aikido 1 Comment

Permission to Quit

I talked to my Mom on the phone today. She’s been reading my blog, including my aikido injury reports, and suggested that maybe I should find some other discipline to try. As she pointed out, I’m not getting any younger, and I haven’t been doing sports or other activities during my life so far to build up to this. Most of my aikido writings *have* been focusing on how I hurt myself, or how sore I am, or how bad I got my ass handed to me.

The thing is, though, that I want to be better. I want to test for rank in October. I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it, since I have to have thirty hours logged at the dojo to qualify… but I’d like to try. I want to be limber. I want to be strong. I want to be able to do crazy ukemi acrobatics without fucking pulling my groin.

A month ago, I would have taken this suggestion as a godsend — you’re absolutely right. It’s too hard. I’ll tell Sensei I’m done. Now, though… I guess I do need to talk to Sensei, but I need to ask him what I should be doing to practice ukemi at home without hurting myself.

It feels like dancing, like art, except that I don’t know all the steps. It still feels like it should make sense, if only I had the muscle memory and the strength and the knowledge. I know that’s what practice is for, but it’s frustrating that I keep trying to learn, but I feel like I’m limited physically rather than mentally. It’s not a limitation I’m used to dealing with; I’m used to learning something, and it being learned. The end. I’m not used to imagining my position in space and time (and midair) and maneuvering myself in a certain way and not knowing whether I can even physically *do* what I’m supposed to do, let alone coordinate my mind and my muscles to do it.

This is why I joined the dojo, though, isn’t it? To open up my comfort zone? To become more disciplined?

I want to practice here at home, but I don’t want to hurt myself again and delay my return to class. Maybe I’ll e-mail Sensei before Wednesday and see if he has any words of wisdom for me.

Update, 7:30pm: I sent an e-mail to Sensei, letting him know what had happened and why I haven’t been at the dojo. I also asked him if I should lay off until I heal, or just come in and do what I can, but then I deemed my question silly (yes, all in the e-mail) and told him I’d be at the dojo on Wednesday. We’ll see if he responds, or if he just greets me on Wednesday like nothing ever happened.

aikido 2 Comments

Damn It.

Two weeks ago, I pulled my groin at aikido by doing a poorly-executed roll. It was finally feeling better, though, so I decided to do a little ukemi practice in my basement tonight before going back to aikido tomorrow morning. Even set up the point-and-shoot to take some video of myself rolling, to help pinpoint what I’m doing wrong, or where I can improve. Ended up doing upwards of ten to a dozen rolls total. That’s a lot for me at this point.

Guess what I did.

My groin doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as it did when I first injured it — I probably just aggravated the injury. But now I have a conflict: do I go to aikido anyway, and risk exacerbating my leg further, or do I sleep in and skip aikido again and basically wipe my ass with over fifty bucks total for these two wasted weeks?

If I do decide to rest my leg instead of going to class, is my injury just a mental crutch, an excuse not to stretch my comfort zone anymore? I don’t think so, since I had been looking forward to getting back to class. Still… maybe. I don’t know. It’s a tough call, because I *am* paying for this, even if I’m not attending.

*checks credit card statement*

Apparently, I pay for this in arrears; I just got charged for my two-month initial lump sum. Still, though, I’m paying for this. A goodly amount, though not an unreasonable amount. It’s unreasonable for me not to go and get my money’s worth. But it’s also unreasonable to go do the most intense physical activity I’ve ever done in my life on an injured leg.

Can you tell I’m of two minds with this?

This is ridiculous. If I wait until tomorrow morning to decide whether to go, I’ll end up staying in bed. I know me. I know how my half-asleep mind works. I’d really hate to make things worse, though…

We’ll see.

(I can’t believe I’m actually posting this asinine stream-of-consciousness argument with myself. I sound ridiculous. However, I will go through with the post to amuse and entertain you, my readers. All fifteen of you.)

jobhunt 1 Comment

Job-Hunting Update

This evening was spent evaluating the state of my job search and determining my next steps. I feel pretty happy about what I accomplished.

I decided that, first and foremost, I needed to update my log of job applications and job solicitations from recruiters. So far, the tally is nineteen total job possibilities. I still need to send in my resume (or apply online) for four of those opportunities. Five jobs on my list were brought to my attention by recruiters or HR reps. (It’s a good thing I updated my Monster resume.)

