reviews

Picking Up Another Old Hobby

Genealogy.

It’s been quite a while since I worked on my family history, but the thought crossed my mind this week that I’d promised my Grandpa Cook that I’d send him copies of some of the work I’d done. Yeah, that was back in August of 2004. I’m a bad granddaughter. :-/

So, this evening I made it my mission to fire up the printer and scanner and copy the pages Grandpa had requested. During this operation, I realized that there was a death certificate I had received a while ago that I never recorded in my genealogy software… Then I remembered that I’d wanted to search for a decent genealogy program for Windows, so I wouldn’t have to fire up the now-obsolete Power Mac just to do genealogy work.

Next mission: burn a hybrid disc of all the stuff on my Mac that I might need in the future, including importable genealogy files. No problem.

Now I had to find some Windows software to one-up my wonderfully-simplistic and long-beloved genealogy shareware for Macintosh (called Gene). See, I’d appropriated a copy of the popular Family Tree Maker years ago, and decided to stick with Gene because I found FTM way too fussy. Too many features for my taste.

But, tonight, I found Brother’s Keeper, which is working smashingly for me so far. It does have a slight learning curve, but I’m liking all the features that allow me to fix my database, relinking spouses and children and such. It even has a search for “unreasonable” dates, like a parent being less than 14 when a child is born (or, in the case of a few of my entries, a child being born before a parent).

So, I’ve spent all this time playing with the database-streamlining features of BK, and I still haven’t entered Granny Maudie’s mother’s death certificate. I’ll have to do that before I go to bed.

Damn… Like I said before, too many hobbies.

randomness 1 Comment

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Iraq…

Found on Cynical-C:

The Iraq Culture Smart Card is published by the Marine Corps as a quick-reference guide for potential communication and cultural issues that may arise during a soldier’s tenure in the Middle East. Some interesting facts about Iraqis:

  • Muslim men who have made the Hajj, or the pilgrimage to Mecca, wear a different color of head covering than those who have not.
  • A “quick upward head snap with tongue click” is apparently equivalent to our negative head-shake.
  • Both the “OK” sign and the thumbs-up gesture are considered obscene in Iraq.

On one hand, I find some of the basic cultural and religious information completely fascinating. On the other hand, I find it almost insulting to reduce an entire culture to a 16-panel how-to pamphlet. Kind of makes you wonder what kind of basic cultural information citizens of other countries would reference before coming to America.

Oh, and by the way? I found the typo. Can you?

humor

Another Amusing Forward

Shown below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank (no, not the one that employs me) by a 96 year old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.

I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.

Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.

As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press the buttons as follows:

  1. To make an appointment to see me.
  2. To query a missing payment.
  3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
  4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
  5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
  6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
  7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.
  8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
  9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year.

Your Humble Client