at my choices, though, I can’t really justify paying hundreds if not thousands of dollars to re-learn what I already know.

I found a web / graphic designer posting in Sunday’s Blade, so I sent my resume and portfolio to the e-mail address they gave. Today I got a reply: “This message is to confirm receipt of your email submission, dated 4/26/05.” This does not imbue me with confidence. Also, the scant research I did on the company confuses me, as their website appears to be currently nonexistent, with the domain name being registered by an individual in Seattle. o.O

Anyway, Aaron agreed that taking classes is a good idea, but that maybe I should go for something I *don’t* already know. Like Computer Science. If I knew .NET, or at least ASP and C++ and stuff like that, I’d be much more marketable. Truth be told, I do enjoy what programming I know, so it’s not like I’d be learning skills to get into a job I would hate. I don’t think.

So, yeah. Now that I have my sights set on the horizon yet again, going back to work at my lame bank job seems… lame. But whatcha gonna do? *shrug*

Update: Thread (formerly ImageSource) still has that job posting that I tried for a few months ago. I feel qualified, but at the same time, I feel like it’s just beyond my grasp. I want to cry. THIS is why I don’t get all in job-hunting mode very often.