Next, before I contacted the new folks or followed up with the old, I wanted to finish updating my resume. The LHH workshop was surprisingly helpful, and made me realize that my five-year-old resume was, indeed, horribly out of date, as far as current resume format is concerned. The two-page allowance saved my ass — I was always told to keep your resume to one page, no matter what. So, I’d ended up printing my resume on legal paper, which is not the most accessible of formats for everyone. At any rate, I finished tonight what I’d started last week in the workshop, writing job summaries for my RCC positions and formatting the whole thing in a way that pleases me… as much as a standard, “normal” resume can.

Next on the agenda:

  1. Apply for outstanding jobs on my list
  2. Schedule follow-ups with recruiters and HR reps
  3. Add finishing touches to portfolio, including (but not limited to) videos, shockwave and audio files
  4. Post and/or update info on other job sites
  5. Search for more jobs online

I have something like 21 working days until my job is eliminated — oh, did I mention that my end date got extended a week? My betters were concerned that Huntington might need specific data from the database, or help moving it to their servers, or Buddha knows what else. So, basically, I’ll be sticking around with Scott, Heather, and Ruth Ann, helping to pack boxes and put out fires and check balances and transactions on Sky’s systems. But I’m OK with that — it gives me one more week to job-search, and gives me a nice, even date of October 1st to give potential employers.

Still, though… one month total to get this going on. I’m not worried, but I’m starting to feel the pinch.

geekspeak

I Am Teh Win… I Hope

I don’t usually spend an excess of money on display items. However… I think I may have scored this before PodBrix.com exceeded their bandwidth:

Woz 'N Jobs

A limited-edition Young Woz and Jobs custom “Lego” set. I read about it on Wil Wheaton‘s blog, who read about on BoingBoing (which I need to start reading again).

Their mockup of the 1984 commercial sold out in less than a minute, according to their website. This set may have done the same, barring technical issues. The Young Woz and Jobs set went on sale at 9pm, and I had a heck of a time getting the page to load. I just kept hitting Reload, Reload, Reload… and kept getting Firefox telling me to Try Again. Then I got a few minutes of 403 Forbidden errors. Then, just after 9:10 or so, I got through.

I do have a PayPal confirmation e-mail, so I *think* I’m golden. We’ll see if I am one of the elite 300 soon.

Update: PodBrix says, “If you were able to make it through to PayPal checkout and ordered, we have your order.” So, it sounds like I’m golden.

BTW, Aaron saw the $200 price tag on the 1984 Playset and about shit a brick (a Lego® brick, perhaps?), but then he saw that the Young Woz and Jobs set cost much less. 🙂

music

Air For Band

This takes me back to high school band, back in 1992. I joined band my Junior year, and I believe this may have been the first song I ever played with the concert band — in warm-ups. Air for Band was almost always next on the agenda after our brief and basic long-tone warm-up every day. (Music majors, please note that the clarinets are featured, *and* that the main melody is in the difficult “throat tones” of the instrument. Excellent warm-up… in retrospect.)

It got to the point where Mr. W. would just start right into Air for Band before we even got our music out, and we’d have to spend the first phrase or two shuffling papers with one hand and playing with the other. Eventually, I think I had the whole first page memorized; even now, fifteen (!) years later, I can still recall the fingering of the first phrase, and I haven’t even touched a clarinet in nigh on ten years. (I can still sing my part all the way through, though, of course.)

Hearing the North Texas Wind Symphony play it so perfectly is almost surreal. In my memory, I can still hear the saxophones (behind me and to my left) completely missing the key change. (One in particular, usually, although they had their days.) Jim would be on the snare in the back; and Jeff, Eileen, or Katie would have the cymbals.

During my Junior year, I was first chair clarinet (yep, my first year in band — it was more because of my attitude than my ability, IMO). That meant I got to sit next to my best friend, Melody, who was first chair flute. We had a vibe goin’ on, be it in Concert Band or Jazz Band or after school in the cafeteria. Anyway, I remember it was strange when Mel graduated and I had to spend my Senior year playing Air for Band (and everything else) next to Heather instead.

They weren’t the “best years of my life,” not by a long shot… but sometimes I forget that they did have their moments. Air for Band was always one of those moments.