ruminations 2 Comments

Being Judgemental

I’m the kind of person who, as a general rule, doesn’t have very many enemies. There aren’t very many people who all-out hate my guts, and when I come across a person like that, I don’t really know how to react. I’d like to think that my lack of enemies is a reflection on my lack of judgement on other people. Or, possibly, my non-confrontational and slightly wishy-washy nature. Either way, I’ll take it.

When I do find myself passing judgement on someone, it bothers me on some level. I’m having that experience now.

There’s someone on whom I have frequent occasion to eavesdrop — not on purpose, I swear — but with whom I don’t generally interact. I’ve heard about this person’s personal, domestic troubles, and they’ve come straight from this person’s mouth, even though this person — all right, “he” — even though he wasn’t talking to me directly. I’ve heard about how his wife has treated him, and how he has treated his wife in turn.

Honestly, without going into any sort of detail, I don’t understand either of them. I don’t approve of what she did to him and to their relationship, but I also don’t agree with how he responded. And, honestly, I’m really trying not to pass judgement on the both of them, but it’s very difficult. I’ve never been in quite that situation, so I have no right to say what I think is a valid and reasonable reaction, and what I think is “wrong.”

I keep trying to validate my inner reaction, telling myself that it’s perfectly fine to form opinions about a situation, assuming that I don’t let it color my opinion of him as a person. Thing is, I’m really starting to think of him as an asshole, just from his retellings and reactions to what’s going on in his life. I mean, damn, he’s having a shitty time of it, especially around the holidays and all, but…

It bothers me that I’m spending so much of my own time thinking about someone else’s business. It also bothers me that, somehow, sometime in the future, either a complete stranger or maybe even the person I’m talking about will find this, and comment about what a shallow bitch I am.

I’m not good with making enemies.

randomness

2006 Wrap-Up, introductory meme

It probably works better on LiveJournal, but I’ll do it here anyway: the first line (or few lines) of the first post of each month of 2006.

January: I have so many different ideas queued up for year-end (or New Year’s, as it were) lists and essays and whatnot. Unfortunately, I am so unenthused about writing right this moment that none of them are going to happen today.

February: One of my co-workers is pregnant with twins — girls, most likely. I overheard her saying that she and her husband had actually started their children’s college fund with last year’s tax return, before they even started trying for a baby (and before they got two for the price of one).

March: This entry is about porn. If you are under 18, are squeamish about the general idea of porn (or, more specifically, about the idea of me looking at porn), or if you are my mother, you probably shouldn’t read this.

April: I have a laundry list of topics to write about. Anime Punch, last week’s diet and fitness update, my new swimsuit (!!), my poor dying hollyhock seedlings. Not to mention working on my poor neglected NaNoWriMo novellette, or Podcast #10.

May: I’ve never done online research solely on Ancestry.com before. I’ve never had the run of the place. I’ve always assumed I’d have access to my U.S. Census Records Collection, a few free databases, and that’s it. Now, though, the whole place is my playground, and I don’t know where to start.

June: I donated blood for the first time yesterday. It wasn’t bad.

July: Well, last weekend was Mom’s visit, and the weekend before was the Waterville Community Garage Sale, so this weekend has been the first where we’ve been able to think about painting the small bedroom.

August: The Vacation Thus Far: Monday: Bought the newest Civ IV expansion at Best Buy. Ran some random errands with Aaron. Maxxed and relaxed at home in the AC and played my new game.

September: I hate it when I get to this slightly tired state, where my brain is getting a little disjointed and my body is starting to shut down, but my creativity is begging me to DO SOMETHING.

October: I’m taking Friday off of work, so that Aaron and I can drive eight hours to Utica, NY for an anime convention.

November: Time was when my Mom and I would go visit my Aunt Sammie, cousin Michael and Memaw every Sunday after church.

December: For anyone who remembers Jeff “Pip” Hawley, from Residential Computing Connection at BGSU…

randomness

Blog Neglect?

I feel like I’m neglecting my blog, but there’s nothing really that I want or need to share right now. I also can’t get excited about blogging the random memories I’ve dogeared for myself: shaking the hand of Vaclav Nelhybel, growing up with a knobless television set, the kid at church who was broken of his cool habit of wearing bow-ties instead of “normal” neckties, stuff like that.

I’ve been taking it easy, going to bed a little earlier than normal, taking time to read some books and magazines and watch some educational TV (i.e. the “geek” channels). I managed to come up with two prototypes for a new portfolio site before the Christmas holiday, and haven’t been able to come up with anything since.

There are so many things I need to do, as per usual. It’s just that, well, I’m taking this time as a mental vacation. Especially since tomorrow is going to be a loooong evening at work. Next week, I’ll set some priorities and get some things done, while still keeping my state of mind calm and zen-like.

By the way? My watch battery died two days ago, and I honestly haven’t missed wearing my watch yet. Haven’t looked at my wrist once, although I have reached over with my other hand to feel where my watch isn’t.

the ongoing saga of my job

My Inner Luddite

For three days, count ’em, THREE days, I didn’t turn on my computer. Not Saturday, not Christmas Eve, and not Christmas Day. This evening, I decided I really should at least check my e-mail, but I didn’t particularly want to. I would have been content to sit in the living room reading magazines and books and munching on leftover Christmas sweets.

In other news, literally half of my department is on vacation during this, our busiest week of the year. Thanks, Ms. Supervisor, for authorizing all those vacations. Friday is going to suuuuuuck.

the ongoing saga of my job 1 Comment

Dealing With The Unexpected

Work today was interesting. The entire department seemed shell-shocked at the news that our jobs will likely be eliminated by the 3rd quarter of 2007. Still, there was work to be done, and we did it… for the most part.

We all soaked up every bit of information we could get about the merger, which wasn’t much beyond the press releases. This afternoon’s conference call promised “substantial severance packages” as compensation for those of us whose jobs will be absorbed into Huntington. We’re all guessing that it should be two weeks’ pay for every year of employment, but no one official has told us for sure. I’m curious as to what the severance will be, and when we’ll be eligible to receive it. Timing is everything, especially when a new job is in the mix.

For now, though, I’m not going to sit back and wait. I’m in the process of revitalizing my portfolio site, in preparation for a massive jobhunt. I plan to crank out one comp per night, for as long as I can come up with fresh ideas. I want to have my new site up and running by the last week of February, at the latest — new stylesheets, fresh design (with similar colors and branding as before), and content served via MySQL and PHP instead of static HTML. May as well flaunt my skillz, after all.

Aaron reminds me that, although it may not be at the top of my list, I have gained some experience in the world of loan operations. If it comes down to it, there may be other financial operations centers in the area that could use someone with knowledge of calculating interest and modifying loan terms. If it means a stable paycheck and staying out of customer service, I’m all for it. After exhausting my initial employment ideas, of course.

Thread is still hiring Interactive Designers. I don’t have high hopes, but I’ll submit my resume once I have it properly honed.

[edit: Hart Associates is hiring Web Designers, too — the only thing I lack is “a full understanding of the .NET / Windows Server environment.” Maybe I can fake that with a little online research.]